DR – Feb 16, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 16, 2017

Daily Reflection

COMMITMENT

Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right
action is the key to good living.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 125

There came a time in my program of recovery when the third stanza of the Serenity Prayer — “The wisdom to know the difference” — became indelibly imprinted in my mind. From that time on, I had to face the ever-present knowledge that my every action, word and thought was within, or outside, the principles of the program. I could no longer hide behind self-rationalization, nor behind the insanity of my disease. The only course open to me, if I was to attain a joyous life for myself (and subsequently for those I love), was one in which I imposed on myself an effort of commitment, discipline, and responsibility.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Since the home has suffered more than anything else, it is well that a man exert himself there. He is not likely to get far in any direction if he fails to show unselfishness and love under his own roof. We know there are difficult wives and families, but the man who is getting over alcoholism must remember he did much to make them so.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 127~

Keep It Simple

Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable.—John D. MacDonald

We need to remember that relationships are made up of people—people who are strong, but also fragile.

We don’t break easily, but we do break. We need to be aware of how fragile relationships are. Don’t say something that will hurt others even if it’s honest. It’s mean to be honest with someone, without showing that you care for the person’s feelings. We can learn to be honest without being cruel. The backbone of any relationship is this: we need to honor the rules and agreements we make. If we promise to be faithful to someone, we follow this rule. And we need to trust the other person to do the same. When we see that our agreements don’t work, we need to go to that person and talk about them.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me become a person who honors rules and agreements in my relationships.

Actions for the Day: I’ll make no promises today that I will not keep.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You know bottling your emotions doesn’t help in the long run, but sometimes it doesn’t feel safe to express them either. However, the magnetic Scorpio Moon intensifies your resentment and makes it harder to let go of a situation you feel was unfair or hurtful. Oddly enough, this inability to play nice works in your favor when courageous Mars and chatty Mercury conspire to give your feelings a verbal outlet. Taking the first step is always the hardest part of any process. But once you say your piece you’ll feel stronger than you did before. Bob Marley sang, “Get up; stand up for your rights.”

DR – Feb 15, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 11, 2017

Daily Reflection

TAKING ACTION

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p, 84

One of the most important things A.A. has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take “right action.” It says the promises will always materialize if I work for them. Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won’t work. I’ll remain a miserable, rationalizing dry drunk. By taking action and working the Twelve Steps in all my affairs, I’ll have a life beyond my wildest dreams.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“There is action and more action. ‘Faith without works is dead.'”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 88~

Keep It Simple

Easy Does It.
—Twelve Steps slogan

We are people who push ourselves to hard. We try to be perfect. Well, we need to lighten up. Easy Does It.

We need to slow down our pace. Why? Because our program teaches us to give up trying to be perfect.

We begin to love ourselves for who we are. We are enough. Over and over we hear this as we live the Steps. It’s the message of God’s love. Our Higher Power want us to live at a pace that’s not fast and hard, so we always know we’re loved. Remember, we’ve turned our life over to the care of God. And our life is a wonderful gift. As recovering people, we may know better than others.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, teach me to live at Your pace, not mine. Help me keep in mind that life isn’t a race. It’s a spiritual journey. Walk with me.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll take two hours just to relax and do loving things for myself. I’ll take time to count my blessings.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Coming home is like hitting the reset button for you most days, allowing you to gather your feelings and return to your comfort zone. However, a complicated domestic life could change the energy overnight. You might even be inclined to go out in order to avoid the uncomfortable atmosphere. However, the sooner you clear the air, the sooner you can relax in an environment that soothes your soul. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”

DR – Feb 14, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 14, 2017

Daily Reflection

EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well
regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and
clean house.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to do about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others?

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“This painful past may be of infinite value to other families still struggling with their problem. We think each family which has been relieved owes something to those who have not, and when the occasion requires, each member of it should be only too willing to bring former mistakes, no matter how grievous, out of their hiding places.
Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 124~

Keep It Simple

Some things have to be believed to be seen. –Ralph Hodgson

In recovery, we learn to trust. We trust that our Higher Power is on our side. Maybe we can’t see our Higher Power , but once we start trusting things change. Step Two says, “Came to believe. . . ” Once we come to believe, we start to see our Higher Power working in many ways. We make new program friends. We find new peace. Our family and friends trust us again. Life won’t always be fair. We won’t get all we want. But we’ll find the love and care we need. If we’re open to believing in love, the easy times will be easier and the harder times a bit softer. Do I believe in love?

