DR – November 7, 2017

On November 8, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 7, 2017:

Daily Reflection

LET GO AND LET GOD

. . . praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96

When I “Let Go and Let God,” I think more clearly and wisely. Without having to think
about it, I quickly let go of things that cause me immediate pain and discomfort. Because
I find it hard to let go of the kind of worrisome thoughts and attitudes that cause me
immense anguish, all I need do during those times is allow God, as I understand Him, to
release them for me, and then and there, I let go of the thoughts, memories and attitudes
that are troubling me.

When I receive help from God, as I understand Him, I can live my life one day at a time
and handle whatever challenges that come my way. Only then can I live a life of victory
over alcohol, in comfortable sobriety.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 75

Keep It Simple

Telling the truth is a pretty hard thing.—ThomasWolfe.

Often, we get scared to tell the truth. We wonder, “What will happen? Will I get in trouble? Will someone be mad at me?’” These things could happen. But good things could happen too. Sometimes we want to lie.\

We don’t want anyone mad at us or unhappy with us. We want people off our back. So we lie. And it comes back to haunt us. We must believe that the best will happen in the long run if we tell the truth. Our program tells us that we can stay sober if we’re honest. Telling the truth takes faith. We must have faint in the program. We must be honest. Our sobriety and our life depend on it.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me remember that I’m doing things Your way when I tell the truth.

Action for the Day:
I will think about what I say today. I will be as honest as I can be.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your state of heightened sensitivity is a mixed blessing today. You can intuitively sense people’s reactions to the complex dynamics before they are even aware of their own emotions. Nevertheless, you can’t say anything yet or your response will fall on deaf ears. Respecting someone’s personal space creates an opportunity for them to talk. You must wait until the subject is brought up for discussion by the other person before sharing your opinion on the matter. As Tom Petty sang, “The waiting is the hardest part.”

DR – November 6, 2017

On November 6, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 6, 2017:

Daily Reflection

GOING WITH THE FLOW

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . . .

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96

The first words I speak when arising in the morning are, “I arise, O God, to do Thy will.” This is the shortest prayer I know and it is deeply ingrained in me. Prayer doesn’t change God’s attitude toward me; it changes my attitude toward God. As distinguished from prayer, meditation is a quiet time, without words. To be centered is to be physically relaxed, emotionally calm, mentally focused and spiritually aware.

One way to keep the channel open and to improve my conscious contact with God is to maintain a grateful attitude. On the days when I am grateful, good things seem to happen in my life. The instant I start cursing things in my life, however, the flow of good stops. God did not interrupt the flow; my own negativity did.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

..we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?

The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 60~

Keep It Simple

That suit is best that best suits me.—John Clark

How mush time do we spend trying to “fit in”? Many of us used to care to much what other people thought about us—our clothes, our ideas, our work. Did we drink the right brand, drive the right car, listen to the right music?

In our program, we still have to watch out for fads and peer pressure. We have to ask ourselves if we’re really in touch with our Higher Power. Are we searching for a sponsor who has inner peace and direction? Or do we look for people who are like our old using friends? As we learn to find our own way of following our Higher Power, we need to be okay with being different.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me be the best me I can be today.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll work to be me—honestly me—to everyone I meet.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

People may see you as quietly going about your business today, but you have a larger agenda than just doing your work. Messenger Mercury in uplifting Sagittarius is setting up shop in your 6th House of Logistics, encouraging you to take a more global perspective on the impact of your day-to-day actions. As long as you keep up appearances and continue to meet your obligations, there’s no limit to the possibilities you can imagine. Author Victor Hugo wrote, “Each man should frame life so that at some future hour fact and his dreaming meet.”

A Year Ago – A Memory

On November 5, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Memories, Personal3 Comments

Posted November 15, 2017, from my old journal:

“Obviously, something is happening with me that I have no control over….drinking. I’ll be honest about it because that is who I have become. It is something that I have debated and struggled with for over seven or more years now. But now that I’m the Department of Social Services program, I’m finally going to get treatment. Today was a rescheduled appointment for DSS for a Drug and Alcohol Evaluation. Honestly, I thought it was just a piss test and blood work. When I walked in the office, there was a sign, “Do not go behind this door without a therapist!” Oh boy! I was extremely nervous the whole time in the waiting room. Thankfully it was just myself. As open and honest as I am with anyone, I was the same with the therapist. I had to give my whole life story. We talked about treatment programs. I told her the only way that my life would change is an inpatient program because AA meetings and outpatient programs don’t work with me. After taking extensive notes, she immediately called my social worker and asked for a referral to an inpatient program. You know what, its long overdue! I should have received treatment years ago and stuck to it. I would not be in the position I am now. Hopefully, I will be put on a straight road and my life will change because I see no alternative.”

