Batten Down The Hatches, Matey

For the last fifteen months I have learned a great deal about myself. I’m grateful for the support which helped me get to where I am today. Yet, there comes a time when we all get to a point in our lives to face the world – independently. We grow up and have to take the reins in our own lives. Personally I’m at the place, I can’t ignore it and I’m a little scared.

The title can be a little misleading but this is how my alcoholic mind wants me to think. Ideally, it wants me to believe this “impending doom” is about to happen. It’s not, at least for today. Instead, if I concentrate on what I need to do today to stay sober and move forward in life, I’ll be fine.

After months of attempting to arrange for classes to obtain a Certified Recovery Peer Advocate, I came to realize the process is just not going to happen. Instead I was given information about a complete free and alternative way to work in the recovery community. Therefore, I started online classes through the State of New York to become a Peer Advocate. I’m attempting to complete at least one module a week. But at times, even that can be difficult.

Two gentleman who recently came back to the area for recovery have also asked for my assistance. One came from a long term prison sentence. Another, I sponsored in the past, he relapsed and recently came back too. It appears to me these people were put in my life for a reason. I need to learn from my past and do something differently this time around.

Lastly, I hope this whole dental situation can begin to come to an end tomorrow. I have an appointment with the assumption to get impressions for a denture. Yet, in the back of my mind, I distinctly remember the dentist saying, “We need to get the rest of your teeth health before we place that denture.” I have a few cavities, I haven’t had a cleaning in a while and she insists this all be done first. Based on my situation, I just need to be honest explaining the priority right now must be the impression for the denture. While I wait for the denture to be manufactured, I have no problem coming back in multiple appointments for the rest of the work. We’ll just have to see how it works out tomorrow.

All this stuff at once can be overwhelming, if I let it. But if I just concentrate what I need to do today, it’s another story. It’s quite easy and my serenity stays in tact.

DR – January 9, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 9, 2020


Daily Reflection

AN ACT OF PROVIDENCE

It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21

My act of Providence, (a manifestation of divine care and direction), came as I experienced the total bankruptcy of active alcoholism—everything meaningful in my life was gone. I telephoned Alcoholics Anonymous and, from that instant, my life has never been the same. When I reflect on that very special moment, I know that God was working in my life long before I was able to acknowledge and accept spiritual concepts. The glass was put down through this one act of Providence and my journey into sobriety began. My life continues to unfold with divine care and direction. Step One, in which I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable, takes on more meaning for me—one day at a time—in the life-saving, life-giving Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.


Big Book Quote

“We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, Page 75~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

When we were drinking, most of us had no real faith in anything. We may have said that we believed in God, but we didn’t act as though we did. We never honestly asked God to help us and we never really accepted His help. To us, faith looked like helplessness. But when we came into A.A., we began to have faith in God. And we found out that faith gave us the strength we needed to overcome drinking. Have I learned that there is strength in faith?

Meditation for the Day

I will have faith, no matter what may befall me. I will be patient, even in the midst of troubles. I will not fear the strain of life, because I believe that God knows just what I can bear. I will look to the future with confidence. I know that God will not ask me to bear anything that could overcome or destroy me.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may put this day in the hands of God. I pray for faith, so that nothing will upset me or weaken my determination to stay sober.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Responsibility for Ourselves

“We have been doing the wrong things for the right reasons.“

—CODEPENDENT NO MORE

Caretaking: the act of taking responsibility for other people while neglecting responsibility for ourselves. When we instinctively feel responsible for the feelings, thoughts, choices, problems, comfort, and destiny of others, we are caretakers. We may believe, at an unconscious level, that others are responsible for our happiness, just as we’re responsible for theirs.

It’s a worthy goal to be a considerate, loving, nurturing person. But caretaking is neglecting us to the point of feeling victimized. Caretaking involves caring for others in ways that hamper them in learning to take responsibility for themselves.

Caretaking doesn’t work. It hurts other people; it hurts us. People get angry. They feel hurt, used, and victimized. So do we.

The kindest and most generous behavior we can choose is taking responsibility for ourselves – for what we think, feel, want, and need. The most beneficial act we can perform is to be true to ourselves, and let others take responsibility for themselves.

Today, I will pay attention to my actual responsibilities to myself. I will let others do the same. If I am in doubt about what my actual responsibilities are, I will take an inventory.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Fear is an emotion indispensable for survival.”

—Hannah Arendt

We men face fear many times in life. Sometimes it’s an inner voice, warning us of danger. Some fears remain from the paranoia caused by our former abuses and excesses. In recovery, we feel many new emotions, and we’re afraid because we don’t understand them. Any normal feeling can seem abnormal and frightening to a man who is feeling it for the first few times. We may think it isn’t manly to be afraid, so we become afraid of our fear! At these times, we need to turn to our Higher Power for guidance.

