A Few Things About Me

On By mikeykjrIn Personal

This morning I was reviewing new posts by those that I follow on WordPress. I especially like Just Ruminating (Rob).  He, like me, tends to write a lot about sobriety. So, let’s change it up.

A Few Things About Me

“Well, dear readers, today I thought I would just have a little fun and share ten facts about me. Just as a way of sharing a different side of things. My entire life is not about recovery, nor does it have to be.” – Rob.

NOTE:  I only did five because of reasons noted below . . .

So here you go:

1. I’m a computer geek at heart.

Since I was a young child, I have always loved computers. Systems such as the Commodore 64, Apple I and II, Atari 2600 game system were all introduced to the public during my youth. Then there was “The World Wide Web” or “The Internet” as we know it today. I remember protocols like Gopher, FTP, or browsers like Netscape (eventually Mozilla). Web page design was quite easy and everyone was doing it! The Apple and the IBM PC were the first computers I actually “programmed” using the BASIC programming language. I tinkered with computers until the ripe age of 40 when I actually got my degree. My first degree in college was an Associates of Applied Science in Computer Science Information Technology. Technology has jumped leaps and bounds since the beginning days of Microsoft and Apple. Today I have a had time keeping up withe my own network of six computers running with different projects running on them all at once. I love Free Open Source Software (FOSS), as it enables people like me to view the code behind the program and help build the current version by fixing problems. My current programming project is reviving an old project called Blue Smiley Organizer – Bookmark Manager.

2. Nature and My Spirituality

As disclosed previously, I am a Witch. Again, I don’t talk about it much because of the stigmas of modern society. During the 1980’S there was a revival in the practice of Witchcraft, many of us became Wiccans. During my youth I was always pulled to Nature (the ocean, mountains, sun, moon, stars, astrology, etc.) I was very opposed to mainstream religion (the dogma of them all). I always wondered who our ancestors, those before the mainstream religions, looked to for answers in their lives. I was intrigued with mythology but always had a hard time remember who was who. To me They were all the same (as They are). Over the years I have removed myself from the dogma of Wicca, now practicing Modern Traditional Witchcraft. I not an old hag, with a wort on my nose, a pointy hat and howling at the full moon casting hexes on people. Nor am I a Warlock (for other reasons). I am a normal human being, jeans t-shirt guy with a normal life who believes that there is more in the Universe than the dogmas of modern religions. Today, I use them as my Higher Power in sobriety, as I believe it was Their intervention that saved my life.

2. Dragons and Wolves

My ideal house would be decorated with Dragons on one side and Wolves on the other. There is just something with both species that intrigues me. Are Dragons just mythological creatures? Personally, as strange as it may seem to many, I believe they did exist at one time and now are found on another Plan of Existence. With that, I will end. Wolves, on the other hand, are just magical creatures in themselves. What draws me to them are their behaviors/personalities (I can’t think of the correct word). One minute they can be communal, hunting in packs, tending to their young, kind and gentle. On the other hand, they can be ferocious striking fear in their prey or to keep potential predators away. In the Native American culture, the wolf is considered a medicine being associated with courage, strength, loyalty, and success at hunting. There is a story about wolves I can share later.

3. I’m gay.

Those who know me tend to be surprised by this fact when deep down its quite obvious. At some point in my friendships they will ask, “Mike are you gay?”. For a very long time, I was ashamed of who I was but knew that I couldn’t change who I was – it was something biological, not a choice. I lived in an era when the stigma of the LGBT community reached a climax at the discovery of HIV/AIDS. I would say that stigma has diminished over the decades and I can only hope that it continues. I tend to keep this part of me private because do I ask my straight friends, “Hey, who are you sleeping with, man or woman?” We are all human, just biologically we have different sexual organs by we all experience the same emotions. So why can’t a man love another man, a woman love another woman? Save the argument, I’ve heard it all before.

4. I’m an avid reader

I tend to enjoy fictional literature more than non-fiction. Obviously anything with Dragons or wolves is an automatic read for me. For instance, The Loop by Nicholas Evans is one of my favorites. There are a couple series that I own for obvious reasons, like the Inheritance Cycle (Eragon, Eldest, Brisinger, etc. ) series. I love series like The Vampire Chronicles (Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, etc.), the Dune Novels by Frank Herbert, and The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. I try to keep all the books I read using Goodreads. Check out my Goodreads profile here.