Present Day:

Wow! As I read the entry I can remember exactly every detail of the whole hour. I knew then an inpatient program was my only option to survive. I didn’t go in with the intention of laying all my cards on the table but I’m glad I did. While I add more details here to the entry, please do not judge my poor decisions. Today, I can say I’m grateful to be alive.

First, my two friends, who were drunk, drove me there. They were waiting in the parking lot thinking I would be a couple of minutes. We were actually on our way to Waverly, PA to buy more beer. We always drove on back roads where ever we went to avoid any ugly encounters. “Stupid as a box of rocks” doesn’t even come close.

Second, I was suffering from a bad hangover and bad hygiene. My head was spinning and pounding. The therapist said my face was red “as a tomato” in addition to my bloodshot eyes. I had really bad tremors already which added to all to my anxiety. The therapist asked, “When was the last time you did laundry?”. She explained the long drinking can cause the alcohol to eventually come out of your sweat glands and is very distinguishable from the smell of cigarette smoke coming off clothes. She then asked, “When did you eat last?” I answered, “I don’t remember.” We hadn’t even gotten to my drinking history yet.

Lastly, when it was all over, I had to face my friends. After a yelling match with them, I said, “She wanted to send me to rehab right now. But I told her, ‘no'” Obviously, I had to lie. From that moment on until I went to bed, they were grilling me, “What did you say? You aren’t going, are you? Did you say anything about us? . . .”

Honestly, I had no idea how my future would unfold.

An Abundance of Anniversaries

On November 5, 2017November 5, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings, Personal, The 12 Step Series

Many of us have busy schedules from Halloween to the New Year. Veteran’s Day (for some), Thanksgiving, and Christmas are all observed. Parents get uptight around this time of year because the kids are off for Winter break from school. Finally, in rural New York, the deer are rutting (mating), hunting season (shooting) begins, temperatures are beginning to fall and you can smell the sweet pine and oak burning in fireplaces all day long. In addition, I celebrate four anniversaries myself: CNA certification, 10 years of sobriety and this site, The Wandering Enigma, will be a year old.

Today in 2016, I passed the New York State, Department of Health, Certified Nursing Assistant exam. For once in my life, I wasn’t nervous about the exam. The instructor drilled us on the skills and material we needed to pass the exam, so much of the credit I give to her. It was worth all the effort.

On December 1, 2017, I will be celebrating ten(10) years of sobriety. It brings tears to my eyes. I can distinctly remember pounding a beer on the table in the late 1990’s saying, “If I could stop drinking this, my life would be a hold lot different.” But I never imagined what I’ve been through since day, both the good and bad times.

With that in mind, I thought it would be interesting to viewers to publish parts of my old journal entries from the beginning of my sobriety. Where was my head ten years ago, say today? I wrote it all down either electronically or on paper. Yes, I have kept both for ten years but only periodically have a gone back to them. It’s time to dust them off.

In addition, I am going to start publishing my experiences of working the 12 Steps with my Sponsor. It will be a monthly series. I can publish my own material while at the same time gathering material from other sources for reference. Perhaps start discussing our own stories and experiences too?

Lastly, this site will have its first anniversary on December 4, 2017. The purpose of this site was to provide unedited experiences of my journey through sobriety. In addition, providing other relevant material on sobriety. Unfortunately, I have not been able to do the later because I’ve been self-absorbed in my personal journal. But at some point, I hope to expand the site to include material and references.

