The Subtle Foe

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action
and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if
we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of
alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve
contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condi­
tion.

Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous, Into Action, p. 85

You sneaky, sly, conniving, little bastard. Not this time. We’ve been down this road before. I’ve made a promise to myself, my Higher Power, friends, family and everyone who knows me not to let you in my life – ever again. You can’t break my steadfast resolve to keep you at bay. Our days are over.

Yes, that was a conversation with myself just the other day. I was walking that tightrope described in one of the stories of the Big Book. I remembered how I told another recently, “Don’t forget where you came from . . . ” I shuttered at the thoughts. I snapped out of my nightmare.

For the last twenty four hours I thought about nothing else but gratitude for the things in my life. I’m grateful to be alive today. I’m still in contact with people from my old recovery community. While many of us have survivied, more have died as a result of their addiction(s). This is unfortunately truth in recovery today. I’m not lucky to be alive, there is no luck in the matter. It’s the hard work, the “action” referred to above which keeps me alive.

Despite my grumbling about work, I’m grateful to have a job especially during these times. Many sit or sat at home, unpaid, wondering what they were going to do. I’ve been working on this area of my life the most. Not getting caught up in “work drama” is the top of my priority. For some reason, everyone comes to me about this and that. I just ignore it. Yes, I have a problem with certain people but I have to look at what is wrong with me, not them. Perhaps that is what brought this sly little snake rearing its ugly head.

I also ordered a new computer last week. As I watched it make its way from Texas, I was excited to get to tomorrow. Instead I got notification when it was sitting in Pennsylvania, it would be delayed. Then it ended up in Ohio the next night. It left Ohio Saturday morning arriving much closer to me. Walla, it was rescheduled again to be delivered as promised today! It’s a desktop, not a laptop but I’m okay with it. It was cheap, an upgrade from what I have and I should be able to do much more in the future. Oh I can’t wait.

While I work, I am constantly going by the TV’s taking cardboard and product back to our General Merchandise side of the store. I’ve been fixated on this Hisense 43″ Class FHD (1080P) Roku Smart LED TV. It’s at a really good price and I get an employee discount. I waited and waited and can’t wait any longer. I’m getting it…period.

Lastly, after I visit work on a personal trip to pick up a TV (and they better have ’em because it says we have three in stock) I’m getting something else done I desperately need – a haircut. An old roommate buzzed my head when we were living together. He and I work at the same place. I finally asked if he would be willing to do it again. Typical with him, he kepts rescheduling (as if he had anything to do but play is video games) but finally said he could do it today too. I know, it’s bad of me to talk in a bad tone about him but I’ve accepted that he lacks making any committment with anyone or anything. He hasn’t changed that aspect of his life. His gaming is the most important thing in his life – UGH. Anywho…my head of hair is way out of control. Six months without a haircut – way to long! Now it’s all going to get taken care of..woohoo!

So my night is almost done and I’m going to have a long day ahead of me waiting patiently for the computer to arrive. But at least I have another day off so I can get the rest, just much later than usual. Oh and new toys to play with.

I’m grateful I’m sober so I can enjoy these things.

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