DR – March 12, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
March 12, 2018

Daily Reflection

A DAY’S PLAN

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

Every day I ask God to kindle within me the fire of His love, so that love, burning bright and clear, will illuminate my thinking and permit me to better do His will. Throughout the day, as I allow outside circumstances to dampen my spirits, I ask God to sear my consciousness with the awareness that I can start my day over any time I choose; a hundred times, if necessary.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself: “I’m jittery and alone. I couldn’t do that.” But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 163~

Keep It Simple

The Twelve Step program is spiritual, based on action coming from love . . . Martha Cleveland

To be spiritual means to be an active person. It means spending time with others. It means sharing love. It means looking for ways to be more loving to others. It means looking for ways to make the world a better place. Step Three helps us to look at the world better. We turn our lives over to the care of our Higher Power. So Lets allow care to direct our lives. Let’s always be asking ourselves, “Is what I’m doing something that shows care?”

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, let me be active in a loving, caring way. Let the love in my heart be my guide.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll do something good for someone and keep it a secret.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Relationship troubles may erupt today, especially if you feel as if someone is trying to control your every move. But you’re willing to stand up for your independence and do whatever it takes now to break free of the stifling emotional dynamics. Once you decide to follow your own star, there’s not much anyone can do to keep you down. However, if you find yourself at risk of slipping back into your old pattern, you can put an end to the conflict by simply pulling your energy in. Retreating is not an act of defeat, but a way to remain in charge of your own destiny.

DR – March 11, 2018

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Daily Recovery Readings
March 11, 2018

Daily Reflection

GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION

It is when we try to make our will conform with God’s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. To make this increasingly possible is the purpose of A.A.’s Twelve Steps, and Step Three opens the door.

~TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 40

All I have to do is look back at my past to see where self-will has led me. I just don’t know what’s best for me and I believe my Higher Power does. G.O.D., which I define as “Good Orderly Direction,” has never let me down, but I have let myself down quite often. Using my self-will in a situation usually has the same result as forcing the wrong piece into a jigsaw puzzle–exhaustion and frustration. Step Three opens the door to the rest of the program. When I ask God for guidance I know that whatever happens is the best possible situation, things are exactly as they are supposed to be, even if they aren’t what I want or expect. God does for me what I cannot do for myself, if I let Him.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 77~

Keep It Simple

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.—AA saying

Before recovery, we never thought we had enough alcohol or other drugs. More would make us feel better, we thought. Sometimes, we are like this in recovery too. We know we need to change, so we want to do it all right now. If we can just change ourselves totally, we’ll feel better, we think.
But we can’t change all at once. If we ask our Higher Power to take charge of our lives, we’ll have the chance to change a little at a time. We’ll learn the right things when we need to know them.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me fix what needs fixing today.

Action for the Day:
I’ll make a list of what is broken. Which things on my list can I fix today?

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Relationship troubles may erupt today, especially if you feel as if someone is trying to control your every move. But you’re willing to stand up for your independence and do whatever it takes now to break free of the stifling emotional dynamics. Once you decide to follow your own star, there’s not much anyone can do to keep you down. However, if you find yourself at risk of slipping back into your old pattern, you can put an end to the conflict by simply pulling your energy in. Retreating is not an act of defeat, but a way to remain in charge of your own destiny.

Mind Dump

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings, Personal1 Comment

Today is one of those days I need to simply write what I’m thinking. Yet again, a thought about drinking crossed my mind last night.  I won’t lie to myself or others,  I’m not okay – at all.

Everytime I’m in this place I think of the following passage as if its a clock tower going off to sound a new hour of a day, “Gong….gong…..gong”:

“Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.” Spiritual Experience Page 568 of the AA Book

First, I must be honest with myself, as well as others.  I have always held firm to this belief. Later, we’re taught to put things down on paper so that we can deal with them instead of finding other outlets to escape. We look at ourselves, what we have going on, prioritize those things, then deal with them one by one.

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
1 Timothy 6:10 King James Version (KJV)

Wise words from men long ago . . .

It’s frustrating the hell out of me I’m in a financial mess.I’m not even sure right now if I’ll be able to pay rent from this month by the 15th. The landlord has already accepted this month’s rent late, so asking another “favor” isn’t in the playbook. Meanwhile, all the other bills I have to let go for this month. Right around the next corner is next months rent, if I’m able to stay here.

Now I’m in a comfortable situation at work, I can start working extra hours. At first, I didn’t want to put myself throught it just piling more stress on me. But the way I look at it now, its necessary. Not only because I need to pay my bills but my car just keeps getting worse by the day. There are two bald spots on the front tires, so there isn’t time to waste getting it in and serviced. Other services, alignment, brakes and an oil change are way past due too.  It’s the only transportation I available to me.  No transportation means a worse situation I am in now. As far as other options like carpooling isn’t an option either, nor is moving closer to work.  No one of my co-workers lives anywhere near me and living in Ithaca, NY is like living in NYC. To rent a one bedroom in many place is over $1000 a month. My car is the only thing I have, so it needs to get done sooner or later.

