Easter 2017

Friday night, after a frustrating night at work, I got in my car and drove, safely but fast, home. I went to bed after watching a couple of episodes of Game of Thrones and now I feel refreshed. I’ve made plans with two friends. Lunch today with an old friend and Easter dinner with an old college friend.  Both of these individuals I haven’t seen in a long time.

There was a lesson I learned this week – accepting the consequences of my decisions. Last weekend, I didn’t go to work on a scheduled day calling in sick.  I wasn’t sick at all. Unfortunately, there are two people at work that spread negativity around work like wildfire and are very hard to work with. The day off was more of a mental health day. I knew if I reported to work, it wasn’t going to be good for me nor them, so I avoided the additional drama at the expense of being paid.

I’m going to suffer this week but I’ll manage. I made plans to stop smoking yet again with the help of Nicotine Replacement Therapy (the Nicotine patches). I have a few cigarettes left for today. I’ll finish them but make a commitment to myself and the Gods, this time is the last time. If includes a ritual of some sort for effect, then so be it.

Honestly, I think part of happiness for myself is finally getting rid of this other addiction. Obviously it’s causing unseen health problems (I can only pray I have none) but the monetary strain is getting enormous. Instead, I can take the money putting in a savings account for other useful things instead of killing myself slowly each day.

So those are my priorities this weekend. One, enjoy myself with the company of others whom I haven’t seen in a long time. Two, end an addiction that has plagued my life for decades once and for all. As with alcoholism, I’m going to apply the Steps, one by one starting later today.

 

DR – Apr 15, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 15, 2017

Daily Reflection

THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS

. . . harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 5

It has been said, “Anger is a luxury I cannot afford.” Does this suggest I ignore this human emotion? I believe not. Before I learned of the A.A. program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose.

The Steps offered me an alternative. Step Four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of “letting go” started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“…we aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 132

Keep It Simple

That day is lost on which one has not laughed. —French proverb

For a long time, we didn’t really laugh. It’s surprising when we think about it: We hadn’t really laughed for so long . . . we almost forgot how good we could feel. It feels so good to laugh again!

Now our spirits come more alive each day. Now we feel what alcohol and other drugs stuffed deep inside us. Pain, fear and anger come up. But so do happiness and joy, thankfulness and a sense of humor. In early recovery, we work through the hard feelings. As we grow in the program, we have more and more room for happiness.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, wake me up to the joy and laughter that today holds for me. Don’t let me miss it!

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll spread some laughter. I will learn a joke and tell it to three people.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your great expectations could get the best of you today, especially if they are so unrealistic that you don’t have a clue how to reach them. Indulgent Venus resumes her forward movement in your 9th House of Big Ideas, making it nearly impossible to focus on the relevant details du jour. But you might inadvertently set your goals so high that there’s little chance you will ever need to deal with the trappings that accompany success. Remember, limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.

Dr. Seuss’ Solution

Today I”m having one of those days, I just feel odd. I can’t exactly explain it. For some reason I only got a few hours sleep. After  going to bed around 3 a.m. I woke up just before the morning sun began glaring through my bedroom window. For some reason, I don’t know how or why a Dr. Seuss rhyme is now stuck in my head, “”From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.” – Dr. Seuss . Perhaps my Higher Power is trying to tell me, “Everything is okay!” Or perhaps it’s not?

A lot has been on my mind lately. Stressors at work have successfully twisted my head around like the scene out of the Exorcist. People, in general, all around are getting under my skin.  It’s frustrating. It’s an internal war raging inside me. But in reality, no one wins. I just have to accept it is what it is and I can’t do anything about it.

My interest of moving closer to work is going to be delayed, yet again. Another costly job on my aging car was taken care of for New York State inspection requirements.  My 2007 Toyota Corrolla is slowly climbing closer to 200,000 miles traveling 100+ miles per way each day. There are days I wish I could just twitch my nose and it all be over. I’ve always despised moving, yet it must be done.

To prepare for this move I need to get my home in order which is another monumental task. I’ve been living here for ten years accumulating junk. If I could I would just rent a commercial trash container parked out in front of my home and toss everything in it. In reality, I want to start over. A new place with a inflatable bed, some clothes, my computers and I”m good to go. But I feel guilty just leaving trash behind for my landlord, no matter how much he’s disgusted me in the past.

