A Hole

The subject of this post is not descriptive enough, but it’s the only way I can describe how I’m feeling. Not that someone is an a**hole, but I have something missing from my life. I’m incomplete. There is a need to fill a void in my life.

Since the pandemic started and I moved a lot of human connections ceased to exist. Part of me knew this was going to be the hard part about living independently. While part of me enjoys the freedom, another part of me misses the human connection between those who have similar interests. I can’t wait until there is a time when we get back to a “new” normal whatever that may be.

I’ve been attending meetings via Zoom but not as many as I should. Perhaps its all the excuses I make up – timing, people, anxiety, etc. First, I live on the opposite time as most everyone else. When people are just getting home from work, I’m waking up. I have trouble listening to meetings when I just wake up (7:30 pm or 8 pm). My mind is still a blur from sleeping. The message I receive from meetings are rare. Mostly I leave thinking its a waste of my time. But I keep attending them – at least once a week.

Meanwhile, I have become very lonely. That’s also one of the side affects of working overnights. There isn’t anyone I can really go out and do something in the middle of the night. Right now, there isn’t anything I can do in the middle of the night except take a walk. I call my Sponsor periodically because he works 2nd shift but its typical for him not to return my calls. So I spoken to him once a month in the last couple of months.

In order to keep myself busy, I started to play World of Warcraft again. I got bored of my other game. I’m started to get bored of WoW. I need something which engages me. I could do some genealogy but I would have to invest $25 a month in Ancestry.com. WoW is cheaper. I could teach myself some new computer skills but I don’t know where to jump in.

The point is I need a new project in my life. I just don’t know what.

I just try to tell myself, “This too shall pass” and/or “it’s only temporary”.

Just some quick thoughts before I go to work and have to deal with who knows what – again.

I’ll concentrate on gratitude on my way to work. Many times it helps me get out of funks like the one I’m experiencing.

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