Daily Recovery Readings
February 17, 2024

Daily Reflection

THE LOVE IN THEIR EYES

Some of us won’t believe in God, others can’t, and still others who do believe that God exists have no faith whatever He will perform this miracle.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 25

It was the changes I saw in the new people who came into the Fellowship that helped me lose my fear, and change my negative attitude to a positive one. I could see the love in their eyes and I was impressed by how much their “One Day at a Time” sobriety meant to them. They had looked squarely at Step Two and came to believe that a power greater than themselves was restoring them to sanity. That gave me faith in the Fellowship, and hope that it could work for me too. I found that God was a loving God, not that punishing God I feared before coming to A.A. I also found that He had been with me during all those times I had been in trouble before I came to A.A. I know today that He was the one who led me to A.A. and that I am a miracle.

Big Book Quote

“My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, ‘Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?’

That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.

It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning.
I saw that growth could start from that point.“

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 12~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Alcohol is poison to the alcoholic. Poison is not too strong a word, because alcoholism leads eventually to the death of the alcoholic. It may be a quick death or a slow death. When we go by package stores and see various kinds of liquor all dressed up in fancy packages to make it look attractive, we should always make it a point to say to ourselves so we’ll never forget it: “That stuff’s all poison to me.” And it is. Alcohol poisoned our lives for a long time. Do I know that since I’m an alcoholic all liquor is poison to me?

Meditation for the Day

I must somehow find the means of coming nearer to God. That is what really matters. I must somehow seek the true bread of life, which is communion with Him. I must grasp for the truth at the center of all worship. This central truth is all that matters. All forms of worship have this communion with God as their purpose and goal.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may meet God in quiet communion. I pray that I may partake of the soul food that God has provided for me.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Acceptance

Our basic recovery concept that never loses its power to work miracles is the concept called acceptance.

We do not achieve acceptance in a moment. We often have to work through a mirage of feelings – sometimes anger, outrage, shame, self-pity, or sadness. But if acceptance is our goal, we will achieve it.

What is more freeing than to laugh at our weaknesses and to be grateful for our strengths? To know the entire package called “us” – with all our feelings, thoughts, tendencies, and history – is worthy of acceptance and brings healing feelings.

To accept our circumstances is another miraculous cure. For anything to change or anyone to change, we must first accept others, the circumstance, and ourselves exactly as they are. Then, we need to take it one step further. We need to become grateful for our circumstances or ourselves. We add a touch of faith by saying, “I know this is exactly the way it’s supposed to be for the moment.”

No matter how complicated we get, the basics never lose their power to restore us to sanity.

Today, God, help me practice the concept of acceptance in my life. Help me accept others, my circumstances, and myself. Take me one step further, and help me feel grateful.

Touchstone

It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more “manhood” to abide by thought out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.

—Alex Karras

In our culture, being a man often means being tough, having sexual prowess, and not showing feelings. We realize in this life of recovery that those are silly and immature myths, even though we see them repeatedly on TV, on billboards, and in newspapers.

When we are told these things repeatedly, it makes an impact on us. So we need to hear from each other that this is not the way we wish to live. We don’t admire these attitudes, and we don’t believe the stories. Truly courageous men know themselves. They have been around enough to have depth to their souls, to let themselves love, and to feel the pain of life.

Today, I am grateful to know and share my feelings and to have genuine relationships with those I love.

Elder’s Meditation

“Silence and self-control permeate the entirety of our lives.”

–Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

The Creator gave us all the Red Road and on this Red Road we are required to think and act in a spiritual way. To make sure I conduct myself according to the Red Road, I must make sure I develop my self discipline. Self control works best when we pray for the courage and power to do the will of the Great Spirit. We are here on the earth to do the will of the Great Spirit. Sometimes, we must battle ourselves to do this.

Great Spirit, help me to have my self- control guided by spiritual ways.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

An enticing financial opportunity could appear before you at any moment. As lavish Venus and powerful Pluto meet in your 8th House of Big Money, investing your resources might seem like a way to rapidly increase them. Unfortunately, anything that sounds too good to be true probably is. Your intuition may struggle to tell the difference between what’s worth pursuing and your understandable desire for a windfall. If you’re at all unsure, look closely at any rules that govern the offer you’re considering.

Daily Recovery Readings
February 16, 2024

Daily Reflection

COMMITMENT

Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125

There came a time in my program of recovery when the third stanza of the Serenity Prayer — “The wisdom to know the difference” — became indelibly imprinted in my mind. From that time on, I had to face the ever-present knowledge that my every action, word and thought was within, or outside, the principles of the program. I could no longer hide behind self-rationalization, nor behind the insanity of my disease. The only course open to me, if I was to attain a joyous life for myself (and subsequently for those I love), was one in which I imposed on myself an effort of commitment, discipline, and responsibility.

Big Book Quote

“Since the home has suffered more than anything else, it is well that a man exert himself there. He is not likely to get far in any direction if he fails to show unselfishness and love under his own roof. We know there are difficult wives and families, but the man who is getting over alcoholism must remember he did much to make them so.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 127~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

A.A. Thought For The Day

One drink started a train of thought that became an obsession, and from then on, we couldn’t stop drinking. We developed a mental compulsion to keep drinking until we got good and drunk. People generally make two mistakes about alcoholism. One mistake is that it can be cured by physical treatment only. The other mistake is that it can be cured by willpower only. Most alcoholics have tried both of these and have found that they don’t work. But we members of A.A. have found a way to arrest alcoholism. Have I got over my obsession by following the A.A. program?

