Daily Recovery Readings
September 16, 2019

Daily Reflection

WE STAND—OR FALL—TOGETHER

“. . . no society of men and women ever had a more urgent need for continuous effectiveness and permanent unity. We alcoholics see that we must work together and hang together, else most of us will finally die alone.”

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 561

Just as the Twelve Steps of A.A. are written in a specific sequence for a reason, so it is with the Twelve Traditions. The First Step and the First Tradition attempt to instill in me enough humility to allow me a chance at survival. Together they are the basic foundation upon which the Steps and Traditions that follow are built. It is a process of ego deflation which allows me to grow as an individual through the Steps, and as a contributing member of a group through the Traditions. Full acceptance of the First Tradition allows me to set aside personal ambitions, fears and anger when they are in conflict with the common good, thus permitting me to work with others for our mutual survival. Without Tradition One I stand little chance of maintaining the unity required to work with others effectively, and I also stand to lose the remaining Traditions, the Fellowship, and my life.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago.. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasnt there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient, they failed utterly.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 44~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Today, let us begin a short study of The Twelve Suggested Steps of A.A. These Twelve Suggested Steps seem to embody five principles. The first step is the membership requirement step. The second, third, and eleventh steps are the spiritual steps of the program. The fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and tenth steps are the personal inventory steps. The eighth and ninth steps are the restitution steps. The twelfth step is the passing on of the program, or helping others, step. So the five principles are membership requirement, spiritual basis, personal inventory, restitution, and helping others. Have I made all these steps a part of me?

Meditation for the Day

We seem to live not only in time but also in eternity. If we abide with God and He abides with us, we may bring forth spiritual fruit, which will last for eternity. If we live with God, our lives can flow as some calm river through the dry land of earth. It can cause the trees and flowers of the spiritual life – love and service – to spring forth and yield abundantly. Spiritual work may be done for eternity, not just for now. Even here on earth we can live as though our real lives were eternal.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may try to make my life like a cool river in a thirsty land. I pray that I may give freely to all who ask my help.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Revenge

No matter how long we’ve been recovering, no matter how solid our spiritual ground, we may still feel an overwhelming desire at times to punish, or get even, with another person.

We want revenge.

We want to see the other person hurt the way he or she has hurt us. We want to see life deal that person just rewards. In fact, we would like to help life out.

Those are normal feelings, but we do not have to act on them. These feelings are part of our anger but it’s not our job to deal justice.

We can allow ourselves to feel the anger. It is helpful to go one step deeper and let ourselves feel the other feelings – the hurt, the pain, the anguish. But our goal is to release the feelings, and be finished with them.

We can hold the other person accountable. We can hold the other person responsible. But it is not our responsibility to be judge and jury. Actively seeking revenge will not help us. It will block us and hold us back.

Walk away. Stop playing the game. Unhook. Learn your lesson. Thank the other person for having taught you something valuable. And be finished with it. Put it behind, with the lesson intact.

Acceptance helps. So does forgiveness – not the kind that invites that person to use us again, but a forgiveness that releases the other person and sets him or her free to walk a separate path, while releasing our anger and resentments. That sets us free to walk our own path.

Today, I will be as angry as I need to be, with a goal of finishing my business with others. Once I have released my hurt and anger, I will strive for healthy forgiveness – forgiveness with boundaries. I understand that boundaries, coupled with forgiveness and compassion, will move me forward.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Sit loosely in the saddle of life.

—Robert Louis Stevenson

Sitting loosely in the saddle is an image of detachment for us. Detachment doesn’t mean we stop caring. It means we have an inner wisdom telling us what we can control and what we cannot. When we go to meetings and hear fellow members struggling with temptations to return to old behaviors, we need to detach. When family members or friends are engaged in an addiction, we need to sit loosely in the saddle by caring, but not protecting them from the results of their behavior. Sometimes close friends will be “off base” in the way they talk to us. We practice detachment by not being reactive to the person but being responsive to the inner message of what kind of men we wish to be.

We can’t control another person’s behavior toward us. Our inner security will never come from how someone else behaves. The most helpful thing we can do for someone is to listen and care; then we need to be ready to let go of the outcome.

I will accept the limits of my control over others. I will care and let go.

Elder’s Meditation

To me, the wisdom the Elders have to manifest is in teaching people how to live in harmony and balance with each other and the Earth.”

