A new schedule of working from 2200 (10:00 pm) to 0700 (07:00 am) will begin perhaps as soon as in a couple of days. A roommate is moving out this weekend. My to-do list is getting longer. Coordinating life can be an overwhelming, if I let it.
This typically happens in my life when something major happens in my life. Everything happens at once. There is never a smooth transition from one thing to another – that would be to easy. Instead, I feel everything has to be done at once. Call this person, call this person, do this, do that, don’t forget this or that. The question I need to ask, “Does it need to be done at all? Does it need to be done today? Does it need to be done right now? No. No. No. Now I find peace and serenity in the midst of chaos.
We all have to accept things in our life, especially those people close to us. We can’t change who they are nor what they do. There is no doubt my roommate will drink again; he’s said the only thing keeping from drinking is this program. He has done nothing but sit in his room all day, all night, for months on end, only leaving to venture to an appointment. Sometimes it is very difficult to show any empathy or pity. I just have to accept it for what it is.
Finally, after months of living on the couch, despite the displeasure of the authorities of this program, I hope to move into my own room. But even that isn’t set in stone. I have yet to have a clear acknowledgment from anyone I will be able to move into a single room even with my new schedule. Yet, I have been told in front of others, “I am pretty sure..there should be no reason you shouldn’t….(la la la)” I know better. I’ve learned not to trust anyone or anything until it happens.
Until everything it put in place and the dust settles there is really nothing I can do. Do I worry? Of course. I can only hope this weekend brings a needed change in my life for the better and everything works out.