Tag: sobriety

DR – February 9, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 9, 2018:

Daily Reflection

GETTING THE “SPIRITUAL ANGLE”

How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, “But I haven’t yet got the spiritual angle.” Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in him—not only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it. It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift; “. . . except that he doesn’t seem to know it yet!” We well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God.

— THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275

A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 33~

Keep It Simple

You may be very proud of your recent contribution to a group effort, but don’t understand the mixed reviews you are currently receiving. Some people appear to go out of their way to make sure you know how much they appreciate all your hard work. But there are others who are more critical and point out your shortcomings. Look for the nuggets of truth in the feedback and let the rest go. Actor Spencer Tracy said, “It is up to us to give ourselves recognition. If we wait for it to come from others, we feel resentful when it doesn’t, and when it does, we may well reject it.”

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may be very proud of your recent contribution to a group effort, but don’t understand the mixed reviews you are currently receiving. Some people appear to go out of their way to make sure you know how much they appreciate all your hard work. But there are others who are more critical and point out your shortcomings. Look for the nuggets of truth in the feedback and let the rest go. Actor Spencer Tracy said, “It is up to us to give ourselves recognition. If we wait for it to come from others, we feel resentful when it doesn’t, and when it does, we may well reject it.”

DR – February 7, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 7, 2018:

Daily Reflection

A PATH TO FAITH

True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A. meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33

My last drunk had landed me in the hospital, totally broken. It was then that I was able to see my past float in front of me. I realized that, through drinking, I had lived every nightmare I had ever had. My own self-will and obsession to drink had driven me into a dark pit of hallucinations, blackouts and despair. Finally beaten, I asked for God’s help. His presence told me to believe. My obsession for alcohol was taken away and my paranoia has since been lifted. I am no longer afraid. I know my life is healthy and sane.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“When people presented us with spiritual approaches, how frequently did we all say, “I wish I had what that man has. Im sure it would work if I could only believe as he believes. But I cannot accept as surely true the many articles of faith which are so plain to him.” So it was comforting to learn that we could commence at a simpler level.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 47~

Keep It Simple

I thank God for my handicaps, for through them, I have found myself, my work and my God.
—Helen Keller

None of us ever wanted to be addicts. It’s not what we would choose to be— just as no one would choose to blind and deaf. Helen Keller, who was blind and deaf, told of how her problems became her biggest gift. Through them, she found true meaning in her life. We can accept our handicap—our addiction— and learn from it. The truth is, we’re all handicapped in some way. Recovery is about facing our addiction and learning to live with it. When we see we can’t do things alone, we see the need for a Higher Power.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me see myself as I really am. Give me the serenity that comes from accepting my handicaps.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll list all the ways I am handicapped. I’ll ask myself, “What gift does each of these hold for me?”

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It really doesn’t matter how young or old you are now, your inner child is poised and ready to rise to the occasion. However, people expect you to meet your obligations before heading out to the playground for a self-declared recess. Nevertheless, you could get away with a well-timed escape if you plan it in advance. But overextending your break would be a mistake. The sooner you return to work, the earlier you’ll be able to call it quits for the day. Neale Donald Walsh wrote, “The struggle ends when gratitude begins.”

DR – February 5, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 5, 2018:

Daily Reflection

A GLORIOUS RELEASE

“The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A.’s program as enthusiastically as I could.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27

After years of indulging in a “self-will run riot,” Step Two became for me a glorious release from being all alone. Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life’s burdens with me. Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“If we skip this vital step (5th Step), we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 72~

Keep It Simple

Don’t bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it.
——Thomas Jefferson

Pleasure is important in recovery. But at times we think pleasure is the answer to life’s pains. Alcohol and other drugs were what we liked best. We need to watch out so we don’t switch to another addiction–such as gambling, food, sex, or work. The real answer to life’s pains is in having a strong spiritual center. It is also our best way to avoid another addiction. Recovery lets us turn our pain over to the care of our Higher Power. Our Higher Power can handle any problem we may have. Our program can help us with our problems too. Recovery is a three-way deal. Higher Power, program, and us.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me avoid another addiction. When I have problems, have me come to You and to my program before anything else.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll set aside time and ask the question, “Am I headed for another addiction/” I’ll also ask my sponsor what he or she thinks.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

The accuracy of your perceptions may be called into question today. But instead of standing up to defend your position, you might just disappear behind your self-protective wall. You are strong enough to fend off nearly any attack; you just don’t want to be pulled down into such an unnecessary conflict. It’s hard to understand why others can’t just accept that your perspective is different from theirs. Nevertheless, you need to decide whether it’s smarter to base your current strategy on fight or flight. Either way, you must live with your decision.

