Tag: exhaustion

The Toll

On By mikeykjrIn PersonalLeave a comment

Part of me, my alcoholic side, wants to just shut down this whole job business. The two mile walk to and from work, the eight hour work day, working in extremely cold temperatures during the shift is all taking its toll. Many times on my day off I’m playing catch up with everyone else running around all day after being up all night. Waking up an hour ago felt like I got hit by a two ton truck in my sleep and it’s not helping at all. I’ve just completely mentally, physically and spiritually tired and its NOT okay.

I know I should not make excuses. I don’t want to make excuses. I’ve wrecked my body over the years, strenuous job activity like this is almost unbearable. I hurt from head to toe when I come home. Sometimes I feel like if I stand up I’m going to fall right down. My hands hurt so much when I try to make a fist to a point of seizing. I’m mentioned before I applaud those in the retail/warehouse business who can bust their assess all night long stocking shelves both young and old. I just don’t know if I can do it anymore.

Today I had an appointment with the dentist. Another stage in getting my upper denture. Still probably won’t have it by the end of the month. Actually I’m not sure. With the new job I won’t have transportation through Medicaid for much longer so my hope is it’s sooner than later.

Didn’t get home until after 1pm. Just slept a good eight hours but tossing and turning with aches and drippy nose. It won’t surprise me if I’m coming down with something. Besides walking to work in the cold, at approximately 5am almost every morning we have to gather carts in the WM parking lot. The other day is was -12° with windchill. So I’m sure my exposure to the extreme cold is not helping either. Of course I don’t have any cough syrup. But I”m going to head to a Byrne Dairy (gas station, small market) to see what they have socked. I don’t care what the cost. I need to head any sickness off at any cost. Meanwhile, it’s just one cup of coffee and a bunch of water for the rest of the night.

Monday night I was down for the count. I was so tired I just wanted to sleep. My motivation was no where to be found. I did just that watching Bull Season 2. Took naps here and there thinking I would be refreshed and ready for my dental appointment. I was still yawning through the dental appointment to the disappointment with my dentist.

Meanwhile my to-do list is growing at an alarming rate. I have two counties I need to send recent pay stubs so they can officially close my case. I’m actively looking for an apartment to rent. I have some AA District business to look into. I just feel overwhelmed and procrastination is winning.

Today is not the day to fill my mind with unnecessary things. It all doesn’t have to be done right now. If I don’t drink lots of water and get lots of rest I’m going to have further programs. I can, however, set a new priority in my life by looking for another job.

Time Off for Myself

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery ReadingsLeave a comment

Finally, I have some time off for myself.  I have already written how I have worked my arse off (going in early two days, doing two double shifts and working  12 days straight). By the Gods, I have been given the next three days off. Now the question is, what do I do not only to enjoy myself but to be productive at the same time.

I was supposed to have Thursday (7/13) and Monday (7/17) off. But with the current staffing issues at work, I was called into work Thursday. I could have declined but didn’t There was no guarantee I would get either Friday or Saturday off for my day off this week. Instead, I just bit the bullet and reported to work.  A couple hours after reporting to work, I was notified my Saturday shift would be covered. A couple hours after that, my boss asked if I would accept a schedule change. She would give me Sunday off if I worked a double on Friday of next week.  In the end, I got a three day weekend (Saturday through Monday).

One, I need rest. Yet, part of me doesn’t want to just sit in this house for three days. I could spend hours sitting in front of my computers for hours. But I want to do something different.

Here’s a list of things I need to do:

  • Get a haircut
  • Do laundry
  • Clean the kitchen
  • Put things where they belong
  • Create a budget
  •  Re-connect spiritually
  • Buy groceries

Things I want to do:

  • Go to Tioga Downs
  • Play Achaea or Lusternia
  • Reformat my three other computers to start over
  • Explore around my new house
  • Go out for a hike

Tioga Downs is a local casino. I’ve never really liked it since it opened in June 2006. But I go there every once and a while. The last couple of times, I’ve won quite a large sum of money. But the reason I go is NOT for the money but just to have a good time. I have also accumulated points for free meals at the buffet, so a free meal is tempting too. Should I tempt fate today?

Achaea and Lusternia are text-character based games called Multi-User Dungeon/Dimension/Domain. I’ve been playing them since 2003 off and on. Over the years both games have changed dramatically, as MUDs are no longer popular games to play, almost forgotten except for the few that continue to play them.

What I really want to do is to reformat one of my computers. But again, this is not an easy task. Typically I get bored through the process or I get side tracked because I create a to-do-list a mile long.  To be honest, I’m not sure if today is a good day since I’m so tired. I doubt I would be able to focus.

The weather has not been cooperative lately. For the last week, we’ve had powerful thunderstorms come through periodically. It’s been hot and humid. Right now it’s 68°F with cloudy skies, a slight cool breeze coming from the North. With no rain in the forecast today, perhaps I should just take a walk around the house or drive one of the various New York State forests for a hike? I just feel physically exhausted.

Lastly, I really need a haircut. My last buzz was in the middle of winter. Typically I get my haircut in the Summer and Winter. I’m way overdue. My head is beginning to literally look like a mop!! The problem – I have to drive 30 miles or more for a barber. The local barber has been closed every day when I pass by. I’ve called but there is no recorder, just a message, “Sorry we are closed, please call back later.”

It’s time to get off this arse. At the very least, take a shower and DO something. I’ve already lost track of time! I’ve missed my home group meeting at 12 p.m. There’s another thought – perhaps go to a meeting tonight, somewhere new?

Enough for now . . .