We have friends we can talk to. When we simply say, “I am afraid” to a trusted friend, the fear may vanish. Sometimes it’s not that easy, and we have to talk in detail about our fear. In the end, when we submit our lives to the care of our Higher Power, we know that whatever happens, nothing can separate us from the love of God.

In my fear, help me remember the comfort of my closeness to my Higher Power and my loved ones. I can reach out, and I am never alone.


Elder’s Meditation

“So, with the Native way, it’s not whether people find out about what you’ve done or not… that’s not nearly as strong as having your source of morality within you, having your morality arise out of an inner perception of what is wrong, ridiculous, or shameful. You are your own judge.”

–Eunice Baumann-Nelson, Ph.D., PENOBSCOT

Inside each of us is a voice. It is a quiet voice. It is a guiding voice. If we listen for it, it will guide us, and help us avoid disaster. It is especially active when we are afraid, when we are in doubt, when we are scared, when we need help, and when we get angry. If we are excited emotionally, it is hard to hear this voice. If we are angry, it’s hard to hear this voice because it is usually quiet. The best thing we can do is to practice getting quiet. If we don’t get quiet, there is another voice called the judge. It tells us to attack or say bad things to other people or to judge ourselves. This voice is loud and usually gets us into trouble.

Creator, Great Mystery, help me listen for the quiet voice. Let me know this voice of Yours. Your ways are gentle. Guide me with this voice. Thank you.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It’s wonderful to dote on those you love, as long as you keep your own surges of emotion out of the picture. You can feel so connected to the wellbeing of others that you go overboard with your fabulous nurturing tendencies. The see-saw opposition between the supportive Cancer Moon and bountiful Jupiter augurs well for giving gifts and expressing appreciation. However, a flash flood of fear might rush in if you become overprotective or indulgent when someone asks for personal space. There is a distinct line between being available when you are needed versus being unconsciously needy. Honoring boundaries demonstrates respect.

DR – January 8, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 8, 2020


Daily Reflection

DO I HAVE A CHOICE?

“The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent.”

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 24

My powerlessness over alcohol does not cease when I quit drinking. In sobriety I still have no choice — I can’t drink.

The choice I do have is to pick up and use the “kit of spiritual tools” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 25). When I do that, my Higher Power relieves me of my lack of choice—and keeps me sober one more day. If I could choose not to pick up a drink today, where then would be my need for A.A. or a Higher Power?


Big Book Quote

“We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him. To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, Page 46~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Everyone who comes into A.A. knows from bitter experience that he or she can’t drink. I know that drinking has been the cause of all my major troubles or has made them worse. Now that I have found a way out, I will hang onto A.A. with both hands. Saint Paul once said that nothing in the world, neither powers nor principalities, life nor death, could separate him from the love of God. Once I have given my drink problem to God, should anything in the world separate me from my sobriety?

Meditation for the Day

I know that my new life will not be immune from difficulties, but I will have peace even in difficulties. I know that serenity is the result of faithful, trusting acceptance of God’s will, even in the midst of difficulties. Saint Paul said: “Our light afflictions, which are but for a moment, work for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may welcome difficulties. I pray that they may test my strength and build my character.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Vulnerability

Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on “feelings freeze mode” when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt. Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery. It is understandable that we don’t want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share, in fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves.

That was yesterday. Today, we don’t have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we don’t have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life.

We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when that’s appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We don’t have to analyze or justify our feelings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior.

Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe it’s showing us we’re going in a wrong direction; maybe it’s triggering a deep healing process.

It’s okay to feel hurt; it’s okay to cry; it’s okay to heal; it’s okay to move on to the next feeling, when it’s time. Our willingness and capacity to feel joy will eventually match our willingness and capacity to feel hurt.

Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain.

Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. l am willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“In wildness is the preservation of the world.”

—Henry David Thoreau

Nature confronts us with its beauty in a flower or a furry animal. The awesomeness of nature is in a lightning bolt or a majestic mountain. Every variety of tree has its own uniquely textured bark. Each annual ring in a tree trunk is a natural record of the growing conditions in each year it grew. These things remind us we are not in charge, and we are moved by the experience.

This wildness is everywhere around us, and we are renewed by it when we interact with it. At night, in the city, we look up and see the ancient moon. When we live with a pet, it reminds us we are creatures too. We are part of this larger whole. We don’t just appreciate nature – we are nature. When we open our eyes and learn to be a part of it, it renews and lifts our spirits.

Today, I will notice my relationship with the sun and moon, with the plants and animals in my world.


Elder’s Meditation

“Native Americans are essentially calling for righteousness. By this they mean a shared ideology developed by all people using their purest and most unselfish minds.”

