Ready to Take a Hike

For those who are active readers here – NO, this does NOT relate to my sobriety. My sobriety, despite the constant “issues” at work, is quite intact. What I’m feeling is the greatest pull toward something new I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m ready to take a hike, move on with my life.

My lease was signed for my new place where I’m moving on June 6, 2017. I recently received a copy in the mail. I got a little nervous because it took so long but those nerves subsided when the landlord said his secretary was on vacation. Looking at this signed lease in front of me just makes me want to pack up and go!

Basically, I’m starting over. Like I said before, I have a couple goals in mind. One is that of a minimalistic lifestyle. Removing all the material things in my life causing clutter is already working. I’m more peaceful and content.

On the other hand, my brain wants to compound itself with projects upon projects of new things to do (and possibly buy). Right now I have to remind myself the “One Day at a Time ” methodology; I haven’t even moved into the new place, so why worry about what I may need, will I be able to afford it, etc. Worrying about something not happening yet can put me on a path I’d rather not go down.

I’m only moving some personal items. For instance, my computers will all go with me. I still have to figure out which monitors work. Once that’s done, I have to visit the city landfill to properly dispose of them. Once at the new residence, I’m planning on backing up information to an external drive and starting over on all my machines.

Since I’m working most of the time (wearing scrubs), there is no need to bring all my clothes but a select few of outfits. Typically when I’m at home, I’m in sweats and a t-shirt. I do have to remember to bring some seasonal clothing too! Perhaps an outfit or two, a jacket for winter, gloves and such. Besides, I won’t be smoking at the new place. My current selection looks and smells disgusting, so I’ll be glad to either throw it away or donate to my favorite charity, the Salvation Army (bad sarcasm).

Currently, I don’t really cook for myself. Fast-food dining is my life blood. Once I move, I will have to cook much more often, thus a new experience. Already, I have worried friends, “Michael, you’re going to starve yourself. Let me know if I can help you . . .”

I will be moving no furniture. I’ll be sleeping on a blow-up mattress until such time I can afford a real bed again. Bedroom furniture and living room furniture will come in its own time. Honestly, a beanbag or cushion on the floor is good for me!

Seriously, that’s it. A couple road trips back and forth, then it’s done.

It reminds me of my youth when I moved out of my parent’s house back in the late 1980’s. I didn’t have anything. yet over the years, I accumulated what I needed, when I needed it and more. This is something I’m going to strive to change.

What I want to change is my perception of “what I need”. With a steady job, a car for transportation, a roof over my head and food on the table, there isn’t much more. It’s going to be a struggle, like any new experience. I will have battles within myself when the compulsion comes over to buy something when I really don’t need it. That is the challenge and I accept it.

I guess I can’t explain my (overly?) excitement of this new adventure. Everything happening right now feels right. It feels fresh, new and exciting. I can’t wait to go, go, go. Perhaps

Perhaps this does relate to my sobriety in that I’m fulfilling a promise. The most important of them all:

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

 

 

DR – June 13, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
June 13, 2017

Daily Reflection

LIVING OUR AMENDS

“Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill.”

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 122

It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself but also those around me. Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong endeavor. The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctor’s Opinion, pg. xxviii~

Keep It Simple

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. —Robert Frost

Worry—it’s a lonely activity. It puts distance between us and others. Our program is full of ideas about what to do with worry. On Step Three, we turn our will and our lives over to God. This includes worry.

Our slogans also suggest what to do with worry. One Day at a Time. Live and Let Live. Easy Does It. Let Go and Let God. Their main message is to stop worrying. Trust the program. Trust your Higher Power. Everything will be okay.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I give You my worries. Teach me how to trust again. I want to trust in You, my program, and myself.

Action for the Day:
I’ll write the program slogans listed above on a piece of paper, and I’ll read them over today. I’ll let myself live them today.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You don’t want to work hard today, but you might not have the freedom to choose. Thankfully, each of your actions produces near-immediate positive effects. However, short-term success is no reason to think you’re finished, so conserve some energy for the days ahead. Don’t attempt to complete everything all at once. Spread the most demanding chores over the next few days for the best results. Ambiguity reigns where logic does not.

DR – June 12, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
June 10, 2017

Daily Reflection

FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIPS

But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53

Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety, I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 122~

Keep It Simple

The lust for power is not rooted in strength, but to weakness.

We believed Alcohol or other drugs could help us control our happiness. But now we’re learning to rely on faith for our happiness. Faith is about leaving things to our Higher Power’s control. Instead of wanting the control ourselves, we trust our Higher Power will help us handle things that come along.

