Tag: Step 2

No Butts

On By mikeykjrIn health, Personal, Smoke FreeLeave a comment

For many addicts we have one vice we have a hard time just letting go. For many in recovery it is smoking. As non-smokers can understand, you arrive or leave an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting only to be overwhelmed by all the smokers who tend to hang out at the front door. I was one of them. But I, just like alcohol, made a decision to stop for the rest of my life. It’s not easy saying goodbye to your best friend you’ve had for 37 years. But I can relate. It’s just like any other addiction. For me, it’s “One Day At a Time”.

To my surprise, the first day without a cigarette was relatively easy. Honestly, I had three strong cravings all day. The first walking to my first AA meeting of the day. The next after I ate dinner at night. Finally the last, when I was done with my day and heading off to bed.

I did not go cold turkey, as I immediately have put a NRT patch upon waking up. Based on my own experience of trying to stop smoking in my past, the patches helped me “stay stopped” successfully. The challenge right now is filling my hands with something to do when the cravings start.

As I shared at a meeting yesterday, I am applying the same principles of AA to quit smoking. While I’m looking for some positive reinforcement in my decision to do so, many dismiss me. Doing so just makes my determination stronger. An old timer, who’s been smoke free for many years now, pointed to the toothpick he always chews when at an AA meeting. I responded with, “I’ll try that…I’m being honest, open-minded and willing, just as I am in AA”

Just like when I quit alcohol, the first few hurdles are the physical craving and mental obsession. The cravings come when my body says, “Hey, we’re missing something here.” My body is expelling those toxic chemicals, just like alcohol, that in the end want to kill me. For those who quit cold turkey, I applaud you because without the NRT, I highly doubt I would have gotten through the first 24 hours. The mental obsession as we know from our addiction takes time. Dammit, I want it all to go away, NOW! **great laughter** . I’ve been down this road before haven’t I?

Right now, it’s all about Step 1 to Step 3. I know I’m powerless – if I smoke one, I’m off to the races again and I can’t stop. Step 2, I “believe in a Power greater than myself WILL restore me to sanity” – I trust this will happen, giving it time. Lastly, Step 3, I “turn my will and my life over to the the care of God (or Higher Power) as I understand Him”. I’m not alone, my Higher Power is there to help me, if I let Him.

I say this as another craving sets in because I’m about to walk to outpatient treatment. Typical routine – smoke a cigarette. But just writing those three Steps, the obsession is NOT there, the physical craving has already lessened and I’m not even out the door. I know the program works, I just have to trust the process.

Came to Believe . . .

On By mikeykjrIn The 12 Step SeriesLeave a comment

In the various 12-Step meetings, they all have adapted the same for Step 2: “Came to believe in a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” For many, we rejected the idea of God or a Higher Power because “what did He/She/They/Them do for me when I was drinking”? Many nights all those fox hole prayers were never answered. This Step is another stumbling block for many newcomers, even myself.

Throughout the early years of my life, I rejected the Christian God and Christianity in general. It just wasn’t doing anything for me. Specifically, getting me out of the hell hole I was living with an abusive (physical, mental and emotionally) mother and enabling, codependent father. However, I did acknowledge an existence of what I called “a presence” which I found through Nature, Herself. Eventually those beliefs brought me in believing in Those I choose to today, which out of respect for all religions, I simply call my Higher Power.

At the beginning of my sobriety, AA asked me to stop drinking – one day at a time. What? Me? Are you serious? My friend, my lover, my companion, the “thing” that kept me insane from all the insanity in my life? It happened.

As I grew in days and months of my sobriety, now AA asked me to “come to believe in a Power greater than myself to restore me to sanity.” Whoa..wait a minute…put the breaks on! I had my own beliefs and it didn’t include “God”. However, I was reminded of three things from my Sponsor, “If there is anything in this program I ask of you, it is to be honest with yourself and others, an open-mind to experience new ideas and a willingness to try new things.” With much reluctance my response was, “Fine.”

I heard in meetings and was reminded by my Sponsor, which I passed on to those I sponsored later, “Step 2 only says, ‘Came to believe'”. Therefore, with an open mind and my willingness I began to connect with my Higher Power as I knew Them. My trust in Them grew exponentially as time passed. Now, I explain two things to people about this Step to help them out. This didn’t happen over night, it took months, if not years to develop the relationship I have with my Higher Power I have today.

