DR – November 20, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 20, 2017:

Daily Reflection

“THY WILL, NOT MINE”

. . . when making specific requests, it will be well to add to each one of them this qualification. .” . . . if it be Thy will.”

~TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 102-03

I ask simply that throughout the day God place in me the best understanding of His will that I can have for that day, and that I be given the grace by which I may carry it out. As the day goes on, I can pause when facing situations that must be met and decisions that must be made, and renew the simple request: “Thy will, not mine, be done.” I must always keep in mind that in every situation I am responsible for the effort and God is responsible for the outcome. I can “Let Go and Let God” by humbly repeating: “Thy will, not mine, be done.” Patience and persistence in seeking His will for me will free me from the pain of selfish expectations.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 33~

Keep It Simple

A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot have everything. A choice is all that is left him.—H. Mathews.

Sobriety is about choice. Each day we choose to stay sober, we teach ourselves how
to make better choices.

Life is about choice. To be spiritual people, we must make spiritual choices. Honesty is a spiritual choice. And working the Steps is a spiritual choice.

Our life is the sum total of our choices. We owe it to ourselves to choose wisely. We can do that now, thanks to the program.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me choose a spiritual way of life. Help me to see choice as my way to a better relationship with you.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll be aware of the many choices I make. At the end of the day, I’ll think about all the choices I’ve made. Am I proud of my choices?

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may overestimate your abilities today and take on more assignments than you can possibly complete. Although you are a capable and competent worker, there are definite limits to what any human is able to do in twenty-four hours. Instead of placing yourself in an untenable position where you cannot keep your promises, establish boundaries before you’re in over your head. Naturally, you want to do the best you can, but remember that sometimes production is more important than perfection. Yogi Berra said, “Life is a learning experience, only if you learn.”

Memory Lane – Broke & Lonely

On By mikeykjrIn Memories, Personal1 Comment

As promised, I will re-post my old blog entries from November 2007 when I was in active addiction. This is a prime example of how selfish alcoholics can be. And to have them in the same room is even more dangerous!

All Things Must Come to an End (posted 11/19/2007)

I want to thank everyone who sent support to me back on Thursday when I announced that I was going to go through a drug/alcohol program. Even though this is something the State is requiring me to do, I believe it is the only way to rid myself of the addiction of drinking. Unfortunately, it can’t happen for a while as all the red tape has to get cut and paperwork filed in order. My case worker called me today, “I need this, that, this and that.” Ugh! Other more positive news . . . if you can it that My horoscope matches my feelings today. Before I read it, I was in a chipper mood. While I still am, I’m thinking that if I ask the company of friends (physical) they will only take me down. So even though its solitude, I think its best to stay at home. I can talk to supportive friends online all day long. I haven’t had a beer or cigarette since Thursday due to lack of funds. I don’t want the opportunity right now. Fall is over, Winter is here. There is a good 1/2 to inch of snow actually sticking on the ground. However tomorrow is suppose to be in the 50’s after today’s low 30’s. I was suppose to go to Owego with Cal today to apply for HEAP but I see that he has forgotten, as he’s over at Gary’s doing something. He was suppose to bring 5 gallons of kerosene to help me until I get HEAP because I took care of his dog. Has not’t happen. Convicted felon can get automatic food stamps, no rehabilitation and I have to wait? Besides he is a no good, lying, cheating, stealing, leech and right now I rather not care to know him! Gary was suppose to go to Owego today to get his and his son’s prescriptions but he has no gas! ROFL. We ran out of gas THREE times (I did twice myself going to get more!). To fucking bad buddy, your cash tree has no more cash on it. You and your friends are going to have to find someone else to leech from. I bought him a 12pk and cigs last week too. Supposedly he is suppose to get some money but again I get screwed. Day at home in solitude sounds good to me. I don’t need to get tangled up in lies and deceit. I’m tired of it. So tired of it I slept 12 hours last night. I haven’t done that in ages. Now I have a clear mind and I actually feel like doing something constructive. Perhaps clean this nasty house that was hit by a tornado over the last month? It’s bad! First, let me shower! I feel the need to take one.