–Sun Bear, CHIPPEWA

You cannot give away what you don’t have. You need to give away what you have in order to keep it. Our Elders have lived their lives with a lot of trial and error. They have experienced how to do things well and they have experienced what didn’t work for them as they grew old. They know things about living that we don’t know. So, through the years the Elders have gained wisdom. They usually have a whole different point of view because of all their experiences. There are two ways to learn. Someone tells us what they did and we do the same thing or someone tells us what they did and we choose not to do it. Both of these paths will help us to live.

My Creator, teach me about choices and decisions and consequences. Put an Elder in my life to guide me.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Greet everyone you encounter without judgment. However, someone new in your life might remind you of another individual who once hurt or disappointed you. But you’re likely a very different person with altered circumstances now. Nevertheless, you can accept the help you need if you are willing to change your mind, especially with respect to your profession. A closed fist must open up to receive gifts, and your heart will benefit from the same practice. Be unguarded and claim the support you deserve. Natural mystic Bob Marley wrote, “Being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure.”

Daily Recovery Readings
September 15, 2019

Daily Reflection

A NEW LIFE

Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous. . . . Life will mean something at last.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152

Life is better without alcohol. A.A. and the presence of a Higher Power keeps me sober, but the grace of God does even better; it brings service into my life. Contact with the A.A. program teaches me a new and greater understanding of what Alcoholics Anonymous is and what it does, but most importantly, it helps to show me who I am: an alcoholic who needs the constant experience of the Alcoholics Anonymous program so that I may live a life given to me by my Higher Power.

Big Book Quote

“As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 87~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

“We all realize that we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to all of us. Ask Him in your morning meditations what you can do today for the person who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. See to it that your relationship with God is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. Give freely of what you find in A.A. But obviously, you cannot transmit something, which you haven’t got. So make a life study of A.A.” Am I always looking for ways of presenting the A.A. program?

Meditation for the Day

“In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” Confidence means to have faith in something. We could not live without confidence in others. When you have confidence in God’s grace, you can face whatever comes. When you have confidence in God’s love, you can be serene and at peace. You can rest in the faith that God will take care of you. Try to rest in God’s presence until His life power flows through you. Be still and in that stillness the still, small Voice will come. It speaks in quietness to the human mind that is attuned to its influence.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may find strength today in quietness. I pray that I may be content today that God will take care of me.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Getting Through Hard Times

We are sturdy beings. But in many ways, we are fragile. We can accept change and loss, but this comes at our own pace and in our own way. And only God and we can determine the timing.

—Codependent No More

Hard times, stressful times, are not all there is to life, but they are part of life, growth, and moving forward.

What we do with hard times, or hard energy, is our choice.

We can use the energy of hard times to work out, and work through, our issues. We can use it to fine-tune our skills and our spirituality. Or we can go through these situations suffering, storing up bitterness, and refusing to grow or change.

Hard times can motivate and mold us to bring out our best. We can use these times to move forward and upward to higher levels of living, loving, and growth.

The choice is ours. Will we let ourselves feel? Will we take a spiritual approach, including gratitude, toward the event? Will we question life and our Higher Power by asking what we’re supposed to be learning and doing? Or will we use the incident to prove old, negative beliefs? Will we say, “Nothing good ever happens to me… I’m just a victim… People can’t be trusted… Life isn’t worth living”?

We do not always require hard energy, or stress, to motivate us to grow and change. We do not have to create stress, seek it, or attract it. But if it’s there, we can learn to channel it into growth and use it for achieving what’s good in life.

God, let my hard times be healing times.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

When people are loving, brave, truthful, charitable, God is present.

—Harold Kushner

For many of us, our spiritual awakening began when we first heard our Higher Power might be our group. We learned that God may exist in the connections between people in our group just as well as within each individual. As we members exchange care and help with each other, as each struggles to achieve complete honesty and wrestles bravely with old temptations, God is truly in our midst. Closeness flourishes because we felt so alone but then found friends who suffered in similar ways. It is an expression of a spirit beyond our rational control.

When we ask another member to listen to us, we contribute to the strength of this spirit. When we give someone a ride to a meeting or spread the word about this program to other suffering men and women, we make a contribution and receive its benefits. Even now, if we need a renewal of confidence in God’s presence in our lives, we can telephone another member and just talk. We will quickly sense the spirit.

Today, I am grateful to feel God’s presence in my life and within the people around me.