The biggest issue in my life is my friend. Yes, the one who screwed me over to many times to count.  I know – I simply need cut all ties. But I can’t. He’s an addict to a point if he’s on the street for any longer he is going to die.  Why should I care?  Because I do.  It has nothing to do with “feelings” towords him or fixing him because I have my own problems.  Because of his past, everyone has shut him out.  He hasn’t been given a chance. Yes, he’s screwed up. Didn’t we all – some of us over and over. But I truly believe there is a chance for him and I am not giving up hope.

On the other hand, I know what I’ve been through and I will not under any circumstances go through that again.  I haven’t made a decision. When I do it’ll be mine to accept the consequences, if any.  People may hate me, I get it, so be it.

I honestly don’t think I will continue to be a CNA. My application to a college for my bachelor’s was accepted.  I just need to follow up to talk about funding.  Right now, it’s not even the time to start classes. I may never start anything the rate I’m going.  I have other priorities, then I’ll follow the lead down this road.

Lastly, another friend from long ago may be less than a year from getting released from prison.  He’s another one, same situation, I helped and got screwed.  But after all these years we have talked and I’m on the side he wants to put his past behind him. But part of me says, “Hold on, wait until he gets out. You don’t have to make any decisions right now.”

Monday is my day off, so I’m starting a new routine. At least I have a plan to start something new but this time I’m going to make every effort to make it happen. I’m still in the working a total committment stage. It would the self-doubt I can actually do it.  It’s been started over and over again, always fails, so what’s going to be different about this time?  That is the question I’m trying to answer.

DR – March 10, 2018

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Daily Recovery Readings
March 10, 2018

Daily Reflection

TODAY, IT’S MY CHOICE

. . . we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62

With the realization and acceptance that I had played a part in the way my life had turned out came a dramatic change in my outlook. It was at this point that the A.A. program began to work for me. In the past I had always blamed others, either God or other people, for my circumstances. I never felt that I had a choice in altering my life. My decisions had been based on fear, pride, or ego. As a result, those decisions led me down a path of self-destruction. Today I try to allow my God to guide me on the road to sanity. I am responsible for my action—or inaction—whatever the consequences may be.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

” I had always believed in a Power greater that myself. I had often pondered these things. I was not an atheist. Few people really are, for that means blind faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes no where.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 10~

Keep It Simple

Little things affect little minds.—Benjamin Disraeli

Before recovery, we liked things our way. We thought every new thing we tired should go right the first time. Little problems could really upset us. We let little things spoil our day. We let little things affect big things—our entire lives. And our bad moods affected people around us. Funny how we have fewer of those problems now. The program is teaching us to let go. What a relief when we know we don’t have to control every little thing. How nice when things get done without our “expert advice”! We are starting to see what’s really important, and what’s not. One promise of the program is coming true: we know how to handle situations better.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me see what is really important for me today. Help me to stop worrying about what’s not.

Action for the Day:
When I’m upset, I’ll ask myself, Is this problem really so bad? If I can’t change it. I’ll let go.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You wake up on the right side of the bed, but a close friend can turn your day sour by making unrealistic demands on your time. At first, you might not know what to do because all of your contingencies fall short of your needed production today. Stop worrying about anyone else’s judgment. Keep your head down and work at your best pace. You may be happily surprised by all you accomplish when you concentrate on what matters most.

DR – March 9, 2018

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Daily Recovery Readings
March 9, 2018

Daily Reflection

SURRENDERING SELF-WILL

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 34

No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can one turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? In my search for the answer to this question, I became aware of the wisdom with which it was written: that this is a two-part Step. I could see many times where I should have died, or at least been injured, during my previous style of living, and it never happened. Someone, or something, was looking after me. I choose to believe my life has always been in God’s care. He alone controls the number of days I will be granted until physical death. The matter of will (self-will or God’s will) is the more difficult part of the Step for me. It is only when I have experienced enough emotional pain, through failed attempts to fix myself, that I become willing to surrender to God’s will for my life. Surrender is like the calm after the storm. When my will is in line with God’s will for me, there is peace within.

Big Book Quote

“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 20

Keep It Simple

You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.

—Irish Proverb

Each of us has been given recovery. Now it’s up to each of us what we do with it. At times, we’ll work hard to grow quickly. At other times, our growth will be slower. This is okay. We’re not in a race. Our pace is not important. What is important is that we’re always working on our recovery.

