There comes a first for everything at some point in ones life, whether you like it or not. For me, I have never had the flu – until now. While it may be a self-diagnosis, I have had the worse three days. Two of the three I can barely remember. As I come out of the fog, I feel disoriented with life. It’s going to be slow I’m sure but I have to put my health first.
First there is a fear. Fear of losing my job after calling in sick last night. I don’t know how my new employer will look at the event. I just got hired and suddenly I called out for work. It was just a day. It’s probably not at all as bad as I think it’s going to be. But the fear still lingers.
As I look at the coming weeks, I noticed I’m scheduled for forty (40) hours a week starting the first week in March. I haven’t even been asked if I would like to work full-time. I’m grateful for the opportunity to do so, I need to, but again I don’t know if I can run myself as hard yet another day. Part of me feels like we’ve been here before, pushing myself for a need instead of caring for myself. That is a dangerous proposition when it comes to my sobriety.
Speaking of which, I have not missed a meeting one day since I arrived here in October 2018. I have been vigilant because I know what happens when people don’t attend meetings. To be honest, I haven’t been to a meeting all week. The couch, my bed, and my roommates on occasion are the only things I have been in contact with the last couple of days. But honestly, I have not had a thought of a drink – at all.
Now is the hard part. Not attempting to project what may or may not happen. For me it’s called, “Living life on life’s terms”. Unfortunate events happen in our lives but we must move on with our lives no matter what happens. I’m slowly getting to that point. So I go back to basics of “One Day At a Time”. Even if I have to cut that down to each hour of each day. Right now, I need to gather my strength for work.
My priority is to hit a meeting tomorrow morning too.