DR – November 19, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 19, 2017:

Daily Reflection

“I WAS SLIPPING FAST”

We A.A.’s are active folk, enjoying the satisfactions of dealing with the realities of life, . . . So it isn’t surprising that we often tend to slight serious meditation and prayer as something not really necessary.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 96

I had been slipping away from the program for some time, but it took a death threat from a terminal disease to bring me back, and particularly to the practice of the Eleventh Step of our blessed Fellowship. Although I had fifteen years of sobriety and was still very active in the program, I knew that the quality of my sobriety had slipped badly. Eighteen months later, a checkup revealed a malignant tumor and a prognosis of certain death within six months. Despair settled in when I enrolled in a rehab program, after which I suffered two small strokes which revealed two large brain tumors. As I kept hitting new bottoms I had to ask myself why this was happening to me. God allowed me to recognize my dishonesty and to become teachable again. Miracles began to happen. But primarily I relearned the whole meaning of the Eleventh Step. My physical condition has improved dramatically, but my illness is minor compared to what I almost lost completely.

Big Book Quote

Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62~

Keep It Simple

What we don’t live, we cannot teach others.—Day By Day

Remember – we don’t carry the message to others until we get to Step Twelve. We must first learn to live in a sober way. Sobriety takes time.

We have to stop using alcohol and other drugs, but this is only the start.

Just as it takes time to build a home, it takes time to build a new way of life. We talk with friends and sponsors about the Steps. We try using them in out lives. Then we talk about how the Steps work for us. We talk about where we get stuck with the Steps.

All this takes time. We aren’t in a hurry. We have a lifetime ahead of us.

Remember-the better we live our program, the better we help others.

Prayer for the day:
Higher Power, You’ll let me know when I’m to carry the message. Until then, be with me as I build a new way of life, a spiritual way of life.

Action for the day:
I’ll take time to think over where I’m with my program. I’ll talk about it with a friend.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It feels as if someone is working against you now and you wish you could just ignore the negativity. But you can’t just walk away today; the unaddressed energy will circle back to you soon enough. Confront the source of resistance directly since you can’t expect others to continue to pass along your message intact. Nevertheless, opting for behind-the-scenes discussions allows you to make your point while saving face for your opponent. Demonstrating compassion encourages your enemies to become your friends.

DR – November 18, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 18, 2017:

Daily Reflection

A SAFETY NET

Occasionally. . . . We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105

Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I’ll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it’s as if I’ve slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

A SAFETY NET

Occasionally. . . . We are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won’t pray. When these things happen we should not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 105

Sometimes I scream, stomp my feet, and turn my back on my Higher Power. Then my disease tells me that I am a failure, and that if I stay angry I’ll surely get drunk. In those moments of self-will it’s as if I’ve slipped over a cliff and am hanging by one hand. The above passage is my safety net, in that it urges me to try some new behavior, such as being kind and patient with myself. It assures me that my Higher Power will wait until I am willing once again to risk letting go, to land in the net, and to pray.
From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Keep It Simple

Life is short: live it up. Nikita

We won’t stay sober long unless it’s more fun than using chemicals.

The truth is, using chemicals wasn’t fun anymore. It was work. We just told ourselves it was still fun.

So live it up! Try new things. Meet new friends. Try new foods. Taking risks and having adventures are a basic human need. So go for it.

Sobriety is fun. Living a spiritual life is fun. Get out there and live!

Prayer for the day:
Higher Power ,teach me to play. Teach me to have fun. Teach me to live!

