Rambling About Honesty

Since my sobriety I have learned there are times to be honest while there are also times to keep the mouth shut.  But there is also a time when the frustration, anger and other emotions get so bottled up, they tend to spout out.  These times are scary for me because I’m unsure of the consequences of my decisions.  This is a part of me I work on daily – sometimes I’m good at it, others I’m not.

As you may know I am a CNA.  It’s a rough job.  There are staffing issues, personality issues, company policy issues and most of us are just fed up.  No matter where I go, these type of issues are common everywhere.  However, “the company” hired a Supervisor, so I’ve tested the waters.

There is an employee that I work with, young in age and young in experience (like myself) who just pissed me off.  She might as well have gone home because I felt like I was the only one on the floor.  Her laziness and the need to be on her phone every minute is just unprofessional.

I patiently waited for the Sup to talk to her privately.  Our discussion started with the employee rolling to bigger issues at the end.  She insisted that I stay, “Stay and I will be your voice.”  But I’m skeptical because of my last job experience.  I’ve heard that before, backs tabbed, then was unemployed.  So now I wait.

It’s a cruel world. I have a duty to report certain things. But at the same time people can easily turn it around perhaps jeopardizing my own license.  Management attempted to do that already.  I don’t want to get in those situations again.

Unfortunately, while there is an alternative to seek other employment it’s just not that easy.  The standard of living is much higher in the County I work, therefore if I choose to work closer to home I would take a HUGE pay cut.  I also know facilities around here already have very bad reputations.  Yes, my drive would be cut by three hours a day.

But as I was reminded, “Why are you here?”  Honestly, its not the pay.  Don’t get me wrong, the pay is wonderful.  It’s the residents I have known for the last four months.  I enjoy them and they enjoy me.  I provide them what they want and haven’t received in a long time.  So it’s just not the Sup that is asking I stay, it’s also the residents that I take care of almost on a daily basis.

It’s a sticky situation.  It grinds at me every day.  Even on my days off like today.  People tell me, “You need to leave.  If you don’t bad things are going to happen.  You’re not happy.  You need to find somewhere there is a balance.  You have enough on your plate (sobriety).”  Yet, with only four months of experience, a brand new license (Nov 2016), I can’t expect much if I choose to leave.

This type of situation is going to follow me anywhere.  I just have to practice patience, self-control and be selfish (only worrying about me, not the others around me).  But many times doing such is easier said than done!

4 thoughts on “Rambling About Honesty

  1. It’s a tough one, working in a job that you don’t love. All I can say is that you never know what the future holds. That other girl could move to a different job, the supervisor may be replaced with an AWESOME one and suddenly, 6 months from now, you may be in a completely different situation at work. I do know that it takes one person to make a job a living hell though. I think the important thing is to learn techniques on how to deal with it ourselves so that we don’t let them bother us and we don’t take it home with us at the end of the day.
    Good luck 🙂


    1. I knew the morale was bad going in; I was warned by the Director of Nursing herself. It’s been five months and it’s just worse. It’s not just one person, it’s the whole lot of them. I hear complaints all the time from residents. Whether or not they are true, I have a duty (required by NYS) to report them. Nothing is done. I love my job, I love the residents – that is what we are suppose to be working there for. But the “company” makes it very hard when they put $$ above their own residents. The new supervisor seems to be a great addition to the team, however she has expressed “the company’s” displeasure with some recommendations. Really? This is a person who YOU hired to FIX things? **head to desk** I need to look out for myself and my license. It’s selfish but necessary.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been told this is common in a lot of places but not all. I just have to find a facility where I’m happy. Two applications put in last night and already two interviews. Perhaps I’m reading into things but perhaps that tells us something!


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