Elder’s Meditation

“Knowledge is a beautiful thing, but the use of knowledge in a good way is what makes for wisdom. Learning how to use knowledge in a sacred manner, that’s wisdom to me. And to me, that’s what a true Elder is.”

–Sun Bear, CHIPPEWA

We grow in wisdom by developing ourselves according to the four directions of the Medicine Wheel – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Let’s say we started drinking and drugging in our teenage years. Our emotional development will stop, but we will grow older physically. We could then develop into an immature adult. As adults we might be acting like we were teenagers. Once we stop drinking or drugging, our emotional development will begin again. We need to grow and nurture ourselves in all four directions. We need to involve the Great Spirit’s guidance in our development. That’s the only way we become wise individuals and live our lives in harmony and in a sacred way.

Oh Great Spirit, guide my thinking today. Let me walk in a sacred way on the Red Road. Let me be a learner of lessons and give me Your greatest gift – wisdom!

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You might care too much about what others think now, especially regarding your career. It’s invaluable to be respected by those you serve and support. But you’re swerving off track if you’re performing for praise, high traffic on your social media, or a golden seal of approval from someone you admire. The best kind of reward is the appreciation you earn for giving your most sincere effort and raising the bar of excellence. At the end of the day, the person who must be most pleased with your work is you.

Daily Recovery Readings
September 14, 2019

Daily Reflection

PEACE OF MIND

Do we lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser, earnestly asking God’s help and guidance — meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost what it may?

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 86-87

My belief in a Higher Power is an essential part of my work on Step Nine; forgiveness, timing, and right motives are the other ingredients. My willingness to do the Step is a growing experience that opens the door for new and honest relationships with the people I have harmed. My responsible action brings me closer to the spiritual principles of the program — love and service. Peace of mind, serenity, and a stronger faith are sure to follow.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isnt enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 97~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

“How does A.A. grow? Some of us sell A.A. as we go about. Little clusters of twos and threes and fives keep springing up in different communities, through contact with the larger centers. Those of us who travel drop in at other groups as often as we can. This practice enables us to lend a hand to new groups, which are springing up all over the land. New groups are being started each month. A.A. is even spreading outside the United States and is slowly becoming worldwide. Thus we grow.” Am I doing all I can to spread A.A. wherever I go?

Meditation for the Day

“Lord we believe. Help Thou our unbelief.” This cry of the human heart is an expression of human frailty. It signifies the soul’s sincere desire for progress. As a person feels the existence of God and His power, that person believes in Him more and more. At the same time, a person is more conscious of his falling short of absolute trust in God. The soul’s progress is an increasing belief, then a cry for more faith, a plea to conquer all unbelief, all lack of trust. We can believe that that cry is heard by God and that prayer is answered in due time. And so our faith grows, little by little, day by day.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that with more power in my life will come more faith. I pray that I may come to trust God more each day.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

What’s Good for Me?

When we are soul searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me?… Is this what I really want?… Is this what I need?…Does this direction feel right for me?…or am I succumbing to the control and influence that I sometimes allow others to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking. To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in the other person’s best interests too.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking if a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God’s intended plan, God’s highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us. By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.

Today, I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

When a person drowns himself in negative thinking he is committing an unspeakable crime against himself.

—Maxwell Maltz

Negative thoughts can rule our lives as compulsively as an addiction. The feelings of power we get from holding a dismal and gloomy outlook deprive us of the positive and pleasant parts of life. Some of us have said, “If I expect the worst, I won’t be disappointed. If I think the worst about myself, no one else can cut me down.” It is like taking a driving trip and looking only for trash and garbage in the ditches, ignoring the beauty beyond. Indeed, what we see may be real, but it is a very limited piece of the picture.

When we have relied on negative thinking, it feels risky to give it up. We cannot do it in one day. We can begin by imagining ourselves with a more open attitude toward the world and ourselves. Then we can try it out as an experiment in little ways, with no commitment. Finally we reach the point where we can take a risk and entrust our Higher Power with the outcome.

Today, I will experiment with hopeful and positive thoughts about what happens.

Elder’s Meditation

“Follow the Old One’s advise.”

–Tom Porter, MOHAWK

The Old One is called by many different names – Grandfather, The Four directions, Father Sky, Mother Earth. We should seek the advice of the Old One to help us build our vision. He will put inside of our mind and heart the vision that we are to follow. This vision is recognizable by the feeling that it has with it. This feeling is hard to describe. It feels right, it feels calm, it feels joyful, it feels warm, it feels sacred. The Old One has a way of letting us know it really is His advice. Listen carefully!

