DR – May 20, 2019

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
May 20, 2019

Daily Reflection

ONE DAY AT A TIME

“Above all, take it one day at a time.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 11

Why do I kid myself that I must stay away from a drink for only one day, when I know perfectly well I must never drink again as long as I live? I am not kidding myself because one day at a time is probably the only way I can reach the long-range objective of staying sober.

If I determine that I shall never drink again as long as I live, I set myself up. How can I be sure I won’t drink when I have no idea what the future may hold?

On a day-at-a-time basis, I am confident I can stay away from a drink for one day. So I set out with confidence. At the end of the day, I have the reward of achievement. Achievement feels good and that makes me want more!

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 73~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

If we get up in a meeting and tell some thing about ourselves in order to help the other person, we feel a whole lot better. It’s the old law of the more you give the more you get. Witnessing and confession are part of keeping sober. You never know when you may help somebody. Helping others is one of the best ways to stay sober your self. And the satisfaction you get out of helping a fellow human being is one of the finest experiences you can have. Am I helping others?

Meditation for the Day

Without God, no real victory is ever won. All the military victories of great conquerors have passed into history. The world might be better off without military conquerors. The real victories are won in the spiritual realm. “He that conquers himself is greater than he who conquers a city.” The real victories are victories over sin and temptation, leading to a victorious and abundant life. Therefore, keep a brave and trusting heart. Face all your difficulties in the spirit of conquest. Remember that where God is, there is the true victory.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that the forces of evil in my life will flee before God’s presence. I pray that with God I will win the real victory over myself.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Sadness

Ultimately, to grieve our losses means to surrender to our feelings.

So many of us have lost so much, have said so many good byes – have been through so many changes. We may want to hold back the tides of change, not because the change isn’t good, but because we have had so much change, so much loss.

Sometimes, when we are in the midst of pain and grief, we become shortsighted, like members of a tribe described in the movie Out of Africa.

“If you put them in prison,” one character said, describing this tribe, “they die.”

“Why?” asked another character.

“Because they can’t grasp the idea that they’ll be let out one day. They think it’s permanent, so they die.”

Many of us have so much grief to get through. Sometimes we begin to believe grief, or pain, is a permanent condition.

The pain will stop. Once felt and released, our feelings will bring us to a better place than where we started. Feeling our feelings, instead of denying or minimizing them, is how we heal from our past and move forward into a better future. Feeling our feelings is how we let go.

It may hurt for a moment, but peace and acceptance are on the other side. So is a new beginning.

God, help me fully embrace and finish my endings, so I may be ready for my new beginnings.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Truth is a demure lady, much too ladylike to knock you on the head and drag you to her cave. She is there, but the people must want her and seek her out.”

—William F. Buckley, Jr.

As we develop a deeper and more reliable friendship with ourselves, we have little hunches or inner blips of feeling that tell us private truths. Ancient scriptures called it “a still, small voice.” We usually sense this inner message somewhere in our body. Some men say it’s in the heart, others say in the gut, or ear, or on their shoulders. When we are too focused on what others think and feel and what the world says is truth, we don’t notice our inner voice; it doesn’t get much chance to develop. It never hits us over the head; it requires silence and respect to be heard.

As we follow the Steps, we learn to regularly visit the cave of this demure lady, Truth, and seek out her wisdom. The more we listen and the more we respect the truths we receive in our quietness, the more wisdom we are given.

I will listen to the personal wisdom whispered by that still, small voice within.

Elder’s Meditation

“…the sacred ceremonies given to us by the Creator are the Heart of our existence. These ceremonies are our first duty.”

–Traditional Circle of Elders. NORTHERN CHEYENNE

Hidden in the ceremonies are many truths, many principles, many guidelines for living � our access to the Unseen World, healing and visions. Because the Indian People didn’t have schools or books, the Great Spirit gave us Ceremonies. The ceremonies are handed down from generation to generation to learn their meaning. Today, many Indian People live in cities or urban areas where it’s hard to learn the ceremonies. We need to go to the Elders and learn the ceremonies so we can pass them on to our children.

Great Spirit, teach me the Secrets of the Ceremonies.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It’s easy to fall into the trap of biting off more than you can chew today. While you might in all sincerity believe you’re capable of beating your best score by double or triple digits now, it’s important to be conservative when making such estimates. It’s wise to be moderate and treat grand results as a happy surprise than to set expectations through the roof and land someplace in the attic. Big dreams and simple practicality make the most successful team.

