Attempting to Make Changes

At the end of last year, I noticed the tendency to fall back to old habits especially those of a selfish nature. It was all about ‘what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, I was always right and screw the rest of the world’. Somewhere in the last couple of weeks in the new year it all changed. I’ve accepted I can’t change anyone else but myself. Slowly, I’m attempting to make changes with surprising results.

A couple of times in the month of December I was getting concerned about my blood pressure. It was on the rise. At certain periods my blood pressure was at staggering levels of 160 to 170 diastolic readings. Honestly, I thought I might have another stoke. My mini vacation at the end of the year helped. But when I got back to work it just started to rise again.

A co-worker was nice enough to drive me back and forth to week a couple days a week. Then he also started picking up a third person. We agreed on a certain pick up time 9:30 pm. I was always out smoking a cigarette and he would typically come by 9:45 pm or so. A couple times he didn’t show up. Either I’d see him at work, he say, “You weren’t out there…” or he called in sick without letting me know. Then on one particular morning the third person and I were waiting for our friend to drive us home. Waiting..waiting..waiting…7:30 a.m. He is never EVER in that store past 7:15 a.m. Another co-worker gave us a drive home after she came out from doing her own grocery shopping. Now, I could give a crap about walking home. However, the other lady with us is disabled (a very large woman with health problems). My employer has a strict point system for calling in and tardiness. Out of 5 (termination), I have 2.5 because of my friend who us to drive me. Either I would be late (because he didn’t show up and I would have to walk or I called in because he didn’t pick me up). The points are erased after six months which isn’t until March or April. I was grateful for the ride back and forth. He didn’t want money or anything in return, but when someone disrespects me. I haven’t enough people like that in my past, sorry don’t want them in my life anymore. That was the final straw for me – back to walking to work for me. I made other arrangements to get a drive home too.

An issue with all employers I tend to have is doing something I was told to do, then told something different by someone else and the blame gets put on me. So here we are again. Same crap, different employer. Go to one management person – do this. Another – oh do this. There is no communication. To sum this up (because I just want to leave it behind me) you take names and throw people under the bus. That is the way is game is played. I hate it. But I guess I’m there to do a job period. Not make friends or make people happy. This is the lesson I need to learn and stick it in my head. Go to work, do what I’m responsible for and leave. So now people want to know what is wrong with me? I just laugh in my head.

College classes started again at SNHU. This term I have IT140 – Introduction to Scripting and HIS100 – Perspectives on History. In scripting I’m learning Python (another popular programming language) but the concepts are the same. Walk in the park, so I thought. History is a subject I don’t enjoy. Procrastination kicks in to do it last. Last week, I didn’t start assignments until Wednesday. By Sunday I was freaking out. In the scripting class I learned my a habit that needs to change – quick complicating things. These are simple assignments, yet I want to use advanced programming skills. In history, I just need to make the appropriate time to do the assignment not waiting until the last minute.

Monday and Tuesdays continue to be my days off. Like last term, I decided to give myself at least one day off from work and school – Monday. Typically I’m in bed by noon but it’s Monday, so I stayed up a bit. Went to bed and didn’t wake up until midnight. I slept a good 9-11 hours! My whole body is stiff and annoyingly painful at times. Sometimes I think, “You’re doing to much for a guy at 50 years old.” Perhaps true but it must be done. I honestly don’t have anything planned today. Perhaps this or that. Don’t know. I know I’m going to rest a bit inside. Perhaps go out later for a short walk to hopefully stretch out my sore muscles. Getting older sucks sometimes!

So I hope everyone else is going well too . . .
mk

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