Grandfather, I’m listening.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Polishing your expertise and knowledge nets positive results. The Pisces Full Moon brightens your 9th House of Higher Learning, motivating you to enroll in a class or catch up on materials in your field. Keying in on the details, whether through reviewing actual case studies or creating your own scenarios, empowers your ability to apply your newfound wisdom in practical ways. The more information you have at your fingertips, the more others will call on you and your skills.

Daily Recovery Readings
September 13, 2019

Daily Reflection

REPAIRING THE DAMAGE

Good judgment, a careful sense of timing, courage and prudence – these are the qualities we shall need when we take Step Nine.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 83

To make amends can be viewed two ways: first, that of repairing damage, for if I have damaged my neighbor’s fence, I “make a mend,” and that is a direct amend; the second way is by modifying my behavior, for if my actions have harmed someone, I make a daily effort to cause no further harm. I “mend my ways,” and that is an indirect amend. Which is the best approach? The only right approach, provided that I am causing no further harm in so doing, is to do both. If harm is done, then I simply “mend my ways.” To take action in this manner assures me of making honest amends.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasnt there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient, they failed utterly.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 44~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

“No one is too discredited, nor has sunk too low, to be welcomed cordially into A.A., if he or she means business. Social distinctions, petty rivalries and jealousies are laughed out of countenance. Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to us. In A.A., we have true democracy and true brotherhood.” Has A.A. taught me to be truly democratic?

Meditation for the Day

When you call on God in prayer to help you overcome weakness, sorrow, pain, discord, and conflict, God never fails in some way to answer the appeal. When you are in need of strength for yourself or for the help of some other person, call on God in prayer. The power you need will come simply, naturally, and forcefully. Pray to God not only when you need help, but also just to commune with Him. The spirit of prayer can alter an atmosphere from one of discord to one of reconciliation. It will raise the quality of thought and word and bring order out of chaos.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may bring peace where there is discord. I pray that I may bring conciliation where there is conflict.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Times of Reprogramming

Recovery is not all-tiresome, unrewarded work. There are times of joy and rest, times when we comfortably practice what we have learned. There are times of change, times when we struggle to learn something new or overcome a particular problem.

These are the times when what we’ve been practicing in recovery begins to show in our life. These times of change are intense, but purposeful.

There are also times when, at a deep level, we are being “reprogrammed.” We start letting go of beliefs and behaviors. We may feel frightened or confused during these times. Our old behaviors or patterns may not have worked for us, but they were comfortable and familiar.

During these times we may feel vulnerable, lonely, and needy – like we are on a journey without a road map or a flashlight, and we feel as if no one has traveled this ground before.

We may not understand what is being worked out in us. We may not know where or if we are being led.

We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working His finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road to. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need.

We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold.

Recovery is a healing process. We can trust it, even when we don’t understand it. We are right where we need to be in this process; we’re going through exactly what we need to experience. And where we’re going is better than any place we’ve been.

Today, God, help me believe that the changes I’m going through are for the good. Help me believe that the road I’m traveling will lead to a place of light, love, and joy.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Mothers give sons permission to be a prince but the father must show him how…. Fathers give daughters permission to be princesses. And mothers must show them how. Otherwise, both boys and girls will grow up and always see themselves as frogs.

—Eric Berne

Relationships with our fathers have been central in shaping our characters. We catch ourselves saying what we heard our fathers say, or doing something we know they did. Many of us have had pain and resentments in these relationships. We wanted more time than they gave us, or we longed for praise but got criticism, or we were never sure we measured up to them.

Some of us can change our relationships with our fathers. We can do it, not by asking them to be different, but by being our full adult selves with them. This new experience is the doorway to a new aspect of our selves. Many of us cannot change our relationships with our fathers, but being with our sons and daughters in ways that nurture their growth is another chance to redo for ourselves what we missed.

My father’s importance to me is a fact I must surrender to. I will take what he has given me and grow with it.

Elder’s Meditation

“The most important thing you can do during the course of the day is to pray.”

–Joe Coyhis, STOCKBRIDGE-MUNSEE

There are many things we do during the day that are important. There are many places we have to go and there are many things to accomplish. The old ones say, the most important thing we can do is remember to take the time to pray. We should pray every morning and every evening. In this way we can be sure that the Great Spirit is running our lives. With the Great Spirit we are everything but without Him we are nothing. All Warriors know their greatest weapon is prayer. To spend time talking to the Creator is a great honor.

