It’s been over a year and four months since I put the drink down again. Ten years prior to my seven month relapse I also had a very good life in sobriety. All my knowledge of recovery can’t keep me sober. I can only life this new way of life if I work at it. During transitions in my life, I need to get back to basics.
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took…Alcoholics Anonymous, How It Works – Chapter 5, pg. 59
Despite my length in sobriety, I will never say the thought of drinking is completely removed. The physical cravings and obsession have been removed. However, my alcoholism is only arrested. I will live with the disease of alcoholism for the rest of my life. The sneaky bastard is held up in solitary confinement. It only takes one split moment when I’m not actively aware of my surroundings both physical and mental – BOOM – I’m drunk again. An occasional thought pops in my mind for a split second. Then the hammer comes down, “The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed (Big Book, More About Alcoholism – Chapter 3, pg. 30).”
We’ve been here before. A new job with the hope of getting my own place in the near future. Pull back – “One Day at A Time!” Thankfully I have developed a daily routine which helps me through the day. Prayer, morning meditation, meeting(s), my Sponsor and I can always pick up the phone. When my mind starts to wander, which it does quite often right now, I remind myself, “Is there anything I can do about it today? What’s more important?” I keep my feet firmly planted on the floor, taking one step in front of another, not living with my head in the clouds.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.
Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action – Chapter 6, p. 84
Scared? Yes. Fear is a natural instinct of the unknown. However, my fear subsides when I do as I’m told, as mentioned above. I have to stop building a dam in a river I can never control called life. I can only accept what is in front of me. Period. If necessary, do something about it. But those are just moments in time. I get to live this new way of life, only if I stay sober – One Day At a Time.