5. Love – It’s Complicated

I had very few romantic relationships in my life for various reasons. Honestly, about five (Yes, 5!) total. Today, I’m involved in a relationship (I hope) with someone that I met a few years back. He’s serving a 3 to 7 year sentence for a petite larceny charge. It’s hard to describe the relationship because I’m not sure if what he is telling me is truthful. I won’t know until he gets released. I know, I know, I’ve heard it from everyone, especially my Sponsor (who also spent a majority of his life in prison) – he’s manipulating you. But I argue that there is a different side to him, when he is sober, that NO ONE knows but me. I’ve seen both sides; he’s completely different sober. However, I have to keep two things in mind. One, he is an addict and will always be an addict. Therefore, he may be manipulating me. Second, I could be infatuated (blinded by love) with him, thus I’m not thinking straight. Right now, prison walls separate us as he serves time four hours away in a Northern New York State prison. But I do talk to him on the phone on a regular basis. I don’t know – it’s complicated.

===========================================

With that I will end. Obviously, I can write and write and write for you to read until your blue in the face. Many times I think I write to much and it’s all unorganized, thus no one really reads it. Personally, I don’t care. Blogging is more for me, so I can get thoughts down and clear my mind.

DR – Feb 11, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 11, 2017

Daily Reflection

THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE

We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 68

All of my character defects separate me from God’s will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance. I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of serenity and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to acknowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 162

Keep It Simple

Sanity is madness put to good use.—George Santayana

In Step Two we come to believe a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. In a way, as we work Step Two, we’re praying that our madness can be put to good use. This is just what happens. Addiction was wrecking our life. But it’s also our addiction that forced us into a new way of life.

As long as we remember what our madness was like, we can put it to good use. When we feel like giving up, let’s remember our madness. It will help us go on. When we see someone suffering from the illness of addiction, let’s remember our days of madness. It will help us be there for that person. It’s also good to remember that our madness is only a pill or a drink away.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I believe You can put my madness to good use. I give up my madness; do with it what You want.

Action for the Day:
I’ll list a couple ways my Higher Power and I have changed my madness into sanity.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You feel like opening all the windows of your heart to let the breeze in. Your inner sky has cleared to blue today, and you can finally take a long deep breath. This space to breathe is perfect for journaling your thoughts as the detail-oriented Virgo Moon graces your 3rd House of Writing. Exploring your feelings is less disorienting now, and might lead to a greater sense of peace without the turmoil that sometimes accompanies soul-searching. Rune Lazuli wrote, “Inside the chaos, build a temple of love.”

Family Worries

On By mikeykjrIn Personal1 Comment

Typically I wouldn’t talk about my Sponsor in a public post by I need to get this off my chest.  He’s so annoying! This isn’t the first time, nor the last.  We go through periods where we just have to spend time apart.  It appears this time is coming again but there are other concerns to take into consideration.

I met this gentleman at the beginning of my sobriety, more than nine years ago.  He was an unlikely match but became a big influence in my life.  He and I have been there through the good and bad times.  I am more than grateful for his continued presence in my life.

Lately, I have noticed the affects of old age.  He’s lonely, needy, forgetful and, at times, just an unbreakable stubborn man.  He knows everything; he’s been everywhere, he’s done everything; he’s got all the answers, yet asks for my suggestions but doesn’t take them.

He’s suddenly in a mood to “downsize” since his move to a new apartment.  I mean literally getting rid of everything in his life.  At one point, he wanted to live in his car (during the Winter in NY) to save money for an apartment.  Finally, many of us convinced him to get an apartment, so he’s living in a studio apartment from a two-bedroom apartment.  Every time that I see him, he’s accumulated more and tries to pawn it off on me.  He just can’t understand the work, “No.”

In the last couple of months, his forgetfulness is increasing.  Sometimes I feel like I’m at work talking to own of my residents who has dementia.  So I practice patience to a point.  But many times I just clamp down my mouth because he wants to argue I’m wrong and he’s right.  For instance, he asked I take off the 25th and 26th to drive him down to his brothers.  I agree putting the request in work.  Yesterday, he wanted to know what time I would be over to take him to his brothers.  I reminded him he circled the dates in two weeks.  He apparently changed his mind, didn’t tell me, so now he’s arguing with me.  UGH.

Heart and Sassy, his cats, are also quite old (19 years – he says).  Sassy is not in good health.  Again, he’s been asking for me to take care of them. At first he didn’t want to take his cats with him to his new apartment.  He wanted me to take them.  Ummm….NO.  I’m just not ready for pets right now even though I love them both as my own.  According to him, “I can’t take care of them anymore.”  But they are in his new place doing fine, yet I don’t know how long Sassy will last.  As I look at the situation, I think he’s trying to avoid the inevitable, the cat’s  passing away.