Great Spirit, thank You for listening to my prayers.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

People are more receptive to what you have to say and how you say it today. Your undeniable charm and colorful way with words allow you to effortlessly smooth over hard edges whenever they crop up. However, you need to be crystal clear about your boundaries. You can feel so much for a person and their predicament that you become overly accommodating. Healthy limits enable you to be a compassionate caretaker without burning yourself out. Novelist Mohsin Hamid wrote, “Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.”

Daily Recovery Readings
September 12, 2019

Daily Reflection

I AM RESPONSIBLE

For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87

In recovery, and through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I learn that the very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, “Yes, I am responsible.” When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We are careful never to show intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution. Experience shows that such an attitude is not helpful to anyone. Every new alcoholic looks for this spirit among us and is immensely relieved when he finds we are not witch-burners. A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 103~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

“What draws newcomers to A.A. and gives them hope? They hear the stories of men and women whose experiences tally with their own. The expressions on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating atmosphere of the A.A. clubroom, conspire to let them know that there is haven at last. The very practical approach to their problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people in A.A. have is irresistible.” Have I found a real haven in A.A.?

Meditation for the Day

“If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.” The eye of the soul is the will. If your will is to do the will of God, to serve Him with your life, to serve Him by helping others, then truly shall your whole body be full of light. The important thing is to strive that your will be attuned to the will of God, a single eye to God’s purpose, desiring nothing less than that His purposes be fulfilled. Try to seek in all things the advance of His kingdom, seek the spiritual values of honesty and purity, unselfishness and love, and earnestly desire spiritual growth. Then your life will emerge from the darkness of futility into the light of victory.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that my eye may be single. I pray that my life may be lived in the light of the best that I know.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Healing

We should learn not to grow impatient with the slow healing process of time. We should discipline ourselves to recognize that there are many steps to be taken along the highway leading from sorrow to renewed serenity… We should anticipate these stages in our emotional convalescence: unbearable pain, poignant grief, empty days, resistance to consolation, disinterestedness in life, gradually giving way . . . to the new weaving of a pattern of action and the acceptance of the irresistible challenge of life.

—Joshua Loth Liebman

Recovery is a process. It is a gradual process, a healing process, and a spiritual process – a journey rather than a destination.

Just as codependency takes on a life of its own and is progressive, so recovery progresses. One thing leads to another and things – as well as us – get better.

We can relax, do our part, and let the rest happen.

Today, I will trust this process and this journey that I have undertaken.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Not all fights are bad; in fact they are preferable to disciplined serenity.

—William Atwood

A good relationship includes some disagreement. Anger and disagreement, when we express them respectfully, are important ways of renewing communication and breaking through the walls that sometimes built up. No relationship can tolerate constant fighting. But, when we don’t agree with someone, we owe it to that person to speak up and follow through to resolution. We can promise ourselves and the other person that we will stay in the relationship through the disagreement. It is because we care that we fight.

In any relationship we care about, there will be differences. When we avoid all confrontations, our relationships go stale because all emotional issues are avoided. Carefulness and over control undermine love because they don’t give it room to breathe, but disagreement and anger expressed in honest and respectful ways will help love grow.

Today, I pray for the courage to acknowledge my disagreements and angry feelings with others and to deal with their feelings toward me.

Elder’s Meditation

“If you get troubled, go and sit by the river. The flowing water will take your troubles away.”

–Joe Coyhis, STOCKBRIDGE-MUNSEE

Sometimes we get mixed up and we don’t know what to do. Go to the river or creek. Take your sage and tobacco; sit and be still. Talk to the water, offer tobacco and the healing water will take your problems downstream. Give thanks.

Great Spirit, heal my mind today, let me see love.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Treat your time as a precious resource and schedule your day accordingly. You run the risk of putting the cart before the horse with a chore or task today. You are unlikely to be operating from a sense of mindlessness, but you’re ambitious and confident about what you can tackle now. Your enthusiasm is motivating to everyone around you, but moderation in thought and deed is the real secret to your success. You might either need to scale back your efforts or get a second opinion on your plan of attack before plowing ahead. Promise less, deliver more.