Meditation For The Day

I will try to be unruffled, no matter what happens. I will keep my emotions in check, although others about me are letting theirs go. I will keep calm in the face of disturbance, keep that deep, inner calm through all the experiences of the day. In the rush of work and worry, the deep, inner silence is necessary to keep me on an even keel. I must learn to take the calm with me into the most hurried days.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may be still and commune with God. I pray that I may learn patience, humility, and peace.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Detachment

The concept of letting go can be confusing to many of us. When are we doing too much or trying too hard to control people and outcomes? When are we doing too little? When is what we’re doing an appropriate part of taking care of ourselves? What is our responsibility, and what isn’t?

These issues can challenge us whether we’ve been in recovery ten days or ten years. Sometimes, we may let go so much that we neglect responsibility to others or ourselves. Other times, we may cross the line from taking care of ourselves to controlling others and outcomes.

There is no rulebook. But we don’t have to make ourselves crazy; we don’t have to be so afraid. We don’t have to do recovery perfectly. If it feels like we need to do a particular action, we can do it. If no action feels timely or inspired, don’t act on it.

Having and setting healthy limits – healthy boundaries – isn’t a tidy process. We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.

We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves. If there’s something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent. Lessons don’t go away. If we’re not taking care of ourselves enough, well see that. If we are being too controlling, we’ll grow to understand that too. Things will work out. The way will become dear.

Today, I will take actions that appear appropriate. I will let go of the rest. I will strive for the balance between self-responsibility, responsibility to others, and letting go.

Touchstone

Hatred is never anything but fear – if you feared no one, you would hate no one.

–Hugh Downs

On those occasions when we find the bigger man within, we are more generous in spirit toward others. But sometimes we think too much about what is wrong with others and how they ought to change. That is a form of hate. If we are searching for what we have power to change in our families, in our friendships, in the world, we can learn to be big enough to set aside our fears.

Do we bear ill will toward someone today? When we are honest with ourselves, do we feel a sense of fear in relation to this person? What are we really afraid of? Perhaps the same person fears us. When we can do something about our fear, the hatred melts with no further effort. Then we are in touch with the bigger man within.

I have the inner, strength to face my fears today. I will not send them outward as hatred.

Elder’s Meditation

“Because woman lives so close to our first mother, the Earth, she emanates the strength and harmonious nature of all things.”

— Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

At an Elders gathering, held in July 1991, we were told the Indian woman would play an instrumental part in leading the healing of Indian nations. The old people said we were to look up to her in a sacred manner. They said the Earth Mother would give the woman special gifts of love. The woman and the Earth Mother are connected in a special way. Women should pay attention to the lessons coming from the earth. Men should treat the women with respect, dignity and honor.

Grandfather, Grandmother, give the Indian woman Your strength to heal our earth.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Figuring out a comfortable way to share with others can currently be rewarding. While abundant Venus inhabits your 8th House of Joint Resources starting today, your positive attitude may be the most significant ingredient in your eventual success. When you approach the situation with the mindset that there’s enough to go around, you’re better able to ensure that happens. If you come up with a truly good idea, it can help everyone succeed — your peers might want to utilize your strategy!

Daily Recovery Readings
February 15, 2024

Daily Reflection

TAKING ACTION

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p, 84

One of the most important things A.A. has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take “right action.” It says the promises will always materialize if I work for them. Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won’t work. I’ll remain a miserable, rationalizing dry drunk. By taking action and working the Twelve Steps in all my affairs, I’ll have a life beyond my wildest dreams.

Big Book Quote

“There is action and more action. ‘Faith without works is dead.'”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 88~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

If alcoholism were just a physical allergy, like asthma or hay fever, it would be easy for us, by taking a skin test with alcohol, to find out whether or not we’re alcoholics. But alcoholism is not just a physical allergy. It’s also a mental allergy or obsession. After we’ve become alcoholics, we can still tolerate alcohol physically for quite a while, although we suffer a little more after each binge and each time it takes a little longer to get over the hangovers. Do I realize that since I have become an alcoholic, I cannot tolerate alcohol mentally at all?

Meditation for the Day

The world doesn’t need super men or women, but supernatural people. People who will turn the self out of their lives and let Divine Power work through them. Let inspiration take the place of aspiration. Seek to grow spiritually, rather than to acquire fame and riches. Our chief ambition should be to be used by God. The Divine Force is sufficient for all the spiritual work in the world. God only needs the instruments for His use. His instruments can remake the world.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be an instrument of the Divine Power. I pray that I may do my share in remaking the world.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Control

Sometimes, the gray days scare us. Those are the days when the old feelings come rushing back. We may feel needy, scared, ashamed, and unable to care for ourselves.

When this happens, it’s hard to trust ourselves, others, the goodness of life, and the good intentions of our Higher Power. Problems seem overwhelming. The past seems senseless; the future, bleak. We feel certain the things we want in life will never happen.

In those moments, we may become convinced that things and people outside of ourselves hold the key to our happiness. That’s when we may try to control people and situations to mask our pain. When these “codependent crazies” strike, others often begin to react negatively to our controlling.

When we’re in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this: Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves. Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.

People and things don’t stop our pain or heal us. In recovery, we learn that this is our job, and we can do it by using our resources: our Higher Power, our support systems, our recovery program, and ourselves.

