Yesterday was a nice productive day; I actually got things done I had wanted to do in a long time. Even though a project, installing blinds in my windows, was a bust, I didn’t let get my down. But something is still off. The magnitude of living independently is starting to overwhelm me.
For the last year and a half I’ve lived around people who I was in direct contact daily. Whether sober or not, I had human interaction. Now I don’t. Part of me misses it. Even though it was very frustrating at times, knowing when someone was going down a wrong path, I learned to accept it for what it is – their life.
An old roommate of mine moved to his own place too. We made plans so I could help him with a couple of things. When he didn’t call, I called him to find out what was going on. Something was off. He wasn’t the same. Then he mentioned a couple of people he really should avoid if he wants to stay sober. But my intuition tells me – it’s already to late, he probably drank or did something worse. When you’ve been around long enough, you just “know”. It’s hard to explain. He was suppose to call me today because he was “busy” yesterday but didn’t. It’s not like him – at all. Recovery has taught me to trust my intuition which I recognize as my Higher Power talking to me.
As mentioned, the window blind project is a bust. Perhaps just stalled. I don’t know. I bought a horizontal blind. It fits. However, to manually screw in the screws in that border surrounding the window is impossible. I can’t install them inside the window either because there isn’t enough room. I really need a power screwdriver to get the job done. So for now, I think I’ll just buy a covering and in it up – its easier.
I try to keep myself busy but I tend to get bored with one thing or another rather quickly. For some reason I’m not willing the play my game I have a monthly subscription. I just get bored with it. There isn’t much conversing with people in-game during the hours I’m on despite its played all over the world.
This is all a new adjustment for me. I feel like something is off because I’m not consumed with the activities I use to be when I had people around me. I have more time. So much time I become bored with myself. I recognize this is only temporary. As time passes I’ll develop a routine.
I knew this whole experience was going to be uncomfortable for a while. It actually reminds me of when I got sober. I had to change things. But as a reminded a friend the other day, “Alcoholics don’t like the following saying, ‘Time takes time…’. I should listen to my own suggestions.
2 thoughts on “Something’s Off”
Sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit like this. Do you still go to meetings? It must feel strange coming home to an empty flat if it wasn’t that way before. I hope your friend hasn’t fallen off the wagon ☹️ xxx
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“It too shall pass…” It’s just temporary. I’ve been in this situation before. I just have to develop a daily routine and I’ll be alright 🙂 Yes, I do attend meetings (Zoom) when I can. With my schedule working overnights it can be a challenge.
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