A couple things came to mind when I woke up this morning. It’s a New Year, new decade, another chapter in my life recorded, so what now? In reality, at least for me, it’s just another day.
Like many, I have jumped on the no smoking bandwagon, again. So many times I try, fail, try again, fail again. So what’s different this time? First, I haven’t told anyone. I dragged out a box of patches last night. As soon as I woke up, I put one on. I’m still on the fence of medication assisted recovery and the harm reduction model currently phased in recovery circles these days. Instead of fighting with myself and inflating my ego and pride, “I can do this without all that . . .”, I’m just doing it – period. Guess who gave me some inspiration – my AA Sponsor.
I won’t say I have “plans” for 2020. It’s just a fact a few many things are going to happen. The point is they are not happening now, so I’m not going to fill my mind with this and that. The past year, I have taken each day and any problems as its come. I’ve dealt with whatever is going in my life that day, handled it, learned from it and haven’t looked back.
I do have some short-term goals:
- Always work on my recovery, “One Day At A Time”.
- Every day write something to “carry the message”.
- Get my impression, full upper denture and go future dental appointments.
- Complete the free NYS Peer Advocate Training beginning on Jan 6th.
- Get a job. Any job really. If I can get a job in the recovery or related field that would be ideal.
- Move out of my current chemical dependency program to independent living (my own apartment).
I’m not going to list long-term goals because that is where I can get myself in a tizzy. I would like a new computer, eventually get a car, go on a vacation to visit my relatives, attend the International AA Convention in July just to name a few. But right now, I don’t want to put the expectation out there only to be disappointed later. In other words, if it happens, it happens.
There are a couple things I will commit to in this new year. I will be vigilant in my awareness of any codependency behaviors. I have learned a lot about myself and codependency in the last year. It’s been a couple of months since my last meeting because the local meeting closed. However, there are online meetings. Starting today, I am making a commitment to attend at least two online meetings a week. Also I am committed to working the Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous. Recently I noticed some codependent behaviors rising to the surface and in all honesty it scared me how easily I slipped back into them. Isn’t that how I got where I am today in the first place? I definitely need to make it one of my priorities.
I am the current Registrar, Webmaster and Newsletter Committee Chair for the local AA District. In addition I have been asked for my input on the Cooperation with the Professional Community (CPC) committee. We are a small recovery community. We have a lot of “old-timers”, who I respect and adore. However, there is a lack of commitment in the community to get involved beyond the local groups. We have a great opportunity to reach out to the various organizations to let them know we’re here to help them if they need our help. The question I have to answer for myself, do I want to get further involved on a District level? Perhaps I just need to sit with what I have, share my input but not get directly involved.
Lastly, I have always had an interest in genealogy. For me, by researching the family history I fill a void from the absence of my own family. I have this longing to research the family then to pass it on to current family members who in turn can pass it on to their children and grandchildren. It can be expensive and time consuming. The question I ask myself is, “Does my current family really care or even have an interest in such a project?” My past experience attempting such a project tells me they don’t. On the other hand, part of me just wants to continue it as a hobby.
Dammit, I didn’t want to do this…. Just picture R2D2 when he gets zapped by an electrical charge various times during the various movies. See how I can do that all by myself without much effort? UGH.
In the end its good to get it all down and get it out of my system. I just have to concentrate on what I need to do today. For me, this is how I stay sober.