Tag: relaxation

AA Rule 62 – “Don’t take yourself too seriously.”

On By mikeykjrIn Personal1 Comment

This is another focus I’ve concentrated on during this sobriety. In the past I had a tendency to put high expectations on people and myself only to wallow in frustration, anger, sometimes resentment when my expectations weren’t met. Today I’m aware just how much I’ve changed.

My first sponsor hit the nail on the head every time, “Mike, you’re to damn seriously.” I just couldn’t see it no matter how many times he said it to me. He also reminded me, though I didn’t really practice it, “If you don’t put out high expectations, you can’t be disappointed.” Like other sayings, this still rings in my head when I get in one of my moods.

For example, last night at work a co-worker and I had a discussion about how the job could be easier for us, if this or that person did this or that. Old me would have put 200% of my thoughts in the whole conversation getting frustrated and angry why it couldn’t be this way. I caught myself right there. I simply nodded and said, “Okay”. When at work in the past old me would have looked at the day expecting to get everything done exceeding what was expected of me. At the end of the day when I didn’t get what I want accomplished, I would get down on myself sinking myself into a pit of despair.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this relaxed at work. I literally go in with no expectations at all. As with many jobs, we have production goals per day. There are a set amount of hours expected to do certain jobs. I’m certainly not lazy, I do my job. Though I may be new to this whole experience, I still push towards those expected goals. Last night, I actually got all pallets and carts stocked, cardboard and pallets off the floor two hours earlier than the previous day. At one point I didn’t think I would get things done because I noticed I put a few things in the wrong places and had to switch things around. I was actually proud of myself for getting all that done. But again, I’m not going to expect myself to do this night after night. I have to be comfortable doing a job to the best of my ability and not worrying what others think, especially myself. I’m to get the job done, not be a show off. If the employer doesn’t feel I meet their expectations in the future, I have to be comfortable that perhaps it’s just not the right job for me. But such a though doesn’t mean its okay to slack off. I still have to push myself.

I’ve also noticed when I get home I actually relax. Instead of jumping on the computer to get this and that done, I watch some early morning news – even though I’m really not paying attention. The old me use to get immediately on the computer to do this and that, then get so overwhelmed when I didn’t get what I wanted done. “Rome didn’t get build it a day”. “Does it have to be done right now? Does it have to be done by me? Does it have to be done at all?” No, no and no. In my head, I still think, “Oh my God, this, this, this, this and this, I can’t get it all done right now. NOT – failed each and every time. Usually I’ll fix my dinner after watching some boring news cycle, then take a shower and head to bed. Unwinding from the day is something I don’t think I really did in my past.

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given me so many tools to use to change my life, if I’m willing to use them. I can be stubborn sometimes. I screw up and fall back to old ways. I now have a better awareness of my destructive behaviors. I’m learning how to change them. That is progress not perfection.

My Labor Day Weekend 2017

On By mikeykjrIn PersonalLeave a comment

I vowed to have fun this weekend. It may be the only weekend off I may have this month. It was a rough week at work, so I wanted to “let go” in a good way. Just resting or enjoying something for myself was the goal. My goal was accomplished.

Saturday I woke up not in the best of moods. I was physically, mentally and spiritually drained. The events of the prior week at work had beat me down. I didn’t like it at all! I had to do something positive.

There is a local casino that I’ve not been fond of since its opening. The people tend to be rude, the food always sucks, the games never pay out. But there isn’t really anything else to do within a short distance. I also didn’t want to isolate myself at home the whole weekend.

I planned on eating at the buffet, playing some poker to waste time, then perhaps hit a slot of two just for kicks. Didn’t bother with the buffet. While it was free for me, I rather cook something tasteful at home. I stepped in the poker room for two hours to walk out with $50. So I went to the slot machines, lost my $50 and some more (but not boat loads). Nothing changes with this place. How they survive and expand is beyond me.

Since I was close to a good grocery store, I decided to go shopping for the first time since I’ve moved to my new place in July. It’s quite a big store, so I started at one end going isle by isle. I had no plan, no list, it was all spontaneous. As I got close to 1/2 down the rows, I started getting nervous as my cart started to get full. Did I have enough money? Luckily the rest of the store wasn’t things I was interested in getting, so I headed out. The goal was $150. I left with plenty of groceries probably for the month at $120. Next time I will plan and see how to shop with coupons.

The rest of my weekend was spent at home. It began to rain Saturday night. I decided to indulge in some episodes of TV shows I watch: Game of Thrones, Season 7; Big Brother, Season 19; and Master Chef, Season 8. I fell asleep a couple of times, woke back up for a few hours, fell back asleep again. After repeating that three times, I finally got done with all my shows and just went to bed for the night. Oh did I sleep good!

Despite my cat’s howling for me to get up and feed her, I remained in bed until 10 a.m. While I love my cat, her previous owner has taught her some unbearable habits. I’m trying to break those habits to the best of my ability. However, I may be barking up the wrong tree; these habits are so ingrained and she is so old, I doubt I’l be successful. But its worth a try – for my sanity.

Not a bad weekend, but I wish I took the time to do some housework. I know its going to be struggle to do it this week. Most likely, I’ll procrastinate all of it until Wednesday, my next day off. But I’m going to make an effort NOT to do that and do at least ONE thing when I get home after work. Perhaps by Wednesday, I won’t have anything to do, thus I can recharge my batteries.

A Weekend of Relaxation & Positivity

On By mikeykjrIn PersonalLeave a comment

Another frustrating week is now over, thank the Gods! On Thursday and Friday, I felt like I was an inactive volcano ready to explode. I’m just glad I wasn’t scheduled this weekend because I have plans of my own I need to get done around the house. So I’m planning a weekend of relaxation and positivity.

