DR – October 20, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 20, 2024


Daily Reflection

SOLACE FOR CONFUSION

Obviously, the dilemma of the wanderer from faith is that of profound confusion. He thinks himself lost to the comfort of any conviction at all. He cannot attain in even a small degree the assurance of the believer, the agnostic, or the atheist. He is the bewildered one.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28

The concept of God was one that I struggled with during my early years of sobriety. The images that came to me, conjured from my past, were heavy with fear, rejection and condemnation. Then I heard my friend Ed’s image of a Higher Power: As a boy he had been allowed a litter of puppies, provided that he assume responsibility for their care. Each morning he would find the unavoidable “byproducts”of the puppies on the kitchen floor. Despite frustration, Ed said he couldn’t get angry because “that’s the nature of puppies.” Ed felt that God viewed our defects and shortcomings with a similar understanding and warmth. I’ve often found solace from my personal confusion in Ed’s calming concept of God.


Big Book Quote

God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 164~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

For the past few weeks we have been asking ourselves some searching questions. We have not been able to answer them all, as we would like. But the right answers to these questions will depend on the usefulness and effectiveness of our lives and to some extent the usefulness and effectiveness of the whole A.A. movement. It all boils down to this: I owe a deep debt to A.A. and to the grace of God. Am I going to do all I can to repay that debt? Let us search our souls, make our decisions and act accordingly. Any real success we have in life will depend on that. Now is the time to put our conclusions into effect. What am I going to do about it?

Meditation for the Day

“Our Lord and our God, be it done unto us according to Thy will.” Simple acceptance of God’s will in whatever happens is the key to abundant living. We must continue to pray. “Not my will but Thy will be done.” It may not turn out the way you want it to, but it will be the best way in the long run, because it is God’s way. If you decide to accept whatever happens as God’s will for yourself, whatever it may be, your burdens will be lighter. Try to see in all things some fulfillment of the Divine Intent.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may see the working out of God’s will in my life. I pray that I may be content with whatever He wills for me.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Detaching with Love

Sometimes people we love do things we don’t like or approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we’re all reacting to each other, and the problem escalates.

When do we detach? When we’re hooked into a reaction of anger, fear, guilt, or shame. When we get hooked into a power play – an attempt to control or force others to do something they don’t want to do. When the way we’re reacting isn’t helping the other person or solving the problem. When the way we’re reacting is hurting us.

Often, it’s time to detach when detachment appears to be the least likely, or possible, thing to do.

The first step toward detachment is understanding that reacting and controlling don’t help. The next step is getting peaceful – getting centered and restoring our balance.

Take a walk. Leave the room. Go to a meeting. Take a long, hot bath. Call a friend. Call on God. Breathe deeply. Find peace. From that place of peace and centering will emerge an answer, a solution.

Today, I will surrender and trust that the answer is near.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament.

—George Santayana

We could probably feel more tranquil if the world were a simpler place and always gave us simple answers. But we are faced with many ambiguous and uncertain situations. The changing roles of men and women can often leave us bewildered. We are engaged in the development of relationships that have lives of their own, and it’s not always clear where they are headed. Even within ourselves we have contradictory feelings, and it’s difficult to come up with clear answers.

Since we cannot force simplicity upon the world, we must turn to ourselves for a new response. We can become more tolerant of our unsettled predicaments. We can learn to have faith that good comes from change. Things have a way of settling out and clarifying with time. As we develop patience with the questions and the unclear issues in our lives, we gain a deeper serenity.

Today, I will recall the predicaments in my past life that, in time, became clearer, and I will have patience with what seems unsettled.


Elder’s Meditation

“As Elders, it is our place to show respect to our young people in order to gain respect.”

–Grace Azak, NISGA’A

The attitude of our leaders will be the attitude of the people. The attitude of the parents will be the attitude of the children. If respect is shown from above, respect will be developed below. If the Elders show respect, the younger people will be respectful. As above, so below. This happens because of interconnectedness. The heart of the Elders is connected to the heart of the youth.

Great Spirit, in the fall season let me respect both the Elders and the youth.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Tradition is grappling with innovation. Even if you were once absolutely convinced that you were on the right path, you may come to realize that something you’ve held as a belief for a long time is leading you away from where you want to be going. It can be uncomfortable to set venerated patterns aside when you’ve valued them for so long, but is comfort worth the potential stagnation of staying in the same place? Make the right decision for yourself — no one else.

DR – October 19, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 19, 2024


Daily Reflection

A.A.’s “MAIN TAPROOT”

The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 21-22

Defeated, and knowing it, I arrived at the doors of A.A., alone and afraid of the unknown. A power outside of myself had picked me up off my bed, guided me to the phone book, then to the bus stop, and through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Once inside A.A. I experienced a sense of being loved and accepted, something I had not felt since early childhood. May I never lose the sense of wonder I experienced on that first evening with A.A., the greatest event of my entire life.


Big Book Quote

If we skip this vital step (5th Step), we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 72~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Do I realize that I do not know how much time I have left? It may be later than I think. Am I going to do the things that I know I should do before my time runs out? By the way, what is my purpose for the rest of my life? Do I realize all I have to make up for in my past wasted life? Do I know that I am living on borrowed time and that I would not have even this much time left without A.A. and the grace of God? Am I going to make what time I have left count for A.A.?