Daily Recovery Readings
September 11, 2019

Daily Reflection

MAKING AMENDS

Above all, we should try to be absolutely sure that we are not delaying because we are afraid.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 87

To have courage, to be unafraid, are gifts of my recovery. They empower me to ask for help and to go forth in making my amends with a sense of dignity and humility. Making amends may require a certain amount of honesty that I feel I lack, yet with the help of God and the wisdom of others, I can reach within and find the strength to act. My amends may be accepted, or they may not, but after they are completed I can walk with a sense of freedom and know that, for today, I am responsible.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Whether the family has spiritual convictions or not, they may do well to examine the principles by which the alcoholic member is trying to live. They can hardly fail to approve these simple principles, though the head of the house still fails somewhat in practicing them. Nothing will help the man who is off on a spiritual tangent so much as the wife who adopts a sane spiritual program, making a better practical use of it.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 130~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Continuing the answers to the question of how a person can live without liquor and be happy, we say: “You will be bound to the other A.A.s with new and wonderful ties, for you and they will escape disaster together and all will commence shoulder to shoulder the common journey to a better and more satisfactory life. You will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will become happy, respected, and useful once more. Since these things have happened to us, they can happen to you.” Have these things happened to me?

Meditation for the Day

God manifests Himself in human lives as strength to overcome evil and power to resist temptation. The grace of God is that power which enables a human being to change from a useless, hopeless individual to a useful, normal person. God also manifests Himself as love – love for other people, compassion for their problems, and a real willingness to help them. The grace of God also manifests itself as peace of mind and serenity of character. We can have plenty of power, love, and serenity in our lives if we are willing to ask God for these things each day.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may see God’s grace in the strength I receive, the love I know, and the peace I have. I pray that I may be grateful for the things I have received through the grace of God.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Conflict and Detachment

In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things go smoothly for both people, and neither person needs to focus too heavily on the concept of detachment. But there are those challenging times when one person is in crisis or changing – and we need to detach.

Then there are stressful cycles when both people in a relationship are in the midst of dealing with intense issues. Both are needy and neither has anything to give.

These are times when detachment and taking care of ourselves are difficult.

It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the problem. Both people are in the midst of dealing and healing. Neither has much to give, at least at the moment. And both are feeling particularly needy.

That is the problem.

What’s the solution?

There may not be a perfect solution. Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult when we need support ourselves. In fact, the other person may be asking for support rather than offering it.

We can still work toward detachment. We can still work through our feelings. We can accept this as a temporary cycle in the relationship, and stop looking to the other person for something he or she cannot give at the moment.

We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the moment as well.

Communication helps. Identifying the problem and talking about it without blame or shame is a start. Figuring out alternative support systems, or ways to get our needs met, helps.

We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves – even when we are in the best of relationships. We can reasonably expect conflicts of need and the clashing of issues to occur in the most loving, healthy relationships.

It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.

If it is a healthy relationship, the crisis will not go on endlessly. We will regain our balance. The other person will too. We can stop making ourselves so crazy by looking for the other person to be balanced when he or she isn’t.

Talk things out. Work things out. Keep our expectations of other people, our relationships, and ourselves healthy and reasonable.

A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive low points. Sometimes we need them, so we can both grow and learn separately.

Sometimes, people who are usually there for us cannot be there for us. We can find another way to take care of ourselves.

Today, I will remember that my best relationships have low points. If the low point is the norm, I may want to consider the desirability of the relationship. If the low point is a temporary cycle, I will practice understanding for myself and the other person. God, help me remember that the help and support I want and need does not come in the form of only one person. Help me be open to healthy options for taking care of myself, if any normal support system is not available.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

A man can stand a lot as long as he can stand himself.

—Axel Munthe

Sometimes we’re mistaken about the source of our unhappiness. We walk around with a short fuse, ready to explode if anyone crosses our path. Then, when we do explode, we think it is the other person’s fault. At other times we have frightening physical reactions and worry that something is wrong with our bodies. But we are not aware that a deeper feeling of not being able to stand ourselves causes the problem.

Most of us have problems accepting ourselves. When we make peace with our consciences, some of our problems vanish. Other problems may never disappear, but our pain is eased because our inner battle has ceased and we have the energy we need to cope.

I am grateful for the gift of self-respect this program gives me.

Elder’s Meditation

“Listen to all the teachers in the woods. Watch the trees, the animals, and all living things – you’ll learn more from them than from books.”