For me, if my gut tells me something is right or wrong; go left, not right; choose the blue box not the red box; I have a choice. Yet, in early sobriety I didn’t choose because I knew no better. However, later on after some experience, I did have a choice. It’s called taking responsibility for my actions and trusting in my Higher Power. For me, my gut is my Higher Power speaking through me. Therefore, if I choose against what my “guy” is telling me, I must accept those consequences.

At a men’s meeting I use to attend to years ago, I will never forget how a friend of mine explained how he practices this Step. “When I don’t know what to do, when I’m in a bad situation, when I think about using, I simply look up and say, ‘Can you help me out?'” Simple, yet revolutionary!

We as alcoholics, addicts, codependents, etc., tend to complicate matters, hence the saying, “Keep it simple, stupid!” Whether you have a religious background or not, it doesn’t matter. Most 12-step programs are spiritual programs. I explain ‘spiritual’ as ‘finding your true Self’. Who do you want to be in recovery – the same piece of shit with two legs meandering through life aimlessly when drinking like I did?

If you haven’t recognized another important part of recovery, it is you can’t do it alone! We have all suffered enough so let others help you, especially in a Higher Power. With the help of a Higher Power, your life will change.

It may be difficult at first to digest this concept. We were all in your shoes. But try one of the two methods I describe above. Don’t think about it, just do it. My Sponsor use to say, “Don’t expect anything. If you expect something and it doesn’t happen, you are only going to disappoint yourself. If you think about it, our addiction will convince us to do otherwise.

Do it just once a day? Do it when you need some help, there is no meeting, you don’t have a Sponsor yet or you just want to practice it. Did it work for you? What happened? Keep working on it.

Eventually connecting with your Higher Power will become second nature. Sometimes in my own life, especially now in my own early sobriety, I use the methods described above. They work. You have to trust and “come to believe in a Higher Power greater than yourself. The second part of the step, “…could restore us to sanity” just comes with time with the practice of the rest of the 12 Steps.

Good luck and remember – Today, don’t drink!

Let’s Talk Religion in Recovery

On By mikeykjrIn DiscussionLeave a comment

religion_kindness
“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” 
— Dalai Lama

The discussion of religion tends to be a taboo subject; religions are beliefs and practices of a very personal matter. People avoid the topic at all costs unless surrounded by like-minded individuals. Figuratively, people start to bring out their pitchforks and stakes at even the hint of such a discussion. For those in recovery, it is the pink elephant in the room rearing its ugly head. Can you imagine my thoughts, in early sobriety, when the topic of Christianity was discussed when I knew I was gay and a practicing pagan?

Recovery programs were founded with the principles of Christian beliefs in mind. However, the founding members recognized the diversity of those seeking recovery, insisting recovery should be a spiritual program. And yet, people tend to forget those of us who are just beginning our journeys in recovery either: lost faith in our religion (whatever that may be); tried a religion as a solution finding that we drank again; didn’t have a set of religious beliefs to begin with; or, like myself, having a strong belief system and/or a strong self-identity, were shunned because those beliefs don’t conform to those who set down the guiding principles of the program.

When I began my journey in recovery I was a broken human being: physically, mentally and spiritually. I didn’t know who I was, where I was going nor a sense of purpose in life. My addiction took all that away. The concept of spirituality was foreign to me. Like most, when the topic of religion was thrown into the mix, I was more confused on how a program of recovery was going to help me.

Spirituality is the cornerstone of a recovery program. A recovery program is not simply going through the 12 Steps with a Sponsor and “applying those principles in all our affairs”. Recovery is a process of finding yourself and your purpose in life, no matter what your religious beliefs, if any.

“The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.” – Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 60.

I am NOT saying a religion should not be part of a person’s recovery program. (Nor am I suggesting that “God” be removed or renamed for any reason.) For some, a religion provides more inclusion and strength. However, in early sobriety, it is suggested, “[We] Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” This understanding doesn’t happen overnight. Spirituality, a belief system of a religion, and continuous sobriety are life-long practices.

We should remind the newcomer to build their foundation of spirituality (not an understanding of a religion) in Steps 1, Step 2 and Step 3. The first three Steps are essential to continuous sobriety. Even after, we cross the bridge to much harder work within ourselves with the help of their Higher Power and their Sponsor. Lastly, we start to resolve issues within ourselves. Perhaps, only after all Steps are completed and they have begun “practicing these principles in all our affairs” it would be appropriate to breach the subject of religion.

What are your thoughts about discussing religion with newcomers to the program? Should the discussion of religion take place in early sobriety?