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me believe, especially when times are hard. Help me not blame You for the hard times.

Action for the Day:
I will write what I believe the program and my Higher Power want for me.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Keeping up with your daily schedule is demanding when it seems like there’s always another level to which you must rise. However, your natural tenacity is reinforced by a grounding Sun-Saturn connection, empowering you to do the legwork without cracking under pressure. One of the best parts about putting in a full day of work is coming home to a peaceful environment, and the sweet Libra Moon in your 4th House of Family invites a sense of serenity to your abode. No matter the nature of your living situation, the spirit of compromise inspires you to do your part to bring harmony to your world.

Music Epiphany & Request

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

There is almost always something to recovery in everything I do, thus the reason that I journal/blog. For instance, I wrote a comment on Music is My Life, Music is My Trigger by @hopefilledaddict . I had an epiphany. Recently, I’ve been angry, frustrated, “restless, irritable and discontent”. I may have found out the cause of my moods and a solution.

While I enjoy all kinds of genres of music (250+ GB of it), I tend to change it up depending on my mood. I have a few artists in each genre.  Instead of just getting the song, I get the whole album. I haven’t mastered the art of creating playlists (really, aren’t you a computer geek?  It can’t be that hard!)

For a while now, I’ve been listening to Country Music (98.1 FM – The Hawk). For instance, every time I hear, “Humble And Kind” by Tim McGraw , I have to prepare myself.  I literally cry (a flowing river) every time. The lyrics just tear me apart. When I’m driving on the back roads to work, it’s not good!  There are a host of others.

Lately, I’ve changed it up to a local hard rock station, 92.5 FM – KBG – Binghamton Rock . I love songs like “Call Me When You’re Sober” by Evanescence . The latest is “Heathens” by 21 Pilots , for obvious reasons. But there are other artists, as you can imagine listening to a hard rock station, that must instill and provoke the angry side of me.  Coupled with listening to it driving to work doesn’t help when everything at work falls apart when I walk in the door!

But here is the problem.  I have an old 2007 Toyota Corolla which has the stock (manufacturer’s) radio.  It has a CD player but I can’t seem to get it to play a CD that I’ve created.  I spent HOURS looking on the Internet, downloading stupid, despicable programs and can’t come up with a solution. Perhaps my fellow bloggers may have a suggestion or solution?

21 Powerful Quotes

On By mikeykjrIn Quotes

21 Powerful Quotes That Will Change
the Way You Live and Think

Reblogged from: BayArt

Words have power — and these inspiring quotes are guaranteed to challenge the way you think and perhaps even change the way you live.

  1. “Happiness is an uphill battle. Wear the good shoes.” — Kurt Vonnegut
  2. “Without ice cream, there would be chaos and darkness.” — Don Kardong
  3. “When things go wrong, don’t go with them.” — Elvis Presley
  4. “Happiness is a warm puppy.” — Charles M. Schulz
  5. “Happiness never decreases by being shared.” — Buddha
  6. “Happiness is like jam. You can’t spread even a little without getting some on yourself.” — Anonymous
  7. “For every minute you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
  8. “Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.” — Jackson Brown Jr.
  9. “Perfect happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.” — Chuang-Tse
  10. “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
  11. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. Most people listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen Covey
  12. “The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” –Steven Furtick
  13. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
  14. “If an Egg Is Broken by an outside Force, Life Ends. If Broken by an inside Force, Life Begins. Great Things Always Begin from the inside” — Jim Kwik
  15. “The fool didn’t know it was possible, so he did it.” — Unknown
  16. “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” –Bernard M. Baruch
  17. “You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there are two things: You’re getting off first, or I’m going to die. It’s really that simple, right?” –Will Smith
  18. “No one is busy in this world. It’s all about priorities.” — Unknown
  19. “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Unknown
  20. “Be the person your dog thinks you are.” –J.W. Stephens
  21. “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” — Robert Frost