Our journey in sobriety is ALWAYS a work in progress. ~ Mike Kolodziej

DR – November 5, 2017

On November 5, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 5, 2017:

Daily Reflection

“THE QUALITY OF FAITH”

This . . . has to do with the quality of faith. . . . In no deep or meaningful sense had we ever taken stock of ourselves. . . . We had not even prayed rightly. We had always said, “Grant me my wishes” instead of “Thy will be done.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 32

God does not grant me material possessions, take away my suffering, or spare me from disasters, but He does give me a good life, the ability to cope, and peace of mind. My prayers are simple: first, they express my gratitude for the good things in my life, regardless of how hard I have to search for them; and second, I ask only for the strength and the wisdom to do His will. He answers with solutions to my problems, sustaining my ability to live through daily frustrations with a serenity I did not believe existed, and with the strength to practice the principles of A.A. in all of my everyday affairs.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

Some people cannot be seen–we send them an honest letter. And there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases. But we don’t delay if it can be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, Page 83~

Keep It Simple

Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100% sobriety. –Grapevine.

Acceptance and faith are the most important parts of our recovery. If we boil down Steps One

And Two, we’ll find acceptance and faith. Acceptance means we see the world as it is, not as we want it to be. We start to see ourselves as humans, not as gods. We are good, and we are bad. We need to fit in the world, not run it.
Acceptance also guides us toward faith. Faith is believing. We start to believe that someone or something will take care of us. Faith is about giving up control of outcomes. We learn to say to our Higher Power, “Thy will be done.”

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power help me accept my illness. Give me the faith to know that You and I, together, will keep me sober.

Action for the Day:
Throughout the day, I’ll think of the 11th step. I’ll pray to my Higher Power, “Thy Will be done, not mine.” Amen.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your thoughts are racing through your mind and they seem to have a life of their own. You might try to ignore them, but the more you shift your focus to other things, the louder they become. Instead of burying your ideas — however irrelevant they may seem — try sharing them with a friend and see where the conversation goes. You don’t need to have an agenda, just a willingness to engage in an open dialogue without any desire to lead it in any particular direction. As the Beatles sang, “Oh that magic feeling… nowhere to go.”

Batten Down the Hatches Matey

On November 4, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Personal, Work Rant2 Comments

I wrote a post about how life is normalizing, yet it was kept as a “draft” so I deleted it. After I wrote the post, everything changed. I snapped at work writing my resignation for the following day. After talking to my Director of Nursing, who wouldn’t accept my letter of termination, I rescinded it. However, my level of trust in anyone or anything is at an ultimate low.

The month of October was a very difficult month for me. As you know, October 5, my cat passed away. Knowing the stages of grief, I didn’t expect it to last a complete month. Death for me is something I see on quite a regular basis working as a Certified Nursing assistant where many place their loved ones for “end of life” care. But when death hits home, it’s a whole different ballgame. Luckily I had a three day weekend ahead of me in an attempt to clear all the lingering cobwebs. I knew nothing would change at work unless I changed myself; there wasn’t anything I could do to stop the flow of a raging river as I sat helplessly on a stone in the middle of it.

As soon as I walked in the door Tuesday all the way through Thursday night the tension and frustration rose to new levels. I literally blacked out, cutting everything around me out in silence during a conversation, until a co-worker shouted at me. I walked away, not saying a word, wrote my letter of resignation for the following day at the end of the shift.

But then the guilt set in as I just learned my proposal to work 3-12 day shifts and another 8-hour shift was approved. My Director of Nursing was still in her office talking on the phone. I placed a note on her desk, “I’m on break, if we can talk I would appreciate it.” So for another 30 minutes, I spilled my guts out (yet again).

While I no longer have a high regard for this person, as I used to in the past, our conversation was still civil. She wouldn’t accept my letter of resignation because she “understands your[my] level of frustration” while puzzled by events just preceding our conversation. I explained to her I need to protect myself because no one else would protect me in the long run. She hasn’t convinced me of her “pipeline” plans. But I was willing to give my new schedule a chance. Honestly, is it going to change anything? Not at all. However, making her a promise, I would “stick it out for now”, I watched her shred my letter of resignation.

Now I’m in the process of working a full week straight, plus I picked up two additional 8-hour shifts on top of that, until my next day off on Tuesday. Sunday, I begin to work 3-12 hour days, another 8-hour shift having three days off. If I choose, I can also pick up more hours for a small incentive and overtime.

Again, I do not work for the potential of more income (though it’s quite a nice surprise in my pocket). I work as a CNA because I care about the lives of the residents I care for on a daily basis. Therefore, I will continue to report those who do not meet the expectations of the Department of Health in New York State. On the other hand, I must continue to watch out for myself, as I trust no one.

