For the most part this site is simply revising previous posts from previous years of daily readings for recovering alcoholics. It helped in my younger years of sobriety. Nowadays, it’s become more of a habit for the benefit of others who are new to sobriety looking for something to encourage them to get and stay sober. No my friends, this will not stop. What I have omitted throughout the years are personal posts of the mundane ramblings instead keeping them private. Yet every year between the last week of September through the first of the New Year, I tend to reflect on the ‘old’ me – those past events which have shaped my life into whom I have become today.
In the late 1990’s my life was spiraling out of control. On September 27, 1998, my father unexpectedly passed away. A year later, October 28, 1999, I was arrested for Drinking Under the Influence (DUI) in the State of California. Thanksgiving of 2002, I was homeless living on the streets of Southern California. At some point in 2004, I moved to Upstate New York to restart my life. Instead the cycle of alcoholism continued. On November 3, 2006 my mother unexpectedly passed away. Lastly, on December 1, 2007, I got sober for my first time. For the next ten years I would live in recovery.
We all have stories. I can remember the distinct details of all the events leading up to my first sobriety date. All these times were very dramatic for me. They are deep emotional and mental scars which may never fully heal. However, over time I have come to accept the past can’t be changed but what I can change is how I live in the future. It has always been a goal to record those and other events of my life. I may or may not ever get around to it. Perhaps it’s not meant to be.
Jump to present day . . .
My past sobriety has radically changed my life. For some we have to do it over and over. During ten year tenure of sobriety, I thought I would never drink again. That wasn’t the case. Deep down I knew it was just a matter of time but me being me just dismissed it. Literally one day, without a thought. I just went to the local gas station bought a twelve pack, went home, got drunk and was sick for the next two days and continued drinking until September 2018.
My next journey in sobriety, was from September 2018 to June 2021. Back to rehab, halfway house, supportive living then got a full time job at a local Walmart which I’m still employed (though I took a break for three months this year). With the stress of my job, then COVID was in full effect, I did the same thing one day. Got off work, went to the store to by cigarettes and walked straight to the back of the store got a six pack and went home. I have NOT been sober since.
For those who have been following me, I know I haven’t changed this site and I should (which I will do after this post). I do feel guilty just posting sober readings each morning but it just became a habit since I wasn’t disclosing my personal life. And, to be honest, my alcoholism hasn’t affected me as it has in the past. Yet, I realize and acknowledge that everyday I bring a drink to my lips, at some point in time it will happen all over again.
There isn’t a day that goes by I say to myself, I need to STOP drinking on such and such a date (recently being Nov 1). I know what I need to do, what to expect and how to do it. I just have to put the drink down and do it. But that is a whole other thing I don’t wish to put on public display until such time I have actually done it and put some time under my belt. That may be Nov, it may be later, it may be never. I’m in that struggling stage but I’ll work through it in time.
Meanwhile, I did make a decision to stop playing to of my games: Achaea – Dreams of Divine Lands and World of Warcraft (Shadowlands) and Classic (Return of the Lich King). Instead, I am concentrating on my family history or genealogy as its called.
Genealogy is a time consuming, detailed oriented project not to mention the cost. I’ve been research my family history since I was in my teens. I can’t remember who in my family told my about it and how I started but I’ve kept records since before computers where a thing. Unfortunately, many of my physical records of those times were lost due to my alcoholism. However, as online genealogy transforms, I have found much of the information online except for the personal stories I recorded on paper back a couple decades ago.
This is a restart of an old project I had put to the wayside way to long. In April 2022, the 1950 census was released to the public. It’s been on my mind since. So while I go through this reflection period of my own life and family history, perhaps my journey will further encourage myself to get sober, yet again.
I’ll keep everyone updated, as things happen.
2 thoughts on “Reflection Time Again”
I’m sitting in an anniversary meeting which I should of been standing up there. But I’m not. I went out for 1 day after what would of been 6yrs today. For no apparent reason, I bought a bottle. Thank you for sharing your story. It is what I needed to hear.
There is always a reason we drink. Whether we want to face the truth or not is another battle in itself. Glad to see you’re at a meeting. It’s the best place for the both of us!