DR – April 30, 2019

Daily Recovery Readings
April 30, 2019


Daily Reflection

A GREAT PARADOX

“These legacies of suffering and of recovery are easily passed among alcoholics, one to the other. This is our gift from God, and its bestowal upon others like us is the one aim that today animates A.A.’s all around the globe.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 151

The great paradox of A.A. is that I know I cannot keep the precious gift of sobriety unless I give it away.

My primary purpose is to stay sober. In A.A. I have no other goal, and the importance of this is a matter of life or death for me. If I veer from this purpose I lose. But A.A. is not only for me; it is for the alcoholic who still suffers. The legions of recovering alcoholics stay sober by sharing with fellow alcoholics. The way to my recovery is to show others in A.A. that when I share with them, we both grow in the grace of the Higher Power, and both of us are on the road to a happy destiny.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 84


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The A.A. program is one of faith because we find that we must have faith in a Power greater than ourselves if we are going to get sober. We’re helpless before alcohol, but when we turn our drink problem over to God and have faith that He can give us all the strength we need, then we have the drink problem licked. Faith in that Divine Principle in the universe, which we call God is the essential part of the A.A. program. Is faith still strong in me?

Meditation for the Day

Each one of us is a child of God, and as such, we are full of the promise of spiritual growth. A young person is like the springtime of the year. The full time of the fruit is not yet, but there is promise of the blossom. There is a spark of the Divine in every one of us. Each has some of God’s spirit that can be developed by spiritual exercise. Know that your life is full of glad promise. Such blessings can be yours, such joys, such wonders, as long as you develop in the sunshine of God’s love.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may develop the divine spark within me. I pray that by so doing I may fulfill the promise of a more abundant life.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Balance

The goal is balance.

We need balance between work and play. We need balance between giving and receiving. We need balance in thought and feelings. We need balance in caring for our physical self and our spiritual self.

A balanced life has harmony between a professional life and a personal life. There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work. There may be times when we put extra energy into our relationships. But the overall picture needs to balance.

Just as a balanced nutritional diet takes into account the realm of our nutritional needs to stay healthy, a balanced life takes into account all our needs: our need for friends, work, love, family, play, private time, recovery time, and spiritual time – time with God. If we get out of balance, our inner voice will tell us. We need to listen.

Today, I will examine my life to see if the scales have swung too far in any area or not far enough in some. I will work toward achieving balance.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action not reaction.”

—Rita Mae Brown

All men in recovery confront their reactive habits in relationships. Whether we came to recovery as a codependent or as an addict, we soon must face how much other people’s behavior has been a cue for our own reactions. There is always a three-part process in any reaction first, the other person’s behavior; second, a moment of choosing a response; and third, our reaction. But in our spiritual slavery, we don’t notice the choice stage. It feels automatic. It may feel as though “the other person made me do it.”

No amount of changing on someone else’s part can change us. We are becoming more responsible for our own lives and for our own behavior regardless of others around us. There is liberation in noticing the choice stage. It is tough to follow through on our choices, but when we do, it is truly a sign of a grown man. Then a remarkable thing happens – our self-esteem rises.

Today, I will pause to notice the choices I have in the moment between someone’s action and my reaction.


Elder’s Meditation

“Modern civilization has no understanding of sacred matters. Everything is backwards.”

–Thomas Yellowtail, CROW

Modern civilization says, don’t pray in school; don’t pray at work; only go to church on Sunday. If you don’t believe what I believe, you’ll go to hell. Deviancy is normal. Our role models cheat, drink and run around; these are the people in the news. The news sells bad news; no one wants to hear good news. Kids are killing kids. Victims have little protection. Violence is normal. Leaders cheat and lie. Everything is backwards. We need to pray for spiritual intervention. We need to have guidance from the Creator to help us rebuild our families, our communities and ourselves. Today, I will pray for spiritual intervention from the Great Spirit.

Grandfather, we pray for your help in a pitiful way.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Express your feelings with confidence. Your current environment may appear new at first glance but actually shares a lot in common with a former school, workplace, or haunt. Happy connections can be quickly made and promising possibilities speedily identified, if you don’t get tangled up in unnecessary worries. There are multiple ways to shine in an atmosphere where diligence and dynamism are appreciated, and even admired. Power past initial impressions and let a deeper, more meaningful understanding evolve. Vulnerability is the ultimate icebreaker.

