Author: mikeykjr

This blog reflects the thoughts and feelings of a gay, alcoholic/addict. Sobriety, for me, is the #1 priority in life. I wouldn't be here today without the dedication to my own sobriety. I hope through this site, I can help others battling with an addiction, struggling with recovery or those looking for a better understanding of an addict and what we go through in life. I tend to write long, rambling posts, so grab some coffee, get comfortable and enjoy yourself. Also, subscribe/follow!

The 12 Traditions of AA

On By mikeykjrIn Alcoholics Anonymous

THE TWELVE TRADITIONS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS
(SHORT FORM)

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon
A.A. unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as
He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but
trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups
or A.A. as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the
alcoholic who still suffers.

6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the A.A. name to any
related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, and
prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside
contributions.

8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our
service centers may employ special workers.

9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards
or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A.
name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we
need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and
films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us
to place principles before personalities.

Copyright © 1952, 1953, 1981 by A.A. Grapevine, Inc. and Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing
(now known as Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)
All rights reserved.
Rev. 10/14 SM F-122

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AA Promises

On By mikeykjrIn Alcoholics Anonymous

The AA Promises

1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.

2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.

6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

8. Self-seeking will slip away.

9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
ourselves

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us –
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A. World
Services, Inc.

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The Twelve Steps of AA

On By mikeykjrIn Alcoholics Anonymous

THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Copyright© 1952, 1953, 1981 by Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing
(now known as Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)
All rights reserved.
Rev. 8/16 SM F-121

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AA Preamble – Who Are We?

On By mikeykjrIn Alcoholics Anonymous

A.A. PREAMBLE©

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

Copyright © The AA Grapevine, Inc.
Reprinted with permission

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DR – Jan 14, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
January 14, 2017

Daily Reflection

NO REGRETS

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83

Once I became sober, I began to see how wasteful my life had been and I experienced overwhelming guilt and feelings of regret. The program’s Fourth and Fifth Steps assisted me enormously in healing those troubling regrets. I learned that my self-centeredness and dishonesty stemmed largely from my drinking and that I drank because I was an alcoholic. Now I see how even my most distasteful past experiences can turn to gold because, as a sober alcoholic, I can share them to help my fellow alcoholics, particularly newcomers. Sober for several years in A.A., I no longer regret the past; I am simply grateful to be conscious of God’s love and of the help I can give to others in the Fellowship.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 75

Keep It Simple

If you play with a thing long enough, you will surely break it.—Anonymous

Some things shouldn’t be played with. Our recovery program is one these things. When we play with our program, we’re taking a risk. We play with the program by missing meetings. Or by not calling our sponsors. Or by skipping the Steps we think are to hard. It’s okay to play. But it’s not okay to play with our program, we risk our lives.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me know that I must work this program with care and respect.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll make two list. On one list, I’ll write ways I work on my program. On the other list, I’ll write ways I play with my program. And I’ll put my energy into working the program.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

The same ideas that you weren’t sure about a few days ago now appear to be the shiniest of stars beaming at you. Your confidence inspires others to respond enthusiastically when you share your plans, which in turn, validates your ambitious intentions. However, your current originality can overshadow your common sense. Don’t trade in a practical plan for an ingenious one that won’t work. Your success depends upon setting goals that are flexible and attainable.

DR – Jan 13, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
January 13, 2017

Daily Reflection

IT DOESN’T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT

We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: “If I just don’t drink, everything will be all right.” Once the fog cleared for me, I saw—for the first time—the mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn’t happen overnight—and certainly not automatically—with no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God’s mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

 “…with us, to drink is to die.” 

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 66~

Keep It Simple

The junkie can never start to cure himself until he recognizes his true condition.—-Malcoln X

Now we know what the problem is. Now we can do something about it. The truth of our problem is, we can’t handle alcohol or other drugs. They handle us. They control us. The Steps ask us to face the truth.

And the truth sets us free. What a wonderful gift! We feared the truth, but now it’s our friend. It’s a relief.

Facing the truth means we’re honest. And honestly is our best friend in recovery. It’s like a cozy fire on a winter’s night. Honesty is how we get well. It’s also what will keep us well. Do I truly believe I can’t use alcohol or other drugs?

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me know that I must work this program with care and respect.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll make two list, On one list, I’ll write ways I work on my program. On the other list, I’ll write way I play with my program. And I’ll put my energy into working the program.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It’s no fun when your coworkers make demands on your time, especially when you think they are being unreasonable. You know what needs to be done now and prefer to just get on with it. Unfortunately, things aren’t flowing easily because people seem to be slightly misguided today. Nevertheless, it’s not your job to straighten out anyone else when there’s still plenty of unfinished business on your plate. Successful people never worry about what others are doing because they are too busy being successful.