Meditation for the Day

We can believe that somehow the cry of the human soul is never unheard by God. It may be that God hears the cry, even if we fail to notice God’s response to it. The human cry for help must always evoke a response of some sort from God. It may be that our failure to discern properly keeps us unaware of the response. But one thing we can believe is that the grace of God is always available for every human being who sincerely calls for help. Many changed lives are living proofs of this fact.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may trust God to answer my prayer as He sees fit. I pray that I may be content with whatever form that answer may take.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Our Good Points

What’s a codependent? The answer’s easy. They’re some of the most loving, caring people I know.

—Beyond Codependency

We don’t need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what’s wrong is a core issue in our codependency.

Honestly, fearlessly, ask: “What’s right with me? What are my good points?”

“Am I a loving, caring, nurturing person?” We may have neglected to love ourselves in the process of caring for others, but nurturing is an asset.

“Is there something I do particularly well?” “Do I have a strong faith?” “Am I good at being there for others?” “Am I good as part of a team, or as a leader?” “Do I have a way with words or with emotions?”

“Do I have a sense of humor?” “Do I brighten people up?” “Am I good at comforting others?” “Do I have an ability to make something good out of barely nothing at all?” “Do I see the best in people?”

These are character assets. We may have gone to an extreme with these, but that’s okay. We are now on our way to finding balance.

Recovery is not about eliminating our personality. Recovery aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives. We all have assets; we only need to focus on them, empower them, and draw them out in ourselves.

Codependents are some of the most loving, caring people around. Now, we’re learning to give some of that concern and nurturing to ourselves.

Today, I will focus on what’s right about me. I will give myself some of the caring I’ve extended to the world.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

If only I could throw away the urge to trace my patterns in your heart I could really see you.

—David Brandon

Trying to control and change the people around us creates great problems in our relationships. When people we love are expressing themselves, we’re thinking about what we wish they would say, and it blocks us from hearing clearly. A need for safety and for a guarantee that we won’t be abandoned urges us to manipulate the people we love. We know we have innocent motives. We say we only want what is best and that we are only trying to protect ourselves or be helpful. But we hide from the effects our actions have on our relationships.

We seem to be more trapped in these self-centered behaviors with the ones we are closest to. We can change ourselves by slowly releasing our security grip on others. We can focus more on understanding what others are saying to us than on changing how they think and feel. Intimacy is clearly seeing each other and knowing the differences as well as the similarities. It requires that both people be allowed to walk on separate paths.

I will release my grip on my loved ones and turn to my Higher Power for security and serenity.


Elder’s Meditation

The teachings are for all, not just for Indians… The white people never wanted to learn before. They thought we were savages. Now they have a different understanding, and they do want to learn. We are all children of God. The tradition is open to anyone who wants to learn.”

–Don Jose Matusuwa, HUICHOL

In the summer of 1994, a white buffalo calf was born. This means that now is the time for all races to come together. The Elders say that at this time a voice from within will speak to everyone. It will say now is the time to forgive, now is the time to come together. Are we willing to do this? Are we willing to quit judging other people? The Elders say, He will be talking through people of all races and gender. We need to open our hearts and welcome our brothers and sisters.

Great Spirit, let my ears be open as I walk the path You have chosen for me.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your dreams are shifting. This doesn’t automatically mean that you’re abandoning dreams that you’ve been chasing for a while. It just means that the landscape of your life has transformed, and so, in turn, you’re adjusting your aims a bit. There will probably be some imagination needed on your part, where you must inject your style into your dreams until they look less vague and feel a little more tangible. Bring your ideas into reality, even if they look different in practice!

DR – October 18, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 18, 2024


Daily Reflection

AN OPEN MIND

True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, . . .

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33

My alcoholic thinking led me to believe that I could control my drinking, but I couldn’t. When I came to A.A., I realized that God was speaking to me through my group. My mind was open just enough to know that I needed His help. A real, honest acceptance of A.A. took more time, but with it came humility. I know how insane I was, and I am extremely grateful to have my sanity restored to me and to be a sober alcoholic. The new, sober me is a much better person than I ever could have been without A.A.


Big Book Quote

We families of Alcoholics Anonymous keep few skeletons in the closet. Everyone knows about the others alcoholic troubles. This is a condition which, in ordinary life, would produce untold grief; there might be scandalous gossip, laughter at the expense of other people, and a tendency to take advantage of intimate information. Among us, these are rare occurrences. We do talk about each other a great deal, but we almost invariably temper such talk by a spirit of love and tolerance.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 125~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Have I got over most of my sensitiveness, my feelings which are too easily hurt, and my just plain laziness and self-satisfaction? Am I willing to go all out for A.A. at no matter what cost to my precious self? Is my own comfort more important to me than doing the things that need to be done? Have I got to the point where what happens to me is not so important? Can I face up to things that are embarrassing or uncomfortable if they are the right things to do for the good of A.A.? Have I given A.A. just a small piece of myself? Am I willing to give all of myself whenever necessary?