DR – Feb 13, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 13, 2017

Daily Reflection

WE CAN’T THINK OUR WAY SOBER

To the intellectually self-sufficient man or woman, many A.A.’s can say, “Yes, we were like you — far too smart for our own good. . . . Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brain power alone.”
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 60

Even the most brilliant mind is no defense against the disease of alcoholism. I can’t think my way sober. I try to remember that intelligence is a Godgiven attribute that I may use, a joy—like having a talent for dancing or drawing or carpentry. It does not make me better than anyone else, and it is not a particularly reliable tool for recovery, for it is a power greater than myself who will restore me to sanity—not a high IQ or a college degree.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right about face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 31~

Keep It Simple

Tomorrow doesn’t matter, for I have lived today. –Horace

Life is found in the present. One of the first things we hear when we enter the program is, One Day at a Time. We break life into short time periods. This give us the power to change. We’re not sure we can stay sober for a lifetime. But we know that with God, and our program, we can stay sober for today.

This holds true for many other things in out lives. We’re not sure we can go a lifetime without feeling self-pity, but we can give it up for a day. By living One Day at a Time, we become more sure of our strength. We have the power to change things only in the present. The present holds much for us, if we get a hold on it.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, You are found in the moment. You are here. I will stay with You minute by minute.

Action for the Day:
I will ground myself in the present. Today, I’ll not worry about the past or the future.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

One task leads to another today, and before you know it you’re tweaking little things that you typically don’t even notice. It feels constructive to tend to the tiniest details while the efficient Virgo Moon sorts through your 3rd House of Immediate Environment. However, you can’t help but realize that your nit-picking detracts from your normal routine when stern Saturn steps in. The challenge is to satisfy your need for perfection without falling behind on daily chores. Discernment and discipline are your key ingredients for success.

A Loopy Day

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

Two days off, especially a Saturday and Sunday together, are very rare for me as a CNA in a nursing home.  My employer even called me this morning asking if I would work today.  I politely declined explaining (why I don’t know) I’m working nine days in a row starting tomorrow and (a lie) I was out of town.  This started this loopy day; my employers concerns always start loopy days for me.  I can’t concentrate on getting anything done.

For instance, I’m going to move closer to work at the end of Winter.  After living here for 9 years, you can imagine the accumulation of useless crap.  Besides, I want to start fresh.  I mean take minimal stuff and buy all new stuff.  Crazy, I know but it would be good for me.  Everything here is linked to  the first nine years of my sobriety, so I need to “Let It Go” and move on.

The weather isn’t cooperating either.  We’re under a Winter Storm Warning.  The forecasts are from a couple of inches to six inches.  Typical weather this time of year: freezing rain/sleet, icy roads, light snow to heavy squalls at times due to high winds.  I rather not go anywhere right now.

The other major problem is where to put all this stuff.  I just want it all thrown away.  But I have things like old printers, scanners, other appliances, etc.  I have two large bags of books I need to take to the local library.  Again, I just haven’t done it.  My Sponsor has a large dumpster, so does work.  I’m just afraid I’ll get caught.  Why is this so difficult?  I make it difficult.  The plan was to take one bag or a couple of things either day by day or every few days.  I’m just to lazy to transfer it to my car.

So I sit on my computers, attempting to work on something.  I just get scatter brained because I want to do this and that but I have to read up on either how to do it or how its changed since the last time I’ve done it.  Nothing is easy in computing anymore; technology changes almost daily.  Frustrating when one wants to be creative.

The point is I haven’t done crap.  I have no motivation; I can’t concentrate on one thing; I’m everywhere, doing everything, putting more and more on my to-do-list.  Actually, I think I just need a nap.

Wait…I have cold water back.  YES – a shower is definitely needed right now.  Then nap and I can start this day fresh again.

You all may return to your regularly scheduled programs…

 

DR – Feb 12, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 12, 2017

Daily Reflection

“THE ROOT OF OUR TROUBLES”

Selfishness — self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62

How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~

Keep It Simple

We are always the same age inside.—Gertrude Stein

Deep inside, we each have a child’s spirit. We still have many of the feelings we had when we were young. Some of us have a hurting child inside. There’s sadness, fear, or anger that hasn’t gone away. We’re still lonely, no matter how many people care about us. Our inner child needs special help to heal. We can be good parents to our inner child. We do this by being gentle and caring with ourselves. In time, this child can be a happy center in our hearts.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, please heal the child inside of me a little more each day. Help my inner child be alive, free, and full of joy.