One, I am not going to rush to do anything. I’m going to relax. For the last couple of weeks, my blood pressure is a little high (the top number or diastolic is in the 130’s or 140’s) and my pulse is way down to the 50’s. I’m on medications for blood pressure but I haven’t been eating good, healthy food, nor have I been getting good rest.

The biggest contributing factor is work. We all love to hate work, so I know I’m not the only one feeling this way.  While I love my work and the care I give to my residents, as a CNA, I get so annoyed, frustrated and just plain MAD at the bull**** .

Most of my residents have some form of dementia. But we also have those temporarily staying for rehabilitation. Most of them are also elderly, set in their ways and can be very needy at times. Many times I’m running around “like a chicken with no head”!

There was a management change a few months back. However, the new DON (Director of Nursing) hasn’t really got a handle on things (in my opinion). , thus bring in an ADON (Assistant Director of Nursing) and a few Supervisors. One supervisor, for me, is like a dream come true, clamping down on policies and procedures that should be followed at all times. While she’s doing her best, she asked for my patience for coming changes.

Enough about work since I vowed not even to think about work this weekend. I have a few things on my list I need to get done. For instance, I need to clean this house. Since I’ve been work so much lately (50 – 60 hours per week), things are getting a tad bit untidy around here. I don’t like it, at all! Second, I’m going grocery shopping. I mean really spending money on some good food that will last me a while.  I spend approximately $10 per day on fast food for dinner every night. It’s not healthy and I told myself I was going to start cooking more when I moved to my new place.

I have a few things on my list I need to get done. For instance, I need to clean this house. Since I’ve been work so much lately (50 – 60 hours per week), things are getting a tad bit untidy around here. I don’t like it, at all! Second, I’m going grocery shopping. I mean really spending money on some good food that will last me a while.  I spend approximately $10 per day on fast food for dinner every night. It’s not healthy and I told myself I was going to start cooking more when I moved to my new place. Third, I’m going to make a short trip to the casino, so I can get out and have some fun. They are luring me with coupons of free play and a free buffet for lunch, so why not? It’s a very dreary day anyway.

Right now I have some meditation music on my tablet playing with some sandalwood incense burning in the background. I think I’m going to meditate a while when Heart (my cat) goes back to sleep and stops meowing at me to love her (LOL). Perhaps take a shower, then head to the casino for some lunch and some fun.

 

Time Off for Myself

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery ReadingsLeave a comment

Finally, I have some time off for myself.  I have already written how I have worked my arse off (going in early two days, doing two double shifts and working  12 days straight). By the Gods, I have been given the next three days off. Now the question is, what do I do not only to enjoy myself but to be productive at the same time.

I was supposed to have Thursday (7/13) and Monday (7/17) off. But with the current staffing issues at work, I was called into work Thursday. I could have declined but didn’t There was no guarantee I would get either Friday or Saturday off for my day off this week. Instead, I just bit the bullet and reported to work.  A couple hours after reporting to work, I was notified my Saturday shift would be covered. A couple hours after that, my boss asked if I would accept a schedule change. She would give me Sunday off if I worked a double on Friday of next week.  In the end, I got a three day weekend (Saturday through Monday).

One, I need rest. Yet, part of me doesn’t want to just sit in this house for three days. I could spend hours sitting in front of my computers for hours. But I want to do something different.

Here’s a list of things I need to do:

  • Get a haircut
  • Do laundry
  • Clean the kitchen
  • Put things where they belong
  • Create a budget
  •  Re-connect spiritually
  • Buy groceries

Things I want to do:

  • Go to Tioga Downs
  • Play Achaea or Lusternia
  • Reformat my three other computers to start over
  • Explore around my new house
  • Go out for a hike

Tioga Downs is a local casino. I’ve never really liked it since it opened in June 2006. But I go there every once and a while. The last couple of times, I’ve won quite a large sum of money. But the reason I go is NOT for the money but just to have a good time. I have also accumulated points for free meals at the buffet, so a free meal is tempting too. Should I tempt fate today?

Achaea and Lusternia are text-character based games called Multi-User Dungeon/Dimension/Domain. I’ve been playing them since 2003 off and on. Over the years both games have changed dramatically, as MUDs are no longer popular games to play, almost forgotten except for the few that continue to play them.

What I really want to do is to reformat one of my computers. But again, this is not an easy task. Typically I get bored through the process or I get side tracked because I create a to-do-list a mile long.  To be honest, I’m not sure if today is a good day since I’m so tired. I doubt I would be able to focus.

The weather has not been cooperative lately. For the last week, we’ve had powerful thunderstorms come through periodically. It’s been hot and humid. Right now it’s 68°F with cloudy skies, a slight cool breeze coming from the North. With no rain in the forecast today, perhaps I should just take a walk around the house or drive one of the various New York State forests for a hike? I just feel physically exhausted.

Lastly, I really need a haircut. My last buzz was in the middle of winter. Typically I get my haircut in the Summer and Winter. I’m way overdue. My head is beginning to literally look like a mop!! The problem – I have to drive 30 miles or more for a barber. The local barber has been closed every day when I pass by. I’ve called but there is no recorder, just a message, “Sorry we are closed, please call back later.”

It’s time to get off this arse. At the very least, take a shower and DO something. I’ve already lost track of time! I’ve missed my home group meeting at 12 p.m. There’s another thought – perhaps go to a meeting tonight, somewhere new?

Enough for now . . .