Weekend in Review

This weekend had its ups and downs. The weather was, normal for New York, odd. It was sunny, rainy, windy, damn arse cold and there where a few snow showers with no accumulation. Sunday, as posted, wasn’t as hard to get through after going to meetings and keeping myself busy. However, on the way home my roommate decided to (finally) disclose his decision to extend his time in this residential program. Right this moment, I don’t know what I’m going to do in the future, so I’m going to explore my opportunities a bit while I have time.

Over the weekend the weather in Upstate New York was all over the place. We woke up to nice sunny mornings in the mid-30’s Fahrenheit. Despite the rather chilly temperatures, sometimes it was comfortable outside for just a minute until the wind picked up. It definitely wasn’t wearing shorts weather more like put get the winter jackets back out (hopefully for the last time). On Sunday, it was a combination of all three: sunny, windy/blustery, rainy, damn arse cold and a few snow showers. I wrote on FB, “Mother Nature and Father Winter must be having an argument right now. It’s sunny, rainy, snowing, windy and damn as cold out!” Can we just have a comfortable Spring before the “hot days of Summer” are thrust upon us, please?

Knowing Joe’s one year anniversary of passing was coming I tried to prepare myself for whatever feelings may come my way. Can you really “prepare yourself”? Not really. After a meeting and writing my post in this journal it helped. My Sponsor and I talk about it too. I told him, “You must remind me of Joe. I miss him so much.” Honestly, I think I really needed all those crying sessions.

There was an area business meeting of General Service Representatives for AA. I’ve been attending the meetings because our GSR for several groups I help as chairperson has been out due to a knee surgery. I keep hearing about a Registrar position open and I also wanted to know about the local website. Finally, I got my chance to talk to the DCM and Treasurer. A vote next month will determine if I become Registrar and the Treasurer has put me in touch with the person responsible for the website because it needs updating and such. There are two reasons for this decision. One, I have to much of my free time. Two, I want to get involved at the area level with my computer related skills because there is definitely a technological gap with those in the this area. On on hand you have old timers who like everything on paper, yet younglings (in the halfway house) who prefer to find all their information on their phones. Perhaps I can be the bridge which brings everyone together?

Lastly, before I head out to my meeting with my Case Manager in my residential program this morning, my roommate, who I had plans to get jobs and move out of the program in August, has done a right about face. Honestly, I heard bits and pieces during our Easter visit with his family but he finally disclose his decision to me last night. So my question for my CM right now is – what are the specifics of continuing to live in this program (i.e. “x” amount of time, jobs, college, etc.)? I’m not sure if I should get a job, move out or go back to college for my Bachelor’s in Computer Engineer / Computer Science.

I also want to ask him about the CRPA (Certified Recovery Peer Advocate) program. My treatment Counselor stated they (the residential program I live in) sends people already to Syracuse to train for such a program. Really? After all the discussions with my CM about the CRPA and his interesting in me working for this company when I “graduate” or finish the program, he didn’t mention anything like this to me? Perhaps, I need to ask the right questions?

Lastly, Monday’s are just a busy day for me: CM mtg at 10:00 a.m., “AA Nooner” at 12 p.m., Residential House Mandatory Mtg at 1:30pm then Big Book Study at 8 p.m. At some point I need to do a few other things like apply for FAFSA for this term, if not to late, research colleges, local jobs, etc. So, Monday’s I do one thing at a time.

Have a great day everyone!

DR – April 29, 2019

Daily Recovery Readings
April 29, 2019


Daily Reflection

GROUP AUTONOMY

“Some may think that we have carried the principle of group autonomy to extremes. For example, in its original “long form,” Tradition Four declares: “Any two or three gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. (1) ” . . . But this ultra-liberty is not so risky as it looks”

— A.A. COMES OF AGE, pp. 104-05

As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the “ultra-liberty” bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect has become a lifetime job.

A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay for it. This applies to groups too. Tradition Four points me in a spiritual direction, in spite of my alcoholic inclinations.

(1) This is a misquote; Bill is referring to the Third Tradition.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 24~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Initiating Relationships

Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.

As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.

What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.

The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we’re attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.

The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.

The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn – no matter how long we’ve been recovering.

No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.

We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.

We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.

We can learn to look for what’s good for us, instead of what’s good for the other person.