The other day when I visited, I almost blew my top.  He asked for a suggestion but wouldn’t let me get a work in edgewise.  Instead, he talked over me about something else.  At one point, he got on his phone, put his headphones around my head and asked me to listen to the Abbot & Costello’s “Who is on first…” skit when I was trying to tell him something.  We also got into a small argument of I’m right and you’re wrong, which I simply conceded.  Apparently he’s been a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) but can’t tell me what CNA stands for? UGH.

Honestly, I see the decline in health and mental status.  It scares me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be there for him but I’m also afraid for his future.  We’ve agreed to his future wishes (end of life) and I’ll respect it.  I just don’t know if I’m prepared for it, right now.

Oh Gods, now I have to cry . . .

 

DR – Feb 10, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 10, 2017

Daily Reflection

I DON’T RUN THE SHOW

When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 53

Today my choice is God. He is everything. For this I am truly grateful. When I think I am running the show I am blocking God from my life. I pray I can remember this when I allow myself to get caught up into self. The most important thing is that today I am willing to grow along spiritual lines, and that God is everything. When I was trying to quit drinking on my own, it never worked; with God and A.A., it is working. This seems to be a simple thought for a complicated alcoholic.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this
presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 87~

Keep It Simple

Life didn’t promise to be wonderful. —Teddy Pendergrass

Life doesn’t promise us anything, except a chance. We have a chance to live any way we like. No matter how we choose to live, we’ll have pain and we’ll have joy. And we can learn from both.

Because of our recovery program, we can have life’s biggest wonder—love. We share it in a smile, a touch, a phone call, or a note. We share it with our friends, our partners, our family. Life didn’t promise to be wonderful, but it sure is full of little wonders! And we only have to open up and see them, feel them, and let them happen.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me see the wonders of life today, in nature, in people’s faces, in my own heart.

Action for the Day:
I can help make a wonderful things happen for others, with a smile, a greeting, a helping hand. What “little” things will I do for somebody today?

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Where you spend your resources is always your choice, and those choices are now clearly laid out in front of you. Sometimes it’s easier to invest in others rather than yourself, but the Leo Lunar Eclipse is centered in your 2nd House of Self-Worth and there’s no hiding from the realizations it illuminates. You cannot truly give to those you love without being emotionally whole yourself. Being completely honest about your values is the most direct route to happiness.

DR – Feb 9, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 9, 2017

Daily Reflection

GETTING THE “SPIRITUAL ANGLE”

How often do we sit in AA meetings and hear the speaker declare, “But I haven’t yet got the spiritual angle.” Prior to this statement, he had described a miracle of transformation which had occurred in him—not only his release from alcohol, but a complete change in his whole attitude toward life and the living of it. It is apparent to nearly everyone else present that he has received a great gift; “. . . except that he doesn’t seem to know it yet!” We well know that this questioning individual will tell us six months or a year hence that he has found faith in God.
— THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 275

A spiritual experience can be the realization that a life which once seemed empty and devoid of meaning is now joyous and full. In my life today, daily prayer and meditation, coupled with living the Twelve Steps, has brought about an inner peace and feeling of belonging which was missing when I was drinking.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders. When we see a man sinking into the mire that is alcoholism, we give him first aid and place what we have at his disposal.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 132

Keep It Simple

H.A.L.T. — AA Slogan

H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. These feelings can be danger to us. They can lead us away from our program. We need to eat regular meals. When we get too hungry, we get cranky. Then we say and do things we regret. We need to turn anger over to our Higher Power, or else our anger turns into rage. We need friends to help us in recovery. If we get to lonely, we may turn our addictive way for friendship. We don’t stay sober by ourselves. We need a clear mind to deal with life. If we get too tried, we tend to feel sorry for ourselves. Being tired get us into crazy thinking.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, remind me to H.A.L.T. Help me to not get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll review the four parts of H.A.L.T. In which areas do I practice good self-care? In which areas do I not? How can I improve?

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

A new sense of certainty allows you to stride toward your ambitions with renewed fervor. It’s easier to walk with your head held higher when the Moon struts into confident Leo, accentuating your 2nd House of Self-Worth. You’re eager to take your future goals into your own hands today, knowing you can rely on your unwavering self-determination. Be mindful of overextending your resources; overestimating your capacity will land you in a state of exhaustion if you don’t pace yourself with care. Transformation rarely happens overnight.

