Two days off, especially a Saturday and Sunday together, are very rare for me as a CNA in a nursing home.  My employer even called me this morning asking if I would work today.  I politely declined explaining (why I don’t know) I’m working nine days in a row starting tomorrow and (a lie) I was out of town.  This started this loopy day; my employers concerns always start loopy days for me.  I can’t concentrate on getting anything done.

For instance, I’m going to move closer to work at the end of Winter.  After living here for 9 years, you can imagine the accumulation of useless crap.  Besides, I want to start fresh.  I mean take minimal stuff and buy all new stuff.  Crazy, I know but it would be good for me.  Everything here is linked to  the first nine years of my sobriety, so I need to “Let It Go” and move on.

The weather isn’t cooperating either.  We’re under a Winter Storm Warning.  The forecasts are from a couple of inches to six inches.  Typical weather this time of year: freezing rain/sleet, icy roads, light snow to heavy squalls at times due to high winds.  I rather not go anywhere right now.

The other major problem is where to put all this stuff.  I just want it all thrown away.  But I have things like old printers, scanners, other appliances, etc.  I have two large bags of books I need to take to the local library.  Again, I just haven’t done it.  My Sponsor has a large dumpster, so does work.  I’m just afraid I’ll get caught.  Why is this so difficult?  I make it difficult.  The plan was to take one bag or a couple of things either day by day or every few days.  I’m just to lazy to transfer it to my car.

So I sit on my computers, attempting to work on something.  I just get scatter brained because I want to do this and that but I have to read up on either how to do it or how its changed since the last time I’ve done it.  Nothing is easy in computing anymore; technology changes almost daily.  Frustrating when one wants to be creative.

The point is I haven’t done crap.  I have no motivation; I can’t concentrate on one thing; I’m everywhere, doing everything, putting more and more on my to-do-list.  Actually, I think I just need a nap.

Wait…I have cold water back.  YES – a shower is definitely needed right now.  Then nap and I can start this day fresh again.

You all may return to your regularly scheduled programs…