Reflection (The Big Move)

On July 28, 2017July 28, 2017 By mikeykjrIn PersonalLeave a comment

It’s been almost 30 days since I moved from a small town in Upstate New York to even a smaller village (1500+, 2010 census). There was a lot of apprehension at first. But as time went by I trusted all things would work out. Despite my complete solitude of “living in the sticks”, I absolutely believe I made the second best decision of my life.

I had some fear, whether I expressed it or not, about moving. The worry was whether or not I could really afford such a place because part of me felt I was only fooling myself. Thus, I had/have another fear in a few months I would have to move again. At this stage, I don’t think such events are going to transpire. Keeping a positive outlook certainly, helps.

In addition, I have learned minimizing (or the minimalist lifestyle) is actually working for me. There is a bunch of stuff in the front bedroom. Most of it needs to be moved in its respective places. For instance, all the computer equipment, fitness weights, and filing cabinet should be moved to the room I”m occupying. But I don’t want to clutter the room I’m living in because I enjoy the space.

While I still don’t have furniture, it still feels like home. Most of my time is spent in the kitchen, one bedroom, and laundry room/bathroom. Some have asked, “Why a three bedroom for a bachelor like yourself?” One bedroom is where I’ll sleep, wh ile another is going to be my computer/spiritual/fitness room. The third bedroom (in the very far future) will be set up for a guest to visit.

I still don’t have financial control over everything. Since I just moved in I’m paying partial bills, so doing so does frustrate me a bit. I haven’t visited a grocery store for ONE big trip and then making little trips for other things; I just don’t have the money set aside for a big grocery trip yet. However, I have saved significantly on gas for my car. The last full tank of gas was almost a week ago instead of every two to three days. I’ve even cut down on smoking. Since I only smoke in my car or at work, one pack of cigarettes can last two or even three days. It’s just going to take time and I have to be patient.

While there are a few fears left (i.e. what happens if I need my car fixed, I can’t afford this or that, I lose my job, etc.), they don’t bother me too much. Instead, they tend to creep up but fade away rather quickly. To be honest, it also gets very dark since there is the one street lamp on the other side of the road at night. My front porch light blew out during a rain storm. Therefore at night, I get a little nervous. But everyone else doesn’t have one single light on, so I have to trust something won’t happen. These things will subside in time.

I just absolutely love the solitude. It’s not that I’m anti-social or isolating. I think this time in my life is a period of reflection and spiritual growth. Since I’ve finally left the rat race of the city/town, I can dedicate some full time to the spiritual side of me, which lately is really lacking. I have set a special date which my daily routine will begin.

All is good in the country, despite my solitude from the rest of the world.

Ready to Take a Hike

On June 13, 2017June 13, 2017 By mikeykjrIn PersonalLeave a comment

For those who are active readers here – NO, this does NOT relate to my sobriety. My sobriety, despite the constant “issues” at work, is quite intact. What I’m feeling is the greatest pull toward something new I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m ready to take a hike, move on with my life.

My lease was signed for my new place where I’m moving on June 6, 2017. I recently received a copy in the mail. I got a little nervous because it took so long but those nerves subsided when the landlord said his secretary was on vacation. Looking at this signed lease in front of me just makes me want to pack up and go!

Basically, I’m starting over. Like I said before, I have a couple goals in mind. One is that of a minimalistic lifestyle. Removing all the material things in my life causing clutter is already working. I’m more peaceful and content.

On the other hand, my brain wants to compound itself with projects upon projects of new things to do (and possibly buy). Right now I have to remind myself the “One Day at a Time ” methodology; I haven’t even moved into the new place, so why worry about what I may need, will I be able to afford it, etc. Worrying about something not happening yet can put me on a path I’d rather not go down.

I’m only moving some personal items. For instance, my computers will all go with me. I still have to figure out which monitors work. Once that’s done, I have to visit the city landfill to properly dispose of them. Once at the new residence, I’m planning on backing up information to an external drive and starting over on all my machines.

Since I’m working most of the time (wearing scrubs), there is no need to bring all my clothes but a select few of outfits. Typically when I’m at home, I’m in sweats and a t-shirt. I do have to remember to bring some seasonal clothing too! Perhaps an outfit or two, a jacket for winter, gloves and such. Besides, I won’t be smoking at the new place. My current selection looks and smells disgusting, so I’ll be glad to either throw it away or donate to my favorite charity, the Salvation Army (bad sarcasm).