–Joe Coyhis, STOCKBRIDGE-MUNSEE

Nature is a living example of how communities live in harmony. If you go into the forest or mountain and sit still and watch, ask yourself, what lessons are being taught? Then watch how the animals conduct themselves. The trees could represent diversity. The flowers could represent people. Notice how everything in nature assists one another. See how balance works. See how conflict is handled. Can you see acts of forgiveness? Can you spot respect? Nature is full of wisdom if we will only consider her to be our teacher.

My Creator, today let me learn from nature.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

People may bring you their most ingenious ideas today, hoping you will share their enthusiasm. They might even ask for your assistance or advice, expecting you to drop everything and help. Unfortunately, you could see their pet project as a crazy distraction, especially if you already have important plans of your own. You’re not interested in wasting your valuable time chasing someone else’s windmills. Put your blinders on and hold your ground. Honor your priorities and others will learn to do the same. Author Jim Rohn wrote, “Either you run the day, or the day runs you.”

Daily Recovery Readings
September 10, 2019

Daily Reflection

RECOVERY BY PROXY?

They [the Promises] will always materialize if we work for them.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

Sometimes I think: “Making these amends is going too far! No one should have to humble himself like that!” However, it is this very humbling of myself that brings me that much closer to the sunlight of the spirit. A.A. is the only hope I have if I am to continue healing and gain a life of happiness, friendship and harmony.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Imagine life without faith! Were nothing left but pure reason, it wouldn’t be life.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 54~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Here are answers to the question of how a person can live without liquor and be happy: “The things we put in place of drinking are more than substitutes for it. One is the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. In this company, you find release from care, boredom, and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Among other A.A.s you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties.” Does life mean something to me now?

Meditation for the Day

Do you want the full and complete satisfaction that you find in serving God and all the satisfactions of the world also? It is not easy to serve both God and the world. It is difficult to claim the rewards of both. If you work for God, you will still have great rewards in the world. But you must be prepared to sometimes stand apart from the world. You cannot always turn to the world and expect all the rewards which life has to offer. If you are trying sincerely to serve God, you will have other and greater rewards than the world as to offer.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may not expect too much from the world. I pray that I may also be content with the rewards that come from serving God.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Self-approval

Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others.

Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from people who have none to give. We may not know that we’re lovable now and can learn to approve of ourselves.

In order to live happily, to live consistently with the way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need to let go of our extreme need for approval. These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control over us today. These needs can prevent us from acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves.

We can approve of ourselves. In the end, that’s the only approval that counts.

Today, I will let go of my need for approval and my need to be liked. I will replace them with a need to like and approve of myself. I will enjoy the surprise I find when I do this. The people who count, including myself, will respect me when I am true to myself.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

It is not a question of how a husband and wife can be equal and alike. But rather, it is a problem of how a couple can be equal and different.

—Pierre Mornell

In seeking closeness with loved ones, we have often made the mistake of looking only for similarities. Although common ground helps understanding, we must learn how to get close to others by “borrowing their eyes and ears.” We expand our understanding of others by accepting that what we see, hear, think, and feel will not be exactly what anyone else does. We can deepen our relationships by exchanging our experiences with others.

We don’t have to agree on everything. Simply learning about each other’s differences and letting each other know that we hear and understand will create a feeling of intimacy.

I will be receptive and appreciate differences in those I love.

Elder’s Meditation

“One of the first things Seneca children learned was that thy might create their own world, their own environment, by visualizing actions and desires in prayer. The Senecas believed that everything that made life important came from within. Prayer assisted in developing a guideline toward discipline and self control.”

–Twylah Nitcsh, SENECA

All permanent and lasting change starts first on the inside and works its way out. Having constant prayer and Creator directed visions helps us to live in harmony. This is the best way to grow strong and become a Warrior. No matter what is going on outside of ourselves, it is our projection that makes it so. It is our projections that even give it any meaning. Another way is each day to turn our life and our will over to the care of the Great Spirit. Then He will show us His desire for us. When we are in alignment to His desire, we become very joyful and very happy.

Oh Great Spirit, You take care of me today and tell me what I can do for You today. Give me the discipline to talk to You whenever I am in doubt or fear. Let me come to You if I get irritated. You are my solution.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You’re a source of enlightenment and encouragement for someone close to you today. Ironically, you might not even know how you find the right words to deliver. In fact, you could even feel like you’re hooked into an ancestral wisdom that’s beyond your own. However, it’s your compassion for the person that allows the cosmos to flow its insight through you. This magical process feeds your own spirit and soul with inspiration. You can be a fount of understanding more frequently for yourself and others if you make space in your life for cultivating your intuition. Love is the common thread that connects everyone.