Meditation for the Day

Not until you have failed can you learn true humility. Humility arises from a deep sense of gratitude to God for giving you the strength to rise above past failures. Humility is not inconsistent with self-respect. The true person has self-respect and the respect of others and yet is humble. The humble person is tolerant of others’ failings, and does not have a critical attitude toward the foibles of others. Humble people are hard on themselves and easy on others.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be truly humble and yet have self-respect. I pray that I may see the good in myself as well as the bad.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Throwing Out the Rule Book

Many of us feel like we need a rulebook, a microscope, and a warranty to get through life. We feel uncertain, frightened. We want the security of knowing what’s going to happen, and how we shall act.

We don’t trust life or ourselves.

We don’t trust the Plan.

We want to be in control.

“I’ve made terrible mistakes about my choices, mistakes that nearly destroyed me. Life has really shocked me. How can I trust myself? How can I trust life, and my instincts, after where I’ve been?” asked one woman.

It is understandable that we fear being crushed again, considering the way many of us were when we bottomed out on our codependency. We don’t have to be fearful. We can trust our self, our path, and our instincts.

Yes, we want to avoid making the same mistakes again. We are not the same people we were yesterday or last year. We’ve learned, grown, changed. We did what we needed to do then. If we made a mistake, we cannot let that stop us from living and fully experiencing today.

We have arrived at the understanding that we needed our experiences – even our mistakes – to get to where we are today. Do we know that we needed our life to unfold exactly as it did to find ourselves, our Higher Power, and this new way of life? Or is part of us still calling our past a mistake?

We can let go of our past and trust ourselves now. We do not have to punish ourselves with our past. We don’t need a rulebook, a microscope, a warranty. All we really need is a mirror. We can look into the mirror and say, “I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself. And what happens will continue to be good, better than you think.”

Today, I will stop clinging to the painful lessons of the past. I will open myself to the positive lessons today and tomorrow hold for me. I trust that I can and will take care of myself now. I trust that the Plan is good, even when I don’t know what it is.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Thou art everywhere, but I worship you here;
Thou art without form, but I worship you in these forms;
Thou neediest no praise, yet I offer you these prayers and salutations.
—Hindu prayer

The history of the Twelve Steps tells us that in the first small A.A. group there was controversy about the word God. For some of the men, God was known in traditional religious ways; other members were agnostic. This first group followed their group conscience. The resolution they achieved has inspired many new Twelve Step members ever since. They were guided through their disagreement to a new expression of their spiritual relationship. They began to speak of a “Power greater than ourselves” and of “God, as we understood Him.”

Today we turn to God, as we understand God, because our definitions are restricted by human limitations. We know from our own experiences and from the stories of thousands of men and women who have preceded us, that this spiritual program is very practical and simple. It works. It restores our lives.

To a Power greater than myself, I am filled with gratitude.


Elder’s Meditation

“But we have to stick by the wisdom of our ancestors…”

–Paula Weasel Head, BLOOD

A long time ago the Elders and our ancestors learned to walk on the Earth and to live in harmony. They were taught the Laws which govern everything, and they were taught traditional values. This wisdom should be made available to the younger generations. We need to speak to the Elders and learn from them. We need to do this so we can pass the knowledge on to our children.

My Creator, help me learn the wisdom of my ancestors.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Standing out in a crowd may be challenging. The planets are urging you to swim against the current and say or do something that’s unlike the group that you’re in — and you’re probably aware that this would be a risky move. Instead of being reckless or impulsive, try to channel this energy into being creative or setting up a fun surprise for someone in your life. If something seems like a big risk, don’t hesitate to pull back on the throttle.

DR – October 17, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 17, 2024


Daily Reflection

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

How do I maintain my spiritual condition? For me it’s quite simple: on a daily basis I ask my Higher Power to grant me the gift of sobriety for that day! I have talked to many alcoholics who have gone back to drinking and I always ask them: “Did you pray for sobriety the day you took your first drink?” Not one of them said yes. As I practice Step Ten and try to keep my house in order on a daily basis, I have the knowledge that if I ask for a daily reprieve, it will be granted.


Big Book Quote

“When drinking, or getting over a bout, an alcoholic, sometimes the model of honesty when normal, will do incredible things. Afterward, his revulsion will be terrible. Nearly always, these antics indicate nothing more than temporary conditions.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, To Employers, pg. 140~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

What am I going to do today for A.A.? Is there someone I should call up on the telephone or someone I should go to see? Is there a letter I should write? Is there an opportunity somewhere to advance the work of A.A., which I have been putting off, or neglecting? If so, will I do it today? Will I be done with procrastination and do what I have to do today? Tomorrow may be too late. How do I know there will be a tomorrow for me? How about getting out of my easy chair and getting going? Do I feel that A.A. depends partly on me today?

Meditation for the Day

Today look upward toward God, not downward toward yourself. Look away from unpleasant surroundings, from lack of beauty, from the imperfections in yourself and those around you. In your unrest, behold God’s calmness: in your impatience, God’s patience; in your limitations, God’s perfection. Looking upward toward God, your spirit will begin to grow. Then others will see something in you that they also want. As you grow in the spiritual life, you will be enabled to do many things that seemed too hard for you before.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may keep my eyes trained above the horizon of myself; I pray that I may see infinite possibilities for spiritual growth.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Feelings and Surrender

Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience.

Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience.

Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full of hard feelings – anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief. As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a deep level.

Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future are released when we surrender.