DR – May 19, 2019

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
May 19, 2019

Daily Reflection

GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS

“And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 69

The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, “What do they want in return?” But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitudes changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be beautiful. When my life is full of a loving God of my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

3rd Step Prayer:

“God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 63~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Fellowship is a big part of staying sober. The doctors call it group therapy. We never go to an A.A. meeting without taking something out of it. Sometimes we don’t feel like going to a meeting and we think of excuses for not going. But we usually end up by going anyway. And we always get some lift out of every meeting. Meetings are part of keeping sober. And we get more out of a meeting if we try to contribute something to it. Am I contributing my share at meetings?

Meditation for the Day

“He brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock and established my goings.” The first part, “He brought me up out of a horrible pit,” means that by turning to God and putting my problems in His hands, I am able to overcome my sins and temptations. “He set my feet upon a rock” means that when I trust God in all things, I have true security. “He established my goings” means that if I honestly try to live the way God wants me to live, I will have God’s guidance in my daily living.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that my feet may be set upon a rock. I pray that I may rely on God to guide my comings and goings.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Solving Problems

“Shame is the first feeling that strikes me whenever I, or someone I love, has a problem,” said one recovering woman.”

Many of us were raised with the belief that having a problem is something to be ashamed of.

This belief can do many damaging things to us. It can stop us from identifying our problems; it can make us feel alienated and inferior when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. Shame can block us from solving a problem and finding the gift from the problem.

Problems are a part of life. So are solutions. People have problems, but we, and our self-esteem, are separate from our problems.

I’ve yet to meet a person who didn’t have problems to solve, but I’ve met many who felt shamed to talk about the problems they actually had solved!

We are more than our problems. Even if our problem is our own behavior, the problem is not who we are – it’s what we did.

It’s okay to have problems. It’s okay to talk about problems at appropriate times, and with safe people. It’s okay to solve problems.

And we’re okay, even when we have, or someone we love has, a problem. We don’t have to forfeit our personal power or our self-esteem. We have solved exactly the problems we’ve needed to solve to become who we are.

Today, I will let go of my shame about problems.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.”

—Doug Larson

We are men on a quest. We seek the serenity of being friendly toward the world and toward ourselves. The spiritual practices we follow are personal and quiet, not spectacular or dazzling. We have been part of the throng seeking stimulating highs. Some of us know the excitement and escape of saving others from their own troubles or drowning ourselves in activity and work. We may know the mellowness of a drug or food binge. Perhaps we know the heart-pounding intensity of shoplifting, gambling, or sexual pursuit.

The way of life suggested by this simple program changes us deeply if we fully surrender to it. This spiritual quest changes us slowly over time, and our reward is contentment. It produces a joy, a feeling of well-being, which is far richer than the momentary pleasures we sought in the past.

Today, I am grateful for a way of life, which leads me toward a contentment I can rely on.

Elder’s Meditation

“To be able to greet the sun with the sounds from all of Nature is a great blessing, and it helps us to remember Who is the real provider of all of our benefits.”

–Thomas Yellowtail, CROW

The Elders say we should pray to the East every morning. Just try it! Get up early in the morning, watch the sun and listen to the morning sounds, the birds, the winds; smell the air, feel the breeze and the warmth of the sun. Your mind will expand and you will experience oneness with the Great Spirit. You’ll realize who is really in charge. You’ll realize interconnectedness. You’ll realize how much the Creator loves you! Just try it!

Great Spirit, today, let me feel the Earth, the Father Sun and your presence.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Talk about the elephant in the room today. Be fearless as there are obvious benefits to setting things right. If there’s a mess to be cleaned up, you’re among the first to volunteer with a mop in your hand. It isn’t so much that you relish the work involved but the prospect of restored order holds big appeal. The truth is that physical untidiness may be less an issue than making sense of recent conversations or events. Thankfully, your positive attitude inspires others to roll up their sleeves and jump in. Sometimes the moment to act only comes once.

Making Hard Decisions

On By mikeykjrIn Codependency, Personal

Three weeks ago, a gentleman asked me to be his Sponsor. Three weeks, two weeks, I honestly don’t remember. It’s been a while but the point is I have to make a hard decision to let him go.

When I sponsor people in AA, I did as I was taught. First, like my old Sponsor, Joe, asked me, “If there is anything I ask you of this program right now are: honesty – with yourself, me and your Higher Power, when you come to believe in one; open-minded – take suggestions I and others offer you; and willing – trying new things in your life because you’re here because the old way didn’t work” From my own experience it is only with those three principles do I first tackle any problems or even just the days activities.