God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it – even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Thought for the Day

The A.A. program is one of faith, hope, and charity. It’s a program of hope because when new members come into A.A., the first thing they get is hope. They hear older members tell how they had been through the same kind of hell that they have and how they found the way out through A.A. And this gives them hope that if others can do it, they can do it. Is hope still strong in me?

Meditation for the Day

The rule of God’s kingdom is perfect order, perfect harmony, perfect supply, perfect love, perfect honesty, perfect obedience. There is no discord in God’s kingdom, only some things still unconquered in God’s children. The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual man or woman. People lack power because they lack harmony with God and with each other. They think that God fails because power is not manifested in their lives. God does not fail. People fail because they are out of harmony with Him.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be in harmony with God and with other people. I pray that this harmony will result in strength and success.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I’ve never started a fight, but I never pulled back from a fight either.”

—Billy Martin

Sometimes we walk around with chips on our shoulders. We’re like a tightly wound spring ready to jump at the slightest trigger, when other times we would let the same event go unnoticed. We even say self-righteously, “I didn’t start it.” Now that we are becoming more responsible for ourselves, we are owning our part in relationships. Maybe we have a problem with being like a spring ready to jump. When we are like that, we are difficult to live with or be around.

We can change by getting in touch with our pain. We need to explore our feelings. Perhaps we need to be honest with ourselves about low self-esteem, about feelings of loneliness or fear. Then we must talk with another person or our group about our feelings and continue to talk about them. In this way we become reconciled to ourselves and to our friends around us.

God, help me accept my own pain, and help me be tolerant of my friends’ mistakes.


Elder’s Meditation

“The old people came literally to love the soil and they sat or reclined on the ground with a feeling of being close to a mothering power…The soil was soothing, strengthening, cleansing and healing…”

–Luther Standing Bear, OGLALA SIOUX

Have you ever noticed the relationship between children and the soil? Watch how happily they are touching the dirt. The children play in it and eat it. If you are stressed, go to a spot on the Earth, sit down, put your fingers in the dirt, dig in it. Wash your hands in the soil. When you touch it, notice what it does to your hands. Our bodies love to touch the Earth. Sometimes we get too busy and forget these simple things. Maybe you’ll even want to plant a garden or flowers. These things are mentally healthy.

Great Spirit, today, let me touch the Earth so the Earth can touch me.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Forming the right alliance is integral to your advancement now. Just as surely as the wrong crowd can bring you down, the best companions can help build you up. Be willing to give the same sincerity, caring, and good advice that you hope to receive from others. It’s terrific when you’re surrounded by like-minded people whose goals are in alignment with your own. Your star rises even higher when ambitious hearts are synchronized. Demonstrate your appreciation by doing your very best.

It Hurts But I’m Okay

RIP Joe Triassi (b. 1940 – d. 2018)
I hope to continue to pass on what you taught me in honor of your memory.
You will not be forgotten.

A year ago today, my previous Sponsor passed away after going in for routine surgery. Despite those of us who told him not to have the surgery at his age, he said to me, “It’s going to be okay.” It hurts so much because I miss him. But today I’m okay because I’m suppose to be where I am – alive and sober. This is just another example of how the program of Alcoholics Anonymous works in my life.

Joe had 30 years of sobriety at the time of his death. He was the “kick in my ass” I needed to stay sober. He was always there, many times, when things got rough talking to me to get through those moments. I will be forever grateful for our experiences together.

On this day a year ago I was drunk off my ass, deep in my addiction, sitting on that pity pot wondering why I had taken dark road again. I got a call from a friend of ours; I didn’t want to answer the phone because I knew it was bad news. News was relayed to me Joe had passed away. I completely fell apart – I was alone again.

Seven months in my new journey of sobriety, it still hurts. I know it will take time. But I’m doing what I need to do to stay sober. I went to a meeting in which the following topics were brought up: The AA Daily Reflection (humility and responsibility), self-pity, our purpose in life and joy. All relevant to me today so I shared how this program of AA works in my life.

I could easily sit back on that pity-pot. What a jackass I was for relapsing when Joe gave me ten years of sobriety, the best ten years of my life. I could bring up the shame and guilt again of how stupid I was to make such a decision to drink again. The list can go on. But today, I don’t have to nor will I revert back to my old self!