DR – February 4, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 4, 2018:

Daily Reflection

WHEN FAITH IS MISSING

Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28

I was so sure God had failed me that I became ultimately defiant, though I knew better, and plunged into a final drinking binge. My faith turned bitter and that was no coincidence. Those who once had great faith hit bottom harder. It took time to rekindle my faith, though I came to A.A. I was grateful intellectually to have survived such a great fall, but my heart felt callous. Still, I stuck with the A.A. program; the alternatives were too bleak! I kept coming back and gradually my faith was resurrected.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 164

Keep It Simple

We do not remember days, we remember moments.—-Cesare Pavese

It’s the moment that’s important. Each moment holds choice. Our spirits grow through working our program moment to moment. Moments lead to days, days to years, and years to a life of honest recovery.

It will be the moments of choice that we remember. The moment we call a friend instead of being alone.

The moment we decide to go for a walk instead of arguing with our partner. The moment we decide to go to an extra meeting instead of drinking or using other drugs. The moments lead us to our Higher Power.

These moments teach us that we’re human, that we need others. At these moments, we know others care about us–our joys, and our struggles.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me remember that my recovery is made up of many moments of choice.

Today’s Action:
I’ll look back over the last twenty-four hours. What moments come to mind? Why were they important to me.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Enjoying activities with family or friends sounds like a good idea as long as whatever you commit to doesn’t turn into something else. A simple walk in the park could morph into a rigorous hike. A run to the store can become a major shopping spree. The problem is your inability to influence the flow of events today when others are involved. Going out of your way to clearly set limits on your time might seem like an excessive precaution at first, but will likely save the day from spinning out of control. Busy does not equal success.

An Abundance of Anniversaries

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings, Personal, The 12 Step Series

Many of us have busy schedules from Halloween to the New Year. Veteran’s Day (for some), Thanksgiving,  and Christmas are all observed. Parents get uptight around this time of year because the kids are off for Winter break from school. Finally, in rural New York, the deer are rutting (mating), hunting season (shooting) begins, temperatures are beginning to fall and you can smell the sweet pine and oak burning in fireplaces all day long. In addition, I celebrate four anniversaries myself: CNA certification, 10 years of sobriety and this site, The Wandering Enigma, will be a year old.

Today in 2016, I passed the New York State, Department of Health,  Certified Nursing Assistant exam. For once in my life, I wasn’t nervous about the exam. The instructor drilled us on the skills and material we needed to pass the exam, so much of the credit I give to her. It was worth all the effort.

On December 1, 2017, I will be celebrating ten(10) years of sobriety. It brings tears to my eyes. I can distinctly remember pounding a beer on the table in the late 1990’s saying, “If I could stop drinking this, my life would be a hold lot different.” But I never imagined what I’ve been through since day, both the good and bad times.

With that in mind, I thought it would be interesting to viewers to publish parts of my old journal entries from the beginning of my sobriety. Where was my head ten years ago, say today?  I wrote it all down either electronically or on paper. Yes, I have kept both for ten years but only periodically have a gone back to them. It’s time to dust them off.

In addition, I am going to start publishing my experiences of working the 12 Steps with my Sponsor. It will be a monthly series.  I can publish my own material while at the same time gathering material from other sources for reference. Perhaps start discussing our own stories and experiences too?

Lastly,  this site will have its first anniversary on December 4, 2017. The purpose of this site was to provide unedited experiences of my journey through sobriety. In addition,  providing other relevant material on sobriety.  Unfortunately, I have not been able to do the later because I’ve been self-absorbed in my personal journal. But at some point, I hope to expand the site to include material and references.

Our journey in sobriety is ALWAYS a work in progress.  ~ Mike Kolodziej

A Spiritual Awakening

On By mikeykjrIn Personal1 Comment

Posted on FB:

OMG, I’m freaking out right now. I’m crying all over again. I was smoking a cigarette on my front porch when I noticed something staring at me in the corner of my eye. I buried Heart on the side of my property by the river (I have yet to erect a marker). My heart literally stopped, I stopped breathing. At the same place, there was a black and white cat, exactly the same markings as Heart, staring at me. I began to walk to that place and it went back in the bushes. I’ve never had something like that happen to me.

Most of you are not aware of my spiritual beliefs, but I am a pagan, Witch, Wiccan, whatever you choose to call me. It is my belief, right now, as we come closer to Samhain / Halloween, the veil between the Otherworld (the realm of our Ancestors / the deceased) and the living is thining, until Samhain when that veil is the thinnest.

The reason I post this is sobriety taught me to BELIEVE in my own beliefs. I BELIEVED I could become and stay sober (and ten years later I still am sober). BELIEVE in a Higher Power (no matter what you call it) which I have despite the vast differences my beliefs are with those of the program. BELIEVE that no matter what, things will get better. But you have to BELIEVE and put the work into it.

This is one of those “spiritual awakenings” (as it’s my belief you just don’t have one). Let me clarify, my FB post says, “I’ve never had something like this happen to me.” I’ve always had memories of my Ancestors but nothing like this. Some may call it a coincidence. Perhaps this cliche clears things up, “Things happen for a reason?”