Currently, I don’t really cook for myself. Fast-food dining is my life blood. Once I move, I will have to cook much more often, thus a new experience. Already, I have worried friends, “Michael, you’re going to starve yourself. Let me know if I can help you . . .”

I will be moving no furniture. I’ll be sleeping on a blow-up mattress until such time I can afford a real bed again. Bedroom furniture and living room furniture will come in its own time. Honestly, a beanbag or cushion on the floor is good for me!

Seriously, that’s it. A couple road trips back and forth, then it’s done.

It reminds me of my youth when I moved out of my parent’s house back in the late 1980’s. I didn’t have anything. yet over the years, I accumulated what I needed, when I needed it and more. This is something I’m going to strive to change.

What I want to change is my perception of “what I need”. With a steady job, a car for transportation, a roof over my head and food on the table, there isn’t much more. It’s going to be a struggle, like any new experience. I will have battles within myself when the compulsion comes over to buy something when I really don’t need it. That is the challenge and I accept it.

I guess I can’t explain my (overly?) excitement of this new adventure. Everything happening right now feels right. It feels fresh, new and exciting. I can’t wait to go, go, go. Perhaps

Perhaps this does relate to my sobriety in that I’m fulfilling a promise. The most important of them all:

“We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.“

The Jump

On May 24, 2017May 24, 2017 By mikeykjrIn PersonalLeave a comment

After the Winter of 2016 into 2017, I vowed to move closer to work. An opportunity presented itself. Yet, knowing myself, I proceeded cautiously. Today, I made the decision to move to a new home. As expected, I have 1,000 emotions going through me at once, I can’t think straight.

I’ve decided to move from a one bedroom apartment in Binghamton, NY, into a three bedroom trailer in Van Etten, NY. PIctures will be posted at the end of this post for those interested. After viewing the property the other day, I called around for services (i.e. cable, internet, fuel oil for heating and propane). Today I created a budget based on potential income and expenses.

So I took the jump, called the new landlord and I’ll be moving July 1, 2017.

I can’t believe I’m doing this . . . more later.

New Home Pictures

Full Circle

On May 23, 2017 By mikeykjrIn PersonalLeave a comment

Yesterday I had an appointment to view some property in Van Etten, NY. As I drove to my destination, I went through Spencer, NY. I was flooded with memories of the times at the end of my drinking days. All I could do to stay on the road was to keep wiping my eyes from the flood of tears coming down my cheeks. It’s interesting how things have come full circle.

I can remember months before my sobriety date in 2007. I was drinking at least a 30 pack of Milwaukee’s Best lager or more. It was only $7.00 for a 12 pack or $15 for a 30-pack with a short trip to Pennsylvania. The things I did to get beer.

As I passed a certain road, I remember the all day trip it took me just to get my beer. Four miles of road took me an hour and a half one way, so THREE HOURS total. I would buy a 12-pack at the store, go back home and by the time I hit my front door, I have a couple cans left. I would take a nap and go back into town to get another 12-pack for the night. Absolute insanity.

Meanwhile, my rent was three months late. My landlord was threatening to throw me out. I didn’t have a job. My unemployment had run out in November. I had no fuel for heat, so I was running to a gas station to get 2 gallons of kerosene every day too. I couldn’t even think of food. My refrigerator was empty. In the last couple of days, I couldn’t remember the last time I took a shower because I had used all the propane, so I had no hot water either. It was a miserable experience.

Now it has come full circle. I’m full of emotions because that was who I was at the time. Today I’m 150% a different person. I am a responsible adult who pays his bills on time, is not in threat of eviction or lack of basic services. I have transportation and a well paying job. I am committed to traveling the path I am on with sobriety. But don’t think the journey has ended.

I’m beginning, yet another, new chapter in my life. As I search for a new home closer to work, new stresses will begin to pop up I’m sure. Yes, there will be bumps in the road. But in the end, I’ll survive without grabbing for a drink.

Now I have this song in my head: https://youtu.be/fCR0ep31-6U

The Move & Anxiety Update

On May 19, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Personal3 Comments

Since I don’t update this blog on a regular basis on personal events, let me update those that choose to read here. I have been traveling to/from work 50 miles one way, an hour and a half drive each way, at least five times a week. I vowed to move after Winter was over but events in my life postponed my plans. Once again, the time has come for me to move forward. Therefore, “The Move” is a priority of my life.

I have lived at my current address for almost ten years. A year after I got sober, back in 2007, I went through a sober living program which offered a place to live. In 2009, I moved into an apartment where I continue to reside today. I have repaved my path in life in this place, such memories, are going to be painful when I leave. Then again, I look at it another way; it’s the right time in my life to start a new chapter in my life of sobriety. But it comes with much anxiety.