Second, as most people do in the AA program, try to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. From my experience, I didn’t know anything about how the AA program really worked. Listening to others, their stories and how they “practice these principles” in their lives even today as saved my life on many occasions. Meetings for me are an important part of my program because without them, I will drink.

Third, making and sticking to commitments. In my past, I would agree to do something but not do it. Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me to be responsible and accountable for myself. First, I made the commitment – not to drink “One Day at a Time”. Second, I went to meetings as suggested. Third, I make a coffee commitment so I learned to get to know others in the program so I had someone to help me and perhaps, I ended up helping someone else.

These three things, for me, are the cornerstone of my recovery. They, in addition to working with my Sponsor through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, have kept me sober. Therefore, this is what I pass down to those people I sponsor in AA.

Unfortunately, a person I sponsor is not following through with any of these suggestions. While I attempt not to take someone’s inventory, I don’t believe he is being honest – I can see it in his actions. Two, he’s not going to meetings. Three, he agreed to make coffee one night a week (Friday) and hasn’t done it in two weeks. I have to question his desire to stay sober.

What he has done is come over to chat when he is going through difficult times. Again, I’ve been honest, open-minded and willing to help him. On the other hand, I have a feeling of being a door mat. I was there in my early sobriety when my Sponsor finally said, “Mike, you have to work the program. I can’t help you get sober unless you help yourself.” I feel it is time for both him and I to part ways.

This is part of the program which is hard for me because of my codependency. I want to help him but I just don’t see that “desire”. I recognize I can’t get another person sober unless they have this “desire” and for now, it’s just not there. Thus, I have to do what I believe is best for both of us.

DR – May 18, 2019

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
May 18, 2019

Daily Reflection

FREEDOM TO BE ME

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.”

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83

My first true freedom is the freedom not to have to take a drink today. If I truly want it, I will work the Twelve Steps and the happiness of this freedom will come to me through the Steps – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Other freedoms will follow, and inventorying them is a new happiness. I had a new freedom today, the freedom to be me. I have the freedom to be the best me I have ever been.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 25~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

We’re in A.A. for two main reasons: to keep sober ourselves and to help others to keep sober. It’s a well-known fact that helping others is a big part of keeping sober yourself. It’s also been proved that it’s very hard to keep sober all by yourself. A lot of people have tried it and failed. They come to a few A.A. meetings and then stay sober alone for a few months, but usually they eventually get drunk. Do I know that I can’t stay sober successfully alone?

Meditation for the Day

Look by faith into that place beyond space or time where God dwells and whence you came and to which you shall eventually return. “Look unto Him and be saved.” To look beyond material things is within the power of everyone’s imagination. Faiths look saves you from despair. Faith’s look saves you from worry and care. Faith’s look brings a peace beyond all understanding. Faith’s look brings you all the strength you need. Faith’s look gives you a new and vital power and a wonderful peace and serenity.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may have faith’s look. I pray that by faith I may look beyond the now to eternal life.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Don’t stop living your life!

So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution. If a relationship isn’t working, if we face a difficult decision, if we’re feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold and torment ourselves with obsessive thoughts.

Abandoning our life or routines contributes to the problem and delays us from finding the solution.

Frequently, the solution comes when we let go enough to live our life, return to our routine, and stop obsessing about the problem.

Sometimes, even if we don’t feel like we have let go or can let go, we can act as if we have, and that will help bring about the letting go we desire.

You don’t have to give up your power to problems. You can take your focus off your problem and direct it to your life, trusting that doing so will bring you closer to a solution.

Today, I will go on living my life and tending to my routine. I will decide, as often as I need to, to stop obsessing about whatever is bothering me. If I don’t feel like letting go of a particular thing, I will act as if I have let go of it until my feelings match my behavior.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“One should learn to enjoy the neighbor’s garden, however small; the roses straggling over the fence, the scent of lilacs drifting across the road.”

—Henry Van Dyke

There are many gifts around us which we overlook when we’re busy dealing with our anxieties and obligations. We talk about burning out from our high-intensity lifestyles. We act as though nothing would get done if we didn’t do it ourselves. We get so engrossed in fighting with the frustrations of life that we fail to see the good things coming our way that took no effort on our part.

As we look around us this very moment, what good things do we find? Has a friend given a warm hello? Is the sun shining? The rain falling? Has the traffic flowed smoothly? We have no claim on these generous events, and we can’t say God smiles on us when we have them or He frowns when we don’t. We can say there are always generous forces coming our way, which comfort and heal us. We only need to take time to enjoy them.

Today, I will take some quiet moments to notice the good things coming my way. I will be grateful for them.