Often, after we’ve become peaceful, trusting, and accepting, what we want comes to us – with ease and naturalness.

The sun begins to shine again. Isn’t it funny, and isn’t it true, how all change really does begin with us?

I can let go of things and people and my need to control today. I can deal with my feelings. I can get peaceful. I can get calm. I can get back on track and find the true key to happiness – myself. I will remember that a gray day is just that – one gray day.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

If I truly showed my feelings, the other guys would eat me alive. It’s too dog-eat-dog out there to be honest about the things that really count to you. You can’t leave yourself wide open like that.

—Michael E. McGill

As we deepen our commitment to strong and mature manhood, we see a conflict between this program and much of what we learned as young men. When we drop our defenses and are honest, we take the chance of getting hurt. Many of us learned long ago that when we became vulnerable, others became abusive. It is difficult to abandon everything we learned about being nobody’s fool and staying safe.

In fact, we don’t have to leave ourselves wide open. We can be selective about how open we will be and whom we will trust. But for our spiritual growth to continue, we must be an open book to ourselves, to our Higher Power, and to a few friends. We must face the fear of being open to others in this program. Developing true friends is part of the change, which the program brings.

I pray for the courage to be honest with myself and to stand up for who I truly am with my friends.

Elder’s Meditation

“One of the essential characteristics we need to learn as men was to be gentle, and to be gentle means to be serene, to enter meditation or a prayerful state in the morning and evening.”

–Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

The most important talk we can do during any day, is to start the day with prayer and meditation. We need to ask the Creator to be in our lives. We ask Him to direct our thinking. We ask Him for the courage and the power to be gentle. In the morning quiet time, we make our request for guidance using our spiritual tools. We pray for the people and we pray for ourselves. In the evening we thank the Creator for the day, for the lessons and for the opportunity to be of service to others. Then we go to sleep.

Great Spirit, today, show me the power of being gentle.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Feeling weighed down by your present responsibilities is understandable. If you’re willing to let go of some control over how things get done, delegating a few duties to someone else should reduce your stress level. As the nurturing Moon joins helpful Jupiter in your 11th House of Community, asking your peers how they’ve handled similar situations can save you from common pitfalls. They might even be able to match you with the right assistant, so don’t hesitate to reach out!

Daily Recovery Readings
February 14, 2024

Daily Reflection

EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to do about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others?

Big Book Quote

“This painful past may be of infinite value to other families still struggling with their problem. We think each family which has been relieved owes something to those who have not, and when the occasion requires, each member of it should be only too willing to bring former mistakes, no matter how grievous, out of their hiding places. Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 124~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

After that first drink, we had a single-track mind. It was like a railroad train. The first drink started it off and it kept going on the single track until it got to the end of the line, drunkenness. We alcoholics knew this was the inevitable result when we took the first drink, but still we couldn’t keep away from liquor. Our willpower was gone. We had become helpless and hopeless before the power of alcohol. It’s not the second drink or the tenth drink that does the damage. It’s the first drink. Will I ever take that first drink again?

Meditation for the Day

I must keep a time apart with God every day. Gradually I will be transformed mentally and spiritually. It is not the praying so much as just being in God’s presence. The strengthening and curative powers of this I cannot understand because such knowledge is beyond human understanding, but I can experience them. The poor, sick world would be cured if every day each soul waited before God for the inspiration to live aright. My greatest spiritual growth occurs in this time apart with God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may faithfully keep a quiet time apart with God. I pray that I may grow spiritually each day.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Valentine’s Day

For children, Valentine’s Day means candy hearts, silly cards, and excitement in the air.

How different Valentine’s Day can be for us as adults. The Love Day can be a symbol that we have not yet gotten love to work for us as we would like.

Or it can be a symbol of something different, something better. We are in recovery now. We have begun the healing process. Our most painful relationships, we have learned, have assisted us on the journey to healing, even if they did little more than point out our own issues or show us what we don’t want in our life.

We have started the journey of learning to love ourselves. We have started the process of opening our heart to love, real love that flows from us, to others, and back again. Do something loving for yourself. Do something loving and fun for your friends, for your children, or for anyone you choose.

It is the Love Day. Wherever we are in our healing process, we can have as much fun with it as we choose. Whatever our circumstances, we can be grateful that our heart is opening to love.

I will open myself to the love available to me from people, the Universe, and my Higher Power today. I will allow myself to give and receive the love I want today. I am grateful that my heart is healing, that I am learning to love.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

The less able I am to believe in our epoch and the more arid and depraved mankind seems in my eyes, the less I look to revolution as the remedy and the more I believe in the magic of love.

—Hermann Hesse

Men have been more likely to look outward than inward for solutions to problems. Yet this program is changing us from within. As we come to terms with ourselves, as we learn to be in relationships with friends and family, the same picture that looked so dismal in past years may look full of possibilities and even rich in the present. The love we feel toward others and the love we receive change our perceptions.

We need not expect all relationships to be alike. One friend may be wonderful as a recreational buddy, but perhaps we wouldn’t talk about everything in our life with him. Another friend is comfortable and we can be ourselves with him, although he may not challenge us to grow or change. No friendship, no spouse, no one person can be enough in our life. But as a group they sustain and enrich us. We need the love and contact with them all.

I am thankful for love, which gives meaning and hope to life.