I just need to get out of this God forsaken town. The stupidity of people around me is unbearable at times. I can’t ell you how many traffic accidents I avoid on a daily basis.  Just attempting to get dinner at a local grocery store at 12:30 a.m. is a lesson in patience. There is limited parking already in front of my house. The disrespectful mechanic across the street double parks cars on the other side in a no parking zone. The city does nothing. Tow trucks dumping cars off facing the wrong way blocking close access to my own home forcing me to park at the local restaurant around the corner most nights. Again, the city won’t do anything because the cars are “legal”.

Perhaps I do need to keep Dr. Seuss in mind – just laugh at it all. What I need to do this weekend is watch a movie we’ve been running for our dementia residents at work, Patch Adams starring Robin Williams. Or I can put in The Sound of Music to sing along with Judy Andrews (terribly, I might add), The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music. Then there is news, which I’ve ignored prior to the newly elected President but hear spurts here and there. The whole world is going insane. Perhaps I just need to join the rest of you?

 

 

 

DR – Apr 14, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 12, 2017

Daily Reflection

THE “NUMBER ONE OFFENDER”

Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64

As I look at myself practicing the Fourth Step, it is easy to gloss over the wrong that I have done, because I can easily see it as a question of “getting even” for a wrong done to me. If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue to relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself-. After years in the dark of resentments, I have found the sunlight. I must let go of resentments; I cannot afford them.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 86

Keep It Simple

It is enough that I am of value to somebody today.—Hugh Prather

Even in recovery, we addicts often feel we are not enough. Maybe it’s leftover shame from our using days. But we are enough. We are of great value. We all need each other to stay sober.

Each of us needs other recovering people to help us remember the hell of addiction. We can forget how bad it was, but telling our stories makes us remember. When you feel you don’t want to stay sober for yourself, then stay sober for your brothers and sisters in the program. They need you.

You’re their recovery, as they’re yours. There may be days you don’t feel glad to be sober. But your friends in this fellowship are glad you’re sober. They thank-you for your sobriety

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, may Your will, not mine, be done.

Action For the Day:
I’ll stop and think of all the people I’m glad for. I’ll start telling them today.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You prefer to step into a new role gradually, taking your time as you slowly assume ownership. However, the shift may be quite abrupt now, requiring you to make a significant change on a moment’s notice. You don’t have the luxury of morphing into your new character and learning your lines. Thankfully, you can move at lightning speeds when pushed by circumstance. Don’t let your past limit your future; embrace the unknown.

DR – Apr 13, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 12, 2017

Daily Reflection

THE FALSE COMFORT OF SELF-PITY

Self-pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 238

The false comfort of self-pity screens me from reality only momentarily and then demands, like a drug, that I take an ever bigger dose. If I succumb to this it could lead to a relapse into drinking. What can I do? One certain antidote is to turn my attention, however slightly at first, toward others who are genuinely less fortunate than I, preferably other alcoholics. In the same degree that I actively demonstrate my empathy with them, I will lessen my own exaggerated suffering.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Step Eleven suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn’t be shy on this matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 85

Keep It Simple

Keep It Simple

No labor, however humble, is dishonoring.—The Talmud

Work is good for the heart. Work is good for our minds. It can give us something to focus on besides ourselves. Labor doesn’t just mean having a job. It may mean planting a garden or helping a friend. It certainly means working our program. Hopefully, it’s a labor of love. We can get into trouble if we have to much time on our hands. We can turn it into mischief or self-pity. We can get bored. Being bored is a matter of choice. We’ll never be bored if we ask ourselves, “How can I make this world a better place?” We can turn our answers into action.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, teach me to use my time wisely. Help me be well-balanced between labor and fun. I need both.

Action for the Day:
I’ll list five ways that labor and fun can help me get closer to my Higher Power. And I’ll look for people and things to fill my time in positive ways.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Something is about to shift in your community or professional life. An unexpected change of position could come out of the blue, for better or for worse. A setback is the cosmos’ way of showing you what needs to be improved. However, the universe can just as well acknowledge your brilliance by pushing you into a leadership role. In either case, you must let go of the status quo today. Holding onto the past is like running into the future with shackles on your legs. As Gandhi taught, “Be truthful, gentle and fearless.”