Elder’s Meditation

“…Grandmother the Earth. That power is here all the time. It is continuous, and nobody controls it.”

–Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

There are certain powers that the human being has no choice but to obey. We cannot negotiate or barter with this power. Our choice is either to conform or to live out of harmony. Whatever our choice, it will be the end result in our lives that we notice. So it is with the powers of the Earth which produce life. The Earth has the life force power. If anyone plants a seed, the seed will grow. The Earth treats everyone equally. The human cannot interfere, only obey. We should all show great respect for the Earth and Her powers.

Great Spirit, today, let me honor and respect the power of the Grandmother, the Earth.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Patience is a virtue, but only to a point. If you’re waiting for circumstances to shape shift into an ideal formation before setting off in the direction of your dream, you might want to flip the script. You can confidently rise to a challenge when you’re feeling emotionally safe and secure. You possess the power in your own hands to sculpt the shape of your future while the Scorpio Full Moon is accentuating your 5th House of Self-Expression. The actions you take to improve your own skills and bolster your self-esteem are what bring you closer to the success you crave. Change your thinking; change your life.

Movie: Conversations with God (2007)

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

As my roommate, Mr. N, emerges from whatever he is going through I recommended we watch Conversations with God. Originally I saw this during my first sobriety recommending it to others throughout the years. It has a very strong message, if one is willing to really listen.

Again, I am not a religious person, nor is this movie. It is truly spiritual in nature. From what I remembered it tells the story of a gentleman who falls on hard times, becomes an alcoholic and during his drinking spree begins to talk to a God of his understanding which helps him turn his life around. After watching it a second time, that scenario is not exactly true to my surprise.

There is no drinking involved, nor is the gentleman an alcoholic. Simply, he has experiences in his life where he becomes homeless and hopeless. Later on in his life he recognizes something helps guide him to a better life, if he is willing enough to listen.

It’s truly an inspiring story for anyone. Even Mr. N made a comment, though there was no drinking, he could relate to many parts of the movie. Perhaps, maybe, it will help him with whatever he is going through in his life. I know, for me, the message rings clear. Living a “God-conscious” life instead of “Self-conscious” life can change people, whether you are an alcoholic, addict or just another human being going through tough times.

“Chronicles the dramatic true journey of a struggling man turned homeless, who inadvertently becomes a spiritual messenger and bestselling author.”

Internet Movie Database (IMDb) – Conversations with God (2007)

DR – May 17, 2019

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
May 17, 2019

Daily Reflection

. . . AND FORGIVE

“Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive others – also myself.” — AS BILL SEES IT, p. 268

Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are just two currents in the same river, both hindered or shut off completely by the dam of resentment. Once that dam is lifted, both currents can flow. The Steps of A.A. allow me to see how resentment has built up and subsequently blocked off this flow in my life. The Steps provide a way by which my resentments may – by the grace of God as I understand Him – be lifted. It is as a result of this solution that I can find the necessary grace which enables me to forgive myself and others.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 83~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

A lot of well meaning people treat an alcoholic like the priest and the Levite. They pass by on the other side by scorning him and telling him what a low person he is, with no willpower. Whereas, he really has fallen for alcohol, in the same way as the man in the story fell among robbers. And the member of A.A. who is working with others is like the Good Samaritan. Am I moved with compassion? Do I take care of another alcoholic whenever I can?

Meditation for the Day

I must constantly live in preparation for something better to come. All of life is a preparation for some thing better. I must anticipate the morning to come. I must feel, in the night of sorrow, that understanding joy that tells of confident expectation of better things to come. “Sorrow may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Know that God has something better in store for you, as long as you are making yourself ready for it. All your existence in this world is a training for a better life to come.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that when life is over, I will return to an eternal, spaceless life with God. I pray that I may make this life a preparation for a better life to come.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Boundaries

Sometimes, life and people seem to push and push. Because we are so used to pain, we may tell ourselves it doesn’t hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves there is something wrong with us.

There’s nothing wrong with us. Life is pushing and hurting to get our attention. Sometimes, the pain and pushing are pointing toward a lesson. The lesson may be that we’ve become too controlling. Or maybe we’re being pushed to own our power to take care of ourselves. The issue is boundaries.

If something or somebody is pushing us to our limit, that’s exactly what’s happening: we’re being pushed to our limits. We can be grateful for the lesson that’s here to help us explore and set our boundaries.

Today, I will give myself permission to set the limits I want and need to set in my life.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“What sort of God would it be who only pushed from without?”

—Goethe

Oh, we hate to be pushed! We get upset and angry when someone is pushing on us. What man likes it? Sometimes God does pushing, and it takes a while for us to realize it is God’s pressure on us that we feel. Our natural reaction is to resist and push back.