–Lorraine Canoe/Tom Porter, MOHAWK

The Native way is to first focus on decisions that will be good for the people and then for yourself. Righteousness means “to think right.” Our way is to consider the good of all first. This helps our minds to be unselfish and pure. This it he spiritual way. This can be very hard to do because the world we live in says to take care of yourself first. A man of God cannot be taken advantage of unless it is the will of the Creator. The Creator really controls everything. To have a good future, the people must gather in a circle and pray for the highest good for the people.

Great Mystery, today let me love instead of being loved. Let me be giving instead of receiving. Show me the advantages of having a giving heart.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may wish to be whisked away to meet people from distant lands without any of the hassle of long-distance travel. Thankfully, you can transport yourself away from the mundane by throwing yourself into a captivating film, fascinating museum exhibit, or sprawling novel. All souvenirs don’t need to come from actual remote shores. Of course, some are artifacts from other countries. But you’re equally likely to bring an exotic quality into your own life from your creative wanderings. Infuse fancifulness and inspiration into everything you do by cultivating connections to the depths of your soul. Never lose your sense of wonder.

DR – January 7, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 7, 2020


Daily Reflection

AT THE TURNING POINT

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

Every day I stand at turning points. My thoughts and actions can propel me toward growth or turn me down the road to old habits and to booze. Sometimes turning points are beginnings, as when I decide to start praising, instead of condemning someone. Or when I begin to ask for help instead of going it alone. At other times turning points are endings, such as when I see clearly the need to stop festering resentments or crippling self-seeking. Many shortcomings tempt me daily; therefore, I also have daily opportunities to become aware of them. In one form or another, many of my character defects appear daily: self-condemnation, anger, running away, being prideful, wanting to get even, or acting out of grandiosity.

Attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzes my efforts to change. It is only when I ask God for help, with complete abandon, that I become willing—and able—to change.


Big Book Quote

“The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, Page 30~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

When temptation comes, as it does some times to all of us, I will say to myself: “No, my whole life depends on not taking that drink and nothing in the world can make me do it.” Besides, I have promised that Higher Power that I wouldn’t do it. I know that God doesn’t want me to drink and I won’t break my promise to God. I’ve given up my right to drink and it’s not my decision any longer. Have I made the choice once and for all, so that there’s no going back on it?

Meditation for the Day

In silence comes God’s meaning to the heart. I cannot judge when it enters the heart. I can only judge by results. God’s word is spoken to the secret places of my heart and, in some hour of temptation, I find that word and realize its value for the first time. When I need it, I find it there. “Thy Father, who seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.”

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may see God’s meaning in my life. I pray that I may gladly accept what God has to teach me.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Dealing with Painful Feelings

Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.

Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to “get even,” or we may manipulate behind people’s backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.

These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.

Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren’t as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.

We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there’s something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.

We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.

Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.

Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

To be happy one must risk unhappiness; to live fully one must risk death and accept its ultimate decision.

—Judd Manner

All of us, in confronting our powerlessness, have felt the truth of this paradox. If we truly admitted how far out of control our drinking was, would we be able to survive without alcohol? If we stopped caretaking, would we have any place in our relationships? If we let go of our food obsessions, would there be any pleasure left in life? Yet, we can see much of our behavior was destroying us. We had to let go of it to begin learning a better way of living.

We can face our powerlessness in very specific ways. Let us look at today’s concerns as spiritual issues with lessons for us. Does an opportunity seem like a problem because of the risk involved? Are we frustrated because we cannot accept the limits of our control? We will face our powerlessness today in ways we cannot fully anticipate. When we are honest with ourselves and face it directly, we can take the risk of letting go.

Let me not be so tied to what I have or to what I want that I cannot lean on God’s love and take a risk for growth.


Elder’s Meditation

“When we become hollow bones there is no limit to what the Higher Powers can do in and through us in spiritual things.”

–Frank Fools Crow, LAKOTA

If we want to be of maximum use to the Creator, we must ready ourselves to do so. if we are to become a channel for His purposes, we must prepare ourselves to do so. If we have resentment, fear, selfishness, or anger, we are not hollow bones. We must be rid of these things. We must change ourselves. We must ask for forgiveness for ourselves and forgive our brothers and sisters. We must keep our insides clean. We cannot use our power in a good way when we have blockages such as hate, judgement, and envy. When we are free of these things the Higher Powers can use us beyond our wildest imagination. Then we can really help ourselves and help our people. Only when we are hollow bones can we have an effect on the world.