Today I am a humble and responsible human being. It is only through the 12 Step of Alcoholics Anonymous did I learn these things. A year ago I thought I could control my drinking despite my own past experiences. I could lick my alcoholism on my own. Yet deep down I knew “with all my self-knowledge” I could not. Today, I’m no different from anyone else in the rooms of AA. We all have today sober if we choose this life. I am only responsible for myself and my actions.

My new Sponsor and I are going through the 12 Steps. Currently we’re on Step 7, Step 8 and Step 9. In our readings of the 9th Step Promises it states:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

Big Book pages 83 & 84 Copyright © Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Today, these promises are coming try in my life, right now. I do have a new freedom and happiness. We talk about the “bondage of Self” being selfish and self-centered. After going through the 4th Step, looking at my part in my life, I recognize my defects of character and work on them every day. I have been freed of “Self” with the help of my Higher Power and the 12 Steps in my life. I don’t regret my past nor shut the door on it. I take my experiences and learn from them. I could go on and on about the other promises but one stand out right now:

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

While I shed tears in the meeting and choked up I wasn’t embarrassed. Today, I know, even as a man, it’s okay to cry like a baby when I’m hurt. They were tears of joy because today I’m alive and sober. Therefore, with that in mind perhaps I have a purpose in life.

At the end of my share I said, “Perhaps my purpose in life is to stay sober and pass on what Joe taught me to other suffering alcoholics”. My new Sponsor actually brought this the same thing, “Isn’t our primary purpose to stay sober and help another alcoholic achieve sobriety?” With that said I know I have the right sponsor for me! We think alike. Therefore, I am grateful to have a new Sponsor just like Joe.

I knew today was going to be hard. I wrote on FB, “You’re passing pains me because I miss you so much.” Perhaps there is a little guilt still there because when the three most important people in my life passed (my Father [1998], my Mother [2006] and Joe [2018] – I was always drunk. Honestly I miss all of them. But I can’t dwell on the “what I could of, what I should of” of my past. Otherwise, I’m putting myself back on my pity-pot. Not today. Today, I can be hurt, sad, cry like a baby and be okay.

DR – April 28, 2019

Daily Recovery Readings
April 28, 2019


Daily Reflection

TWO “MAGNIFICENT STANDARDS”

“All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271

To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Four—and to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

THERE IS A SOLUTION

“This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can’t he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.”

Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, 4th Edition, p. 22


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

We’re so glad to be free from liquor that we do something about it. We get into action. We come to meetings regularly. We go out and try to help other alcoholics. We pass on the good news whenever we get a chance. In a spirit of thankfulness to God, we get into action. The A.A. program is simple. Submit yourself to God, find release from liquor, and get into action. Do these things and keep doing them and you’re all set for the rest of your life. Have I got into action?

Meditation for the Day

God’s eternal quest must be the tracking down of souls. You should join Him in His quest. Through briars, through waste places, through glades, up mountain heights, down into valleys. God leads you. But ever with His leadership goes your helping hand. Glorious to follow where the Leader goes. You are seeking lost sheep. You are bringing the good news into places where it has not been known before. You may not know which soul you will help, but you can leave all results to God. Just go with Him in His eternal quest for souls.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may follow God in His eternal quest for souls. I pray that I may offer God my helping hand.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Anger at Family Members

Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage – anger that seems to go on year after year.

For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive – mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually – by certain family members.

It is important to allow ourselves to feel – to accept – our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.

We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom.

Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness.

Think loving thoughts; think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.

At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.

Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.

Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.

Trust that a healing is taking place, now.

Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on my family and me. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Indeed, this need of individuals to be right is so great that they are willing to sacrifice themselves, their relationships, and even love for it. “

—Reuel Howe

We may have an inner drive to be right – and even to prove we are right. We often have been expected to know about the world and how things work, as if our manhood were tied to knowing. So when we don’t know the right answer, or when a person disagrees with us, we may get upset because we feel our masculine honor is in question.

We should always remember that our honor requires being honest, not being right. Our masculinity is being true to ourselves as men, not being invincible. Demanding that our opinions always be accepted as right is destructive to our relationships. It cuts us off from people we love, and becomes hostile and selfish. We are learning to allow room for differences; we can love and respect people we disagree with. And we all have a right to be wrong part of the time.

I don’t have to have all the right answers. Today, my ideas are just one man’s honest thoughts.


Elder’s Meditation

“Indians living close to nature and nature’s ruler are not living in darkness.”