We’re all part of a fellowship, a caring group. We’re one of many. But we’re each important. Each of us will have a special way to work our programs through our readings, friends, meetings, and what we know of how life works. each of us puts together a miracle of recovery. We than take our miracle and share it with others, so they can build their miracle.

Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, help me work at growing. Help me be a person who is an important part of a group.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll work at seeing myself as very important. I’ll remind myself that other’s recovery also depends on my recovery. I am needed.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You have more energy than you know what to do with today. Unfortunately, if you can’t find a way to burn some of it off, you may upset your coworkers with your combative attitude. But your antagonistic antics probably have very little to do with anyone else. Rather, it’s about your growing frustration when your self-expression is blocked. Any sort of physical work or play will help to alleviate the pressure. Author Brian Tracy wrote, “Activity equals results. If you want to increase your success, increase your activity.”

DR – March 8, 2018

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Daily Recovery Readings
March 8, 2018

Daily Reflection

TURNING IT OVER

Every man and woman who has joined A.A. and intends to stick has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three. Isn’t it true that in all matters touching upon alcohol, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of Alcoholics Anonymous? . . . Any willing newcomer feels sure A.A. is the only safe harbor for the foundering vessel he has become. Now if this is not turning one’s will and life over to a newfound Providence, then what is it?

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35

Submission to God was the first step to my recovery. I believe our Fellowship seeks a spirituality open to a new kinship with God. As I exert myself to follow the path of the Steps, I sense a freedom that gives me the ability to think for myself. My addiction confined me without any release and hindered my ability to be released from my self-confinement, but A.A. assures me of a way to go forward. Mutual sharing, concern and caring for others is our natural gift to each other and mine is strengthened as my attitude toward God changes. I learn to submit to God’s will in my life, to have self-respect, and to keep both of these attitudes by giving away what I receive.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors,  psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~

Keep It Simple

We lose the fear of making decisions, great and small, as we realize that should our choice prove wrong we can, if we will, learn from experience.—Bill W.

As our disease grew, we often felt like any decision we made was wrong. We felt like wrong people. We lost self-respect, because deep inside we knew that, for us alcohol and other drugs was wrong. We went against our spirit. Now we go with our spirit. We follow what we think our Higher Power want for us. Now we learn from our mistakes. Another wonderful gift has been given back to us: the gift of learning. From that gift, we stop playing God. How free it feels!

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, You have taken away my illness and replaced it with many wonderful gifts. I thank You for everything, even my mistakes.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll share with a friend my mistakes of the past week.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your coworkers are expecting a lot from you now and you’re eager to promise them anything they want. However, you might be overly optimistic in your analysis of the amount of work you’re capable of finishing today. Your current self-confidence prompts you to believe accomplishing miracles is possible. Perhaps you can make magic happen, but it will take longer than you think. Leo Tolstoy wrote, “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

DR – March 7, 2018

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Daily Recovery Readings
March 7, 2018

Daily Reflection

THE KEY IS WILLINGNESS

Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35

The willingness to give up my pride and self-will to a Power greater than myself has proved to be the only ingredient absolutely necessary to solve all of my problems today. Even the smallest amount of willingness, if sincere, is sufficient to allow God to enter and take control over any problem, pain, or obsession. My level of comfort is in direct relation to the degree of willingness I possess at any given moment to give up my self-will, and allow God’s will to be manifested in my life. With the key of willingness, my worries and fears are powerfully transformed into serenity.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 16~

Keep It Simple

To make the world a friendly place One must show it a friendly face.—James Whitcomb Riley

We are beginning to learn that we get what we expect. Why? If we believe that people are out to get us, we’ll not treat them well. We will think it’s okay to “get them” before they “get us.” Then, they’ll be angry and want to get even. And on it goes. It’s great when we can meet the world with a balance. We are honest people. We can expect others to be fair with us. We get the faith, strength, and courage to do this because of our trust in our Higher Power.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I put my life in Your care. Use me to spread Your love to others.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll spread friendliness. I will greet people with a smile.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Although your feelings are running deep out of sight as they often do, you’re considering your options to make them known. Unfortunately, expressing your needs could create discord at work, but you’re willing to do it anyhow because you believe the outcome will be worth it. Your current confidence gives you a boost today, but there still may be a few details to iron out. There’s no need to hurry; your timing is perfect.