Oh Great Spirit, remove from me the things that block my usefulness to You. Remove from my day all thinking that is out of harmony with Your ways. Grant me Your peace and allow me to function as a hollow bone.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your choices determine your priorities. Consider all the possible angles before initiating action, especially if you’re contemplating a big move like a change of career. However, you could waste precious time in endless analysis. Instead, direct your energy toward simple and concrete efforts to manifest bigger dreams. Resist the temptation to engage in petty arguments that will only distract and drain you. Where you put your focus makes all the difference in the world. Richard Carlson wrote, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

DR – January 6, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 6, 2020


Daily Reflection

THE VICTORY OF SURRENDER

“We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength. Our admissions of personal powerlessness finally turn out to be firm bedrock upon which happy and purposeful lives may be built.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21

When alcohol influenced every facet of my life, when bottles became the symbol of all my self indulgence and permissiveness, when I came to realize that, by myself, I could do nothing to overcome the power of alcohol, I realized I had no recourse except surrender. In surrender I found victory—victory over my selfish self-indulgence, victory over my stubborn resistance to life as it was given to me. When I stopped fighting anybody or anything, I started on the path to sobriety, serenity and peace.


Big Book Quote

“Faith without works is dead.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, Page 76~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Meditation for the Day

I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it, God cannot give me His power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God’s power in my life.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Relationships

If we are unhappy without a relationship, we’ll probably be unhappy with one as well. A relationship doesn’t begin our life; a relationship doesn’t become our life. A relationship is a continuation of life.

— Beyond Codependency

Relationships are the blessing and bane of recovery. Relationships are where we take our recovery show on the road.

Each day, we are faced with the prospect of functioning in several different relationships. Sometimes, we choose these relationships; sometimes, we don’t. The one choice we usually have in our relationships concerns our own behavior. In recovery from codependency, our goal is to behave in ways that demonstrate responsibility for us.

We’re learning to acknowledge our power to take care of ourselves in our relationships. We’re learning to be intimate with people when possible.

Do we need to detach from someone who we’ve been trying to control? Is there someone we need to talk to, even though what we have to say may be uncomfortable? Is there someone we’ve been avoiding because we’re afraid to take care of ourselves with that person? Do we need to make an amend? Is there someone we need to reach out to, or show love?

Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in relationships.

Today, I will participate in my relationships to the best of my ability. I will make myself available for closeness and sharing with people I trust. I will ask for what I need and give what feels right.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Being human is difficult. Becoming human is a lifelong process. To be truly human is a gift.

—Abraham Heschel

The processes of becoming more human, becoming a real person, and finding spiritual enlightenment are very similar. They require slow growth over time. We can only follow these paths in small steps, one day or one hour at a time. Many of us grew up in families with an addicted parent. We, too, went to great excesses and have been abusive to others and ourselves. Because of these problems, we developed a distorted outlook on life. Now we still demand quick and complete fixes for recovery.

Our program says, “Look to this day.” It is a difficult path to learn, but we only take it in small steps. There are no instant fixes for any human being. Yet, when we surrender to the reality of life, we are given the gift of true humanity. We feel like real people, we love others, and we enjoy the pleasure of true contact with them.

I am grateful I can be a part of the process. Help me give up my drive to control it.


Elder’s Meditation

“When we’re through with this earth and all these problems, we don’t have to come back. But as long as we’re here we have a job to do and a purpose to fulfill, and that means dealing with the circumstances around us.”

–Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE

We are put on the earth to participate in life. We have a beautiful mind, we have the ability to pray, we have the ability to change, we have the ability to accept, and we have choices. All things God created are constantly changing. This constant change causes our circumstances to change. Sometimes we say life is difficult. During these times we need to use our tools: the tools of prayer, and the tools of meditation. We are designed to change and live joyfully on this earth. The only requirement for living joyfully is to live according to the laws, principles, and values given to us by the Creator.

Great Spirit, give me Your courage today, and guide my footsteps.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

A combination of experimentation and determination may be required to make the most of an awkward situation today. You could be struggling in your attempt to give a loved one the comfort and support you believe they deserve. Perhaps they resist your intervention, or you can’t figure out how to care for them because they are not adequately articulating their needs. But don’t just stick to the tried-and-true methods of the past. Your emotional flexibility enables you to be a loyal and sympathetic companion. Relying on your intuition allows you to tap into a deep well of creative compassion.

DR – January 5, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 5, 2020


Daily Reflection

TOTAL ACCEPTANCE

“He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.“

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 152

Only an alcoholic can understand the exact meaning of a statement like this one. The double standard that held me captive as an active alcoholic also filled me with terror and confusion: “If I don’t get a drink I’m going to die,” competed with “If I continue drinking it’s going to kill me.” Both compulsive thoughts pushed me ever closer to the bottom. That bottom produced a total acceptance of my alcoholism—with no reservations whatsoever—and one that was absolutely essential for my recovery. It was a dilemma unlike anything I had ever faced, but as I found out later on, a necessary one if I was to succeed in this program.