Action for the Day:
Right now, I’ll close my eyes for a minute. I’ll think kind thoughts about myself. Than I’ll say out loud, “Inner child, I love you. I’ll take good care of you.” I’ll do this two more times today.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

There’s no time to slow down as your list grows longer by the minute. It feels as if you don’t have a choice but to add another errand to your agenda. However, there are only so many hours in a day and so much gas in your tank. The obedient Virgo Moon nudges you toward compliance, but an awkward connection between mental Mercury and wounded Chiron reminds you that sometimes words aren’t enough. Putting your heart into just one or two things is better than scattering your energy between several commitments. You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.

My Landlord is …

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

Oh Gods, here we go again . . .

I’m sorry but my landlord is a moron PERIOD.

This afternoon I noticed that my toilet would not fill up with water. I ran downstairs to talk to the landlord’s son, who lives on property. Apparently his father is working on his son’s bathroom plumbing. He turned all the water off but forgot to notify his tenants (typical for him). It seemed to be a minor inconvenience, I thought.

Despite the lack of water, I’ve been using my own toilet, just not flushing.  I’m getting a little worried as the day goes on, the sun sets and its now 7 p.m.  Still no water.  Visited the landlord’s son again.  We had a nice chat about his father – lol.

The guy is as stubborn as a stubborn mule gets at times.  He doesn’t want to spend money on repair people thinking that he is knowledgeable enough to fix it himself.  For instance, when I moved in I had a problem with the bathroom sink not draining properly.

The landlord came over, spent a good hour or more putting a wire hanger down the pipe, then a plumbers snake.  Finally he puts some Drano in the sink and left.  Days went by, then a week, so I called his son.  The landlord comes back yelling at me, “Why didn’t you call me that it didn’t drain?” The Drano ate through the porcelain of his new sink. (Sorry, not my responsibility. I assumed you knew what you were doing, buddy.)

He calls a plumber who takes the washer from the pipe under the sink, removes the pipe and says, “Oh easy fix.  These pipes are old, so they tend to get clogged.  I just need to get a plastic one to replace it.  Bing, bang, done within fifteen minutes .

With that in mind, you can just imagine what his son is now going through.  It looks like a whole bathroom remodel down there. But God help him if he mentions getting a plumber to his father – all Hell will break lose.

So we won’t have cold water. Again, I mentioned the toilet to the son who said most likely the toilet runs on cold water.  He called his father because he wasn’t sure.  His father responded, “Oh I didn’t know that . . . It’ll get fixed tomorrow.  Just fill up the toilet with hot water.  You’ll be fine.”

** shake my head **

 

A Few Things About Me

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

This morning I was reviewing new posts by those that I follow on WordPress. I especially like Just Ruminating (Rob).  He, like me, tends to write a lot about sobriety. So, let’s change it up.

A Few Things About Me

“Well, dear readers, today I thought I would just have a little fun and share ten facts about me. Just as a way of sharing a different side of things. My entire life is not about recovery, nor does it have to be.” – Rob.

NOTE:  I only did five because of reasons noted below . . .

So here you go:

1. I’m a computer geek at heart.

Since I was a young child, I have always loved computers. Systems such as the Commodore 64, Apple I and II, Atari 2600 game system were all introduced to the public during my youth. Then there was “The World Wide Web” or “The Internet” as we know it today. I remember protocols like Gopher, FTP, or browsers like Netscape (eventually Mozilla). Web page design was quite easy and everyone was doing it! The Apple and the IBM PC were the first computers I actually “programmed” using the BASIC programming language. I tinkered with computers until the ripe age of 40 when I actually got my degree. My first degree in college was an Associates of Applied Science in Computer Science Information Technology. Technology has jumped leaps and bounds since the beginning days of Microsoft and Apple. Today I have a had time keeping up withe my own network of six computers running with different projects running on them all at once. I love Free Open Source Software (FOSS), as it enables people like me to view the code behind the program and help build the current version by fixing problems. My current programming project is reviving an old project called Blue Smiley Organizer – Bookmark Manager.