When we keep getting headaches or stomachaches, maybe we should listen for the message. An unsettled feeling in our lives about women, money, health, work, or something else may carry a message for us. God might be pushing from within. In this program we try to develop our ability to hear God’s will for us. Sometimes a problem is, in fact, a spiritual message. When we stop resisting and start listening, we soon grow wiser and stronger.

God, your message is not always clear to me. Today, I will try to put aside my own habit of pushing back so I can have a clearer mind to receive it.

Elder’s Meditation

“If the Great Spirit wanted men to stay in one place He would make the world stand still; but He made it to always change…”

–Chief Flying Hawk, OGLALA SIOUX

The Elders tell us change occurs in two directions. They say, “That which is built is constantly being destroyed; that which is loose is being used to build the new.” In other words, change is constantly going on. Many times we hear people say, “I hate change.” Does it make sense that the Great Spirit would design people to hate it? The Great Spirit designed people with change abilities such as visioning, imagery and imagination. Maybe we need to learn to use these tools and then we’ll look forward to change.

Great Spirit, today, let me see the harmony of Yours, truly changing world.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may be oddly detached from conversations with colleagues today. The latest health trends, current events, or office gossip are typically the hot topics at the water cooler. But letting general chatter go in one ear and out the other can be refreshing now, especially if much of the discussion lately has been over the top or overtaken by someone aggressively opinionated. Trust that your ears will perk up if anything mentioned directly impacts you. Otherwise, enjoy the silence created when you slip off into a beautiful daydream. Novelist Emily Dickinson wrote, “Saying nothing sometimes says the most.”

No Butts

On By mikeykjrIn health, Personal, Smoke Free

For many addicts we have one vice we have a hard time just letting go. For many in recovery it is smoking. As non-smokers can understand, you arrive or leave an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting only to be overwhelmed by all the smokers who tend to hang out at the front door. I was one of them. But I, just like alcohol, made a decision to stop for the rest of my life. It’s not easy saying goodbye to your best friend you’ve had for 37 years. But I can relate. It’s just like any other addiction. For me, it’s “One Day At a Time”.

To my surprise, the first day without a cigarette was relatively easy. Honestly, I had three strong cravings all day. The first walking to my first AA meeting of the day. The next after I ate dinner at night. Finally the last, when I was done with my day and heading off to bed.

I did not go cold turkey, as I immediately have put a NRT patch upon waking up. Based on my own experience of trying to stop smoking in my past, the patches helped me “stay stopped” successfully. The challenge right now is filling my hands with something to do when the cravings start.

As I shared at a meeting yesterday, I am applying the same principles of AA to quit smoking. While I’m looking for some positive reinforcement in my decision to do so, many dismiss me. Doing so just makes my determination stronger. An old timer, who’s been smoke free for many years now, pointed to the toothpick he always chews when at an AA meeting. I responded with, “I’ll try that…I’m being honest, open-minded and willing, just as I am in AA”

Just like when I quit alcohol, the first few hurdles are the physical craving and mental obsession. The cravings come when my body says, “Hey, we’re missing something here.” My body is expelling those toxic chemicals, just like alcohol, that in the end want to kill me. For those who quit cold turkey, I applaud you because without the NRT, I highly doubt I would have gotten through the first 24 hours. The mental obsession as we know from our addiction takes time. Dammit, I want it all to go away, NOW! **great laughter** . I’ve been down this road before haven’t I?

Right now, it’s all about Step 1 to Step 3. I know I’m powerless – if I smoke one, I’m off to the races again and I can’t stop. Step 2, I “believe in a Power greater than myself WILL restore me to sanity” – I trust this will happen, giving it time. Lastly, Step 3, I “turn my will and my life over to the the care of God (or Higher Power) as I understand Him”. I’m not alone, my Higher Power is there to help me, if I let Him.

I say this as another craving sets in because I’m about to walk to outpatient treatment. Typical routine – smoke a cigarette. But just writing those three Steps, the obsession is NOT there, the physical craving has already lessened and I’m not even out the door. I know the program works, I just have to trust the process.

DR – May 16, 2019

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
May 16, 2019

Daily Reflection

WE FORGIVE . . .