Big Book Quote

“We represent no particular faith or denomination. We are dealing only with general principles common to most denominations.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, Page 93~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Have I turned to a Higher Power for help? Do I believe that each man or woman I see in A.A. is a demonstration of the power of God to change a human being from a drunkard into a sober, useful citizen? Do I believe that this Higher Power can keep me from drinking? Am I living one day at a time? Do I ask God to give me the power to stay sober for each twenty-four hours? Do I attend A.A. meetings regularly?

Meditation for the Day

I believe that God’s presence brings peace and that peace, like a quiet-flowing river, will cleanse all irritants away. In these quiet times, God will teach me how to rest my nerves. I will not be afraid. I will learn how to relax. When I am relaxed, God’s strength will flow into me. I will be at peace.

Prayer for the Day

I pray for that peace which passes all understanding. I pray for that peace which the world can neither give nor take away.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Accepting Help

Some of us have felt so alienated that we’ve forgotten we’re not alone. We’ve come to believe that we have to do it ourselves. Some of us have been abandoned. Some have gone without love. Some of us have gotten used to people never being there for us. Some of us have struggled, had hard lessons to learn.

God’s there, always ready to help. There is an ample supply of people to care about us too. We will, if we want it, receive love and support, comfort and nurturing. If we take the risk to ask for it, help is there. We can draw on the strength of our recovery group and allow ourselves to be helped and supported by our Higher Power. Friends will come, good friends.

We aren’t alone. And we don’t have to do it ourselves. We’re not doing it ourselves. There is no shortage of love. Not anymore.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to do it alone and my belief that I am alone. Help me tap into Your Divine Power and Presence, and your resources for love, support, and friendship. Open my eyes and heart so I can see the love, help, and support that’s there for me. Help me know I am loved.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Be able to be alone. Lose not the advantage of solitude.”

—Sir Thomas Browne

Loneliness and solitude are very different things. When we’re lonely, we feel sad about being alone. But when we’re in solitude, we have ourselves and can be at peace. Many of us have had so much pain in our relationships that we often feel lonely. Or we may have been so frightened of being alone that now we avoid it like poison. All of us have known the pain of loneliness, even while we were surrounded by people.

Through solitude we can become more fully acquainted with ourselves, develop greater honesty, and deepen our spiritual development. Each day, as we spend time alone in meditation, we make conscious contact with God and join other men in spirit who also walk this path. Even in our solitude we are not alone.

In this quiet time, I reestablish peace within and find the spirit of my fellow men and women on a similar path.


Elder’s Meditation

“But first, let us join hands and pray.”

–Starleaf, SHINNECOCK

Where two or more human beings joined together for a common cause, the helpers and the Grandfathers will show up to help. When our Indian people come together, the Elders say, “Always pray first, do a ceremony and ask the Creator to be with us and to help us. We can never pray enough.” The Elders also say, “pray in a circle because the Creator made things in circles. When we stand in a circle and pray together, a sacred hoop will form above the people. This is the spiritual way.”

Oh Great Spirit, through my prayers I can find Your guidance. I pray You guide my path today. Touch my life with Your holy breath.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may be reassured by the unwavering support you receive from your friends and acquaintances today. Even people providing critical feedback seem to deliver useful perspectives in a form that is easy on your ears. In fact, you might find that your trustworthy allies are willing to encourage nearly any endeavor that seems important to you now. Your current inclination for socializing bodes well for professional networking or just kicking back with those in your social circle. Count each connection as a cosmic gift. Author Jay Abraham wrote, “No one ever succeeds without the help of others.”

DR – January 4, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 4, 2020


Daily Reflection

BEGIN WHERE YOU ARE

“We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.”

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 19

It’s usually pretty easy for me to be pleasant to the people in an A.A. setting. While I’m working to stay sober, I’m celebrating with my fellow A.A.s our common release from the hell of drinking. It’s often not so hard to spread glad tidings to my old and new friends in the program.

At home or at work, though, it can be a different story. It is in situations arising in both of those areas that the little day-to-day frustrations are most evident, and where it can be tough to smile or reach out with a kind word or an attentive ear. It’s outside of the A.A. rooms that I face the real test of the effectiveness of my walk through A.A.’s Twelve Steps.


Big Book Quote

“To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, Page 44~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Have I admitted I am an alcoholic? Have I swallowed my pride and admitted I was different from ordinary drinkers? Have I accepted the fact that I must spend the rest of my life without liquor? Have I any more reservations, any idea in the back of my mind that some day I’ll be able to drink safely? Am I absolutely honest with my self and with other people? Have I taken an inventory of myself and admitted the wrong I have done? Have I come clean with my friends? Have I tried to make it up to them for the way I have treated them?