In recovery, we work at having more faith. Faith in a Higher Power. Faith in the Steps. Faith in our groups. Faith that our lives will get better if we don’t use chemicals and we work an honest recovery program. Faith makes life a lot easier.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

People may be expecting more from you today than you can deliver. It’s an honor to be held in such high esteem but you don’t like the performance pressure others place on you. You might even be pushed to a breaking point when you realize you’re likely to let more than one person down. However, it’s not in your best interest to just give up now and walk away from the stress. Author Tobias Wolff wrote, “We are made to persist; that’s how we find out who we are.”

DR – June 11, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
June 11, 2017

Daily Reflection

FAMILY OBLIGATIONS

. . . a spiritual life which does not include. . . family obligations may not be so perfect after all.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129

I can be doing great in the program — applying it at meetings, at work, and in service activities — and find that things have gone to pieces at home. I expect my loved ones to understand, but they cannot. I expect them to see and value my progress, but they don’t — unless I show them. Do I neglect their needs and desires for my attention and concern? When I’m around them, am I irritable or boring? Are my “amends” a mumbled “Sorry,” or do they take the form of patience and tolerance? Do I preach to them, trying to reform or “fix” them? Have I ever really cleaned house with them? “The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it”(Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83).

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62~

Keep It Simple

Who is the bravest hero? He who turns his enemy into a friend. — Hebrew Proverb

In recovery we take our worst enemy, addiction, and turn it around. We were ashamed of our addiction. Over time we become proud of our recovery. We were our own worst enemy. Now we’re our own best friend. We are brave people.

Being brave is about facing our fears. Often we think brave people don’t get afraid, but this isn’t true. Brave people learn to stay put, even when their knees are shaking. Many times in recovery, we will want to run when we should stay put. We may even think about using chemicals again.

We need to remember our bravery and how we turned our worst enemy into a friend.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, teach me when to run and when to stay put. Help me be brave.

Action for the Day:
I will claim bravery today. I’ll hold my head up high and be proud of how far I’ve come. I now have nothing to be ashamed of.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Some people have very specific ideas about what you should be doing with your time. But you don’t need to explain everything you do today. You may even choose to keep your most important plans private. Ironically, if someone witnesses your actions now, they might misinterpret your intentions. Don’t apologize for who you are. Rather than modifying your behavior to accommodate others, allow your heart to take the lead. However, remain mindful not to confuse the voice of ego with that of intuition.

DR – June 10, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
June 10, 2017

Daily Reflection

IMPATIENT? TRY LEVITATING

We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people. — AS BILL SEES IT, p. 111

Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that’s what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God’s point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me — bug-eyed and red of face — who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God’s angle of vision can be very relaxing.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 98~

Keep It Simple

Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.—Clementine Pappleford

At meetings, we meet people who have what we want. Our old way is to think these people are better or luckier than us. Our old way is to wish we were like them. But our program tells us how to work to change, not just wish for it. There is a big difference!

There are many ways to work for recovery. We practice the Steps. We attend meetings, and we help out at meetings. We welcome new members. We call our sponsor often. And we sponsor others when we’re ready. It takes more than a wishbone. It takes courage and hard work, with the help of our Higher Power.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me know that wishing is lost energy. I must work at recovery. As I do today’s work, guide me.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll do an extra bit of work on my recovery. I’ll call a group member. I’ll read. I’ll spend extra time in prayer and meditation.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Relationship dynamics are moved to the front burner today, especially if you and a friend or partner have unfinished business. Perhaps you are working together on a project at home and you agreed to take care of a specific task. If you have let your promises slide, you cannot avoid your commitments any longer. Although it can be frustrating if it feels like your hard work is for someone else’s benefit, stick with your obligations. The reward for completing a job makes your earlier annoyance seem unimportant in the big picture.

Let’s Talk Religion in Recovery

religion_kindness
“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” 
— Dalai Lama

The discussion of religion tends to be a taboo subject; religions are beliefs and practices of a very personal matter. People avoid the topic at all costs unless surrounded by like-minded individuals. Figuratively, people start to bring out their pitchforks and stakes at even the hint of such a discussion. For those in recovery, it is the pink elephant in the room rearing its ugly head. Can you imagine my thoughts, in early sobriety, when the topic of Christianity was discussed when I knew I was gay and a practicing pagan?

Recovery programs were founded with the principles of Christian beliefs in mind. However, the founding members recognized the diversity of those seeking recovery, insisting recovery should be a spiritual program. And yet, people tend to forget those of us who are just beginning our journeys in recovery either: lost faith in our religion (whatever that may be); tried a religion as a solution finding that we drank again; didn’t have a set of religious beliefs to begin with; or, like myself, having a strong belief system and/or a strong self-identity, were shunned because those beliefs don’t conform to those who set down the guiding principles of the program.

