For the last two weeks I’ve been uncomfortable. I’ve been isolating more, still going to meetings but doing or taking action, as suggested, in my recovery. The other day I brought up restless, irritable and discontent (IRD) and hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I was at a point I was about to explode with fury; every little thing, good or bad was making me furious. Finally I did something about it. Now my peace and serenity are restored.
Alcoholics Anonymous has given me an awareness I simply ignored when I was in one of my drunken stupors. This awareness is my Higher Power working in my life, guiding me through both tough times and good times. All I have to do is listen. However, sometimes its easier said than done.
I’ve known for a while those that I live with was about to change. One roommate has been here for an extended length of time. He finally decided to complete the program moving back home with his parents last week. The other roommate has reverted back to the person I knew when I moved here – back to his old ways. We haven’t spoken at length in a month. He’s decided to isolate in his room and do his own thing. Another roommate has moved in but isn’t ideally independent requiring “assistance” more often than not. My point is, at times, I can be sitting at my computer and the walls begin to close in around me. Literally, everything around me goes black for a minute or so. It’s time to do something to get myself out of this place.
The last two weeks I’ve been getting irritable, restless and discontent (RID). The other day I brought it up as a topic in a meeting with another phrase HALT or hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I use to sleep on my mattress in the front living room but was told I can’t so I’m now sleeping on the couch (another long story). Some days I sleep through the night, others I’m up and down. Most the time I want to take a nap during the day but I don’t get that luxury nor can I sleep in like my roommates. I’m hungry for more – something different. I’m angry because of what my roommates can get away with and I can’t (both sleep until late in the morning which one doesn’t go to bed until 3 am on most nights), the ignorance and stupidity of my other roommates (just common sense stuff really). It all just grinds on me because I let it. So I put a stop to it.
There is another friend who volunteers at Paws Boutique, a animal rescue/adoption center. I decided to ride with him on Saturday to see the place and offer my assistance as a volunteer. The owner, Michelle was happy to accept my offer. I also added I was experience with computers and websites (seeing they have a domain name but no site) and she was ecstatic toward my offer to help. Since I’m having oral surgery next week I offered to start the following week. I’m glad to do this because I really need to stop isolating (playing my game all the time) and start reintegrating back into society.
Suddenly I feel a sense of peace and serenity again. I’m not grumbling over the actions of others which I have no busy doing in the first place. Each one of us travels down a different path of sobriety. However, its how we use the tools given which makes us change from the selfish, self-centered people we use to be into a human being who takes care of themselves when needed but also cares for those around me. I choose the later; it just makes sense and offers the peace and happiness in my life.