DR – Apr 12, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 12, 2017

Daily Reflection

GIVING UP INSANITY

. . . where alcohol has been involved, we have been strangely insane.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38

Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices. When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in any part of my life and life became unmanageable.

I ask God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of the disease of alcoholism.

Big Book Quote

“We think it no concern of ours what religious bodies our members identify themselves with as individuals. This should be an entirely personal affair which each one decides for himself in the light of past associations, or his present choice.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 28~

Keep It Simple

Life I love you, all is groovy.—Paul Simon

I haven’t always known how to enjoy life, but Working the Twelve Steps is more than recovery from alcohol or other drug addiction. It’s also about how to enjoy life. Our illness pulled us toward death. Our spirits were dying, and maybe our bodies were dying. Now our spirits are coming to life. We feel more alive than ever before. Our feelings are coming alive. We feel hope and faith, love, and joy, and even hurt and fear. We notice the sunshine as well as the clouds. We know life needs both sunshine and rain, both joy and pain. We are alive. You can teach me. All life is from You, so teach me to be free in Your light and love.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me let go of my fears and enjoy life.

Action for the Day:
Right now, I can think of at least three things in life that make me feel like sunshine. What are they?

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It seems as if people drop into your world now to play the part of an angel on earth, extending offers of assistance and dependable shoulders upon which you can lean. But you’re not all fun and games today; you need to assess your current commitments and decide how much time you can afford to devote to creative play. Don’t wait too long or reality will narrow your choices. If you want something you’ve never had, you must do something you’ve never done.

DR – Apr 11, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 11, 2017

Daily Reflection

A WORD TO DROP: “BLAME”

To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. We could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves. First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47

When I did my Fourth Step, following the Big Book guidelines, I noticed that my grudge list was filled with my prejudices and my blaming others for my not being able to succeed and to live up to my potential. I also discovered I felt different because I was black. As I continued to work on the Step, I learned that I always had drunk to rid myself of those feelings. It was only when I sobered up and worked on my inventory, that I could no longer blame anyone.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 33~

Keep It Simple

Many of us as children, were taught to hide our pain, to act as if we had none. We look for ways to hide our pain. Alcohol and other drugs helped us do this. But the pain always returned. We were ashamed that we hurt. We thought we were the only one who hurt so badly. and, worst of all, we thought our pain meant we were bad people. Ours is a program of honesty. As we live life, there will be troubles, and there will be pain. But now we know that we don’t try to hide it. If we hide our wounds, they will not heal. We will listen to others pain and ask them to listen to ours. This will help us continue our journey in recovery.

Prayer for the Day:
God, help me be honest about my pain. Help me see pain not as a personal defect, but as a part of life.

Action for the Day:
I’ll share my pain with a friend, a family member, my group, or sponsor. I’ll ask them to do the same with me. I’ll think of pain as part of life.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

An old conflict between home and career is suddenly back on your plate, demanding resolution once and for all. But someone’s hidden agenda complicates matters as secretive Pluto squares the Libra Full Moon in your 4th House of Domestic Affairs. It may seem as if you’re forced into a no-win situation now because you can’t choose between your personal and professional life without damaging the other. Acknowledging how your family matters are interconnected with your job is a healthy start. Don’t push for a final answer yet; as screenwriter Syd Field wrote, “Confusion is the first step toward clarity.”

DR – Apr 10, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 10, 2017

Daily Reflection

The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115

Sometimes when I’ve become willing to do what I should have been doing all along, I want praise and recognition. I don’t realize that the more I’m willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. That’s what practicing the principles means to me. Fun and benefits for me are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results. Being a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving makes my life better day by day.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while.” ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 66~

Keep It Simple

You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making their nest in your head.—Chinese proverb

Life is full of feelings. We can be happy, sad, mad, scared. These feelings can come and go quickly. Or we may hang on to them. As recovering addicts, we used to hang on to feelings that made us feel bad. We let them make”nest” in our hair. We used our feelings as excuse to drink or use other drugs. Now we’re learning to hang on to our good feelings. We can let go of anger, hurt, and fear. We can shoo away the birds of sadness and welcome the birds of happiness.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me become a “bird watcher.” Help me learn from my feelings. And help me let go of the bad one so I can be happy.