We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward. Trust in the rightness of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through this spiritual experience.

I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

I never suspected that I would have to learn how to live – that there were specific disciplines and ways of seeing the world I had to master before I could awaken to a simple happy, uncomplicated life.

—Dan Millman

Wisdom begins in seeing how much we do not know. Sometimes it’s a painful blow to our egos to face what we still have to learn. Many of us have believed we know how to live. Yet, when we look at our lives, we see something has been missing. When we continue to have great stress, when we haven’t made progress in simplifying our lives, when our lives seem full of crises – perhaps then it is time to open ourselves to some new learning.

We can talk to sponsors and get ideas from group members. Perhaps they have noticed our blind spots and will tell us if asked. Expressing our problems in specific ways may point us to new learning. Our program teaches us twelve specific disciplines for our growth. We need to return to them again and again. We can always ask ourselves, “What Step am I working on at this time?” We may need to learn new ways to work on a specific Step.

I will turn to my fellow group members and focus on one Step for my growth today.


Elder’s Meditation

“Peace… comes within the souls of men when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the Universe dwells Wakan-Tanka, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.”

–Black Elk (Hehaka Sapa) OGLALA SIOUX

If we are to know peace we must look within ourselves. In order to do this, we must learn to be still. We must quiet the mind. We must learn to meditate. Meditation helps us locate and find the center that is within ourselves. The center is where the Great One resides. When we start to look for peace, we need to realize where it is within ourselves. When we experience conflict we need to pause for a moment and ask the Power within ourselves, “How do you want me to handle this? What would you suggest I do in this situation?” By asking the Higher Power for help we find peace.

Creator, help me to find peace.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

The spotlight may be moments from alighting on you. While you might not always be comfortable under its gaze, sometimes it’s a good feeling to have the people around you recognize you for what you’ve contributed. There is a strong likelihood of you experiencing this group praise at any moment. Instead of trying to deflect or brushing it off, stay humble while accepting any praise that you’re being given for your efforts. They’re your accomplishments! You earned them, so take a bow.

DR – October 16, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 16, 2024


Daily Reflection

THROUGHOUT EACH DAY

This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

During my early years in A.A. I saw Step Ten as a suggestion that I periodically look at my behavior and reactions. If there was something wrong, I should admit it; if an apology was necessary, I should give one. After a few years of sobriety I felt I should undertake a self-examination more frequently. Not until several more years of sobriety had elapsed did I realize the full meaning of Step Ten, and the word “continued.” “Continued” does not mean occasionally, or frequently. It means throughout each day.


Big Book Quote

“The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. Their young minds were impressionable hile he was drinking. Without saying so, they may cordially hate him for what he has done to them and to their mother. The children are sometimes dominated by a pathetic hardness and cynicism. They cannot seem to forgive and forget. This may hang on for months, long after their mother has accepted dad’s new way of living and thinking.”

In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they will let him know it.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 134~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

How seriously do I take my obligations to A.A.? Have I taken all the good I can get out of it and then let my obligations slide? Or do I constantly feel a deep debt of gratitude and a deep sense of loyalty to the whole A.A. movement? Am I not only grateful but also proud to be a part of such a wonderful fellowship, which is doing such marvelous work among alcoholics? Am I glad to be a part of the great work that A.A. is doing and do I feel a deep obligation to carry on that work at every opportunity? Do I feel that I owe A.A. my loyalty and devotion?

Meditation for the Day

If your heart is right, your world will be right. The beginning of all reform must be in yourself. It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you take it. However restricted your circumstances, however little you may be able to remedy financial affairs, you can always turn to your inward self and seeing something not in order there, seek to right it. And as all reform is from within outward, you will always find that the outward is improved as the inward is improved. As you improve yourself, your outward circumstances will change for the better. The power released from within yourself will change your outward life.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that the hidden power within me may be released. I pray that I may not imprison the spirit that is within me.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Being Honest with Ourselves

Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships.

When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others.

When we can accept what we want and need, we will be ready to have our wants and needs met.

When we can accept what we think and believe, and accept what’s important to us, we can relay this to others.

When we learn to take ourselves seriously, others will too.

When we learn to chuckle at ourselves, we will be ready to laugh with others.

When we have learned to trust ourselves, we will be trustworthy and ready to trust.

When we can be grateful for who we are, we will have achieved self-love.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

One of the main reasons wealth makes people unhappy is that it gives them too much control over what they experience. They try to translate their own fantasies into reality instead of tasting what reality itself has to offer.

—Philip Slater

We are constantly told that the way to happiness is through material possessions. “Men who drive this sports car have all the women after them!” “If I could only own this special tool it would make me happy!” What does a man really want? He wants a feeling that his life makes sense. He wants the give and take of loving relationships. He wants to feel he has a place in the world and can make a contribution. And he wants the feeling that he is not standing still, but growing in those ways.

Being poor certainly limits our options, but material wealth is an empty seduction. Putting all our energies into capturing wealth may make us rich, but it also can become an addiction that causes unhappiness. We become much richer in our souls and in our experiences when we take the risks that help us improve our relationships and teach us how to live balanced lives.

I will live each moment in ways that fit my true values.

When we have achieved self-love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love.

When we’ve learned to stand on our own two feet, we’re ready to stand next to someone.

