Tag: addiction

Easter 2017

On By mikeykjrIn Personal2 Comments

Friday night, after a frustrating night at work, I got in my car and drove, safely but fast, home. I went to bed after watching a couple of episodes of Game of Thrones and now I feel refreshed. I’ve made plans with two friends. Lunch today with an old friend and Easter dinner with an old college friend.  Both of these individuals I haven’t seen in a long time.

There was a lesson I learned this week – accepting the consequences of my decisions. Last weekend, I didn’t go to work on a scheduled day calling in sick.  I wasn’t sick at all. Unfortunately, there are two people at work that spread negativity around work like wildfire and are very hard to work with. The day off was more of a mental health day. I knew if I reported to work, it wasn’t going to be good for me nor them, so I avoided the additional drama at the expense of being paid.

I’m going to suffer this week but I’ll manage. I made plans to stop smoking yet again with the help of Nicotine Replacement Therapy (the Nicotine patches). I have a few cigarettes left for today. I’ll finish them but make a commitment to myself and the Gods, this time is the last time. If includes a ritual of some sort for effect, then so be it.

Honestly, I think part of happiness for myself is finally getting rid of this other addiction. Obviously it’s causing unseen health problems (I can only pray I have none) but the monetary strain is getting enormous. Instead, I can take the money putting in a savings account for other useful things instead of killing myself slowly each day.

So those are my priorities this weekend. One, enjoy myself with the company of others whom I haven’t seen in a long time. Two, end an addiction that has plagued my life for decades once and for all. As with alcoholism, I’m going to apply the Steps, one by one starting later today.

 

Reveal or Not Reveal

On By mikeykjrIn Discussion, Personal9 Comments

Another follower at Guitars and Life raised an interesting question to a recovery minded podcast, BUZZKILL Pod. The question posed is “Reveal or Not Reveal?”. The discussion revolves around views whether recovering addicts should or should not reveal themselves as such, a person in recovery? Those of us in recovery have different views on the subject. For those interested, this is my view on the topic.

Recovery programs were established in the early 1930’s. Since then people in need of recovery from around the world come together to discuss a new way of life as a recoverying addict. Due to the stigma surrounding addiction, these meetings are typically held in private. Anonymity is of upmost importance. A tradition was put in place, “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we always maintain anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.” The tradition was placed as a means of protecting those in recovery from the stigma.

With the help of advanced sciences, the understanding of addiction has changed, yet the stigma still relatively remains the same. Ken Hensley, an English singer-songwriter, puts addiction in perspective, “It is hard to understand addiction unless you have experienced it.” In other words, unless your an addict or a recovering addict, most likely you truly do not understand what we are going through. For instance, a large view of the population asks, “Why can’t you just stop?” We wish it was just that easy. Others still view addicts as helpless criminals who should be locked away. Another stigma, not all addicts are criminals. These views need to be changed, otherwise those in active addiction may never find recovery.

In recent years a movement to bring a better understanding of addiction through promotion of prevention and education by recovering addicts has become prevelant in the media. Thus, the controversy in the recovery community over disclosure. Some believe such disclosure violates the tradition, “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion . . .” The key word here is “promotion”. In addition, “. . . we always maintain anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.” We now hear about addiction in all types of media. Where should people draw the line? Traditions tend to change over time. For instance, you have a Christmas tradition surviving in your family for generations. Do you follow the exact tradition from when it was started? Of course not. As time goes on, the tradition changes in some form or another due to circumstances.

In today’s society, circumstances have changed. One can find a host of information on the Internet about “trends in addiction” using Google. Historically, one type of addiction will be prevelant for years, while other wanes. For instance, at the time the tradition was written, alcoholism was the most prevelant addiction known. During other times, marijuana, cocaine, meth or another drug was prevelant. Today, we are currently experiencing an epidemic of herion addiction.

Finally, here are my thoughts on disclosure. Yes, I believe in upholding the tradition, while on the other hand it is my responsiblity to practice the 12th Step, as a recovering addict. Self-disclosure is a personal choice. Some disclose their recovery to no one, keeping to the tradition of self-protection. Others choose to disclose their recovery to others for various reasons. For instance, in a 12-Step program, the 12th Step states, ““Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics/addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

All active addicts become hopeless – we hit “rock bottom”. Our addiction takes us places we never through imaginable. We are shrouded in shame, guilt, anger, selfishness, etc. All those things made me feel alone; the only person on this Earth in a revolving cycle of destruction to myself and those around me. Recovery brought me hope; recovery is a way of living with my addiction.

Early in my recovery, I learned disclosure should only be done to those who were in recovery. I had to learn a different way of living. Therefore I only could learn through other recovering addicts. But there was a point in my recovery where I felt disclosure of my recovery was necessary to more than just recovering addicts. I was comfortable with who I was, where I was in my own recovery. It is my choice to open my life to others for two reasons.

Most importantly to another active addict. Doing so gives them an opportunity to learn what I’ve been through. Hopefully, they decide for themselves to learn more about recovery and a new way of life with addiction. Second, my disclosure to the general public is a hope to help them better understand of who we are as addicts (both recovering and active). By sharing my experiences both in active addiction and recovery giving them a chance to walk in my shoes. Perhaps this would give them an insight of feeling exactly where I’ve been and/or what I’m going through in my daily life.

