The purpose of this site is to give readers, whether addicts or not, a glimpse into the struggles of just one addict whether sober/clean or not. When this site was created, I was sober. Unfortunately, I have NOT been sober for a few years but continued to provide hope to my readers and myself. After I was given a chance at a new life, I relapsed during the COVID pandemic. For the last couple of months I have seriously considered getting sober again. No..I am going to get sober again!

What happened? – Brief Past

My first sobriety started on December 1, 2007. I went to rehab, then moved to a supportive living program and continued to live a sober life for ten years. I made a move for a job, my Sponsor had passed away and things just went down hill and very quickly after relapsing. I’m not sure if I told the story here but the desire to get sober again was overwhelming and I took great steps to get it. After another rehab and moving to where I currently live, it took two years before I was on my own. I had my own place to live and a job to support myself. Things were doing very well, until the pandemic. I was part of the local AA community and had many numbers to call to help with struggles. For whatever reason, during the pandemic, after repeated attempts, not a single person called me back. I was devastated. I had thought or perhaps was lead to believe I had all this support and the most important time I needed I had NONE. l snapped one day and starting drinking again until current. While the pandemic wasn’t the primary reason I drank, it was a major contributor – the one that broke the camel’s back.

Where am I now?

Honestly, I am just done! Something I remember from rehab the second time was HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired. It’s been stuck in my mind for months now. There has been lots of changes in my life over the few years I have been drinking. As typical in an addicts life, things were going well at the beginning, then suddenly it feels like I fell of a cliff and still falling just waiting to hit the ground SMACK. I just don’t have any intention for that to happen!

What is the Plan?

First, rehabilitation is NOT an option. It’s the same thing over and over. Been there, done that and I know what to do! <- Then why don’t you do it today, right now? Oh gods, now I’m even talking to myself in this blog. Yet, that is the mind of a person with a mental disorder like an addiction. Whether people will admit it or not, we talk to ourselves ALL THE TIME! Back to topic..what is the plan?

Since my original sobriety date was December 1, 2007, perhaps I can do such again on December 1, 2024. That is my plan. Since I haven’t been involved in the AA community for years, I still now there is a meeting on Saturday morning at 9am close to me. Let’s just give it a start and go from there. Perhaps this is the plan of the Gods since my days off are Monday and Tuesday. I quit drinking December 1, 2024.

Next Couple of Months Expectations

For my readers, expect quite a few more posts than usual. I want to write most posts on a personal matter…where I’m at, what I’m going through and what I’m thinking. I know more as we get to the New Year, others are thinking the same thing. Or perhaps someone who is involved with someone addicted can learn how we think. At least that is my hope.

I Need Readers Support

This is where, as I addict, I reach out and say, “I need help!” I need support of the recovery community on a worldwide level. Right now, I have no one. Help me get sober again. That is all I can say.