Acceptance – oh no a BIG fancy word. What does it mean? In my own words, I have to give myself permission for things to happen and take responsibility for my part in whatever happens. To start, I am having a really crappy week. I want to blame everyone around me for things that happen when instead I need to learn to change the way I think.

Again, I have only gotten five to six hours of sleep. I want to blame my feline family for knocking down my bedroom door because they think it’s time to get fed. Why am I mad at them when they really have no conception of time. They are hungry and they can’t feed themselves. They rely on me. So why am I blaming them. That’s been the start of each of my days this week.

Then I get to work which is just a shite show from the time I walk in to the time I walk out. Is it? Or is it because I’m in a bad mood and continue to make it such throughout the day? Honestly, I don’t work with the brightest people in the world (in my mind I think so, others I know so). Does it really matter? Again and again, I tell myself, just go in do your job and go home. Why can’t it be that simple? Or is it but my addict side likes the chaos? I just can’t seem to find that mental space of peace and serenity – someone or something always screws that up. Oh wait, that’s me?

I need to change the way I think and act. It’s going to take time. It’s not going to happen on the drop of a dime. But my impatient, impulsive nature wants it NOW. No, yesterday. Then I fall into the deep recess of my mind – why me? Why the hell do I deserve all this crap? Then I start having conversations with my sober Self – don’t take things personally, give it time, make small changes and if you screw up – it’s okay. Writing it all on paper or in digital form is so much easier then doing it in real life.

Thankfully I have stayed sober. Let’s start another twenty-four hours sober!
MK