–Walking Buffalo, STONEY

There are many Indian people who are living according to nature and according to ceremony and culture. They may not have a lot of material things, but that doesn’t mean they are not successful. What is success anyway? Can success be measured by material things? What is it we are really chasing anyway? The Elders say that what everyone really wants is to be happy and have a peaceful mind. Material things by themselves do not bring happiness and peace of mind. Only spiritual things bring happiness. When we live a spiritual life we will not have darkness. Instead, we will be happy.

Great Spirit, today, let me walk the Red Road.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

When the urge to improve strikes, it hits you on a very primal level. If you’re unhappy with the way something looks, you may be eager to tidy it up, make repairs, or stage a do-over. There are no ifs, ands, or buts that will stand in your way today. Incremental modifications are in order if a lack of time, money, or manpower makes it impossible to match your vision all in one swoop. There’s no benefit in complaining, so generate positivity, instead. Transformation starts within.

DR – April 27, 2019

Daily Recovery Readings
April 27, 2019


Daily Reflection

JOYFUL DISCOVERIES

“We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.’

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164

Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on.

Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God’s grace.


Big Book Quote

“Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 79~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

By submitting to God, we’re released from the power of liquor. It has no more hold on us. We’re also released from the things that were holding us down: pride, selfishness, and fear. And we’re free to grow into a new life, which is so much better than the old life that there’s no comparison. This release gives us serenity and peace with the world. Have I been released from the power of alcohol?

Meditation for the Day

We know God by spiritual vision. We feel that He is beside us. We feel His presence. Contact with God is not made by the senses. Spirit consciousness replaces sight. Since we cannot see God, we have to perceive Him by spiritual perception. God has to span the physical and the spiritual with the gift to us of spiritual vision. Many persons, though they cannot see God, have had a clear spiritual consciousness of Him. We are inside a box of space and time, but we know there must be something outside of that box, limitless space, eternity of time, and God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may have a consciousness of God’s presence. I pray that God will give me spiritual vision.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Letting Go of the Need to Control

The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways, and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.

—Codependent No More

Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.

If we weren’t trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?

What would we do that we’re not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?

What decisions would we make?

What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?

If we weren’t trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control another person’s behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?

What haven’t we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we’ve been doing that we’d stop?

How would we treat ourselves differently?

Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?

If we weren’t trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.

Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity.”

—Aristotle

Once we have embarked upon this program, we find spiritual recovery through relationships more than any other single factor. We find it through relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with our Higher Power. But most men in recovery need to learn how to be in a relationship. We have to give up ideas that a friendship is an intense connection or a conflict-free blending of like minds.

A meaningful friendship is a long-term dialogue. If there is conflict or if we make a mistake or fail to do what our friend wants of us, we don’t end the friendship. We simply have the next exchange to resolve the differences. Our dialogue continues over time, and time – along with many amends – builds the bond. With it develops a deepening sense of reliability and trusting one another. When we have lived with our friend through many experiences – or with our Higher Power – we gain a feeling that we really know him or her in a way we could never have in a brief intense connection.

Today, I will do what I need to do to be reliable in my friendships.


Elder’s Meditation

“The law is that all life is equal in the Great Creation, and we, the Human Beings, are charged with the responsibility, each in our generation, to work for the continuation of life.”

–Traditional Circle of Elders

Every generation is accountable to leave the environment in healthy order for the next generation. Every generation is accountable to teach the next generation how to live in harmony and to understand the Laws. We need to ask ourselves, “What are we teaching the next generation?”. Each individual is directly accountable.

My Creator, teach me inter-generational responsibility.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

All that glitters is not gold. A sales pitch that emphasizes potential gains but omits mention of how the benefits are attained could be false advertising. If you ask enough questions, illusion drops away, and what remains may not look tantalizing at all. Doing your due diligence prevents pangs of remorse or regret. Take a fact-based approach to any decision-making that involves an investment of your time, sweat, or money. Truth withstands tough inspection.

Easter 2019 – Back in Time


My roommates Mother, and sometimes his Aunt, come and visit on a regular basis. A few times they have asked me to come to dinner, drove us to sober events in the area, etc. Last weekend I was invited to their homes for Easter. The whole experience reminds me how our Higher Power brings people into our lives for a reason, if we choose to believe such things. The experience brought me back in time reminding me where I had been and where I am now.