Today, I will focus on having a good relationship with myself.


Elder’s Meditation

“Many religions have been brought to this land. And the way my religion is, they teach me, and they taught me, and told me to respect all religions. And I still do that.”

–Horace Axtell, NEZ PERCE

The Creator put on this Earth many different religions which represent different roads to walk to God. All religions are right and good if the path is the path to God. Should we be judging which road is better or worse than the other? When we accept each other’s way we can stand in a circle, hold hands and listen to each other as we pray to God. Let us be more accepting of the religions of others.

Great Spirit – God, Grandfather, Grandmother, Lord – let me know peace.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

People in your life could seem unfairly intense, but it may be due to ongoing stressful circumstances. If they can’t separate their issues from their interactions with you, you’d be wise to withdraw and protect your peace. You likely don’t have a dog in this fight, and you shouldn’t try to pick one. It’s their responsibility to work out any tangles they have with others! If they try to control you, that’s even more reason to pull back. Don’t be overwhelmed by their intensity.

It is Time (again)!

The purpose of this site is to give readers, whether addicts or not, a glimpse into the struggles of just one addict whether sober/clean or not. When this site was created, I was sober. Unfortunately, I have NOT been sober for a few years but continued to provide hope to my readers and myself. After I was given a chance at a new life, I relapsed during the COVID pandemic. For the last couple of months I have seriously considered getting sober again. No..I am going to get sober again!

What happened? – Brief Past

My first sobriety started on December 1, 2007. I went to rehab, then moved to a supportive living program and continued to live a sober life for ten years. I made a move for a job, my Sponsor had passed away and things just went down hill and very quickly after relapsing. I’m not sure if I told the story here but the desire to get sober again was overwhelming and I took great steps to get it. After another rehab and moving to where I currently live, it took two years before I was on my own. I had my own place to live and a job to support myself. Things were doing very well, until the pandemic. I was part of the local AA community and had many numbers to call to help with struggles. For whatever reason, during the pandemic, after repeated attempts, not a single person called me back. I was devastated. I had thought or perhaps was lead to believe I had all this support and the most important time I needed I had NONE. l snapped one day and starting drinking again until current. While the pandemic wasn’t the primary reason I drank, it was a major contributor – the one that broke the camel’s back.

Where am I now?

Honestly, I am just done! Something I remember from rehab the second time was HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired. It’s been stuck in my mind for months now. There has been lots of changes in my life over the few years I have been drinking. As typical in an addicts life, things were going well at the beginning, then suddenly it feels like I fell of a cliff and still falling just waiting to hit the ground SMACK. I just don’t have any intention for that to happen!

What is the Plan?

First, rehabilitation is NOT an option. It’s the same thing over and over. Been there, done that and I know what to do! <- Then why don’t you do it today, right now? Oh gods, now I’m even talking to myself in this blog. Yet, that is the mind of a person with a mental disorder like an addiction. Whether people will admit it or not, we talk to ourselves ALL THE TIME! Back to topic..what is the plan?

Since my original sobriety date was December 1, 2007, perhaps I can do such again on December 1, 2024. That is my plan. Since I haven’t been involved in the AA community for years, I still now there is a meeting on Saturday morning at 9am close to me. Let’s just give it a start and go from there. Perhaps this is the plan of the Gods since my days off are Monday and Tuesday. I quit drinking December 1, 2024.

Next Couple of Months Expectations

For my readers, expect quite a few more posts than usual. I want to write most posts on a personal matter…where I’m at, what I’m going through and what I’m thinking. I know more as we get to the New Year, others are thinking the same thing. Or perhaps someone who is involved with someone addicted can learn how we think. At least that is my hope.

I Need Readers Support

This is where, as I addict, I reach out and say, “I need help!” I need support of the recovery community on a worldwide level. Right now, I have no one. Help me get sober again. That is all I can say.

DR – October 15, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 15, 2024


Daily Reflection

MY CHECKLIST, NOT YOURS

Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our own righteousness.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 67

Sometimes I don’t realize that I gossiped about someone until the end of the day, when I take an inventory of the day’s activities, and then, my gossiping appears like a blemish in my beautiful day. How could I have said something like that? Gossip shows its ugly head during a coffee break or lunch with business associates, or I may gossip during the evening, when I’m tired from the day’s activities, and feel justified in bolstering my ego at the expense of someone else.

Character defects like gossip sneak into my life when I am not making a constant effort to work the Twelve Steps of recovery. I need to remind myself that my uniqueness is the blessing of my being, and that applies equally to everyone who crosses my path in life’s journey. Today the only inventory I need to take is my own. I’ll leave judgment of others to the Final Judge — Divine Providence.


Big Book Quote

“We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 125~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Am I deeply grateful to A.A. for what it has done for me in regaining my sobriety and opening up an entirely new life for me? A.A. has made it possible for me to carry on other interests in business and in various other associations with people. It has made a full life possible for me. It would perhaps be wrong if all my activities were limited to A.A. work. It has made a well-rounded life possible for me in work, in play, and in hobbies of various kinds. But will I desert A.A. because of this? Will I accept a diploma and become a graduate of A.A.? Do I realize that I could have nothing worthwhile without A.A.?