Action For the Day:
If I need to get rid of the sadness or anger that I’m hanging on to, I’ll get help from my sponsor, a counselor, or a clergy person.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Although you are quite capable of keeping up appearances at work, it is in your best interest to take off your mask now and let the real you shine. Sometimes you wonder if others will accept you if they know your true thoughts and feelings. Wearing your heart on your sleeve leaves you in a vulnerable position; however, there’s no need to reveal everything all at once. Taking it step by step helps to remove the pressure and lighten your load. As Benjamin Franklin wrote, “Honesty is the best policy.”

DR – Apr 9, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 8, 2017

Daily Reflection

FREEDOM FROM “KING ALCOHOL”

. . . let us not suppose even for an instant that we are not under constraint. . . . Our former tyrant, King Alcohol, always stands ready again to clutch us to him. Therefore, freedom from alcohol is the great “must” that has to be achieved, else we go mad or die.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 134

When drinking, I lived in spiritual, emotional, and sometimes, physical confinement. I had constructed my prison with bars of self-will and self-indulgence, from which I could not escape. Occasional dry spells that seemed to promise freedom would turn out to be little more than hopes of a reprieve. True escape required a willingness to follow whatever right actions were needed to turn the lock. With that willingness and action, both the lock and the bars themselves opened for me. Continued willingness and action keep me free—in a kind of extended daily probation—that need never end.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?

Well, that’s exactly what this book is about.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 45

Keep It Simple

The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day a time. –Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln did great things for the United States. He took life One Day at a time.. He broke the future into manageable pieces. We can do the same. We can live in the present and focus on the task at hand.

Spirituality comes when we focus this way. When we stay in the present we find choice. And we worry less about the future. Still, we must have goals.

We must plan for the future.

Goals and plans help us give more credit to the present than to the future. And when we feel good about the present, we feel good about the future.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me focus. Help me keep my energy in the present. Have me live life One Day at a Time.

Action for the Day:
When I find myself drifting into the future, I’ll work at bring myself back to the present.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Finding peace and quiet at home might not be as fulfilling as you wish today. You need to connect with people outside your immediate environment when interactive Mercury stands still in your 11th House of Groups. Nevertheless, satisfaction remains elusive if you burn more energy than you have available. Nothing is gained by trying to experience all the fun in one day since your desire for social contact will only continue to grow. Your superpower is self-control when it comes to making the good times last.

DR – Apr 8, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings
April 8, 2017

Daily Reflection

AN INSIDE LOOK

We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 43

Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatens—my self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist; without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward.

I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God’s power to face the person I’ve feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be. Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom!

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Neither could we reduce our self centerdness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62

Keep It Simple

It’s a simple formula: Do your best and somebody might like it.—Dorothy Baker

Our program is a selfish program. It tells us to let go of what others think. We’re staying sober for ourselves, not for anyone else. Our body
and our spirit are at stack. And we know what we need to do to stay sober. If we fell shaky about going to a party, we don’t go—no matter who gets upset. If our job makes it hard to stay sober, we get a different one—no mater who it upsets. It’s simple we must take good care of ourselves before we can be good to others. In doing this, we learn how to be a friend, a good parent, a good spouse. we have to care for ourselves to have good relationships. Do I believe it okay to be selfish when it comes to my program?

Prayer for the Day :
Higher Power, help me do what is best for my recovery, no matter what others think.

Action for the Day:
I will remind myself that staying sober is simple. I don’t use chemicals. And I work the program.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You are determined to do everything you can to accomplish your agenda today. However, a close friend or partner might take you to task, demanding that you justify your choices. Steer clear of an emotional trap; you are not required to explain every little decision. Err on the side of caution now, especially if you sense that sharing your dreams will leave you feeling too vulnerable. Act on your gut instincts rather than second-guessing them. As the Chinese proverb advises, “The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”