For me, I won’t be here today, if I had not embraced sobriety. It was my personal choice to live another way because where I was and what I was doing wasn’t working. Enevitably, it would (and could) led to death if something didn’t change. Plain and simple. But I’m not one to force my beliefs or views on anyone. So I leave you with this,

I am Responsible. When Anyone, Anywhere
Reaches Out For Help,
I Want The Hand Of A.A. [or another program]
Always To Be There.
And For That,
I Am Responsible !

Help continue this discussion in the comments but please be civil. We all have different views.  Any and all comments are appreciated!

Life After Detox and Rehab

On By mikeykjrIn Addiction Treatment

During my years in the recovery community, on both sides of the coin (as a client, as well as a professional), I learned a great deal of the resources that are available to recovering addicts, if they choose to use them.  Some recovering addicts believe after detox and a short stint in rehab they are ready for the world.  Proven research, as my own experiences can testify, show greater success of recovery when recovering addicts get involved in a sober living environment.

What is a sober living program?  Many organizations offer recovering addicts a transitional program allowing a recovering addict to live independently while also preparing them for real world experiences. I will use a metaphor  of building a house to help better understand this process.

Phase I – The Halfway House

A halfway house provides recovering addicts a place to live while going to treatment and relearning the basics of daily living. This environment can be compared to building the foundation of a house. I lived in a house with thirty(30) other men who were all at different stages of their recovery sharing responsibilities for not only our recovery but the recovery of others.  It provided the structured environment many addicts need in early recovery while also providing support when times got rough.

For instance, we were given various responsibilities to be done daily. As active addicts, we tend to deny ourselves these basic needs. Eating three meals per day was encouraged while attendance at dinner was mandatory as a “check in” opportunity.   Cleaning our rooms, making our beds, keeping up with personal hygiene, our own laundry, etc. were all monitored.  In addition we were required to attend all treatment and other appointments. For the first couple of weeks, we were required to sign out of the facility with another individual going everywhere with that person.  They became responsible for us, as we became responsible for them.  It was only after all these responsibilities were fulfilled were we given the opportunity for “free time” (which was very rare).

This type of environment can be very difficult for any addict in early recovery.  In active addiction things were done when we wanted to answering to no one.  This environment was a complete reversal of those attitudes.  Hostilities broke out all the time as attitudes and behaviors clashed.  I can remember it taking me every fiber in my being not to physically harm others I was living with at the time.

Without the support of treatment, recovery meetings and the professionals there to help me, it wouldn’t have been possible for my success to move to the next phase of sober living.  I was now given a choice.  Either I could move back into the community (living on my own) or move into the next phase of sober living.  After listening to “suggestions”, I chose to do the later.  A decision I would not regret.

Phase II – Supportive Living

Organizations have various time frames for moving from one phase to another phase.  For me, I lived in the halfway house for three months, then transitioning to the next phase of sober living called “Supportive Living”.  In this environment, I was paired with another individual in our own apartment.  The expectations were the same but our freedoms were expanded.  We were responsible for our own activities while being actively monitored on a weekly basis.  This phase can be compared to building the frame of a house.  With a strong foundation, I was ready to begin building the frame of who I was going to become in the future. Over the course of eight months, I had two roommates of different experiences.

My first roommate tested all my skills I learned while in the halfway house, as well as the new skills I was learning in sobriety.  I learned the true meaning of defects of character and shortcomings.  He showed me the person I didn’t want to be.  Failing in all areas of daily living and responsibilities, he later relapsed (as no surprise to me).  The experiences only strengthened my own sobriety.

My second roommate was more committed to sobriety like myself.  At first we got together fine.  We both completed our treatment programs.  We were required to begin volunteering to gain work experience, as well as given a chance to further our educations.  I began a degree program at a local community college.  As time passed, we began to shape our own lives and our differences clashed.

Yet again, I was given a choice.  Either I could go back to the community to live on my own or continue to the next phase of sober living known as “Shelter Plus Care”.  By this time I was actively involved in Alcoholics Anonymous with a home group, Sponsor and going through the Steps with my Sponsor.

Phase III – Shelter Plus Care

After eight months of living with another recovering addict, I chose to live in my own apartment, do my own thing, while still having a professional support system, if needed.  The only requirement at this phase of residential living was to remain sober and meet with a counselor once a month.  At this point in my life, without going through the other two phases, I could have never survived on my own.  It was time to build the roof of my house, put all the finishing touches on my house and open the front door.

At the beginning of this phase, I was in college and held a part-time job to help pay for my own expenses living alone in my own apartment.  This continued on for two years as I successfully graduated the local community college earning a Associates in Applied Science in Computer Science Information Systems.  Due to the lack of computer science jobs in my area, I turned my interests to my next passion, chemical dependency.

I was already volunteering time at a local detoxification facility.  When a position opened as a full-time employee, I applied.  This would potentially cause a conflict of interest because the employer was the same organization providing my sober living experience.  Thus, a decision was made to finally move back in the community living on my own with no more support besides my own.  I was ready.  So I accepted the position working with the same organization that provided me all those materials to build my house.  I had come full circle opening the door to my house, letting people in to show them how I built my house using a sober living program.

Conclusion

If the recovering addict puts all his/her energy into their sobriety, listening to all the suggestions and making the right choices along the way, the results are amazing.  During this process, I learned so much about myself, both strengths and weaknesses.  It offered the opportunity to explore and handle all types of situations on my own while providing professional support if the need should arise.  Such programs provide the recovering addict the needed resources to build their own house, if they choose to use them.