I was nervous about going. Back in the day when actively drinking between 2004 and 2007, Candor, NY, was my “stomping grounds”. I was later reminded of my friends GW, CP and “Griff” who I had not thought of in more than a decade until now. These were “my three best friends”. All extreme alcoholics, two with extensive criminal backgrounds. At times I thought, would they recognize me or what happens if I see them? As much as I could I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind.

As we headed for Candor in the early afternoon, all I could do is stare out the window. I just love the peace and serenity of country living. The other two were having a conversation in the front. I usually call my roommates Mother by her first name. She insisted, “..call me Mom. It’s okay. You’re part of our family now.” She asked about my past, how I had known “Griff’s” family and my experiences. As I told her I was transported back in time when I would be riding in the GW’s car down the country roads and through the “back hills” to get to our destination. Both of us drunk, with cans of beer between our legs mostly likely heading somewhere to get more beer. Our thought was you can’t always visit the same place otherwise you’re considered an “alcoholic”. As we finally drove into town, I felt a relief. No longer was I the person which used to live here over a decade ago.

After we got settled in their house, Mom drove us to a meeting in Owego, NY. The last time I was in a meeting in Owego, NY, was Feb 2018, right before my relapse. From July 2017 to then I had made meetings. After, I started making excuses, never to return and relapsing. As people filed in I began to recognize people. Shaking my hand John (an old timer at the meeting) said, “I do know you from somewhere, right?” I simply said, “Yes” leaving it there. I even saw another old timer from Binghamton who knew my old Sponsor when we all lived there. Knowing it was a “Beginner’s meeting” I was prepared to do a short share of my story and relapse experience. Halfway through the meeting I shared telling them where I had been and where I am now. Knowing the geographical area, many were amazed when I said I walked from Van Etten, NY, to Elmira, NY taking me ten hours to get there, walking into a facility straight off the street getting the help I needed. Hopefully I inspired the few newcomers that were there. You are NOT alone and recovery is possible.

Saturday night, I had trouble sleeping. I was flooded with memories of my old self. I kept coming to tears thanking my Higher Power for helping me become the person I am today. Eventually I woke up at 5:30 am and just went out to enjoy the sun rising. I had myself a deep crying session and I wasn’t one bit embarrassed about it. From that moment on, those memories subsided. Afterward, I was able to enjoy a relaxing afternoon with my extended family for Easter.

The whole experience just strengthened my commitment to my new journey in sobriety. I need never forget where I can from. Today, a few of the Ninth Step Promises are coming true, again.

The Ninth Step Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

. . .

Big Book pages 83 & 84 Copyright © Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

DR – April 26, 2019

Daily Recovery Readings
April 26, 2019


Daily Reflection

HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT

“I don’t think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306

In my search “to be happy,” I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debt—financially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I’m learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.’s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, “When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.” (As Bill Sees It, p. 306)

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isnt.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 53~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The A.A. program is one of submission, release, and action. When we’re drinking, we’re submitting to a power greater than ourselves, liquor. Our own wills are no use against the power of liquor. One drink and we’re sunk. In A.A. we stop submitting to the power of liquor. Instead, we submit to a Power, also greater than ourselves, which we call God. Have I submitted myself to that Higher Power?

Meditation for the Day

Ceaseless activity is not God’s plan for your life. Times of withdrawal for renewed strength are always necessary. Wait for the faintest tremor of fear and stop all work, everything, and rest before God until you are strong again. Deal in the same way with all tired feelings. Then you need rest of body and renewal of spirit force. Saint Paul said: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” This does not mean that you are to do all things and then rely on God to find strength. It means that you are to do the things you believe God wants you to do and only then can you rely on His supply of power.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that God’s spirit may be my master always. I pray that I may learn how to rest and listen, as well as how to work.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Negativity

Some people are carriers of negativity. They are storehouses of pent up anger and volatile emotions. Some remain trapped in the victim role and act in ways that further their victimization. And others are still caught in the cycle of addictive or compulsive patterns.

Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we’re struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it’s okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves.

We cannot change other people. It does not help others for us to get off balance. We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them.