I feel alone in a vast ocean approaching a turbulent storm.

pirate
Batten down the hatches, Matey, ‘cus there is rough seas ahead!

DR – November 4, 2017

On November 4, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 4, 2017:

Daily Reflection

A DAILY DISCIPLINE

. . . when they [self-examination, meditation and prayer] are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98

The last three Steps of the program invoke God’s loving discipline upon my willful nature. If I devote just a few moments every night to a review of the highlights of my day, along with an acknowledgement of those aspects that didn’t please me so much, I gain a personal history of myself, one that is essential to my journey into self-discovery. I was able to note my growth, or lack of it, and to ask in prayerful meditation to be relieved of those continuing shortcomings that cause me pain. Meditation and prayer also teach me the art of focusing and listening. I find that the turmoil of the day gets tuned out as I pray for His will and guidance. The practice of asking Him to help me in my strivings for perfection puts a new slant on the tedium of any day, because I know there is honor in any job done well. The daily discipline of prayer and meditation will keep me in fit spiritual condition, able to face whatever the day brings—without the thought of a drink.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.

Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, Page 30~

Keep It Simple

Each day comes bearing its gifts. Untie the ribbons. —Ruth Ann Schabacker

How full life can be! We can untie the ribbons on this gift by keeping our spirits open.

Open to life. Open to how much our Higher Power love us.

Who knows what the gifts the day may bring? Maybe it brings a solution to a problem.

Maybe it brings the smile of a child. Maybe we’ll find a new friend. Whatever gifts the day brings, we must be able to receive them. How do we do this? We keep our spirit open and lively through prayer and meditation. Then we’ll be awake to see the beauty and the wonders life holds for us.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, remind me to pray to You often. Remind me to stop and listen to You. Remind me that You love me very much.

Action for the Day:
At the end of the day, I’ll take time to list the gifts I’ve been given today. This will be first on my list: I am sober.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your network of family and friends is your lifeline and you know you can rely on others when you need them. The Taurus Full Moon stabilizes your 11th House of Community, surrounding you with the emotional comfort you seek. Nevertheless, the relationship between your inner and outer worlds is tense now because of larger uncertainties from global, political and social spheres. Your current happiness depends upon your ability to discern what you can control from what you cannot. Joan Borysenko wrote, “Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.”

DR – November 3, 2017

On November 4, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 3, 2017:

Daily Reflection

FOCUSING AND LISTENING

There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken
separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 98

If I do my self-examination first, then surely, I’ll have enough humility to pray and
meditate – because I’ll see and feel my need for them. Some wish to begin and end with
prayer, leaving the self-examination and meditation to take place in between, whereas
others start with meditation, listening for advice from God about their still hidden or
unacknowledged defects. Still others engage in written and verbal work on their defects,
ending with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving. These three–self-examination,
meditation and prayer– form a circle, without a beginning or an end. No matter where, or how, I start, I eventually arrive at my destination: a better life.

Big Book Quote

I have seen hundreds of families set their feet in the path that really goes somewhere; have seen the most impossible domestic situations righted; feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped out. I have seen men come out of asylums and resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, Page 15~

Keep It Simple

Words are the voice of the heart.-–Confucius

What does my heart have to say today? Am I happy ? Or I’m I troubled? We will find this out if we slow down and listen to our words. We can also hear our spirit in the tone of our words.

We are to meditate. Meditation is about slowing down so we can hear what our spirit is trying to tell us. Meditation is listening. Our spirit is but a quiet whisper inside us. To hear we must quiet ourselves.

Slowing down allows us to find our center. As we find our center we find our spirit and our Higher Power. Do I take the time needed to slow myself down? Do I take the time ot listen—to listen to my heart?

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, teach me to slow down. Teach me to hear Your whisper as well as Your yells.

Action for the Day:
Today, I will take a half hour to slow down and listen. I will find a place to relax and listen to my heart and my words.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Concentrating on your work requires an intense effort today because your thoughts are drifting into the distant future. Uncharacteristically, you’re just as comfortable thinking about tomorrow as you are remembering yesterday. But living only in the realm of potential doesn’t empower your current actions. Fortunately, you receive a blast of cosmic pragmatism from the down-to-earth Taurus Moon that grounds the energy of your 11th House of Long-Term Goals. Imagine the possibilities, but keep your finger on the pulse of the present moment.