Action for the day:
Today is for fun. I’ll try something new. I’ll see how many people I can get to smile. And I’ll celebrate the fact that I’m sober.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Allowing others in can be challenging now, especially if you feel emotionally self-sufficient. The evocative Scorpio New Moon falls in your 5th House of Creativity, encouraging you to express your passion through an artistic endeavor. Although you are quite serious about your goals today, you don’t want to minimize the role of play in your current activities. It’s all too easy to be dragged down by the heavy emotional energy. Thankfully, changing your attitude changes everything. Author Tom Robbins wrote, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

DR – November 17, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 17, 2017:

Daily Reflection

OVERCOMING LONELINESS

Almost without exception, alcoholics are tortured by loneliness. Even before our drinking got bad and people began to cut us off, nearly all of us suffered the feeling that we didn’t quite belong.

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 90

The agonies and the void that I often felt inside occur less and less frequently in my life today. I have learned to cope with solitude. It is only when I am alone and calm that I am able to communicate with God, for He cannot reach me when I am in turmoil. It is good to maintain contact with God at all times, but it is absolutely essential that, when everything seems to go wrong, I maintain that contact through prayer and meditation.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they
seek.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 15~

Keep It Simple

Mishaps are like knives that either serve us or cut us, as we grasp them by the blade or the handle. —Herman Melville

We have hung on in hard times. We made it through our addiction. Some of us have lived through abuse. We’ve felt like our hearts were broken. But we’ve proven we are survivors. Now we’re learning that we can heal.

Being recovery doesn’t mean things will be easy. But we have a Higher Power to help us. We have friends who listen to us, care for us, and help us through the pain. Because of our recovery program, we’re able to keep hope and love in our lives—One Day at a Time.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me through the hard times. Help me trust in Your love and care.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll plan ahead with my sponsor. What will I do now so that I’ll have strong support when hard times come?

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may choose to keep your feelings quiet today because you assume people will find your moods too intense. You don’t want to alienate others by mixing personal issues with your job, yet you also wish you could be open about your internal process. Ironically, you might discover the tables are turned when someone else comes to you with an emotional story. Be as receptive to another person as you wish them to be for you. Putting the Golden Rule into action sets a wonderful example for others to follow.

Memory Lane – Background

On By mikeykjrIn Memories, Personal2 Comments

During our addictions, at one time or another we suddenly come to our senses, knowing what we must do if we are to have any future. As my ten year sober anniversary comes closer, I’ve given readers an insight of where my head was swimming in my alcoholism – “A Year Ago Today – A Memory“. It doesn’t paint a complete picture of the chaos in my life at that time.  While there was hope, my alcoholism’s death grip continued to get tighter by the day. At the time I was living alone in a two bedroom trailer swimming in cases of Milwakee’s Best beer.

At various times of the last couple of months I reached out to my old employer hoping I would be rehired for seasonal work. Instead he sent me a devastating email, “Based on past work performance, we have decided not to employ you at this time.” I remember saying to myself, “How could he not? Who does he think he is? If I’m not employed that place is not going to function.” Now what do I do? I’ll find another job – tomorrow. Let’s have another couple of beers.

As tomorrow became the next day and the next, my financial situation was a complete train wreck as six weeks of unemployment was about to run out. The landline phone was cut off and my internet service disconnected as the bill went unpaid. My landlord, through what I believed to be master manipulation, was waiting for three months of back rent. The electricity company was threatening shut off. Financial assistance would be given only if I paid my past due amount. In addition, I was getting five gallons of kerosene every other day at $2.75 per gallon to keep my pipes from freezing. Michael, the beer next to you is getting cold and you need another.

As I look back, the destruction taking place physically was unbelievable. The refrigerator was empty except for the booze cooling in the vegetable drawer. Several boxes of some food I had in the cabinets where invaded by vermin, now taking free rein of what was available. Occasionally,  I would ask my neighbor if he had any left overs I could eat. Don’t forget to ask or just steal a couple of cans of beer when he goes to the bathroom.

Mounds of laundry sat in heaps in the laundry room. The washer and dryer were silent fr more than a month. My thoughts included, “It’s just going to increase the electricity bill which I already can’t pay; I wasn’t going anywhere to impress anyone; I certainly didn’t “smell” dirty; or I’ll just do it tomorrow.” Ah crap, am I getting low on beer? I might have to head to the store.