Meditation for the Day

There is only one-way to get full satisfaction from life and that is to live the way you believe God wants you to live. Live with God in that secret place of the spirit and you will have a feeling of being on the right road. You will have a deep sense of satisfaction. The world will have meaning and you will have a place in the world, work to do that counts in the eternal order of things. Many things will work for you and with you, as long as you feel you are on God’s side.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may have a sense of the eternal value of the work I do. I pray that I may not only work for now, but also for eternity.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

No good work comes from unrest.

Unrest, fear, anger, or sadness may motivate us. These feelings are sometimes intended to compel action. But our best work emerges after these feelings have been replaced by peace.

We will not accomplish our task any sooner, or any better, by performing it out of a sense of urgency, fear, anger, or sadness.

Let go of unrest. Let peace fill the void. We do not have to forfeit our power, our God given personal power – or our peace – to do the work as we are called upon to do today. We will be given all the power we need to do what we are meant to do, when it is time.

Let peace come first. Then proceed. The task will get done, naturally and on time.

Today, I will get peaceful first, and let my work and life emerge from that base.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

We know about remorse and death. But do we know about hope and life? I believe in life after birth!

—Maxie Dunham

We do not need to create difficulties and pain in our lives. They come with the package of human existence. Some of us even feel bewildered when we aren’t pressed by trouble. As we grew in recovery and our lives became better ordered, many of us thought, “Life seems to be going so well; I wonder what’s wrong?” We were more accustomed to remorse and crisis than to joy and serenity.

What lies before us today is an unpainted picture. There are many possibilities for events to take a good turn. This, too, is part of the package, but we must believe and affirm the good things in order to accept them. When our only expectations are pain and trouble, they probably will be our only experiences. However, when we have faith that a better life is possible, we open ourselves to receive it.

Today, I will live with hope for the possibilities and accept the good things that come my way.


Elder’s Meditation

All of us begin to rethink what is good about ourselves – put the past where it belongs – and get on with the possibilities of the present!”

–Howard Rainer, TAOS PUEBLO-CREEK

There is a saying, you move toward and become that which you think about. So the question for today is, what are you thinking about? Are you thinking bad things about yourself or are you thinking good things about yourself? Are you thinking about a worldly life? Are you thinking good things about people or are you gossiping about people? Are you focusing on past things or are you living in the future? We need to bring our thoughts into the NOW, right here.

Great Spirit, let me experience living in the present moment.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your confusion about where you want to go is lifting. Previously, you may have struggled to figure out your goals for higher education or plan your ideal vacation. While there might not have been a pressing reason to go anywhere before, it is likely that your answer will come to you today. Once you realize which road you’re being encouraged down, make a point of researching beforehand to make your trip as smooth as possible. Learn what you need to know before you go!

DR – October 14, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 14, 2024


Daily Reflection

A PROGRAM FOR LIVING

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. . . . On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. . . . Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

I lacked serenity. With more to do than seemed possible, I fell further behind, no matter how hard I tried. Worries about things not done yesterday and fear of tomorrow’s deadlines denied me the calm I needed to be effective each day. Before taking Steps Ten and Eleven, I began to read passages like the one cited above. I tried to focus on God’s will, not my problems, and to trust that He would manage my day. It worked! Slowly, but it worked!


Big Book Quote

Nearly every modern employer feels a moral responsibility for the well-being of his help, and he tries to meet these responsibilities. That he has not always done so for the alcoholic is easily understood. To him the alcoholic has often seemed a fool of the first magnitude. Because of the employees special ability, or of his own strong personal attachment to him, the employer has sometimes kept such a man at work long beyond a reasonable period. Some employers have tried every known remedy. In only a few instances has there been a lack of patience and tolerance. And we, who have imposed on the best of employers, can scarcely blame them if they have been short with us.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, To Employers, pg. 137~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

How big a part of my life is A.A.? Is it just one of my activities and a small one at that? Do I only go to A.A. meetings now and then and sometimes never go at all? Do I think of A.A. only occasionally? Am I reticent about mentioning the subject of A.A. to people who might need help? Or does A.A. fill a large part of my life? Is it the foundation of my whole life? Where would I be without A.A.? Does everything I have and do depend on my A.A. foundation? Is A.A. the foundation on which I build my life?

Meditation for the Day

Lay upon God your failures and mistakes and shortcomings. Do not dwell upon your failures, upon the fact that in the past you have been nearer a beast than an angel. You have a mediator between you and God – your growing faith -, which can lift you up from the mire and point you toward the heavens. You can still be reconciled with the spirit of God. You can still regain your harmony with the Divine Principle of the universe.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may not let the beast in me hold me back from my spiritual destiny. I pray that I may rise and walk upright.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Controlling Versus Trust

There was a time in my life when I felt so afraid of and overwhelmed by the very act of living that I actually wanted to make out a schedule for each day of my life for the next five years. I wanted to include all the chores I had to do, when I would do them, even when I would schedule relaxation. I wanted to get some order into what felt overwhelming. I wanted to feel like I was in control.

—Anonymous

Controlling is a direct response to our fear, panic, and sense of helplessness. It is a direct response to feeling overwhelmed, and to distrust.

We may not trust ourselves, our Higher Power, the Plan, the Universe, or the process of life. Instead of trusting, we revert to control.