Meditation for the Day

I will believe that fundamentally all is well. Good things will happen to me. I believe that God cares for me and will provide for me. I will not try to plan ahead. I know that the way will unfold, step by step. I will leave tomorrow’s burden to God, because He is the great burden-bearer. He only expects me to carry my one-day’s share.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may not try to carry the burden of the universe on my shoulders. I pray that I may be satisfied to do my share each day.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Separating from Family Issues

We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between our nuclear family and ourselves. We can separate ourselves from their issues.

Some of us may have family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs and who are not in recovery from their addiction.

Some of us may have family members who have unresolved codependency issues. Family members may be addicted to misery, pain, suffering, martyrdom, and victimization. We may have family members who have unresolved abuse issues or unresolved family of origin issues.

We may have family members who are addicted to work, eating, or sex. Our family may be completely enmeshed, or we may have a disconnected family in which the members have little contact.

We may be like our family. We may love our family. But we are separate human beings with individual rights and issues. One of our primary rights is to begin feeling better and recovering, whether or not others in the family choose to do the same.

We do not have to feel guilty about finding happiness and a life that works. And we do not have to take on our family’s issues as our own to be loyal and to show we love them.

Often when we begin taking care of ourselves, family members will reverberate with overt and covert attempts to pull us back into the old system and roles. We do not have to go. Their attempts to pull us back are their issues. Taking care of ourselves and becoming healthy and happy does not mean we do not love them. It means we’re addressing our issues.

We do not have to judge them because they have issues; nor do we have to allow them to do anything they would like to us just because they are family.

We are free now, free to take care of ourselves with family members. Our freedom starts when we stop denying then issues, and politely, but assertively, hand their stuff back to them – where it belongs – and deal with our own issues.

Today, I will separate myself from family members, I am a separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“There is no method or discipline or system of any kind that can ever command the spirit to be present.”

TTom Sampon

A man in the process of growth and recovery asks the question, “How shall I develop a relationship with my Higher Power?” The first answer is usually, “You can decide to be open to the spiritual messages that come your way.” Some experiences in life can be mastered and directed, as in performing a task or going on a trip. We can have other experiences only by being receptive. They come our way, as in the growing of a friendship or the unpredictable events on a trip.

To be receptive, we must not be so busy with what we can control that we fail to notice all the experiences, which are there for us. Our senses need to be open to see what is around us and hear what is in the air. We must breathe in the beauty and pain of life. When there is a message in our experiences, let us read it and not demand it fit our narrow, logical minds.

Today, I pray that I will be open to receive the spirit on its own terms.


Elder’s Meditation

“Our circle is timeless, flowing, it is a new life emerging from death-life winning out over death.”

–Lame Deer, LAKOTA

When we look at the world in the manner which the Great Spirit designed it, we can see why it makes sense to live in harmony with it: the trees grow and bear fruit, the fruit has seeds, the seeds fall to the ground, the ground grows new trees, old trees die to make way for the young. Any time we think we can interrupt this cycle or change it we will experience turmoil and confusion. The Human Cycle exists as the baby becomes the youth, the youth becomes the adult, the adult has children, the adult becomes the Elder, and the Elder teaches the youth. Elders go on to the Spirit World. Spirit comes into babies to produce new life. Flow into the flow. Be the path of least resistance.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You possess the power to keep nearly everyone calm and content today. Your primary tool is your swift response to any interpersonal discord. However, you must do more than just react; consider the wisest courses of action and offer an alternative that lifts everyone beyond mundane self-interests. Check your own ego and leave any strong emotions out of the picture. Grounding the stormy conjunction of the Moon and Uranus empowers you to discover a path forward that not only restores the relationship synergy, but improves it. Love is an irresistible force field.

DR – January 3, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 3, 2020


Daily Reflection

POWERLESS

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21

It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I’ve learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don’t work) the Steps. But I’ve also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live.


Big Book Quote

“…I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, Page 13~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

When I came into A.A., I learned what an alcoholic was and then I applied this knowledge to myself to see if I was an alcoholic. When I was convinced that I was an alcoholic, I admitted it openly. Since then, have I been learning to live accordingly? Have I read the book Alcoholics Anonymous? Have I applied the knowledge gained to myself? Have I admitted openly that I am an alcoholic? Am I ready to admit it at any time when I can be of help?

