My Sponsor and I have known each other for over nine years now. We have a strong relationship. As mentioned, after receiving my nine year medallion, he is one of three people who saved my life. He’s been there, night and day, through my “growing pains” of sobriety, thus I am eternally thankful. However, there are times the relationship feels as if I’m about to jump off a cliff; the relationship doesn’t seem to be working. Yet, there are times, like yesterday, when I’m reminded why he’s my Sponsor.
After an exhausting week at work, due to Storm Stella, the plan was to stay at home. With my job as a CNA, I don’t have a luxury of two days off together. Three days off, like this weekend, is exceptionally rare. I wanted to make the most of it getting things done of my ever growing personal to-do-list. But my Sponsor always seems to put a dent in my plans.
This is the part where I feel the relationship is no longer working. At the age of 76, I’ve noticed an increasing number of signs attributed with his age. He tends to be very forgetful, yet insistent he’s always right. That in itself just drives me nuts, as I just grind my teeth and bare it.Over the years I’ve known him, I have learned he can be a hypocrite. Another annoying side of him. Lately, he’s become needy and dependent on me. Every day off he “suggests” I come help him with tasks he should do for himself. Of course, I indulge him, only regretting my decisions every time.
But there is another side of him – the reason he’s my Sponsor. While his suggestions can become numerous, he’s typically spot on. For instance, I haven’t been to a meeting in quite a long time. Yesterday, he made the strong suggestion I need to attend more meetings. Part of me struggles accepting his suggestion, while the other part of me knows he’s exactly right.
A while ago, I made a commitment to attend the noon meeting at a local church daily to myself. I made it a couple of times, then just stopped going. Excuses: I was to busy having more important things to do; I wasn’t getting any messages for myself there; it was a waste of my time. Then almost every day, I ridicule myself for not going. As I look back, selfishness rears its ugly head putting me on the pity pot. Houston, we have a problem!
But the more I think about it, my Sponsor is right. I need to get involved going to meetings to share my experience, strength and hope. I’ve seen to many people go down that road never to return again. It’s my experience meetings are an essential part of your recovery – it is a must and should not be ignored.
Therefore, I need to get back to reality. I need to stop thinking and just DO it. That is why I have a Sponsor – to give me a reality check and help me keep my sobriety in tact.