DR – Feb 8. 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 8, 2017

Daily Reflection

CONVINCING “MR. HYDE”

Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That’s the place so many of us A.A. oldsters have come to. And it’s a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconscious—from which so many of our fears, compulsions, and phony aspirations still stream—be brought into line with what we actually believe, know, and want! How to convince our dumb, raging, and hidden “Mr. Hyde” becomes our main task.
— THE LANGUAGE OF THE HEART, p. 237

Regular attendance at meetings, serving and helping others is the recipe that many have tried and found to be successful. Whenever I stray from these basic principles, my old habits resurface and my old self also comes back with all its fears and defects. The ultimate goal of each A.A. member is permanent sobriety, achieved One Day at a Time.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Many a man, yet dazed from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. The expression on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating and electric atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that here was haven at last.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 160

Keep It Simple

You must find the ideas that have some promise in them…it’s not enough to just have ideas. –George E. Woodberry

Each day we’re flooded with ideas. Everyone seems to have found the truth, and now they want to share it. We may feel loaded down with all these ideas. Who and what do we believe? We’ve fallen on a set of ideas that hold great promise: The Twelve Steps. The ideas of the program have much promise because they’re simple. They ask nothing that isn’t good for us. They have been proven to work. Now we’re people with more than ideas that work. We’re people with good ideas that work. When we find ourselves wondering how to live, all we need to do is look to the Steps.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me to put my energy into working the Steps.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll list what is right about the Steps for me. What promises do the Steps hold for me?

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your receiver is turned up too high and you’re surprised by the amount of feedback you are getting now. The impressionable Moon in your sign reflects shocking Uranus and preposterous Jupiter, putting you on the spot. Although you may feel like you must go to extremes to regain power, overreactions will only make the situation worse. Try not to take things too personally; staying conscious as you respond to the changing tides of the day will enable you to choose your battles wisely.

DR – Feb 7, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 3, 2017

Daily Reflection

A PATH TO FAITH

True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A. meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33

My last drunk had landed me in the hospital, totally broken. It was then that I was able to see my past float in front of me. I realized that, through drinking, I had lived every nightmare I had ever had. My own self-will and obsession to drink had driven me into a dark pit of hallucinations, blackouts and despair. Finally beaten, I asked for God’s help. His presence told me to believe. My obsession for alcohol was taken away and my paranoia has since been lifted. I am no longer afraid. I know my life is healthy and sane.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 89~

Keep It Simple

I thank God for my handicaps, for through them, I have found myself, my work and my God.—Helen Keller.

None of us ever wanted to be addicts. It’s not what we would choose to be— just as no one would choose to blind and deaf. Helen Keller, who was blind and deaf, told of how her problems became her biggest gift. Through them, she found true meaning in her life. We can accept our handicap—our addiction— and learn from it. The truth is, we’re all handicapped in some way. Recovery is about facing our addiction and learning to live with it. When we see we can’t do things alone, we see the need for a Higher Power.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me see myself as I really am. Give me the serenity that comes from accepting my handicaps.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll list all the ways I am handicapped. I’ll ask myself, “What gift does each of these hold for me?”

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You don’t feel like hiding in your personal cave quite so much now. In fact, you could wear your heart on your sleeve while the emotional Moon is visiting your 1st House of Self. You express your feelings eloquently once brainy Mercury shifts into thought-provoking Aquarius, highlighting your 8th House of Intimacy. It’s ironic that you can talk about such passionate issues while maintaining such a cool demeanor. Nevertheless, life is ultimately subjective; what one person loves another person loathes.

DR – Feb 6, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 3, 2017

Daily Reflection

A RALLYING POINT

Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this Step.
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 33

I feel that A.A. is a God-inspired program and that God is at every A.A. meeting. I see, believe, and have come to know that A.A. works, because I have stayed sober today. I am turning my life over to A.A. and to God by going to an A.A. meeting. If God is in my heart and everyone else’s, then I am a small part of a whole and I am not unique. If God is in my heart and He speaks to me through other people, then I must be a channel of God to other people. I should seek to do His will by living spiritual principles and my reward will be sanity and emotional sobriety.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 164~

Keep It Simple

We will not know unless we begin.——-Howard Zinn

Let us begin! Whether it be working on our First Step, Finding a sponsor, or talking to someone we hurt—Let us begin. Doubt will set in if we wait too long. Fear will follow. So, let us begin. We learn by doing. Recovery is for doers. Sobriety doesn’t just happen. We create it. We create it by working the Steps and learning from them. We’ll never totally understand the Steps unless we work them. In the same way, we’ll never learn how to have friends unless we try. So, call your friends, instead of waiting to be called. Begin and begin again. Each day is a new beginning.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, today I’ll begin. I begin by asking for Your help and love. Be with me as I go through my day. Help me work for progress, not perfection.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll not sit on the sidelines. I’ll be a doer. I’ll decide what to do to move closer to friends, family, Higher Power, and myself.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You prefer to keep things to yourself today as you just don’t have the energy to explain what’s on your mind. It’s a challenge to stay focused when your thoughts keep distracting you from the task at hand. Walking away from your work may seem counter-intuitive, but taking short breaks to enjoy some silence can help you gracefully move through the day. If you ignore your need for rest, you may end up so mentally exhausted that you call it quits before you achieve your goals. Reconnecting with your center supplies you with enough stamina to go the distance.