Meditation for the Day

I will be renewed. I will be remade. In this, I need God’s help. His spirit shall flow through me and, in flowing through me, it shall sweep away all the bitter past. I will take heart. The way will open for me. Each day will unfold something good, as long as I am trying to live the way I believe God wants me to live.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be taught, just as a child would be taught. I pray that I may never question God’s plans, but accept them gladly.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Nurturing Self Care

“…there isn’t a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery, our boundaries will develop. They will get healthy and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we’ll love ourselves enough to listen.”

—Beyond Codependency

What do we need to do to take care of ourselves?

Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don’t you trust? What doesn’t feel right? What can’t you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don’t you want and need? What do you like? What would feel good?

In recovery, we learn that self care leads us on the path to God’s will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it.

Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, ever present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.

Today, I will affirm that I am a gift to the Universe and myself. I will remember that nurturing self care delivers that gift in its highest form.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”

—Ursula K. Le Guin

Our relationships are alive. We don’t control them and neither do the other people involved. We certainly influence our relationships – and if we are aware, we see they also have their own yeast. Whether we are talking of a love relationship with our spouse, lover, children, friends, or parents, it is a very fluid and dynamic affair. If we are actively involved with the other person and give time and nourishment to the relationship, it will grow. But if we are passive and only waiting, the relationship will grow stale.

God speaks to us through other people. Our relationship with our Higher Power influences our relationships with all the people in our lives. Today we can nurture our relationships with time, tolerance, and honesty. In turn, we will be nourished.

May this day be one in which I give attention to those I love.


Elder’s Meditation

“We don’t have to say or think what we don’t wish to. We have a choice in those things, and we have to realize that and practice using that choice.”

–Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE

Having choices makes us fully accountable. No one can make us think anything we don’t want to think. No one can determine our behavior and how we act. It’s not what’s going on but how we look at what’s going on. If someone does something and we get upset, we can change how we look at it any time we want. We can tell ourselves in the morning that the day is going to be beautiful and that we have expectations that great things will happen. Doing this daily sets our mind to look for the joy and the excitement of each day.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

The good news is people can oppose an idea of yours without necessarily becoming your opponent. Instead of creating an adversarial dynamic, consider how you could benefit from someone’s criticism. Rather than limiting yourself to evaluating their message, examine what it is about their feedback that is unsettling. If you’re uncertain of the stability of your connection, shore up your relationship rather than question the validity of their opinion. It’s tempting to believe you’re loudly arguing about one issue when you’re actually battling over what’s not being said. Author Fredrik Nael wrote, “It takes both sides to build a bridge.”

DR – January 2, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
January 2, 2020


Daily Reflection

FIRST, THE FOUNDATION

Is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning.

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8

Practicing the A.A. program is like building a house. First I had to pour a big, thick concrete slab on which to erect the house; that, to me, was the equivalent of stopping drinking. But it’s pretty uncomfortable living on a concrete slab, unprotected and exposed to the heat, cold, wind and rain. So I built a room on the slab by starting to practice the program. The first room was rickety because I wasn’t used to the work. But as time passed, as I practiced the program, I learned to build better rooms. The more I practiced, and the more I built, the more comfortable, and happy, was the home I now have to live in.


Big Book Quote

“Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan
every day, if need be.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 97~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

What makes A.A. work? The first thing is to have a revulsion against myself and my way of living. Then I must admit I was helpless, that alcohol had me licked and I couldn’t do anything about it. The next thing is to honestly want to quit the old life. Then I must surrender my life to a Higher Power, put my drinking problem in His hands and leave it there. After these things are done, I should attend meetings regularly for fellowship and sharing. I should also try to help other alcoholics. Am I doing these things?

Meditation for the Day

You are so made that you can only carry the weight of twenty-four hours, no more. If you weigh yourself down with the years behind and the days ahead, your back breaks. God has promised to help with the burdens of the day only. If you are foolish enough to gather again that burden of the past and carry it, then indeed you cannot expect God to help you bear it. So forget that which lies behind you and breathe in the blessing of each new day.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may realize that, for good or bad, past days have ended. I pray that I may face each new day, the coming twenty-four hours, with hope and courage.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Healthy Limits

Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits’ is connected to all phases of recovery: growing in self esteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.

Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes dearer, so will our boundaries.

Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We’ll set a limit when we’re ready, and not a moment before. So will others.

There’s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we’re controlling others, but because we’ve changed.

Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

When you can’t stand criticism you learn to be a perfectionist.

—Anonymous

It’s human to make mistakes and to feel incomplete. Perhaps if we were all smooth plastic printouts we could expect perfection of ourselves. Each man is actually a process. We are not things, but events – happenings – and the events are still unfolding. These are our creative spiritual adventures.

We have somehow learned that openness to criticism is dangerous. Perhaps we thought someone would not like us if we were wrong, or that we would get hurt or belittled. When we live with a relationship to our Higher Power, we can stand up for ourselves. A man has a right to make some mistakes! We grow more if we allow ourselves the leeway of simply being in process.

