A good thing about Sponsorship is they can call you out on your crap. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been bring up my continued frustration with those in authority of all levels. My sponsor keeps saying, “You don’t like authority, do you?” In addition, at many of the meetings I attend, the topic of acceptance is brought up. Of course, I bring up a specific paragraph in the Big Books which specifically addresses this topic but practicing it in my own life is the difficulty.
Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept my life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.Big Book, “Acceptance is the Answer”, p. 417
In the past eight months living in this chemical dependency residential program there has been plenty of crap I have to put up with from “the program”. I have learned to simply let the other residents live their lives whether they are people I sponsor or not. No longer do I get involved in gossip or drama; I’ve learned from my past it’s just a waste of time. I have developed a healthy habit of just listening and letting it go.
On the other hand, staff is another issue. There is an expectation when they say to do something we jump. Nope, not with me. Give me some respect I deserve for where I am at today before you f**king demand something be done. For instance, the other day I was asked to submit for a drug test. The staff member told another resident to tell me, “Mike needs to see me.” When I see him to explain I’ll be back later after some appointments he just turns waving his hand in the air, “Whatever…” I come back two times after my appointments but he or another is not able to do it. I’m okay with that. The third time I come he says, “it’s been five hours since I asked for a UDS [drug screen]”. Oh I wanted to pop off at him. I didn’t. It got done and I left.
Problem one – don’t ask another to do your dirty work, do it yourself. Problem two – I took me own time out of my day in an attempt to get it done. Problem three – don’t talk down to me like I’m some little child.
You are to damn lazy to get off your fat ass walk across the street and talk to me in person. It doesn’t have to be done exactly at any moment in time. A drug screen needs to be done within 24 hours. Give me credit for following up with what I promised you – I would get it done unlike other clients. Never have I had a bad urine screen, so you shouldn’t be worried. Lastly, give me respect of where I am in my recovery right now. Don’t talk to me like I’m some piece of shit coming right off the street. You may have to deal with a majority of people who might be like that but I’m not one of them.
Accepting my situation at times is difficult. Changing my attitude is key. Part of me feels its not about me – it’s them. Another part realizes perhaps, just maybe, if I change my attitude things might not be so bad.