When I began my journey in recovery I was a broken human being: physically, mentally and spiritually. I didn’t know who I was, where I was going nor a sense of purpose in life. My addiction took all that away. The concept of spirituality was foreign to me. Like most, when the topic of religion was thrown into the mix, I was more confused on how a program of recovery was going to help me.

Spirituality is the cornerstone of a recovery program. A recovery program is not simply going through the 12 Steps with a Sponsor and “applying those principles in all our affairs”. Recovery is a process of finding yourself and your purpose in life, no matter what your religious beliefs, if any.

“The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.” – Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 60.

I am NOT saying a religion should not be part of a person’s recovery program. (Nor am I suggesting that “God” be removed or renamed for any reason.) For some, a religion provides more inclusion and strength. However, in early sobriety, it is suggested, “[We] Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” This understanding doesn’t happen overnight. Spirituality, a belief system of a religion, and continuous sobriety are life-long practices.

We should remind the newcomer to build their foundation of spirituality (not an understanding of a religion) in Steps 1, Step 2 and Step 3. The first three Steps are essential to continuous sobriety. Even after, we cross the bridge to much harder work within ourselves with the help of their Higher Power and their Sponsor. Lastly, we start to resolve issues within ourselves. Perhaps, only after all Steps are completed and they have begun “practicing these principles in all our affairs” it would be appropriate to breach the subject of religion.

What are your thoughts about discussing religion with newcomers to the program? Should the discussion of religion take place in early sobriety?

DR – June 9, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
June 9, 2017

Daily Reflection

LIVING IN THE NOW

First, we try living in the now just in order to stay sober — and it works. Once the idea has become a part of our thinking, we find that living life in 24-hour segments is an effective and satisfying way to handle many other matters as well.

— LIVING SOBER, p. 7

“One Day At A Time.” To a newcomer, this and other one-liners of A.A. may seem ridiculous. The passwords of the A.A. Fellowship can become lifelines in moments of stress. Each day can be like a rose unfurling according to the plan of a Power greater than myself. My program should be planted in the right location, just as it will need to be groomed, nourished, and protected from disease. My planting will require patience and my realizing that some flowers will be more perfect than others. Each stage of the petals’ unfolding can bring wonder and delight if I do not interfere or let my expectations override my acceptance — and this brings serenity.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, “a design for living” that really works.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 28~

Keep It Simple

Anyone can blame; it takes a specialist to praise.—Konstantin Stanislawski

Are we blamers? We sure were blamers when we were using alcohol and other drugs. Then everything was someone’s fault. Some of us did our blaming out loud. And some of us blamed others silently.

It’s harder to praise than to blame people. Faults stand out like street signs, but the good things about people may be harder to see. We can see the good in people when we slow down, watch, and listen.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me pay attention to people around me. Help me praise them.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll list three people who mean a lot to me. I’ll write what I like about each of them. I’ll talk to them and tell them what I wrote.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You often leave your strongest desires unspoken without even telling your secrets to those you love and trust. Unfortunately, this cautious strategy reduces the likelihood of being fully satisfied in a relationship. Much to your chagrin, your belief that people should just intuitively know what you need isn’t based on reality. The extroverted Sagittarius Full Moon lights up your 6th House of Habits, inspiring you to step out of your comfort zone. Improve your chances for emotional fulfillment by putting your feelings out in the open. A good relationship starts with good communication.

DR – June 8, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
June 8, 2017

Daily Reflection

OPENING UP TO CHANGE

Self-searching is the means by which we bring new vision, action, and grace to bear upon the dark and negative side of our natures. With it comes the development of that kind of humility that makes it possible for us to receive God’s help. . . . we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life — the one that did not work — for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever.

— AS BILL SEES IT, pp. 10, 8

I have been given a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition, provided I seek progress, not perfection. To become ready for change, I practice willingness, opening myself to possibilities of change. If I realize there are defects that hinder my usefulness in A.A. and toward others, I become ready by meditating and receiving direction. “Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely” ( Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 58). To let go and let God, I need only surrender my old ways to Him; I no longer fight nor do I try to control, but simply believe that, with God’s help, I am changed and affirming this belief makes me ready. I empty myself to be full of awareness, light, and love, and I am ready to face each day with hope.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not
theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 70~

Keep It Simple

It’s not enough to talk to plants, you also have to listen.—David Bergman

Sometimes, we find ourselves doing all the talking. When this happens, we need to stop, think, and listen.

When we do all the talking, we’re trying to control what happens. But when we listen, we get better results. No one has to be in control. What a relief!