Today, God, help me to know that I don’t have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity – even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me know it’s okay to take care of myself.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I drink not from mere joy in wine nor to scoff at faith – no, only to forget myself for a moment, that only do I want of intoxication, that alone. “

—Omar Khayyam

What has been our drug of choice? It may be alcohol. It may be sugar or gambling or dependent relationships. Some men have used anger, sex, sports, or the accumulation of money. Growing in this program, we learn there is a great brotherhood among us. Our problems have not been only with a certain substance or a given behavior. We have been seduced and trapped by a ritual of forgetting ourselves. If we hadn’t found one way, we may have found another. In giving one up, we often found ourselves drawn to a new substitute.

Now we are learning to accept ourselves and to forget ourselves in healthier ways. We all need to move beyond the bounds of an oppressive ego. In our old style, we could not learn healthy releases because we were hooked on unhealthy ones. Now we are learning meditation, making friends, helping others, and letting go as ways to forget ourselves.

I pray for help today in staying away from self-destructive intoxications so I am able to learn healthy releases.


Elder’s Meditation

“If those bad words come, I let them come in one ear and go out the other. I never let them come out of my mouth. If a bad word comes in your ear and then comes out of your mouth, it will go someplace and hurt somebody. If I did that, that hurt would come back twice as hard on me.”

–Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

What do we do with temptations when they come? What do we do when we hear gossip? What do we do when we hear bad things? If we hear these things and pass them on we will not only hurt the other person, but we will do harm to ourselves. We must be careful not to hurt others. Whatever we sow we will simultaneously reap for ourselves. We must be accountable for our own actions.

Great Spirit, today, let no words come from my lips that would hurt another.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You are attracted to ancient wisdom because it can be valuable in the here and now. You might need to go someplace new to see something not previously seen. But when fresh knowledge is the promised pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you are eager to start your journey. A friend who arrives on the scene to indulge you today, might wind up pursuing the arcane and obscure with a passion that rivals your own. The more, the merrier when the treasure hunt is for enlightenment. All are welcome in the quest for truth.x

DR – April 25, 2019

Daily Recovery Readings
April 25, 2019


Daily Reflection

ENTERING A NEW DIMENSION

“In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension—freedom under God as we understand Him.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283

I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, “This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round.” The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: “Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal.” I’m free and I’m grateful!

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

I don’t believe that A.A. works because I read it in a book or because I hear people say so. I believe it because I see people getting sober and staying sober. An actual demonstration is what convinces me. When I see the change in people, I can’t help believing that A.A. works. We could listen to talk about A.A. all day and still not believe it, but when we see it work, we have to believe it. Seeing is believing. Do I see A.A. work every day?

Meditation for the Day

Try saying: “God bless her (or him)” of anyone who is in disharmony with you. Also say it of those who are in trouble through their own fault. Say it, willing that showers of blessings may fall upon them. Let God do the blessing. Leave to God the necessary correcting or disciplining. You should only desire blessing for them. Leave God’s work to God. Occupy yourself with the task that He gives you to do. God’s blessing will also break down all your own difficulties and build up all your successes.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may use God’s goodness so that it will be a blessing to others. I pray that I may accept God’s blessing so that I will have harmony, beauty, joy, and happiness.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Finding Our Own Truth

We must each discover our own truth.

It does not help us if those we love find their truth. They cannot give it to us. It does not help if someone we love knows a particular truth in our life. We must discover our truth for ourselves.

We must each discover and stand in our own light.

We often need to struggle, fail, and be confused and frustrated. That’s how we break through our struggle; that’s how we learn what is true and right for ourselves.

We can share information with others. Others can tell us what may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course. But it will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it becomes our truth, our discovery, and our knowledge.

There is no easy way to break through and find our truth.

But we can and will, if we want to.

We may want to make it easier. We may nervously run to friends, asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier. They cannot. Light will shed itself in its own time.

Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself to us. Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand in it, to claim it as ours.

Encouragement helps. Support helps. A firm belief that each person has truth available – appropriate to each situation – is what will help.

Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own truth waiting to be revealed. Don’t give up until you find it – for yourself.

We shall be guided into truth, if we are seeking it. We are not alone.

Today, I will search for my own truth, and I will allow others to do the same. I will place value on my vision and the vision of others. We are each on the journey, making our own discoveries – the ones that are right for us today.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“The natural world is a spiritual house…. Man walks there through forests of physical things that are also spiritual things that watch him with affectionate looks.”

—Charles Baudelaire

As we live this program, we learn to see the spiritual in physical things. Whatever we see or hear, whatever happens in our lives may carry a spiritual message. Some of us will say, “God is telling me something.” Others, whose understanding of God takes another form, will say, “There is a spiritual message in this if I can read it.”