Elder’s Meditation

“Sometimes, life is very simple, but it is we two-leggeds, we who are thought to be smart that make it complicated.”

–Larry P. Aitkin, CHIPPEWA

Sometimes it may take years for us to find out what we are really after – it is to be happy. The Elders say, lead a simple life. This doesn’t necessarily mean poor, it means simple. There are some things that makes life complicated such as needing control, needing power or being resentful or angry. These things make complications happen. We need to walk in balance in every area of our lives.

Great Spirit, let me lead a simple life.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Deciding how much personal information to share with your friends will potentially be difficult today. While candid Mercury in your intimacy zone stumbles over exaggerated Jupiter in your social 11th house, you may see the good in opening up and, simultaneously, the risk of things snowballing way out of hand. Turning to some formal code of ethics or etiquette could seem pedantic, but it might give you useful guidance. You’re probably not the only person who has ever struggled with this problem!

Daily Recovery Readings
February 13, 2024

Daily Reflection

WE CAN’T THINK OUR WAY SOBER

To the intellectually self-sufficient man or woman, many A.A.’s can say, “Yes, we were like you — far too smart for our own good. . . . Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brain power alone.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 60

Even the most brilliant mind is no defense against the disease of alcoholism. I can’t think my way sober. I try to remember that intelligence is a Godgiven attribute that I may use, a joy—like having a talent for dancing or drawing or carpentry. It does not make me better than anyone else, and it is not a particularly reliable tool for recovery, for it is a power greater than myself who will restore me to sanity—not a high IQ or a college degree.

Big Book Quote

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—, that principle is contempt prior to investigation.'”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Appendice II, Spiritual Experience, pg. 568~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Sometimes we can’t help thinking: Why can’t we ever drink again? We know it’s because we’re alcoholics, but why did we have to get that way? The answer is that at some time in our drinking careers, we passed what is called our “tolerance point.” When we passed this point, we passed from a condition in which we could tolerate alcohol to a condition in which we could not tolerate it at all. After that, if we took one drink, we would sooner or later end up drunk. When I think of liquor now, do I think of it as something that I can never tolerate again?

Meditation for the Day

In a race, it is when the goal is in sight that heart and nerves and muscles and courage are strained almost to the breaking point. So with us, the goal of the spiritual life is in sight. All we need is the final effort. The saddest records are made by people who ran well, with brave, stout hearts, until the sight of the goal and then some weakness or self-indulgence held them back. They never knew how near the goal they were or how near they were to victory.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may press on until the goal is reached. I pray that I may not give up in the final stretch.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Trusting Ourselves

What a great gift we’ve been given – ourselves. To listen to ourselves, to trust instinct and intuition, is to pay tribute to that gift.

What a disservice not to heed the leadings and leanings that so naturally arise from within. When will we learn that these leadings and leanings draw us into God’s rich plan for us?

We will learn. We will learn by listening, trusting, and following through. What is it time to do?… What do I need to do to take care of myself?… What am I being led to do?… What do I know?

Listen, and we will know. Listen to the voice within.

Today, I will listen and trust. I will be helped to take action when that is needed. I can trust God and myself.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

It is a cheap generosity, which promises the future in compensation for the present.

—J. A. Spender

Living in this moment is all we really have. We are constantly bombarded with advice to live for the future, but it perpetually exists beyond our grasp like the carrot tempting the donkey. We are told to be mindful of our career paths, to save for the future, and to sacrifice now for later rewards. We put off spending time with our children, but later they are no longer the same children. We postpone seeing friends now and discover later that we have lost our relationships.

Of course, we can’t be foolish about our future. We need to make some plans and delay some immediate pleasures. But for now, we can only have a rapport with others and ourselves and experience life in this moment. The present is the only time when anything can happen, any change can occur. This moment is like a fresh, cool breeze. The rest exists only in our imaginations or memories.

May I feel the exhilaration of being alive in this moment and maintain a balance in my perspective today.

Elder’s Meditation

“I wanted to feel, smell, hear and see, but not see with my eyes and my mind only. I wanted to see with CANTE ISTA – the eye of the heart.”

–Lame Deer, LAKOTA

Why is it that some people seem to have peace of mind every day? How do some people remain so darn positive? How do you stay positive if you work or live in a negative environment? How is it that two people can observe the same difficult situation, but one person is upset about it, and other isn’t? Two people experiencing the same situation react entirely different. If each morning we ask the Creator to allow us to see with His understanding and with His love, we will open a new way of “seeing”. This eye of the heart is a free gift given to us if we ask for it in prayer each day.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Asserting yourself may presently provoke a disapproving response from an authority figure. While individualistic Mars charges into your 8th House of Boundaries, you’re probably looking to increase the amount of freedom in your life. However, it’s not likely to just be handed to you. Undergoing a guilt trip could suck the joy out of your efforts. No matter how good your intentions are, you can’t always make everyone happy in the moment. If you maintain a positive attitude, though, perhaps they’ll come around later.

Daily Recovery Readings
February 12, 2024

Daily Reflection

“THE ROOT OF OUR TROUBLES”

Selfishness — self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62

How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life.

Big Book Quote

“We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

As we look back on all those troubles we used to have when we were drinking, the hospitals, the jails, we wonder how we could have wanted that kind of a life. As we look back on it now, we see our drinking life as it really was and we’re glad we’re out of it. So after a few months in A.A., we find that we can honestly say that we want something else more than drinking. We’ve learned by experience that a sober life is really enjoyable and we wouldn’t go back to the old drunken way of living for anything in the world. Do I want to keep sober a lot more than I want to get drunk?