We can approach this need to control by dealing with our fear. We deal with fear by trusting – ourselves, our Higher Power, the love and support of the Universe, the Plan, and this process we call life and recovery.

We can trust that when things don’t work out the way we want, God has something better planned.

We can trust ourselves to get where we need to go, say what we need to say, do what we need to do, know what we need to know, be who we need to be, and become all we can become, when we are intended to do that, when we are ready, and when the time is right.

We can trust our Higher Power and the Universe to give us all the direction we need.

We can trust ourselves to listen, and respond, accordingly.

We can trust that all we need on this journey shall come to us. We will not get all we need for the entire journey today. We shall receive today’s supplies today, and tomorrow’s supplies tomorrow. We were never intended to carry supplies for the entire journey. The burden would be too heavy, and the way was intended to be light.

Trust in yourself. We do not have to plan, control, and schedule all things. The schedule and plan have been written. All we need to do is show up.

The way will become clear and the supplies will be amply and clearly provided, one day at a time.

Trust, my friend, in today.

Today, I will trust that I will receive all I need to get me through today. I will trust that the same shall happen tomorrow.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

No man is more cheated than the selfish man.

—Henry Ward Beecher

When we’re selfish, we close off the channels of exchange with others. Not only are we grabbing and holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we are denying others the possibility of sharing with us in the benefits. We may be selfish in material goods, but there are many other ways too. Some of us expect our spouses to meet our needs while we make little effort to meet theirs. Some of us discover our selfishness as we drive, refusing to yield a position to another car or getting furious if we lose a place in heavy traffic.

By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses nourish the spirit within us and create a good environment for our growth. Sometimes giving does not come easily. We have a more generous spirit when we are in touch with our ultimate vulnerability. All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have a good life. We can truly hold onto nothing but ourselves. Giving what we can of our time, our energy, and our goods, helps create the kind of world we want to live in.

Today, I will look for ways to be generous with those I share this world with.


Elder’s Meditation

“Each soul must meet the morning sun, the new sweet earth and the Great Silence alone!”

–Ohiyesa (Dr. Charles A. Eastman), SANTEE SIOUX

The most important thing we can do during the course of the day is pray in the morning. There is a special time in the morning that has great power. This is the exact time the sun is rising. During the rising of the sun, everything on the Earth is waking up. Animals, plants, birds, and humans will be blessed at the rising of the sun. This is a special time to help us prepare for the day. During this time we ask the Creator to bless our day. We ask Him to guide us, to protect us and to give us courage to overcome the day’s obstacles. Doing this everyday will give us knowledge of God’s will for us.

Grandfather, Grandmother, guide my path. Let my thinking be guided by You.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your ambitions may not align with your loved ones. You could have a very personal reason behind your actions, but the people who are close to you, either friends or family members, may not understand your methods. You might feel like you are misunderstood, but this shouldn’t cause you to give up on what you want. Sometimes those who care most for us don’t know how best to support us — you may have to be your own cheerleader until they do.

DR – October 13, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 13, 2024


Daily Reflection

UNREMITTING INVENTORIES

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others.


Big Book Quote

“Now we try to put spiritual principles to work in every department of our lives. When we do that, we find it solves our problems too; the ensuing lack of fear, worry and hurt feelings is a wonderful thing.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, To Wives, pg. 116~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

A.A. Thought for the Day

A.A. work is one hundred percent voluntary. It depends on each and every one of our members to volunteer to do his or her share. Newcomers can sit on the sidelines until they have got over their nervousness and confusion. They have a right to be helped by all, until they can stand on their own feet. But the time inevitably comes when they have to speak up and volunteer to do their share in meetings and in twelfth-step work. Until that time comes, they are only in the process of being assimilated. Has my time come to volunteer?

Meditation for the Day

God’s kingdom on earth is growing slowly, like a seed in the ground. In the growth of His kingdom there is always progress among the few who are out ahead of the crowd. Keep striving for something better and there can be no stagnation in your life. Eternal life, abundant life, is yours for the seeking. Do not misspend time over past failures. Count the lessons learned from failures as rungs upon the ladder of progress. Press onward toward the goal.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be willing to grow. I pray that I may keep stepping up on the rungs of the ladder of life.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Substance over Form

I’m learning that for a variety of reasons, I’ve spent much of my life focusing on form rather than substance. My focus has been on having my hair done perfectly, wearing the right clothes, having my makeup applied perfectly, living in the right place, furnishing it with the right furniture, working at the right job, and having the right man. Form, rather than substance, has controlled my behavior in many areas of my life. Now, I’m finally getting to the truth. It’s substance that counts.

—Anonymous

There is nothing wrong in wanting to look our best. Whether we are striving to create a self, a relationship, or a life, we need to have some solid ideas about what we want that to look like.

Form gives us a place to begin. But for many of us, form has been a substitute for substance. We may have focused on form to compensate for feeling afraid or feeling inferior. We may have focused on form because we didn’t know how to focus on substance.

Form is the outline; substance is what fills it in. We fill in the outline of ourselves by being authentic; we fill in the outline of our life by showing up for life and participating to the best of our ability.

Now, in recovery, we’re learning to pay attention to how things work and feel, not just to what they look like.