Let’s Talk Religion in Recovery

On By mikeykjrIn Discussion
religion_kindness
“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” 
— Dalai Lama

The discussion of religion tends to be a taboo subject; religions are beliefs and practices of a very personal matter. People avoid the topic at all costs unless surrounded by like-minded individuals. Figuratively, people start to bring out their pitchforks and stakes at even the hint of such a discussion. For those in recovery, it is the pink elephant in the room rearing its ugly head. Can you imagine my thoughts, in early sobriety, when the topic of Christianity was discussed when I knew I was gay and a practicing pagan?

Recovery programs were founded with the principles of Christian beliefs in mind. However, the founding members recognized the diversity of those seeking recovery, insisting recovery should be a spiritual program. And yet, people tend to forget those of us who are just beginning our journeys in recovery either: lost faith in our religion (whatever that may be); tried a religion as a solution finding that we drank again; didn’t have a set of religious beliefs to begin with; or, like myself, having a strong belief system and/or a strong self-identity, were shunned because those beliefs don’t conform to those who set down the guiding principles of the program.

When I began my journey in recovery I was a broken human being: physically, mentally and spiritually. I didn’t know who I was, where I was going nor a sense of purpose in life. My addiction took all that away. The concept of spirituality was foreign to me. Like most, when the topic of religion was thrown into the mix, I was more confused on how a program of recovery was going to help me.

Spirituality is the cornerstone of a recovery program. A recovery program is not simply going through the 12 Steps with a Sponsor and “applying those principles in all our affairs”. Recovery is a process of finding yourself and your purpose in life, no matter what your religious beliefs, if any.

“The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.” – Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 60.

I am NOT saying a religion should not be part of a person’s recovery program. (Nor am I suggesting that “God” be removed or renamed for any reason.) For some, a religion provides more inclusion and strength. However, in early sobriety, it is suggested, “[We] Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” This understanding doesn’t happen overnight. Spirituality, a belief system of a religion, and continuous sobriety are life-long practices.

We should remind the newcomer to build their foundation of spirituality (not an understanding of a religion) in Steps 1, Step 2 and Step 3. The first three Steps are essential to continuous sobriety. Even after, we cross the bridge to much harder work within ourselves with the help of their Higher Power and their Sponsor. Lastly, we start to resolve issues within ourselves. Perhaps, only after all Steps are completed and they have begun “practicing these principles in all our affairs” it would be appropriate to breach the subject of religion.

What are your thoughts about discussing religion with newcomers to the program? Should the discussion of religion take place in early sobriety?

Adopting the Minimalist Lifestyle

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

minimalism-min

Most of my life, both in active addiction and recovery, I have stockpiled crap. During my active addiction, it was like another obsession, “I could always use this later . . . ” However, during my sobriety, its more on the lines of, “I don’t want to lose this . . .” With my pending move to a new home, I’ve decided to adopt a new minimalist lifestyle. As Step 12 suggests, “. . . , practicing these principles in all our affairs.”

First, I put a twist on the most common slogan, “One Day at a Time”. In this case, taking the monumental task of just one section of the current home. After reading hundreds of articles on a minimalist lifestyle, I finally got my arse up away from the computer to tackle the walk in closet.

I took a tape measure out from a toolset (one I’ve never opened) measuring the space to be approximately 5 feet deep by 7.5 feet tall. It was stacked with stuff about 4 feet. Bags of JUNK from front to back. There are old computer parts (printers, screens, misc., etc.) and bags of unknown origins. So I took the most difficult step for me – throwing it all away. While some of it sits in the front room, a quarter of it sits in my car ready to be hauled to a willing commercial trash can.

It was a difficult task. Part of me, the new me, didn’t want to bother looking into the bag. If I didn’t know what it was – trash pile. On the other hand, there were strong impulses to go through each bag, “Just in case, you may need something . . .” It reminded me of my early days of sobriety. So, I adopted the same principles like I do in my sobriety:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol the compulsion to save things –that our lives had become unmanageable.

Like in sobriety, I admit complete defeat. My Gods, I’ve buried my Self in a pile of JUNK over 4 feet high! Why? Because of my fear of losing things in my life again. I’m accepting the truth of the situation. I don’t and can’t live this way anymore. There is no need. I’m attempting to hold on to material things which, in reality, have no meaning in my life anymore. They are just things. I should no longer fear losing everything. I have to let it go!

Already, I have a sense of relief and sadness. I’m relieved the task if over. It’s been years, day after day, I told myself I would get rid of everything. Now the junk is out on the floor and ready to go! It’s like writing Step 1 on paper. Yet, part of me feels sad I’m throwing a part of my life away. Am I? Perhaps I’m not “throwing a part of my life” but simply “closing another chapter in my life, getting ready to write a new one”!

I made a promise to myself of change. I”m moving to a brand new place with the absolute minimum. It’s like writing a new chapter in my life on a blank page. I’m actually excited. I don’t know what the future holds, as it has yet to be written. But I do know this, “We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.” That is the goal and I’m just one Step, closer!