“Often it was while working on this Step with our sponsors or spiritual advisers that we first felt truly able to forgive others, no matter how deeply we felt they had wronged us. Our moral inventory had persuaded us that all-round forgiveness was desirable, but it was only when we resolutely tackled Step Five that we inwardly knew we’d be able to receive forgiveness and give it, too.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 58

What a great feeling forgiveness is! What a revelation about my emotional, psychological and spiritual nature. All it takes is willingness to forgive; God will do the rest.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 64~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

In the story of the Good Samaritan, the wayfarer fell among robbers and was left lying in the gutter, half dead. And a priest and a Levite both passed by on the other side of the road. But the Good Samaritan was moved with compassion and came to him and bound up his wounds and brought him to an inn and took care of him. Do I treat another alcoholic like the priest and the Levite or like the Good Samaritan?

Meditation for the Day

Never weary in prayer. When one day you see how unexpectedly your prayer has been answered, then you will deeply regret that you have prayed so little. Prayer changes things for you. Practice praying until your trust in God has become strong. And then pray on, because it has become so much a habit that you need it daily. Keep praying until prayer seems to be come communion with God. That is the note on which true times of prayer should end.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may form the habit of daily prayer. I pray that I may find the strength I need, as a result of this communion.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Self Love

“I woke up this morning and I had a hard time for a while,” said one recovering man. “Then I realized it was because I wasn’t liking myself very much.” Recovering people often say: I just don’t like myself. When will I start liking myself?

The answer is: start now. We can learn to be gentle, loving, and nurturing with ourselves. Of all the recovery behaviors we’re striving to attain, loving ourselves may be the most difficult, and the most important. If we are habitually harsh and critical toward ourselves, learning to be gentle with ourselves may require dedicated effort.

But what a valuable venture!

By not liking ourselves, we may be perpetuating the discounting, neglect, or abuse we received in childhood from the important people in our life. We didn’t like what happened then, but find ourselves copying those who mistreated us by treating ourselves poorly.

We can stop the pattern. We can begin giving ourselves the loving, respectful treatment we deserve.

Instead of criticizing ourselves, we can tell ourselves we performed well enough.

We can wake up in the morning and tell ourselves we deserve a good day.

We can make a commitment to take good care of ourselves throughout the day.

We can recognize that were deserving of love. We can do loving things for ourselves.

We can love other people and let them love us.

People, who truly love themselves do not become destructively self-centered. They do not abuse others. They do not stop growing and changing. People who love themselves well, learn to love others well too. They continually grow into healthier people, learning that their love was appropriately placed.

Today, I will love myself. If I get caught in the old pattern of not liking myself, I will find a way to get out.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“The work will teach you how to do it.”

—Estonian proverb

We learn this spiritual program as we learned to ride a bike or to swim. We could never get it from reading a book. We only learn it by doing it and by following the example of others. As we first entered the program, we may have thought, “Oh I understand this. In twelve meetings I’ll have it licked.”

Many men have had difficulty trusting, so we try to understand everything before we get involved in it. But as long as we try to figure it out first, we remain on the outside looking in. Doing the practical things in this program – taking inventories and making amends, praying for guidance from our Higher Power, carrying the message to others, selecting a sponsor, will teach us the essentials for spiritual recovery.

Today, I will take the risk of learning by living the spiritual life.

Elder’s Meditation

“It’s time. If you are to walk the path of heart, then it is time…”

–Nippawanock, ARAPAHOE

If not now, when? If not me, who? To walk the path of the heart is a great honor. Every human has the choice to walk this path, but very few will decide to make it. Why? Well, because you can’t act and behave like everyone else behaves. You must be the person who will learn to look within. You must be the person who will be fully accountable for yourself. You must be the person who prays and meditates. You must be the person who will sacrifice. You must decide to be a Peaceful Warrior. What will you decide today?

Oh, Great Mystery, lead me on the path of the heart.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You possess the kind of self-discipline that borders on mind over matter today. When your concentration is functioning at full capacity, there’s little that can slow you down. Picture yourself surrounded by a soothing orb of light that serves as a protective shield. Don’t allow any negativity or energy-draining distractions sidetrack you from your healthy goals. Commitment gets the ball rolling; enthusiasm and grit keep it in motion. Wake up with determination. Go to bed with satisfaction.