DR – March 6, 2018

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Daily Recovery Readings
March 6, 2018

Daily Reflection

THE IDEA OF FAITH

Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47

The idea of faith is a very large chunk to swallow when fear, doubt and anger abound in and around me. Sometimes just the idea of doing something different, something I am not accustomed to doing, can eventually become an act of faith if I do it regularly, and do it without debating whether it’s the right thing to do. When a bad day comes along and everything is going wrong, a meeting or a talk with another drunk often distracts me just enough to persuade me that everything is not quite as impossible, as overwhelming as I had thought. In the same way, going to a meeting or talking to a fellow alcoholic are acts of faith; I believe I’m arresting my disease. These are ways I slowly move toward faith in a Higher Power.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 153~

Keep It Simple

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.-–William Allen White

Big changes are happening to us, but we can trust that changes will bring good things. After all, what have we got to lose? We have lived through the days and years of our addiction. Now, with the help of our Higher Power, the pain of those days has ended. We have no reason to worry.

Yet, recovery won’t make our lives perfect. Hard things still happened. But we never have to lose hope again. We never have to feel alone with our problems. What will come next? We don’t know the details, but we can be sure the future will be good if we stay on our path of recovery.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I know life holds many new things for me. Help me and protect me as I live in Your care today.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll trust that each day of my life will bring me good. I will share this idea with one friend.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You might feel the need to take a vacation from all your recent internal processing. You are quite familiar with your own emotional idiosyncrasies, but sometimes they can be exhausting anyhow. Happily, there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. You may not be there yet, but resolution seems inevitable; you only have to keep putting one foot ahead of the other. Resist the urge to retreat out of fear. Abraham Lincoln said, “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”

Two Weeks Sober

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When I was ten years sober, days flew by without a thought. Again, only two weeks sober, I can’t believe only ONE thought of drinking crossed my mind. As with my past, I made a committment to myself to stay sober at whatever cost.  But as life throws fast balls, curve balls and the such, at times it can be difficult. Yet, if I use the tools of the AA program, I will see the light at the end of the tunnel in dark times like now.

Back in February when I quit my job, I knew I would have financial difficulties.  Then the bomb dropped after making a bad decision. So here I am. While it doesn’t have me down the anxiety I feel can be overwhelming at times, almost stopping me in my feet.

Perhaps its not anxiety at all but fear?  Fear I won’t be able to keep the promise to the landlord. While I should be able to meet my financial obligations, I have other financial obligations which can’t be ignored.  I just don’t know how I’m going to do it all.  I trust my Higher Power will take care of me. For now that is all I got.

I know damn well I need to get to meetings. I don’t like excuses but I’m babying the use of my car at present.  It’s the middle of Winter. I have bald tires on the front (and its front wheel drive), an alignment needs to be done, oil change and it appears I may have broken a weld which was a short fix to a muffler problem. But I keep trying to remind myself – I can get through this.

For my first weekend off I pretty much stayed at home.  With the Winter storm that came through, there was no immediate need to go anywhere.  So I ended up binging on Blood Bloods on Netflix.  I also got back into playing an old MUD (Multi-player User Dungoen) text-character based game which doesn’t cost money, for now.  Between the two my two days went by quickly. I’m glad because I rather work to keep myself busy so I don’t worry about my personal life for now.

I do have faith I will get through this but the selfish part of me wants all said and done to be NOW.  Yet, the sober part of me knows better than travel down that path.

DR – March 5, 2018

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Daily Recovery Readings
March 5, 2018

<b><u>Daily Reflection</u></b>

A LIFELONG TASK

“But just how, in these circumstances, does a fellow ‘take it easy?’ That’s what I want to know.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26

I was never known for my patience. How many times have I asked, “Why should I wait, when I can have it all right now?” Indeed, when I was first presented the Twelve Steps, I was like the proverbial “kid in a candy store.” I couldn’t wait to get to Step Twelve; it was surely just a few months’ work, or so I thought! I realize now that living the Twelve Steps of A.A. is a lifelong undertaking.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

<b><u>Big Book Quote</u></b>

“How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 8

<b><u>Keep It Simple</u></b>

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
—William Allen White

Big changes are happening to us, but we can trust that changes will bring good things. After all, what have we got to lose? We have lived through the days and years of our addiction. Now, with the help of our Higher Power, the pain of those days has ended. We have no reason to worry.

Yet, recovery won’t make our lives perfect. Hard things still happened. But we never have to lose hope again. We never have to feel alone with our problems. What will come next? We don’t know the details, but we can be sure the future will be good if we stay on our path of recovery.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I know life holds many new things for me. Help me and protect me as I live in Your care today.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll trust that each day of my life will bring me good. I will share this idea with one friend.

<b><u>Daily Horoscope – Cancer</u></b>

There is no question about your motives today. You know what you want and have a plan to get it. However, others may find you so opaque they haven’t a clue as to what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. Although you prefer support from the beginning, it might make more sense now to just go ahead on your own and bring everyone else up to speed in a day or two. Becoming entangled in explanatory conversations will only sap your limited energy away from what needs to be done first. There’s time for everything if you proceed with tasks in the proper order.