2. Nature and My Spirituality

As disclosed previously, I am a Witch. Again, I don’t talk about it much because of the stigmas of modern society. During the 1980’S there was a revival in the practice of Witchcraft, many of us became Wiccans. During my youth I was always pulled to Nature (the ocean, mountains, sun, moon, stars, astrology, etc.) I was very opposed to mainstream religion (the dogma of them all). I always wondered who our ancestors, those before the mainstream religions, looked to for answers in their lives. I was intrigued with mythology but always had a hard time remember who was who. To me They were all the same (as They are). Over the years I have removed myself from the dogma of Wicca, now practicing Modern Traditional Witchcraft. I not an old hag, with a wort on my nose, a pointy hat and howling at the full moon casting hexes on people. Nor am I a Warlock (for other reasons). I am a normal human being, jeans t-shirt guy with a normal life who believes that there is more in the Universe than the dogmas of modern religions. Today, I use them as my Higher Power in sobriety, as I believe it was Their intervention that saved my life.

2. Dragons and Wolves

My ideal house would be decorated with Dragons on one side and Wolves on the other. There is just something with both species that intrigues me. Are Dragons just mythological creatures? Personally, as strange as it may seem to many, I believe they did exist at one time and now are found on another Plan of Existence. With that, I will end. Wolves, on the other hand, are just magical creatures in themselves. What draws me to them are their behaviors/personalities (I can’t think of the correct word). One minute they can be communal, hunting in packs, tending to their young, kind and gentle. On the other hand, they can be ferocious striking fear in their prey or to keep potential predators away. In the Native American culture, the wolf is considered a medicine being associated with courage, strength, loyalty, and success at hunting. There is a story about wolves I can share later.

3. I’m gay.

Those who know me tend to be surprised by this fact when deep down its quite obvious. At some point in my friendships they will ask, “Mike are you gay?”. For a very long time, I was ashamed of who I was but knew that I couldn’t change who I was – it was something biological, not a choice. I lived in an era when the stigma of the LGBT community reached a climax at the discovery of HIV/AIDS. I would say that stigma has diminished over the decades and I can only hope that it continues. I tend to keep this part of me private because do I ask my straight friends, “Hey, who are you sleeping with, man or woman?” We are all human, just biologically we have different sexual organs by we all experience the same emotions. So why can’t a man love another man, a woman love another woman? Save the argument, I’ve heard it all before.

4. I’m an avid reader

I tend to enjoy fictional literature more than non-fiction. Obviously anything with Dragons or wolves is an automatic read for me. For instance, The Loop by Nicholas Evans is one of my favorites. There are a couple series that I own for obvious reasons, like the Inheritance Cycle (Eragon, Eldest, Brisinger, etc. ) series. I love series like The Vampire Chronicles (Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, etc.), the Dune Novels by Frank Herbert, and The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. I try to keep all the books I read using Goodreads. Check out my Goodreads profile here.

5. Love – It’s Complicated

I had very few romantic relationships in my life for various reasons. Honestly, about five (Yes, 5!) total. Today, I’m involved in a relationship (I hope) with someone that I met a few years back. He’s serving a 3 to 7 year sentence for a petite larceny charge. It’s hard to describe the relationship because I’m not sure if what he is telling me is truthful. I won’t know until he gets released. I know, I know, I’ve heard it from everyone, especially my Sponsor (who also spent a majority of his life in prison) – he’s manipulating you. But I argue that there is a different side to him, when he is sober, that NO ONE knows but me. I’ve seen both sides; he’s completely different sober. However, I have to keep two things in mind. One, he is an addict and will always be an addict. Therefore, he may be manipulating me. Second, I could be infatuated (blinded by love) with him, thus I’m not thinking straight. Right now, prison walls separate us as he serves time four hours away in a Northern New York State prison. But I do talk to him on the phone on a regular basis. I don’t know – it’s complicated.

===========================================

With that I will end. Obviously, I can write and write and write for you to read until your blue in the face. Many times I think I write to much and it’s all unorganized, thus no one really reads it. Personally, I don’t care. Blogging is more for me, so I can get thoughts down and clear my mind.