DR – Jan 12, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
January 12, 2017

Daily Reflection

ACCEPTING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES

Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.

Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built.

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 44

When I am having a difficult time accepting people, places or events, I turn to this passage and it relieves me of many an underlying fear regarding others, or situations life presents me. The thought allows me to be human and not perfect, and to regain my peace of mind.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Most of us sense that real tolerance of other people´s shortcomings and viewpoints and a  respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 19~

Keep It Simple

Remember always that you have not only the right to be individual, you have an obligation to be one. –Eleamnor Roosevelt

When we were using alcohol and other drugs, we often thought that we were different from others. We secretly thought that no one could understand us. Maybe we tried to be one of the group, but we were lonely. Now we know for sure–we are different from others. Everyone’s unique. We all have this in common. Being like others helps us feel safe and normal. But we need to feel good about the ways we’re different from others too. We think a little different, act a little different, and look a little different from anyone else. We each have our own way to make life better for others.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me be an individual. Help me use my special gifts, not hide them.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll make a list of the things I’m good at. I’ll think about how I can use these gifts.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

There is no room for lazy thinking or careless communication today, so express yourself with authority or keep your thoughts to yourself. Although a lack of planning and commitment may put control in someone else’s hands, the nurturing Cancer Full Moon in your sign reminds you to consider your own needs before trying to meet the expectations of others. Making the satisfaction of a lover, friend or coworker your top priority will only leave you in second place. You can’t pour from an empty cup; take care of yourself first.

DR – Jan 11, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
January 9, 2017

AA – Daily Reflection

THE 100% STEP
Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection. — TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 68
Long before I was able to obtain sobriety in A.A., I knew without a doubt that alcohol was killing me, yet even with this knowledge, I was unable to stop drinking. So, when faced with Step One, I found it easy to admit that I lacked the power to not drink. But was my life unmanageable? Never! Five months after coming into A.A., I was drinking again and wondered why.

Later on, back in A.A. and smarting from my wounds, I learned that Step One is the only Step that can be taken 100%. And that the only way to take it 100% is to take 100% of the Step. That was many twenty-four hours ago and I haven’t had to take Step One again.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

 

Big Book Quote of the Day

“When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and
physically.” ~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, Page 64~

Keep it Simple

If there is a harder way of doing something, someone will find it.—Ralph E. Ross

When we used alcohol or other drugs, we did most things the hard way. We could turn a simple task into a day-long project. We could turn a simple problem into an argument. We were creative giants in doing things the hard way! we need to change this. We deserve easier lives. It’s okay to take the smooth road .

In our program ,We have slogans for this: Keep It Simple, Let Go and Let God, First Things First, and Easy Does It. These slogans remind us that it’s okay to live with as little trouble as possible.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, show me how to live a simple life. I don’t have to do everything the hard way if I listen better to You.

Action for the Day:
I’ll list three or four things I do that makes my life harder than it needs to be. I’ll share them with a friend.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Stretching yourself to reach for a higher prize is a sound tactic as long as you carefully calculate the cost of fulfilling your dreams. However, you’re challenged to maintain a sensible perspective now because an inflationary Sun-Jupiter square dares you to overstep your limits. Your emotions are powerful today and it may require extra effort to keep them in line. Revealing your innermost thoughts can make others uncomfortable, prompting them to withdraw. Keep your fears to yourself; everyone, including you, is entitled to take a step back in order to create breathing room.

Have Some Cheese with the Whine

On By mikeykjrIn Personal2 Comments

Caution:  Rant forthcoming . . .

If you don’t like people that whine – DO NOT read this post.  On the other hand, if you’re a recovering addict, or would like to have a glimpse into my mind, by all means pull up a chair for a LONG READ.  This is ME talking to MYSELF but posted for those that are interested.

I’m bitch, crabby, frustrated, angry and down-right pissed off at the world.  But a DRINK(s) is not going to solve my problems.  I will do my best with the tools of life that I’ve been given.  Hopefully, if you do read this in its entirety, an example of how a recovering addict deals with life.

My previous career, working in the chemical dependency field as a Program Aide in a medically supervised detox center, abruptly came to end in March 2016.  But I saw it coming and didn’t do anything about it.  I was simply burned out and didn’t give a rat’s ass (I let my mouth run amuck), so I was terminated.

It turned out to be the best decision (for both parties), just the wrong way of doing it.