I had no transportation at all. The car I did own, I sold “to pay the bills”. Instead, I drown myself in cheap beer. But it didn’t stop me from getting more when it was needed. Most of the time, I just asked the neighbor if he needed any beer. If so we’d take a trip go get some more at some place “having a deal”. But this particular time, my neighbor and I were not on speaking terms at all. I was on my own.

With two beers in my pockets and an open one in my hands, I took a hour and a half trip walking to the store four miles away down the only country road to town. Got my six pack of Milwakee’s Best, trekked another hour and a half home drinking on the way back. By the time I got home I had two or three beers left. An hour later or more I would be on my way again to make the trip back to the store and back home.

My addiction had such a death grip on me, I didn’t know what way was up or down. All I knew was I had to have something to take all the pain and turmoil away in my life. Despite the nasty taste of Milwakee’s best (I can actually taste it right now and it makes me sick), I kept going for more and more.

Drinking and getting more beer was my life; nothing else matter to me.

 

DR – November 16, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 16, 2017:

Daily Reflection

A DAILY REPRIEVE

What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85

Maintaining my spiritual condition is like working out every day, planning for the marathon, swimming laps, jogging. It’s staying in good shape spiritually, and that requires prayer and meditation. The single most important way for me to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power is to pray and meditate. I am as powerless over alcohol as I am to turn back the waves of the sea; no human force had the power to overcome my alcoholism. Now I am able to breathe the air of joy, happiness and wisdom. I have the power to love and react to events around me with the eyes of a faith in things that are not readily apparent. My daily reprieve means that, no matter how difficult or painful things appear today, I can draw on the power of the program to stay liberated from my cunning, baffling and powerful illness.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 30~

Keep It Simple

Pray for powers equal to your task.-–Phillips Brooks

Our task is to stay sober and to help others who still suffer from addiction. We will need patience and understanding. We will need much love. Most of all, we’ll need to work a strong program.

Pray that you come to know the Steps well. Pray that you’ll want to help others—always. Pray for these things, and you’ll have a strong program. In the program, we learn that prayer works. We see prayer change our lives and the lives of those around us. We came to know the power of prayer.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I pray for knowledge of Your will for me and the power to carry it out.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll admit my needs by praying for help from my Higher Power.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your day may get off to a slow start, build to an easy pace and end with a powerful crescendo. Thankfully, you’re swimming in your element as six planets in water signs validate your feelings and soothe your soul. Ironically, there is little uncertainty in your life now, even though your imagination plays a powerful role in determining your behavior. Co-creating the future is possible if you actually take the time to color in all the details of your daydreams. Vincent Van Gogh wrote, “What is done with love is done well.”

DR – November 15, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 15, 2017:

Daily Reflection

VITAL SUSTENANCE

Those of us who have come to make regular use of prayer would no more do without it than we would refuse air, food, sunshine. And for the same reason. When we refuse air, light or food, the body suffers. And when we turn away from meditation and prayer, we likewise deprive our minds, our emotions, and our intuitions of vitally needed support.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 97

Step Eleven doesn’t have to overwhelm me. Conscious contact with God can be as simple, and as profound, as conscious contact with another human being. I can smile. I can listen. I can forgive. Every encounter with another is an opportunity for prayer, for acknowledging God’s presence within me. Today I can bring myself a little closer to my Higher Power. The more I choose to seek the beauty of God’s work in other people,
the more certain of His presence I will become.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

It did not satisfy us to be told that we could not control our drinking just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives. These things were true to some extent, in fact, to a considerable extent with some of us. But we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctor’s Opinion, pg. xxvi~

Keep It Simple

The best way to know God is to love many things.—Vincent Van Gogh

Now that we’re in recovery, we’re learning to love people. We’re learning to love nature.

We’re learning to love new ideas about life. The result? We love the way we feel now that we’re taking care of ourselves.

Is our Higher Power really so close? Can we really find our Higher Power just by loving many things? Yes! When we love, we wake up that part of us that is part of all creation—our spirit. We really come to life when we love!

