A Mouse In a Running Wheel

In the past, I’ve been complimented on my tolerance of other’s behavior. Lately, I find that I have less tolerance each day. The behaviors of everyone, including myself. It has been months since I searched the Big Book or the 12 & 12 for some advice.

Some days it is so hard to just bite my tongue. It feels like the fuse is lit to an atomic bomb. It starts with one, then another until I’m boiling with frustration and anger. Through my own personal experiences I learned to do something quickly. However, some days are better than others.

Here are a few passages that put things in perspective while also giving me a solution. The Big Book reminds Us, “We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look at them as sick people (70) . . . Love and tolerance of others is our code (84)”. The 12 & 12, reminds Us, “Finally, we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellow actually means” (92).

For example, before I even leave town just driving to work gets me unsettled. Pedestrian traffic is typically non-existent. But I always find that ONE pedestrian who just pisses me off. They want to use the cross walk at the wrong time; they think it’s clear to cross, my side turns green, yet I wait for them to cross while people are honking their horns in frustration. Other times they cross the street instead of walking to the corner stopping the flow of traffic like it’s New York City. But these feelings are reduced when I drive through the countryside on my way to work.

We all work in environments where some people just get on our nerves. My tolerance of my fellow co-workers is another issue. Every day, I start work with a clean slate. Yet it only takes a few minutes before I’m back where I was yesterday. No matter how hard I try to leave it at the door when I leave work each night, it’s just not easy. Unfortunately, talking to anyone is a waste of my time. A change of job was suggested, however no matter where I go in the medical field or another profession, this type of environment is not going to change.

This is what exhausts me each day. I see how it wears me down during the day. My forgetfulness of what needs to be done at work rises because my frustration/anger side tracks me. I feel guilty because I broke yet another promise made earlier in the day. There really is no way out. It’s like being a mouse in a running wheel for the entirety of my day.

Same shit. Different day.

4 thoughts on “A Mouse In a Running Wheel

  1. I have an hour commute to work each way, through the countryside and I can’t imagine commuting through the city every day. I have to go into the city once in a while for meetings and my blood pressure skyrockets and my road rage is almost uncontrollable.
    I think that no matter where we work we’re going to have to deal with people like that, whether directly or indirectly.


    1. I use to live in Southern California where my commute, at times, was up to 3 hours to drive 40 miles. Now I live in Binghamton, NY and I’ve wanted out for a while. So I’m planning on moving closer to work in Ithaca, NY in the Spring 2017. For instance, yesterday I almost saw a head on collision with a farmer’s tractor and a car who decided to pass me on the left as the tractor pulled out on the country road. Really? You couldn’t see that damn ass tractor over my 2007 Toyota Corolla? Idiot. But you are right, no matter where we live, there are going to be stupid drivers we’re bound to run into.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. haha, yup, there’s that side to driving in the country too! My personal faves are the people who drive under the speed limit but then speed up to warp speed when you try to pass. The small town closest to where I live has an average age of 80, so people are either driving 15 miles an hour, or just jaywalking everywhere, expecting vehicles to stop for them. Even the police stop and wave the little old granny jaywalkers across the street in front of them.

        Liked by 1 person

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