Today, I will focus on substance in my life. I will fill in the lines of myself with a real person – me. I will concentrate on the substance of my relationships, rather than what they look like. I will focus on the real working of my life, instead of the trappings.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

I can sing a prayer as well as say it.

—Baal Shem Tov

Lightness of spirit, song, and liberation are the products of a hearty spirituality. There is never a moment we don’t have reason to fret or mourn. If we need to grieve, our recovery helps and supports us. But more than that, we are freed in this new life to be men of song and humor. We can sing although life is painful, because we are part of a group of recovering people. We’re part of an unfolding mystery. We have love and it is beautiful.

Each time we let go of a secret or an old guilt or a worry about the future, our spirit is lightened. Maybe we experience this at its fullest while spending time with friends who take us just as we are. Perhaps we find it by seeing a funny movie or singing with a group. In the wisdom of the Steps, we are asked to do difficult and painful tasks, which lead to our spiritual awakening. A light spirit celebrates the outcome of our hard work.

I will remember that my laughter and song are also ways of praying.


Elder’s Meditation

“So unbelievable things like that happen. But you have to believe it first. Not wait until you see it first, then touch it, then believe it… You have to say it from the heart.”

–Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

The power of our belief system is incredible. The power of faith is a very natural power. How do we have faith? Inside of our minds we form a mental picture with our self talk. Self talk is recorded in our minds in three dimensions – words that trigger a picture, which has a feeling or an emotion attached to it. Once we get the words and the picture, it is the emotion that makes the idea turn into a belief. You get the right emotion by saying things from the heart. The heart is the source of emotions which can cause unbelievable things to happen.

Great Spirit, with You everything is possible.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You are done playing it safe! You might have been holding back some ideas, but it’s time for you to externalize your ambitions and turn them into reality. This could require you to say something to someone that intimidates you, or it may compel you to bring in resources from other areas to increase support for these dreams. Step out from the shadows and take a chance on yourself. Be patient, but be confident — slowly but surely, results should begin manifesting.

DR – October 12, 2024

Daily Recovery Readings
October 12, 2024


Daily Reflection

CURBING RASHNESS

When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91

Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self- pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 86~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Am I still on a “free ride” in A.A.? Am I all get and no give? Do I go to meetings and always sit in the back row and let the others do all the work? Do I think it’s enough just because I’m sober and can rest on my laurels? If so, I haven’t gone very far in the program, nor am I getting nearly enough of what it has to offer. I will be a weak member until I get in there and help carry the load. I must eventually get off the bench and get into the game. I’m not just a spectator: I’m supposed to be one of the team. Do I go in there and carry the ball?

Meditation for the Day

Try to be thankful for whatever vision you have. Try to perform, in the little things, faithful service to God and others. Do your small part every day in a spirit of service to God. Be a doer of God’s word, not a hearer only. In your daily life try to keep faith with God. Every day brings a new opportunity to be of some use. Even when you are tempted to rest or let things go or to evade the issue, make it a habit to meet the issue squarely as a challenge and not to hold back.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may perform each task faithfully. I pray that I may meet each issue of life squarely and not hold back.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

During Times of Grief

The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to “cocoon for transformation,” in Pat Carnes’s words, while going through grief.

We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced, temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.

Grief is heavy. It can wear us down.

It’s okay to be gentle with ourselves when we’re gong through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery. But we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.

We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is okay to accept ourselves, and our changed needs, during times of grief, stress, and change.

It is okay to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process, and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us.

Before long, we will take wings and fly.

God, help me accept my changed needs during times of grief, change, and loss.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

I resolve to meet evil courageously, but when even a small temptation cometh, I am in sore straits. That which seemeth trifling sometimes giveth rise to a grievous temptation.

—Thomas a’ Kempis

Even in recovery, we know we are vulnerable men, always subject to a return to old patterns. Sometimes we can understand the triggering event; other times there is no apparent reason for temptation to reappear. Perhaps it comes when we least expect it, when our guard is lowest. We may be tempted simply because we are addicts or codependents. Our powerlessness reminds us of our need for faithfulness to the program.

When we think we have moved beyond the draw of old behaviors, we veer away from our path of recovery. In saying we have grown out of our powerlessness, or that our resolve can now protect us, we are heading back into old troubles. Admitting the truth is unsettling. It also makes us more honest, more accessible, more spiritual, and more ready to deal with threats to our recovery.

I live with my powerlessness every day. Help me admit it to myself.


Elder’s Meditation

“The greatest obstacle to the internal nature is the mind. If it relies on logic the domain of the inner nature is inaccessible. The simple fact is a man does not challenge the wisdom of the Holy Mystery.”

–Turtleheart, TETON SIOUX

Why is it we need to analyze and understand everything? The Great Mystery has designed certain areas of creation to be a mystery because humans usually misuse it. We use the Great Mystery and see it unfold only under the direction of the Great Spirit. The Creator is in charge.

Great Spirit, let me realize You are in charge. I’m to do what You want.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Ongoing ideas might be flooding your mind throughout the day. You could feel pulled in a million different directions, and because of this, you don’t know what to pursue. It’s a good idea to sit down with all your ideas and try to sort through them, possibly by making a list or writing in a journal, and then brainstorming how you can bring them to life or work them into a project you already have going on. Don’t stifle your imagination!