In September, after the recommendation of fellow nurses that I worked with, I was accepted into a Certified Nursing Assistant’s training program.  At the beginning of November 2016, I passed the New York State exam and received my license.  I promised myself no matter what happened I would not repeat the past.  Oh, I try – every day.

Knowing I’m the lowest one on the totem pole I’ve accepted a few things.  There is a terrible staffing problem on my shift (almost, if not all, the 3 – 11pm staff was quit or been terminated). From what I’ve learned, this is the norm.  I worked Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day 2016.  Accepted, I’m new.  The gossip among employees is just extreme as I’ve seen in other employers.  I expected to get treated like crap by fellow co-workers.  Yup, that happens.  Management, umm…, let’s just not go there.  Along with a whole list of other things.

Scheduling is madness.  The last two weeks I’ve worked six days out of seven, each week.  New Years, I volunteered – my bad.  A old habit of feeling guilty for fellow employees.  This week, I wasn’t even asked, just scheduled.  I haven’t had a full weekend to myself since the Stone Age. Lastly, I won’t be able to take a vacation until after a full year of employment.

Lately, my mouth keeps opening instead of staying shut.  But like many, “I just don’t care.”  Honestly, (sorry for the cliché – “I would if I could, but I can’t . . .) leaving should be on my agenda but I’m just four months in a new career with a new employer.  I enjoy my job and the residents.  I am NOT going to let management, fellow employees or certain circumstances ruin it for me.

But I’m also not going to be quiet about it.  I can’t and I won’t.  There is no point to bring up issues to the “higher ups” because, honestly, they don’t care.  Been there, done that, nothing’s been done.  It reminds me of this saying, “doing something different, yet expecting the same results” – the definition of INSANITY.

So, it’s a very difficult time for me.  No, I’m not going to drink.  What is that going to solve?  These issues are going to be there in the morning, the day after, many more moons after that.  I remind myself of various slogans, “Let it Go”, “One Day at a Time”, the Serenity Prayer – 1000 times a day, “Let Go, Let God (or in my case, my Higher Power), as well as a host of others.  But those aren’t the answer.  Then the light bulb goes on . . .

You need a f**king meeting!!  Honestly, I haven’t been to one in a couple of months.  I know – I’m calling the kettle black.  I preach all this sobriety knowledge and don’t follow my own advice.  But here I’m going to throw EXCUSES.  There are not many people that have long term sobriety in this community.  Since working in the recovery community I know a lot of people, so meetings tend to be a waste of time.  Another EXCUSE – the weather sucks.  It’s sleet/rainy, the roads are slick, so I can’t travel out of time. I’ll figure something out even if its local.  I need a meeting.

OK, I’m done.  I guess I needed to get that out.  Feel much better . . .

Now to find something to do (i.e. read a book, clean up clutter, etc.) to get my mind off this crap and get me in a good mood.  Perhaps take a nap, then go to a meeting later tonight.  I don’t know.  I’m being a lazy SOB because I deserve to be today.

DR – Jan 10, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings1 Comment

Daily Recovery Readings
January 10, 2017

AA – Daily Reflection

UNITED WE STAND
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 30

I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was no longer able to control my drinking. It was either my wife’s complaining about my drinking, or maybe the sheriff forced me to go to A.A. meetings, or perhaps I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn’t drink like others, but I was unwilling to admit it because the alternative terrified me. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women united against a common, fatal disease. Each one of our lives is linked to every other, much like the survivors on a life raft at sea. If we all work together, we can get safely to shore.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote of the Day

“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, Page 83~

Keep it Simple

I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
—Winston Churchill

We addicts are used to learning the hard way. Many of us think we’re different and can do things our own way. But then we get in too much trouble or pain. The first AA members were just like us. They knew how it is to hate being told what to do. So they suggested we follow the Twelve Steps. They didn’t say we have to do anything. They didn’t say working the Steps is the only way to live sober. They just said the Steps worked for them. we’re finding out that the Steps work for us too. We don’t have to work them.

We don’t have to stay sober. We just like our new sober life better than our old drinking or drugging life.

And we learned how to live this new life by working the Steps

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me be open to your lessons. Teach me gently and help me listen.

Action for the Day:
I will list five ways that I get in the way of my own learning.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Although you can be a lot more flexible than anyone realizes, you may choose to dig in your heels today and stubbornly resist change. But the shocking Sun-Uranus square casts things in an entirely different light. Thankfully, you surprise everyone by how quickly you adapt to the new scene once you see how your actions affect the ones you love. However, it’s not an easy transition, because you vacillate between wanting the sensual benefits of an intimate relationship and your need to maintain emotionally secure boundaries. Compromise is an act of strength that demonstrates the depth of your commitment.