Meditation for the Day

My spiritual life depends on an inner consciousness of God. I must be led in all things by my consciousness of God and I must trust Him in all things. My consciousness of God will always bring peace to me. I will have no fear, because a good future lies before me as long as I keep my consciousness of God. If in every single happening, event, and plan I am conscious of God, then no matter what happens, I will be safe in God’s hands.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may always have this consciousness of God. I pray for a new and better life through this God consciousness.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Letting Go of Those Not in Recovery

We can go forward with our life and recoveries, even though someone we love is not yet recovering.

Picture a bridge. On one side of the bridge it is cold and dark. We stood there with others in the cold and darkness, doubled over in pain. Some of us developed an eating disorder to cope with the pain. Some drank; some used other drugs. Some of us lost control of our sexual behavior. Some of us obsessively focused on addicted people’s pain to distract us from our own pain. Many of us did both: we developed an addictive behavior, and distracted ourselves by focusing on other addicted people. We did not know there was a bridge. We thought we were trapped on a cliff.

Then, some of us got lucky. Our eyes opened, by the Grace of God, because it was time. We saw the bridge. People told us what was on the other side: warmth, light, and healing from our pain. We could barely glimpse or imagine this, but we decided to start the trek across the bridge anyway.

We tried to convince the people around us on the cliff that there was a bridge to a better place, but they wouldn’t listen. They couldn’t see it; they couldn’t believe. They were not ready for the journey. We decided to go alone, because we believed, and because people on the other side were cheering us onward. The closer we got to the other side, the more we could see, and feel, that what we had been promised was real. There was light, warmth, healing, and love. The other side was a better place.

But now, there is a bridge between those on the other side and us. Sometimes, we may be tempted to go back and drag them over with us, but it cannot be done. No one can be dragged or forced across this bridge. Each person must go at his or her own choice, when the time is right. Some will come; some will stay on the other side. The choice is not ours.

We can love them. We can wave to them. We can holler back and forth. We can cheer them on, as others have cheered and encouraged us. But we cannot make them come over with us.

If our time has come to cross the bridge, or if we have already crossed and are standing in the light and warmth, we do not have to feel guilty. It is where we are meant to be. We do not have to go back to the dark cliff because another’s time has not yet come.

The best thing we can do is stay in the light, because it reassures others that there is a better place. And if others ever do decide to cross the bridge, we will be there to cheer them on.

Today, I will move forward with my life, despite what others are doing or not doing. I will know it is my right to cross the bridge to a better life, even if I must leave others behind to do that. I will not feel guilty. I will not feel ashamed. I know that where I am now is a better place and where I’m meant to be.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to the light I have.

—Abraham Lincoln

With too much focus on control, we men have been preoccupied by our overemphasis on outcomes. We say winning is everything, and the way we play the game doesn’t matter. We give honor to a man who has accumulated great wealth, regardless of how he has lived. We develop sexual problems because we focus on performance and achieving orgasm rather than on the joy of loving.

As our integrity grows, our emphasis changes. It is not crucial that we always be right, only that we be honest. We do not have to be winners or high achievers so much as we have to be real human beings. Conquest is not as important as connection. We do not always have to compare ourselves and be better than the next guy. We can exchange and appreciate the communication.

Today, I will grow in my relationships with others by being more true to myself and less driven toward a particular outcome.

Elder’s Meditation

“.the spirit still has something for us to discover – an herb, a sprig, a flower – a very small flower, maybe you can spend a long time in its contemplation, thinking about it.”

–Lame Deer, LAKOTA

The world today is about hurry up! Get there faster! Work harder, produce more, hurry up, eat quickly, be on time, don’t get stressed- headaches, conflict, drink to calm down, go to training on stress management, time management – STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! Go spend 5 minutes with a flower or a plant. Look at it – think about it – look at its beauty, smell it, close your eyes and smell it again. Touch it; touch with your eyes closed. Listen to it; listen to it with your eyed closed. Slow your mind down. Think about the little things. Now close your eyes and pray.

Great Spirit, this feeling of calmness that I have, let me have it all day long.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Someone else’s tale of a dramatic spiritual experience could currently get you excited. You might also be a little jealous if you haven’t had anything similar happen yourself. Of course, part of the nature of these events is that you can’t force them to occur on command. Still, you’ll potentially increase your chances by making a commitment to steer your own ship. The transformative encounter you seek has a higher chance of happening when you’re not relying too heavily on the guidance of others.

Daily Recovery Readings
February 11, 2024

Daily Reflection

THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE

We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 68

All of my character defects separate me from God’s will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance. I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of serenity and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to acknowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him.

Big Book Quote

“Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 162

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

If we’re going to stay sober, we’ve got to learn to want something else more than we want to drink. When we first came into A.A., we couldn’t imagine wanting any thing else so much or more than drinking. So we had to stop drinking on faith, on faith that some day we really would want some thing else more than drinking. But after we’ve been in A.A. for a while, we learn that a sober life can really be enjoyed. We learn how nice it is to get along well with our family, how nice it is to do our work well whether at home or outside how nice it is to try to help others. Have I found that when I keep sober, everything goes well for me?