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, remind me that You are near when I love someone or something. The energy of love come from You.

Action for the Day:
I will list three things I love that help me know my Higher Power is near me.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

A new boss might be overbearing today, and you don’t know how to fit the extra work into your busy schedule. Unfortunately, it seems like everyone is expecting more than you can hope to deliver. Your growing anxiety about letting someone down may be unsettling, but you can overcome your worries by focusing on the desired goal rather than the fear of failure. Thankfully, the cosmos supports your efforts to meet your obligations now. Your positive attitude coupled with hard work will take you further than you think. J.K. Rowling wrote, “Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.”

Change Is Never Easy

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

Change has never been easy for me; it wouldn’t surprise me to learn changes for anyone aren’t easy. After a certain period of time, we develop a habit tending to stick to the ritual day in and out. However, when you through a wrench in your circadian rhythm (“body clock” or “24-hour cycle”, it makes harder. Now your battle is on two fronts – mentally and physically.

Everything is turned around lately. I can’t focus. However, I tend to wander off in various directions when presented anyway. Lately, it’s really bad. Coupled with forgetfulness, it makes it especially frustrating. I thought my reversing my day (i.e. 7 a.m. = 7 p.m. for me), it would help my physical body adjust. It just ain’t happening.

I’ve learned through sobriety, you must be patient (not with only change but with everything). Things don’t happen overnight no matter how much we want them (selfishness). I’ve found one must challenge oneself to these new changes.

Then there is sabotage (selfishness and greediness), as I do very often.  Down in my subconscious, I believe if asked to pick up extra shifts at work I’ll be in the spotlight, thus not be touched by anything perhaps I’m doing wrong. In reality, I know this is delusional thinking. This type of thinking, for me, is the hardest to change.

Right now I need to be selfish in another way; taking care of myself is the most important. What comes to mind is the “Just Say No [to drugs]” campaign. I found when I’m able to separate my employment from my personal life (and for me, that is extremely difficult at times), I’m better equipped to take care of myself. Knowing this, I simply need to say “No” when it comes to opportunities at work.

It’s this reoccurring theme in my life sitting on my “defects of character” list. It has so many names, perhaps I need to revisit it (which eventually I will) in due time.

DR – November 14, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for November 14, 2017:

Daily Reflection

INTUITION AND INSPIRATION

. . . . we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it
easy. We don’t struggle.

~ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

I invest my time in what I truly love. Step Eleven is a discipline that allows me and my
Higher Power to be together, reminding me that, with God’s help, intuition and  inspiration are possible. Practice of the Step brings on self-love. In a consistent attempt to improve my conscious contact with a Higher Power, I am subtly reminded of my unhealthy past, with its patterns of grandiose thinking and false feeling of omnipotence. When I ask for the power to carry out God’s will for me, I am made aware of my powerlessness. Humility and a healthy self-love are compatible, a direct result of working Step Eleven.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62~

Keep It Simple

Make it a point to do something every day that you don’t want to do—Mark Twain

Self-discipline is a key part of living sober life. We need it t get to our meetings regularly. We need it to understand the Steps. We need it to work the Steps.

And we get much in return. With self-discipline, we learn to trust ourselves. We learn to do what is most loving and caring for ourselves. What a great relief! One of the worst parts of our illness was that we couldn’t count on ourselves. We didn’t know what we’d do next. Self-discipline heals this part of our illness.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, You have given me much. It’s only right that I give You part of my day. I will pray and meditate on Your wonders.

Action for the Day:
I will list areas of my program where I lack self-discipline. I will share the list with my group and sponsor, and I’ll let them know in a month how I’m doing.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You are looking at the wide world through your picture window, safe and secure in your protected corner of the universe. Although you accept the limitations of your current circumstances, you wonder what it would be like to throw caution to the wind and buy a one-way ticket to an unknown destination. For now, you have the luxury of exploring this fantasy from your familiar home base. Keep the dream of adventure alive. Henry Miller wrote, “One’s destination is never a place, but rather a new way of looking at things.”