Much of my anxiety is a result of my own choosing. Selfish as it may seem, I am very picky of where I want to move. Cities and towns have plagued my life, so I’ve decided to look at a more country setting. Unable to buy my own home, I’m looking to still rent and such costs will increase 50% or more. Perhaps because I making move from a one bedroom to a three bedroom? In addition, I will also incur additional costs (fuel for heat, propane for cooking, etc.) Even cable services will increase dramatically since major supplies like Spectrum/Time Warner Cable don’t service the area. Yikes! What the hell am I thinking? I’m still crunching numbers with my salary and expenses, but based on the higher cost of living where I work, it might be feasible. Or am I kidding myself?

I’m just viewing properties and gathering information. But it’s becoming a monumental task. Perhaps this is why I have delayed it for so long. I’m comfortable where I’m at and the expected expenses. However, the downside is the cost of repairs to my car. If I don’t have a car, I won’t be able to enjoy the benefits of working where I am.

On thing I’ve learned from my past – don’t rush things. Recently I’ve found an acronym for STOP: Stop, Think, Observe, and Plan . Like my sobriety, I’m taking this one day at a time. I’m not overwhelming myself with information. One property, research a few things and put it aside for a different day. It’s not something I have to make a decision right now. Yes, its getting to be an urgent situation but I’ve come to accept “it will happen when it happens”.

Honestly, I can’t wait to move to start a new chapter in my life. It just won’t be today.

Asking for a Push

On March 4, 2017November 5, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Personal2 Comments

Since the beginning of my sobriety in December 2007, I have lived in Binghamton, New York. I have grown to dislike living in a town/city even more than when I lived in Southern California in active addiction. Now, with my employer fifty six miles, an hour and a half drive on back roads, in Ithaca, New York, it’s time I look for a new place closer to work. Lately, I have asked my Higher Power/The Universe for a financial push to help assist me in finding a new home closer to where I work and a little more.

Living in Binghamton while working in Ithaca has its benefits. My rent is really low compared to other places in Binghamton. Both Binghamton and Ithaca cater to college students, so rent is astronomical in both places. Many of the amenities I need are also right around the corner. It’s quiet on my side of town with an occasional incident here and there. The landlord isn’t the best (getting things fixed is always a pain) but is more than understanding when times get rough and I can’t pay rent on time (only a few times in the last six years I’ve lived here).

The are some major issues living so far away. As mentioned, it takes me an hour and a half to get to work. There are no shortcuts. I have to travel backroads (either North than West or East, then North). This can be a challenge when the weather doesn’t cooperate, especially in Winter. Therefore, at least three hours of my day is sitting in a car dealing with stupid drivers, scared wildlife, bad weather and unmaintained roads. This is taking a toll on my car in maintenance, as well as the cost for gas.

Yet moving close to work has its benefits and issues. The standard of living is much higher. For instance, my salary is higher than any place in Binghamton, much higher. Obviously, with the higher standard of living, all my expenses are going to increase. Thus, I have vowed not to move to Ithaca proper but to one of the outlying areas where rent and expenses are not as expensive.Its hard when you have expenses like a car payment, student loans and other debt.

Perhaps this is selfish but I’ve asked my Higher Power for a very large financial push. I have dreams like anyone else.

For instance, here are a few things in life I would like:

This house is “calls” to me every day as I drive by going to work. It’s a vacant house in Willseyville, NY. It’s under $100K but needs a lot of work. Recent taxes around $500/yr. Off the road, in a nice nook, on Route 96B. Neighbors are not encroaching, the side of the mountain as a backyard, the front of the home is off the road. It just needs a wood fence from prying eyes surrounding the backyard. This house is perfect!

Got to have a decent truck for those rough Winters. A 2016 / 2017 Toyota Tacoma 4 X 4, paid in full. Insurance would be an issue but I’ve accounted for it.

Just those two things and enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life. Enough money to wipe the slate clean of outstanding debt (that I’m paying from my addiction days) instead to put in a retirement fund. An emergency fund for the home, car repairs, insurance costs, etc. I’m a few years from fifty with no savings what so ever. Of course, a little vacation money if the need arises too. Is that asking for to much?

I’m patient. It’s selfish to ask for it all at once and now. I know that my HP, Universe and/or the Gods will provide for me when I can handle it.

The Wandering Enigma

Tag: move 2017