Meditation for the Day

There is almost no work in life so hard as waiting. And yet God wants me to wait. All motion is easier than calm waiting, and yet I must wait until God shows me His will. So many people have marred their work and hindered the growth of their spiritual lives by too much activity. If I wait patiently, preparing myself always, I will be some day at the place where I would be. And much toil and activity could not have accomplished the journey so soon.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may wait patiently. I pray that I may trust God and keep preparing myself for a better life.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Divinely Led

Send me the right thought, word, or action. Show me what my next step should be. In times of doubt and indecision please send your inspiration and guidance.

—Alcoholics Anonymous

The good news of surrendering ourselves and our life to a Power greater than ourselves is that we come into harmony with a Grand Plan, one greater than we can imagine.

We are promised Divine Guidance if we ask for it if we work the Twelve Steps. What greater gift could we receive than knowing our thoughts, words, and actions are being directed?

We aren’t a mistake. And we don’t have to control or repress others or ourselves for life to work out. Even the strange, the unplanned, the painful, and those things we call errors can evolve into harmony.

We will be guided into understanding what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We will begin to trust our instincts, our feelings, and our thoughts. We will know when to go, to stop, and to wait. We will learn a great truth: the plan will happen in spite of us not because of us.

I pray today and each day that my thoughts, words, and actions may be Divinely led. I pray that I can move forward in confidence, knowing my steps are guided.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Too much agreement kills a chat.

—Eldridge Cleaver

Many of us haven’t learned there is room for disagreement in a relationship. Some men who grew up in addicted families saw a lot of pain, anger, and quarreling. Many learned to be always pleasing and agreeable, no matter how they felt. Others took it as a personal insult when someone disagreed with them.

We choke the vitality and excitement in our love relationships if we are too intent on avoiding conflict. Nothing can be resolved if we smooth everything over. Differences between people don’t just go away. If we don’t bring them out, they fester and create silent tension or boredom. If we willingly express our thoughts and feelings, we can learn how to resolve our disagreements and to appreciate each other for our differences as well as our similarities. If two people in a relationship were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.

Today, I will try to be more open about my differences with people, not as a way of fighting, but as a way of letting them know me better.

Elder’s Meditation

“Oh God! Like the Thunderbird of old I shall rise again out of the sea; I shall grab the instruments of the white man’s success – his education, his skills, and with these new tools I shall build my race into the proudest segment of your society.”

–Chief Dan George, SALISH

One thing the Indian people do well is adapt. This is why we survive. We must learn to keep our culture, but also to learn the good things that other races have to offer. Education is the future weapon of Native people. We must learn the legal system, health, science and engineering. Indian people have great contributions to make to the world. We need to educate ourselves so we can better protect the land and our children. Otherwise, we will lose the things and the land that we have.

Great Spirit, make me teachable today.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Leaning into your intellectual interests could help you build fulfilling relationships at this time. As the curious Moon in your philosophical 9th house complements innovative Uranus in your social sector, joining a club or study group is a good way to stimulate your brain. If the discussion wanders off-topic, that’s probably not a cause for concern! Connecting with your companions on a casual level may turn out to be the best part of coming together — keep your heart open as well as your mind.

Daily Recovery Readings
February 10, 2024

Daily Reflection

I DON’T RUN THE SHOW

When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 53

Today my choice is God. He is everything. For this I am truly grateful. When I think I am running the show I am blocking God from my life. I pray I can remember this when I allow myself to get caught up into self. The most important thing is that today I am willing to grow along spiritual lines, and that God is everything. When I was trying to quit drinking on my own, it never worked; with God and A.A., it is working. This seems to be a simple thought for a complicated alcoholic.

Big Book Quote

“What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 87~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Since I realized that I had become an alcoholic and could never have any more fun with liquor and since I knew that from then on liquor would always get me into trouble, common sense told me that the only thing left for me was a life of sobriety. But I learned another thing in A.A., the most important thing anyone can ever learn: that I could call on a Higher Power to help me keep away from liquor; that I could work with that Divine Principle in the universe; and that God would help me to live a sober, useful, happy life. So now I no longer care about the fact that I can never have any more fun with drinking. Have I learned that I am much happier without it?

Meditation for the Day

Like a tree, I must be pruned of a lot of dead branches before I will be ready to bear good fruit. Think of changed people as trees that have been stripped of their old branches, pruned, cut, and bare. But through the dark, seemingly dead branches flows silently, secretly, the new sap, until with the sun of spring comes new life. There are new leaves, buds, blossoms, and fruit, many times better because of the pruning. I am in the hands of a Master Gardener, who makes no mistakes in His pruning.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may cut away the dead branches of my life. I pray that I may not mind the pruning, since it helps me to bear good fruit later.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Letting Go of Sadness

A block to joy and love can be unresolved sadness from the past.

In the past, we told ourselves many things to deny the pain: It doesn’t hurt that much…. Maybe if I just wait, things will change…. It’s no big deal. I can get through this…. Maybe if I try to change the other person, I won’t have to change myself.

We denied that it hurt because we didn’t want to feel the pain.

Unfinished business doesn’t go away. It keeps repeating itself, until it gets our attention, until we feel it, deal with it, and heal. That’s one lesson we are learning in recovery from codependency and adult children issues.

Many of us didn’t have the tools, support, or safety we needed to acknowledge and accept pain in our past. It’s okay. We’re safe now. Slowly, carefully, we can begin to open ourselves up to our feelings. We can begin the process of feeling what we have denied so long – not to blame, not to shame, but to heal ourselves in preparation for a better life.