Daily Recovery Readings
September 9, 2019

Daily Reflection

OPENING NEW DOORS

They [the Promises] are being fulfilled among us — sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The Promises talked about in this passage are slowly coming to life for me. What has given me hope is putting Step Nine into action. The Step has allowed me to see and set goals for myself in recovery.

Old habits and behaviors die hard. Working Step Nine enables me to close the door on the drunk I was, and to open new avenues for myself as a sober alcoholic. Making direct amends is crucial for me. As I repair relationships and behavior of the past, I am better able to live a sober life!

Although I have some years of sobriety, there are times when the “old stuff’ from the past needs to be taken care of, and Step Nine always works, when I work it.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesnt. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 82~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

When alcoholics are offered a life of sobriety by following the A.A. program, they will look at the prospect of living without alcohol and they will ask: “Am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some of the righteous people I see? I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient substitute?” Have I found a more than sufficient substitute for drinking?

Meditation for the Day

In God’s strength you conquer life. Your conquering power is the grace of God. There can be no complete failure with God. Do you want to make the best of life? Then live as near as possible to God, the Master and Giver of all life. Your reward for depending on God’s strength will be sure. Sometimes the reward will be renewed power to face life, sometimes wrong thinking overcome, sometimes people brought to a new way of living. Whatever success comes will not be all your own doing, but largely the working out of the grace of God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may try to rely more fully on the grace of God. I pray that I may live a victorious life.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Perspective

Too often, we try to gain a clear perspective before it is time.

That will make us crazy.

We do not always know why things are happening the way they are. We do not always know how a particular relationship will work out. We do not always understand the source of our feelings, why we’ve been led down a particular path, what is being worked out in us, what we are learning, why we needed to recycle, why we had to wait, why we needed to go through a time of discipline, or why a door closed. How our present circumstances will work into the larger scheme of events is not always clear to us. That is how it needs to be.

Perspective will come in retrospect.

We could strain for hours today for the meaning of something that may come in an instant next year.

Let it go. We can let go of our need to figure things out, to feel in control.

Now is the time to be. To feel. To go through it. To allow things to happen. To learn. To let whatever is being worked out in us take its course.

In hindsight, we will know. It will become clear. For today, being is enough. We have been told that all things shall work out for good in our life. We can trust that to happen, even if we cannot see the place today’s events will hold in the larger picture.

Today, I will let things happen without trying to figure everything out. If clarity is not available to me today, I will trust it to come later, in retrospect. I will put simple trust in the truth that all is well, events are unfolding as they should, and all will work out for good in my life – better than I can imagine.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

—R. L. Evans

Feelings of discouragement are to be expected as part of life. We will have our times of greater energy and hope and our times of feeling depleted and lost. As we mature we learn to see many peaks and valleys across the landscape.

Giving ourselves over to feelings of discouragement is self-indulgent and saps our strength. We cannot see into the future. The dailiness of our lives isn’t always dramatic and doesn’t usually offer great changes. But we are part of an unfolding process. Looking back over just a week or a month, we can recall troubled times that now seem insignificant. We see other’ people and their progress, and we know they too grew just one day at a time and couldn’t see what the future would bring them. So we continue – knowing that our process is hopeful – even though we cannot foresee the details of our future.

I have the strength to live through the peaks and valleys and to stay faithful to my recovery.

Elder’s Meditation

“…[W]isdom comes only when you stop looking for it and start truly living the life the Creator intended for you.”

–Lelia Fisher, HOH

There are many things that block us from wisdom such as; selfishness, secrets, hate, anger, jealousy and judgments. Another thing that can block us from wisdom is trying too hard or wishing something would happen. Wishing implies doubt and trying implies control. We need to let go of these things. We need to abandon ourselves to the Creator. As soon as we surrender everything, the wisdom starts to flow. The Elders know how to help us with this. Just ask them.

My Great Spirit, today I surrender my life and my will to Your care.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

A neighbor or colleague benefits from your practical attention and care today. Perhaps you worry about crossing a line when you spot someone who appears to struggle and needs your help. However, offering your assistance opens the door to a human connection. Listen closely to the response you receive and allow their words to guide your actions. You may experience a minor inconvenience to your own plans, but reaching out is more meaningful than anything else you can do. You never know when you might need similar support in return. What goes around comes around, and kindness keeps the world turning.