But many men, having had relationships that were abusive and painful, find it hard to imagine the spirit of things watching them with affection, and not hostility. Many of us have been used, and we have used others. We don’t expect affectionate relationships, but could it be that the spiritual world loves us and we don’t know it? Perhaps if we think about this for a while, we also will become more loving.

The generosity of God is expressed in all kinds of physical things. I will remember that the spiritual is affectionate toward me.


Elder’s Meditation

“In some mysterious and wonderful way you are part of everything, Nephew. And in that same mysterious and wonderful way, everything is a part of you.”

–Nippawanock, ARAPAHOE

In order to experience this, we must be aware of how limited our senses are: eyes, ears touch, smell, taste. These senses help us to function in the Seen World. What we see is interpreted by our minds and put inside our belief system, and this can become our reality. But there also exists an Unseen World. In this world we experience connectedness; we experience the mystery; and we experience another whole point of view. If we pay attention to both the Unseen World and the Seen World, our belief systems will print in our mind a new and wonderful reality. We will see and know we are a part of everything.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your feelings might be ruffled early but become unflappable later today. Annoyances or an interpersonal dispute could stir up anger, but even this disturbance subsides if a conscientious choice not to cling to it is made. You can be responsive to another person without letting them dictate the mood of your day. The goal is to be the producer, director, and star of your own show. Refusal to release negativity is the equivalence of allowing something or someone outside yourself to take control of the script. Choose independence over agitation or suffer as an unwilling accomplice.

Living Life on Life’s Terms

Today I woke after three to four hours of sleep last night. Why a lack of sleep lately? I’m working on it; I simply don’t know. However, days like this I get in these philosophical moods. I tend to write, write and write some very lengthy responses to simple questions. Whatever is going on in my brain gets written on paper or computer screen without thinking of formatting, tone, and all that other writer’s mish mash. So bare with me as I try to get this out.

When I first became sober, I heard this in a meeting and had absolutely no clue what they were all talking about. To this day, I have trouble doing this and I see those with long term sobriety struggle with this sometimes. We are not perfect human beings. In my experience, life tends to throw me curve balls at the most inappropriate time in my life. But today, I have learned to deal with – its called acceptance.

Acceptance in human psychology is a person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it or protest it.

Wikipedia – Acceptance (forgive me, not the best source)

For instance, almost on a daily basis, I almost get hit by a motor vehicle. I will be standing at a crosswalk, clearly marked with yellow arrows, enter the crosswalk when its clear, yet have a car zoom by me or honk because I’m impeding their way. Technically the motor vehicle law in New York says, “When there is no traffic control signal, drivers must yield the right-of-way to pedestrians in the crosswalk. (Sec. 1151). ” Old me – flip the bird, yell obscenities, throw something at the passing car. Today, I just take a deep breath and accept the ignorance of other people.

We don’t have a sophisticated system like this with lights,
but its clearly marked on the road with GIANT yellow signs as above.

A few weeks ago, I had just gotten half way through a crosswalk like above when a car with an elderly lady literally grazed me turning left at the intersection. At the time, to make matters worse, I was wearing a bright yellow “Traffic Control” jacket a friend had given me for the winter. Right at the moment, all I could do is feel sorry for the woman who probably had no clue I was even there! Even city cops don’t stop, most of the time!

SIDE NOTE: I can’t stop laughing, as this JUST happened.

I went to smoke a cigarette, so I have to walk up and across the street where this crosswalk is. As I come back across the crosswalk, I’m halfway through when a car passes me behind my back and BAM, sirens go off. A New York State Trooper just gave a driver a ticket for NOT stopping until I was clear of the crosswalk. Well that is my hope anyway.

While this may be something I try to practice on a daily basis , I am not perfect. I still have a short fuse when it comes to ignorance and stupidity. However, I have learned when I did my 4th Step:

We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, How It Works, p.67

Things are going to happen in our lives, we can not control. I gave up that control in my 3rd Step. I am no longer the Director; my Higher Power is my Director. I simply do what is asked of me to the best of my ability, “One Day at a Time”.

Someone is probably saying, “Enough already!” That’s okay. I’m actuallly cutting this short because I have a “Nooner” meeting to attend. So everyone have a great day. My goal is to finish another post, still a draft, about my Easter weekend.