It’s okay to cry when we need to cry and feel the sadness many of us have stored within for so long. We can feel and release these feelings.

Grief is a cleansing process. It’s an acceptance process. It moves us from our past, into today, and into a better future – a future free of sabotaging behaviors, a future that holds more options than our past.

God, as I move through this day, let me be open to my feelings Today, help me know that I don’t have to either force or repress the healing available to me in recovery. Help me trust that if I am open and available, the healing will happen naturally, in a manageable way.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.

—Shunryu Suzuki

As we travel the path of recovery, we are sometimes overwhelmed by a feeling of how much we lack. It rises within us as a feeling of inadequacy, emptiness, or loneliness. We are in pain because we feel like such beginners. Now we need to discard our competitive thinking, our drive to be on top, and accept another, wiser, way of seeing. The big difference is in being on the path of recovery rather than lost on some diversion, as we have been in the past. It is not important how far along we are or who is ahead of whom. The important thing is that we are on the path and experiencing the process.

In recovery, wisdom comes with staying a beginner. Then we remain open to further learning. In some sense this program and our mutual powerlessness are the great levelers. Once on the path, we are all equals.

Today, I will appreciate my vulnerability. It keeps me spiritually alive and growing.

Elder’s Meditation

“The ground on which we stand is sacred ground. It is the dust and blood of our ancestors.”

–Plenty Coups, CROW

Mother Earth is the source of life and the place all life returns to. She gives us life. She feeds us through our journey and she waits for us to return to her. The Indian way is to recognize the earth as the place of our ancestors. That is why certain places on earth are considered sacred areas and sacred land; this is the place of our ancestors. We all need to reflect upon the earth, the place where our ancestors lived. We need to have love and respect for the earth.

My Creator, let me honor the place of our ancestors, Mother Earth.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Deciding how much personal information to share with your friends will potentially be difficult today. While candid Mercury in your intimacy zone stumbles over exaggerated Jupiter in your social 11th house, you may see the good in opening up and, simultaneously, the risk of things snowballing way out of hand. Turning to some formal code of ethics or etiquette could seem pedantic, but it might give you useful guidance. You’re probably not the only person who has ever struggled with this problem!

Daily Recovery Readings
February 9, 2024

Daily Reflection

GETTING THE “SPIRITUAL ANGLE”

How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, “But I haven’t yet got the spiritual angle.” Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in him—not only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it. It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift; “. . . except that he doesn’t seem to know it yet!” We well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God.

— THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275

A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking.

Big Book Quote

“We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders. When we see a man sinking into the mire that is alcoholism, we give him first aid and place what we have at his disposal.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 132

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

A.A. Thought For The Day

In the past, we kept right on drinking in spite of all the trouble we got into. We were foolish enough to believe that drinking could still be fun in spite of everything that happened to us. When we came into A.A., we found a lot of people who, like ourselves, had had fun with drinking, but who now admitted that liquor had become nothing but trouble for them. And when we found that this thing had happened to a lot of other people besides ourselves, we realized that perhaps we weren’t such odd ducks after all. Have I learned to admit that for me drinking has ceased to be fun and has become nothing but trouble?

Meditation For The Day

The lifeline, the line of rescue, is the line from the soul to God. On one end of the lifeline is our faith and on the other end is God’s power. It can be a strong line and no soul can be overwhelmed who is linked to God by it. I will trust in this lifeline and never be afraid. God will save me from doing wrong and from the cares and troubles of life. I will look to God for help and trust Him for aid when I am emotionally upset.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that no lack of trust or fearfulness will make me disloyal to God. I pray that I may keep a strong hold on the lifeline of faith.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don’t love you – they are saying they don’t love themselves.

–Codependent No More

Gentle people, gentle souls, go in love.

Yes, at times we need to be firm, assertive: those times when we change, when we acquire a new behavior, when we need to convince others and ourselves we have rights.

Those times are not permanent. We may need to get angry to make a decision or set a boundary, but we can’t afford to stay resentful. It is difficult to have compassion for one who is victimizing us, but once we’ve removed ourselves as victims, we can find compassion.

Our path, our way, is a gentle one, walked in love – love for self, love for others. Set boundaries. Detach. Take care of ourselves. And as quickly as possible, do those things in love.

Today, and whenever possible. God let me be gentle with others and myself. Help me find the balance between assertive action taken in my own best interests, and love for others. Help me understand that at times those two ideas are one. Help me find the right path for me.

Today I have the courage to follow my own inner voice that I hear in prayer and meditation. Today I dare to be true to myself and my own needs, whether anyone agrees with me or not.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be either good or evil.

–Hannah Arendt

How often have we found ourselves in a predicament and innocently saying, “How did I get into this?” When someone has been injured by our actions because we failed to think about them, do we take the responsibility? If a friend is unfairly treated on the job, do we take a stand for him? When we know people are starving, what do we do about it? When our loved ones say they are lonely and wish we would talk to them, how do we respond?

In this program we have chosen to live by our values. We cannot sit passively and fail to live up to those values. Each situation is different, so we must think about what is called for. When we do not think about our reactions, we are in danger of adding to the evil in the world. When we act upon our principles, we feel more hopeful and wholesome.

Today, I will be alert to the difference between good and evil in my actions. I pray for the strength to take a stand.