And we’re learning to listen better every day. It’s great—the care, love, and help we find—just by listening.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me learn the “give-and-take” of talking and listening.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll focus on listening, not only to other people but to my Higher Power’s voice.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You can feel your own resistance build as you think about putting a temporary halt to the never-ending bickering. Although it might seem as if confronting someone’s overactive persuasion techniques isn’t worth the effort, fighting for respect is a noble cause. Don’t give up your power in unnecessary ways. However, consider all your options before declaring war on an adversary. Your best verbal sparring is done now if you pick your battles with care.

DR – June 7, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
June 7, 2017

Daily Reflection

LONG-TERM HOPE

Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn’t strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. When they drive us blindly, or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or due us, that is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on earth. That is the measure of our character defects, or, if you wish, of our sins.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 65

This is where long-term hope is born and perspective is gained, both of the nature of my illness and the path of my recovery. The beauty of A.A. lies in knowing that my life, with God’s help, will improve. The A.A. journey becomes richer, the understanding becomes truth, the dreams become realities — and today becomes forever.

As I step into the A.A. light, my heart fills with the presence of God.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 17~

Keep It Simple

Forgiveness is the way to true health and happiness.—Gerald Jampolsky

We can’t afford to hold grudges. We have all felt hurt by others at times. But when we stay angry at another person, it hurts us. It keeps our wounds open. It takes our energy away from healing.

We can forgive now. We know that living our program of honesty and love make us safe. We don’t have to be afraid. We don’t have to be angry. We don’t have to let old hurts stand in our way. We let them go. We empty the angers from the hearts to clear the way for love.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me forgive the people I’m still angry with. Help me see that each of those people taught me something about myself.

Action for the Day:
Am I holding on to anger and resentment? If so, I’ll make a list today, and I’ll talk with my sponsor about ways to let go of them.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your thoughts are running around in a multitude of directions today and you could exhaust yourself chasing each and every one of them. However, messenger Mercury’s move into your 12th House of Privacy obscures your true motives. You are quite self-contained and even people close to you won’t likely realize the intensity of your unsettled emotions. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your visions to yourself as long as you remember to stay conscious of them. Scott Ringenbach wrote, “Imagination is the reality of the dreamer.”

Adopting the Minimalist Lifestyle

minimalism-min

Most of my life, both in active addiction and recovery, I have stockpiled crap. During my active addiction, it was like another obsession, “I could always use this later . . . ” However, during my sobriety, its more on the lines of, “I don’t want to lose this . . .” With my pending move to a new home, I’ve decided to adopt a new minimalist lifestyle. As Step 12 suggests, “. . . , practicing these principles in all our affairs.”

First, I put a twist on the most common slogan, “One Day at a Time”. In this case, taking the monumental task of just one section of the current home. After reading hundreds of articles on a minimalist lifestyle, I finally got my arse up away from the computer to tackle the walk in closet.

I took a tape measure out from a toolset (one I’ve never opened) measuring the space to be approximately 5 feet deep by 7.5 feet tall. It was stacked with stuff about 4 feet. Bags of JUNK from front to back. There are old computer parts (printers, screens, misc., etc.) and bags of unknown origins. So I took the most difficult step for me – throwing it all away. While some of it sits in the front room, a quarter of it sits in my car ready to be hauled to a willing commercial trash can.

It was a difficult task. Part of me, the new me, didn’t want to bother looking into the bag. If I didn’t know what it was – trash pile. On the other hand, there were strong impulses to go through each bag, “Just in case, you may need something . . .” It reminded me of my early days of sobriety. So, I adopted the same principles like I do in my sobriety:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol the compulsion to save things –that our lives had become unmanageable.

Like in sobriety, I admit complete defeat. My Gods, I’ve buried my Self in a pile of JUNK over 4 feet high! Why? Because of my fear of losing things in my life again. I’m accepting the truth of the situation. I don’t and can’t live this way anymore. There is no need. I’m attempting to hold on to material things which, in reality, have no meaning in my life anymore. They are just things. I should no longer fear losing everything. I have to let it go!

Already, I have a sense of relief and sadness. I’m relieved the task if over. It’s been years, day after day, I told myself I would get rid of everything. Now the junk is out on the floor and ready to go! It’s like writing Step 1 on paper. Yet, part of me feels sad I’m throwing a part of my life away. Am I? Perhaps I’m not “throwing a part of my life” but simply “closing another chapter in my life, getting ready to write a new one”!

I made a promise to myself of change. I”m moving to a brand new place with the absolute minimum. It’s like writing a new chapter in my life on a blank page. I’m actually excited. I don’t know what the future holds, as it has yet to be written. But I do know this, We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.” That is the goal and I’m just one Step, closer!