I had known Heart for almost ten years before I began to take care of her. Her owner, my ex-sponsor, said he couldn’t care for both his cats anymore. I was in the process of moving, so I told my ex-sponsor I would take Heart with me. I moved Heart to my house in July 2017.

It was a difficult decision because she would be taken away from her sister, Sassy. It was also a long drive to my home. Lastly, my work schedule is so erratic I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to spend a lot of time with her. Despite these difficulties, I took her home and shared the last months of her life.

She was supposedly 19 years old, according to my ex-sponsor. Her sister has a range of medical problems in the last year. We thought that Sassy would pass away first, then Heart. Instead, it was the other way around. The bond between them is strong, so we both believe now that Heart has passed, Sassy will deteriorate quickly and pass away too.

In the last month, she gave me a scare. She began not drinking and eating. Then she developed wheezing. People were saying it could be a urinary tract infection while others were telling me it could be a simple cold.  The consensus was to take to a vet.

She was 19 years old, so I chose not to do so. She got better shortly after, so I spent more time with her. I knew that her passing would be soon. She started to not eat and drink four days ago; no matter what I put in front of her, she just walked away. The wheezing returned obstructing her breathing. I knew this was the time.

The previous episode I had already given her all my love and comfort. She knew this as she continued to stay by my side until the end. Yesterday, she sat right by her bed, unable to move but would pick up her head to drink some water. It ripped my heart I had to work but I couldn’t stand to watch her pass away. I didn’t know when it would happen, I just knew this was the last day I would see her.

When I got home from work the house was completely silent. She didn’t greet me at the door. I knew what had happened. You can never be prepared.

Even now as I write this the tears continue to flow down my cheeks. I am heartbroken beyond words. The house is silent. Memories, good memories just keep coming up tearing my heart. I can hardly function. I keep rolling back to her picture above, talking to her as if she is here. I miss her deeply. A part of me went with her and forever I will be changed.