To be content doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means
you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s to come.

Tony Gaskings,
Motivational Speaker and Life Coach

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Once at an AA meeting I heard someone say, “Roll with the ups and downs of life. If your life was a straight line you would be dead.” While I agree with this, part of me gets edgy when life just goes on in a dull fashion. Addicts like chaos, despite whether they know it or not. But we strive for a serene, peaceful existence in sobriety.

As you’ve noticed I haven’t written here in a while. Part of me says to myself, “Who is going to care?” You’re just a another alcoholic who struggles through life at times. Is there anything new you can bring to the table? No no really, same shit, different day.

Life goes on like a ship passing through the ocean, up and down swells, during its journey to its destination. Everyone has their good days and bad days. But the good days out number the number of bad days. It’s the result of working on all that trauma I suffered in life due to my own making and coming to terms with it all. Yet, no one is perfect. We can all strive for more.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so contempt in my life as I am right now. All I may do is wake up, have my coffee, go to work, grit my teeth all day over stupid things I have no control over all day, come back home, eat dinner, finally lay in bed after a hard days work and repeat the next day.

Socially I have no friends at all anymore. People have all moved on with their lives. At times I get lonely but for the most part, I’m okay with it. I use to think it was me who drove them away. Instead now I realize people are put in our lives for a purpose. When their purpose in our life is complete, they leave. So be it. The eight hours of social interaction I have at work can be enough most of the time; I get tired of listening to how peoples lives suck, rants , raves, complaints about work, etc. It’s just not something I want to bring home with me. I’ve tried to reach out to old friends even just to say ‘hello’ and not received calls back. There was something there at the time we were friends and now that time has passed.

I am content with who I am and where I’m going in life today. There isn’t really a destination but a place of peace and serenity. For the longest time this place seemed far out of reach. All the experiences of my life, all the good times and bad, have brought me to who and where I am today.