A Few Surprises in Life

On By mikeykjrIn Alcoholics Anonymous, Codependency, health, Personal3 Comments

As mentioned yesterday I reached a minor milestone of eight months sober. I’m filled with a lot of gratitude for where I am today. As I went through my day, a couple things happened. I have made a conscious decision to quit smoking. My roommate is finally getting out of his depressed state watching a few episodes of the The Shannara Chronicles with me and dropped some news about our possible future. New York State Department of Taxation and Finance sent me an “Overpayment Notice”. During the Winter I fell off the healthy lifestyle not going to the gym, so has my roommate – that is now changing. Last night, I signed up for a membership at Planet FitnessLastly, at a sister Fellowship meeting (CoDA) the message was clear, “Trust in the process . . . “

I Quit Smoking

Just like my drinking, I have tried to quit smoking. I’ve never made a conscious decision to “stay stopped”. For the last couple of days I’ve been questioning “why” I’m still smoking giving myself excuse after excuse after another excuse. I recognized I’ve been increasing my smoking because of stress (14 meetings or more a week, Sponsorship and just living life on life’s terms). When I walk to the local Price Chopper up the street or take other long walks I become extremely short of breath, sometimes having to stop and sit. I know I’m killing myself and it needs to end.

After writing and posting my Daily Readings, I sent a note to my doctor asking for her to call in a prescription for NRT (nicotine replacement therapy). I had three other scripts waiting for pickup at Walmart. I wasn’t sure the process but got a email back later in the day, it was waiting for me at the pharmacy. I also had to make an appointment in June for a follow-up. So I picked all my scripts up later in the day.

At around 11 p.m. last night I smoked my last cigarette. I prayed to my Higher Power to help remove the craving and obsession. I literally said, “Goodbye, old friend. I’m done!” as I walked back to the house. This morning I promptly put a patch on and have not had a craving yet but I feel a need to walk, so after I get done with this post, that is exactly what I’m going to do.

No Expectations – Little Disappointment

My roommate has not been himself for the last couple of weeks. He’s been isolating in his room, not going to meetings, basically being a recluse. Why? Because his recent break up with a woman was especially hard on him and he thinks believes he’s an unworthy human being, “. . . a complete piece of shit”. Of course my codependency wants to kick in but I’ve been working on that since I’ve met him in so many ways. As painful it is to watch I’ve keep my mouth shut only to open it at times to say I’m here for support if need be.

Yesterday he and I spent some quality time watching the Shannarah Chronicles as both of us like this genre – fantasy, science fiction. I actually enjoyed his company and he appeared different. Not once did he mention “the other woman” or made comments of himself. It was just nice to see him emerge from his extreme depressive state.

Yet, at the same time, he always tends to tell me things last minute. At first, we had plans to move out, get jobs and move on with our lives as roommates in August. This was delayed, his own decision, until the first of the year. Now, he tells me, certain entities are “pushing him” to leave in the next couple of weeks. I “suggested” he advocate for himself, telling the truth he doesn’t feel ready to do so getting all entities involved in that decision. However, I did remind him, “It’s not happening today is it? Let’s just watch Shannarah”. I really do feel it helped.

How does this affect me? It does and doesn’t. Part of me will be disappointed, yet part of me has a plan if things fall through. I applied for college at Penn State for my Bachelors in Software Engineering (awaiting entrance approval). It’s a four year online program where I would be able to stay where I’m at, get a job but also live with the various supporting organizations, at least for a while, to help me through the transition. I’ll be disappointed we won’t be living together because we both have been through a lot, supporting each other in our new journeys. But if it comes to us living separately, I’m okay with it. He knows I’m just a phone call away, I’m willing to go to meetings and no matter what I’ll still be a supporting friend in all his endeavors. Perhaps, just maybe, my Higher Power’s plan all this time is for me to learn from my experiences with him and grow from them.

NYS Tax Department – Impending Dreed

After filing my taxes this year, NYS withheld them. I conveniently forgot about a large tax bill back in 2014-2015 when I cashed out a retirement plan. My alcoholic mind convinced me I had paid those back taxes. However, yesterday I received a letter. A sense of dreed come over me – what now? As I carefully glanced over the notice it stated an overpayment. I had to read the notice THREE TIMES to make sure I was understanding it. Apparently with last years tax refund, I paid the remaining balance and they owe me a partial refund (**dances with excitement**). When and how it will get paid, I don’t know. It’ll happen when it happens. It was just some unexpected news in so many ways.

Back to the Gym

Back in Winter, my roommate and I were going to the gym. The weather got really cold, my roommate didn’t go, so I couldn’t go either as he had the membership, so i was his guest. Planet Fitness sent me an email about $1 down and $10 a month. I had to really think about it but late last night made a decision to sign a two-year contract. I’m doing this for me – period.

I still have goals to lose a few pounds and want to gain muscle strength. I walk everywhere I go, so my weight has not changed drastically. The point of going to the gym with my roommate was to turn the fat into muscle – tone the body. The problem now is that my roommate tends to go and do his own thing on the spur of a moment. I’m a more organized, planning type of guy. I do things according to my schedule. It’s hard for me to just get up and go do something. Now with the membership I’m no longer dependent on him. I know I can do this and I’m willing to. The struggle for me is getting comfortable getting in a routine and sticking to it. But in a way, this is what sobriety has taught me – getting comfortable with the uncomfortable part of me – becoming a accountable and responsible with myself.