Elder’s Meditation

“It can be 100 degrees in the shade one afternoon and suddenly there comes a storm with hailstones as big as golf balls, the prairie is all white and your teeth chatter. That’s good – a reminder that you are just a small particle of nature, not so powerful as you think.”

–Lame Deer, LAKOTA

No event, no relationship, no joy, no sadness, no situation ever stays the same. Every setback is only temporary. Even setbacks change. Why? Because the Great Spirit designed the world to be constantly changing. We are not the center of the universe, we are but a small part. The whole is constantly changing, and we as humans are constantly participating in the change. We have two choices, to resist change or participate in the change. Every change can be resisted, and every change can be made in cooperation. What will I choose today, resistance or cooperation?

Great Spirit, teach me to make cooperative changes.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Opening up to a friend you trust could currently heal old wounds about authority figures. While the invigorating New Moon strikes in your 8th House of Intimacy, a disclosure of this sort can genuinely change the dynamics of your friendship. Perhaps you’ve had a more casual connection up to this point, but this conversation makes it clear that you’re capable of going deeper. Don’t get attached to things staying the same as they’ve always been — be open to what naturally unfolds.

Daily Recovery Readings
February 8, 2024

Daily Reflection

CONVINCING “MR. HYDE”

Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That’s the place so many of us A.A. oldsters have come to. And it’s a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconscious—from which so many of our fears, compulsions, and phony aspirations still stream—be brought into line with what we actually believe, know, and want! How to convince our dumb, raging, and hidden “Mr. Hyde” becomes our main task.

— THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 237

Regular attendance at meetings, serving and helping others is the recipe that many have tried and found to be successful. Whenever I stray from these basic principles, my old habits resurface and my old self also comes back with all its fears and defects. The ultimate goal of each A.A. member is permanent sobriety, achieved One Day at a Time.

Big Book Quote

“Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. The expression on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating and electric atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that here was haven at last.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 160

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

When the morning sun comes up on a nice bright day and we jump out of bed, we’re thankful to God that we feel well and happy instead of sick and disgusted. Serenity and happiness have become much more important to us than the excitement of drinking, which lifts us up for a short while, but lets us way down in the end. Of course, all of us alcoholics had a lot of fun with drinking. We might as well admit it. We can look back on a lot of good times, before we became alcoholics. But the time comes for all of us alcoholics when drinking ceases to be fun and becomes trouble. Have I learned that drinking can never again be anything but trouble for me?

Meditation for the Day

I must rely on God. I must trust Him to the limit. I must depend on the Divine Power in all human relationships. I will wait and trust and hope, until God shows me the way. I will wait for guidance on each important decision. I will meet the test of waiting until a thing seems right before I do it. Every work for God must meet this test of time. The guidance will come, if I wait for it.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may meet the test of waiting for God’s guidance. I pray that I will not go off on my own.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Letting Go of Guilt

Feeling good about ourselves is a choice. So is feeling guilty. When guilt is legitimate, it acts as a warning light, signaling that we’re off course. Then its purpose is finished.

Wallowing in guilt allows others to control us. It makes us feel not good enough. It prevents us from setting boundaries and taking other healthy action to care for ourselves.

We may have learned to habitually feel guilty as an instinctive reaction to life. Now we know that we don’t have to feel guilty. Even if we’ve done something that violates a value, extended guilt does not solve the problem; it prolongs the problem. So make an amend. Change a behavior. Then let guilt go.

Today, God, help me to become entirely ready to let go of guilt. Please take it from me, and replace it with self-love.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

If the best man’s faults were written on his forehead, it would make him pull his hat over his eyes.

—Gaelic proverb

When we deal with our faults and imperfections, we are dealing with the basic issues of being a person. We can become bitter and cynical about the imperfections of others, or we can realize every person is incomplete but growing, just as we are. The way we look at the faults in others and the way we look at our own are closely tied together. In our spiritual journey, we must begin with the premise that no person ever achieves perfection.

Perfection apparently is not what this life is about at all, since perfection is nonexistent. We are lovable, and we can love in the process of living our lives. Since we are not perfect, we have to be accountable. We must have standards for our behavior and hold ourselves to those standards, admitting our mistakes and making repairs where we can.

I will try to acknowledge my mistakes and give up the idea of ever becoming perfect.

Elder’s Meditation

“No individual or group can block another individual’s path or change it against what fits his nature and his purpose. It might be done for a time, but in the end it won’t work out.”

–Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE

Every person is born for a purpose. We may know our purpose very early in our lives, or it may take us some time. Very often we need to experience many things before our purpose is clear to us. Sometimes we pick our goals to please others. Sometimes others pick our goals to make themselves happy. Often this makes us unhappy. We need to pray to the Creator and ask Him what our purpose is. When we live outside our purpose, our path is full of obstacles. When we live inside our purpose, our path is smooth. When we are aligned to our purpose, we are happy and content.

Great Spirit, whisper to me, in terms I can understand, what You would have me do and I will do it.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Conflict in a close relationship may leave you confused about your next moves. Should you dig deeper into your bond or come up for air? Both approaches are probably necessary to some extent. While the vibrant Sun in your intimacy zone conflicts with unpredictable Uranus in your social sector, you’ll have to be careful when you choose a confidant due to privacy issues. That said, the right outside perspective should give you effective strategies for unsnarling any situation with another companion.