DR – Feb 5, 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
February 3, 2017

Daily Reflection

A GLORIOUS RELEASE

“The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A.’s program as enthusiastically as I could.”
— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27

After years of indulging in a “self-will run riot,” Step Two became for me a glorious release from being all alone. Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life’s burdens with me. Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“If we skip this vital step (5th Step), we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.”
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 72~

Keep It Simple

Don’t bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it.
——Thomas Jefferson

Pleasure is important in recovery. But at times we think pleasure is the answer to life’s pains. Alcohol and other drugs were what we liked best. We need to watch out so we don’t switch to another addiction–such as gambling, food, sex, or work. The real answer to life’s pains is in having a strong spiritual center. It is also our best way to avoid another addiction. Recovery lets us turn our pain over to the care of our Higher Power. Our Higher Power can handle any problem we may have. Our program can help us with our problems too. Recovery is a three-way deal. Higher Power, program, and us.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me avoid another addiction. When I have problems, have me come to You and to my program before anything else.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll set aside time and ask the question, “Am I headed for another addiction/” I’ll also ask my sponsor what he or she thinks.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Some much needed alone time is on the agenda but the air seems to crackle with erratic energy, making it hard to quiet your thoughts. Instead of tuning out other people and retreating further into your shell, practicing active listening may reveal insights you might otherwise have missed. Everyone needs to unplug now and then, but observing how and why you withdraw into your personal bubble teaches you valuable lessons and promotes growth. A mind once opened never loses.

Rambling About Honesty

On By mikeykjrIn Personal4 Comments

Since my sobriety I have learned there are times to be honest while there are also times to keep the mouth shut.  But there is also a time when the frustration, anger and other emotions get so bottled up, they tend to spout out.  These times are scary for me because I’m unsure of the consequences of my decisions.  This is a part of me I work on daily – sometimes I’m good at it, others I’m not.

As you may know I am a CNA.  It’s a rough job.  There are staffing issues, personality issues, company policy issues and most of us are just fed up.  No matter where I go, these type of issues are common everywhere.  However, “the company” hired a Supervisor, so I’ve tested the waters.

There is an employee that I work with, young in age and young in experience (like myself) who just pissed me off.  She might as well have gone home because I felt like I was the only one on the floor.  Her laziness and the need to be on her phone every minute is just unprofessional.

I patiently waited for the Sup to talk to her privately.  Our discussion started with the employee rolling to bigger issues at the end.  She insisted that I stay, “Stay and I will be your voice.”  But I’m skeptical because of my last job experience.  I’ve heard that before, backs tabbed, then was unemployed.  So now I wait.

It’s a cruel world. I have a duty to report certain things. But at the same time people can easily turn it around perhaps jeopardizing my own license.  Management attempted to do that already.  I don’t want to get in those situations again.

Unfortunately, while there is an alternative to seek other employment it’s just not that easy.  The standard of living is much higher in the County I work, therefore if I choose to work closer to home I would take a HUGE pay cut.  I also know facilities around here already have very bad reputations.  Yes, my drive would be cut by three hours a day.

But as I was reminded, “Why are you here?”  Honestly, its not the pay.  Don’t get me wrong, the pay is wonderful.  It’s the residents I have known for the last four months.  I enjoy them and they enjoy me.  I provide them what they want and haven’t received in a long time.  So it’s just not the Sup that is asking I stay, it’s also the residents that I take care of almost on a daily basis.

It’s a sticky situation.  It grinds at me every day.  Even on my days off like today.  People tell me, “You need to leave.  If you don’t bad things are going to happen.  You’re not happy.  You need to find somewhere there is a balance.  You have enough on your plate (sobriety).”  Yet, with only four months of experience, a brand new license (Nov 2016), I can’t expect much if I choose to leave.

This type of situation is going to follow me anywhere.  I just have to practice patience, self-control and be selfish (only worrying about me, not the others around me).  But many times doing such is easier said than done!