DR – November 2, 2017

On November 2, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 2, 2017:

Daily Reflection

KEEPING OPTIMISM AFLOAT

The other Steps can keep most of us sober and somehow functioning. But Step Eleven can keep us growing, . . .

— THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 240

A sober alcoholic finds it much easier to be optimistic about life. Optimism is the natural result of my finding myself gradually able to make the best, rather than the worst, of each situation. As my physical sobriety continues, I come out of the fog, gain a clearer perspective and am better able to determine what courses of action to take. As vital as physical sobriety is, I can achieve a greater potential for myself by developing an ever-increasing willingness to avail myself of the guidance and direction of a Higher Power. My ability to do so comes from my learning—and practicing—the principles of the A.A. program. The melding of my physical and spiritual sobriety produces the substance of a more positive life.

Big Book Quote

The basic principles of the A.A. program, it appears, hold good for individuals with many different lifestyles, just as the program has brought recovery to those of many different nationalities. The Twelve Steps that summarize the program may be called los Doce Pasos in one country, les Douze Etapes in another, but they trace exactly the same path to recovery that was blazed by the earliest members of Alcoholics Anonymous.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Foreward To Third Edition, Page

Keep It Simple

. . .praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
–Second half of Step Eleven

Step Eleven teaches us how to pray. We pray for God’s will to replace ours. Our will got us in trouble. God’s will guides us to simple serenity. We pray for power to live a spiritual life. This is important, for it takes much strength and courage to live a spiritual life.

The sober path is not always easy. It takes self-discipline. We have to say no to our self-will. We follow God’s will for us. The rewards are great. We get sobriety. We get serenity. We get friendship. We regain our family. We get a deep, loving relationship with a Higher Power who wants peace and joy for us and for the world.

Prayer for the Day:
Dear Higher Power, I pray the words of Step Eleven. I pray to know Your will for me. And I pray that I have the power to carry out Your will.

Action for the Day:
I will examine my life. I will look to see how my will gets in the way of God’s will.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your dreams are alive and well today; although they reflect your hopes for the future, they can also contain unrealistic goals. Unfortunately, you may contribute to setting yourself up for failure unless you practice self-restraint before getting in over your head. Be particularly wary of any sudden shifts in your thinking. A brilliant idea that arrives like a stroke of lightning may be exhilarating, but it could quickly steer you off course. Decide on a realistic path into the future and save the exciting breakthroughs for another day. Author Nilesh Rathod wrote, “What good is speed without the ability to brake?”

DR – November 1, 2017

On November 1, 2017November 1, 2017 By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 1, 2017:

Daily Reflection

I CANNOT CHANGE THE WIND

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

My first sponsor told me there were two things to say about prayer and meditation: first, I had to start and second, I had to continue. When I came to A.A. my spiritual life was bankrupt; if I considered God at all, He was to be called upon only when my self-will was incapable of a task or when overwhelming fears had eroded my ego.

Today I am grateful for a new life, one in which my prayers are those of thanksgiving. My prayer time is more for listening than for talking. I know today that if I cannot change the wind, I can adjust my sail. I know the difference between superstition and spirituality. I know there is a graceful way of being right, and many ways to be wrong.

Big Book Quote

The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, Page 160

Keep It Simple

Sought through pray and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him. . .
-First half of Step Eleven

Through Step Eleven, we develop a lasting, loving relationship with our Higher Power. Conscious contact means knowing and sensing God in our lives throughout the day.

God is not just an idea. We talk with our Higher Power through prayer. As we meditate, we sense God’s love for us, and we get answers to our questions. When we pray and meditate, we become aware that God is always with us. Our Higher Power becomes our best friend. Our Higher Power is there for advice, support, celebration, comfort.

Prayer for the Day: Dear Higher Power, I pray that our relationship grows stronger every day. I accept the friendship You offer me.

Action for the Day: Today, I’ll seek out God through prayer and meditation.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You want everyone to know you’re watching out for them today yet you could be overly protective in the process. Although you mean well, others might think you’re being a bit too pushy or even manipulative. Avoid reacting defensively by withdrawing completely, for that won’t help the situation at all. Instead, consider what you can do to bridge the gap between people’s perceptions and your intentions. Simply stepping back just a little may be sufficient to give others the space they need. Loving someone requires a delicate balance between holding on and letting go.