Finally – Trusting in the Process

Last night at my CoDA meeting, the message I heard was, “trusting in the process”. Since I’ve been going to CoDA meetings and concentrating on my codependent behaviors, I have seen within myself some dramatic changes. I trust in the process of both AA and CoDA. I “believe” in the principles of both programs having seen them work in my own experiences. But this work is never ending, I always have to be aware of what is going on taking action when needed. I have been given a chance of a new life, so I’m using those “spiritual gifts that are laid at my feet”. I trust in the process.

DR – May 15, 2019

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
May 15, 2019

Daily Reflection

KNOW GOD; KNOW PEACE

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. . . . But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.”

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 66

Know God;
Know peace.
No God;
No peace.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 14~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

In A.A. we find a new strength and peace from the realization that there must be a Power greater than ourselves that is running the universe and that is on our side when we live a good life. So the A.A. program really never ends. You begin by over coming drink and you go on from there to many new opportunities for happiness and usefulness. Am I really enjoying the full benefits of A.A.?

Meditation for the Day

“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” We should not seek material things first, but seek spiritual things first and material things will come to us, as we honestly work for them. Many people seek material things first and think they can then grow into knowledge of spiritual things. You cannot serve God and Mammon at the same time. The first requisites of an abundant life are the spiritual things: honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love. Until you have these qualities, quantities of material things are of little real use to you.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may put much effort into acquiring spiritual things. I pray that I may not expect good things until I am right spiritually.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Taking Risks

Take a risk. Take a chance.

We do not have to indulge in obviously foolhardy or self-defeating risks, but we can allow ourselves to take positive risks in recovery. We cannot afford to keep ourselves paralyzed.

We do not have to keep ourselves stymied and trapped out of fear of making a mistake or failing. Naturally, we will make mistakes and fail from time to time. That’s part of being fully alive. There are no guarantees. If we are waiting for guaranteed courses of action, we may spend much of our life waiting.

We do not have to shame ourselves or accept shame from anyone else, even those in recovery, for making mistakes. The goal of recovery is not to live life perfectly. The goal of recovery is to live, learn our lessons, and make overall progress.

Take a risk. Do not always wait for a guarantee. We don’t have to listen to “I told you so.” Dust yourself off after a mistake, and then move on to the success.

God, help me begin to take healthy risks. Help me let go of my fear of failure, and help me let go of my fear of success. Help me let go of my fear of fully living my life, and help me start experiencing all parts of this journey.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“If you can’t fight and you can’t flee, flow.”

—Robert Eliot

Too often, we men have lived with a single answer to every situation: win. We saw our friendships in competitive terms, so we couldn’t let our guard down. We looked at life as a challenge to be conquered rather than something to be enjoyed. Therefore, our first impulse was to fight and come out a winner. Many of us have played life like a game with only winners and losers, and we have neglected the deeper meaning in our experiences. Living that way, many of us have felt like losers.

We all experience moments when a situation is much more powerful than we are. Those moments feel like defeat unless we allow them to open a whole new viewpoint on our lives. When we can flow with a situation, which will have its own way anyhow, we have become more mature men. We can breathe a sigh of relief because much of the tension in our lives is reduced when we stop trying to conquer every moment and instead simply flow with it.

Today, I will practice playing a new game of flowing and thereby deepen my awareness of life.

Elder’s Meditation

“We must have respect and understanding for women and all female life on this Earth which bears the sacred gift of life.”

–Traditional Circle of Elders. ONONDAGA

At a gathering of Native Elders we were told that many men of today had lost their ability to look at the Woman in a sacred way. They said we were only looking at Her in a physical sense and had lost the ability to look at Her sacredness. They said the Woman has a powerful position in the Unseen World. She has the special ability to bring forth life. They told us to start showing Her respect and to look upon her in a sacred manner. We must start this today.

Grandfather, show me how to see in a sacred way.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You might wish for nothing more than to agree with where your family or friends are coming from, but that’s more easily said than done today. Your independent streak is howling for expression, and some stubbornness is barking along, too. If these kinds of instinctual reactions are causing you to hesitate now, they’re best not ignored. You may be compelled to request changes to the group agenda once you examine the reasons for feeling as you do. You have every right to be comfortable with the plans that you support. Speak up and be heard before it’s too late.