I will not ask to have the power of perfection. I will only ask that I not be alone in the process of living my life.


Elder’s Meditation

“People have to be responsible for their thoughts, so they have to learn to control them. It may not be easy, but it can be done.”

–Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE

We control our thoughts by controlling our self talk. At any moment we choose we can talk to ourselves differently. The fight comes with the emotions that are attached to our thoughts. If our emotion is high and seems to be out of control, we can say to ourselves STOP IT!, take a few deep breaths, then ask the Creator for the right thought or the right decision or the right action. If we practice this for a while, our thought life will be different. It helps if in the morning we ask God to direct our thinking. God loves to help us.

Great Spirit, today, direct my thinking so my choices are chosen by You.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

A strong reaction to a relatively minor issue requires plenty of perspective and patience. Perhaps you need to console a friend who is upset over an insensitive interaction. Or you might be the one calling for a shoulder to cry on now. The passionate Aries Moon dynamically squares extravagant Jupiter, magnifying everyone’s emotions to the point of overwhelm. It’s better to be thrown a lifesaver with support and sympathy than to be sternly told to swim swiftly when you’re out of your depth. Thankfully, just the presence of a caring soul can be enough to land someone on solid ground again. It is reassuring to know you are not alone.

New Year or Just Another Day?

A couple things came to mind when I woke up this morning. It’s a New Year, new decade, another chapter in my life recorded, so what now? In reality, at least for me, it’s just another day.

Like many, I have jumped on the no smoking bandwagon, again. So many times I try, fail, try again, fail again. So what’s different this time? First, I haven’t told anyone. I dragged out a box of patches last night. As soon as I woke up, I put one on. I’m still on the fence of medication assisted recovery and the harm reduction model currently phased in recovery circles these days. Instead of fighting with myself and inflating my ego and pride, “I can do this without all that . . .”, I’m just doing it – period. Guess who gave me some inspiration – my AA Sponsor.

I won’t say I have “plans” for 2020. It’s just a fact a few many things are going to happen. The point is they are not happening now, so I’m not going to fill my mind with this and that. The past year, I have taken each day and any problems as its come. I’ve dealt with whatever is going in my life that day, handled it, learned from it and haven’t looked back.

I do have some short-term goals:

  • Always work on my recovery, “One Day At A Time”.
  • Every day write something to “carry the message”.
  • Get my impression, full upper denture and go future dental appointments.
  • Complete the free NYS Peer Advocate Training beginning on Jan 6th.
  • Get a job. Any job really. If I can get a job in the recovery or related field that would be ideal.
  • Move out of my current chemical dependency program to independent living (my own apartment).

I’m not going to list long-term goals because that is where I can get myself in a tizzy. I would like a new computer, eventually get a car, go on a vacation to visit my relatives, attend the International AA Convention in July just to name a few. But right now, I don’t want to put the expectation out there only to be disappointed later. In other words, if it happens, it happens.

There are a couple things I will commit to in this new year. I will be vigilant in my awareness of any codependency behaviors. I have learned a lot about myself and codependency in the last year. It’s been a couple of months since my last meeting because the local meeting closed. However, there are online meetings. Starting today, I am making a commitment to attend at least two online meetings a week. Also I am committed to working the Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous. Recently I noticed some codependent behaviors rising to the surface and in all honesty it scared me how easily I slipped back into them. Isn’t that how I got where I am today in the first place? I definitely need to make it one of my priorities.

I am the current Registrar, Webmaster and Newsletter Committee Chair for the local AA District. In addition I have been asked for my input on the Cooperation with the Professional Community (CPC) committee. We are a small recovery community. We have a lot of “old-timers”, who I respect and adore. However, there is a lack of commitment in the community to get involved beyond the local groups. We have a great opportunity to reach out to the various organizations to let them know we’re here to help them if they need our help. The question I have to answer for myself, do I want to get further involved on a District level? Perhaps I just need to sit with what I have, share my input but not get directly involved.

Lastly, I have always had an interest in genealogy. For me, by researching the family history I fill a void from the absence of my own family. I have this longing to research the family then to pass it on to current family members who in turn can pass it on to their children and grandchildren. It can be expensive and time consuming. The question I ask myself is, “Does my current family really care or even have an interest in such a project?” My past experience attempting such a project tells me they don’t. On the other hand, part of me just wants to continue it as a hobby.

Dammit, I didn’t want to do this…. Just picture R2D2 when he gets zapped by an electrical charge various times during the various movies. See how I can do that all by myself without much effort? UGH.

In the end its good to get it all down and get it out of my system. I just have to concentrate on what I need to do today. For me, this is how I stay sober.