Tag: higher power

Asking for a Push

On By mikeykjrIn Personal2 Comments

Since the beginning of my sobriety in December 2007, I have lived in Binghamton, New York.  I have grown to dislike living in a town/city even more than when I lived in Southern California in active addiction. Now, with my employer fifty six miles, an hour and a half drive on back roads, in Ithaca, New York, it’s time I look for a new place closer to work.  Lately, I have asked my Higher Power/The Universe for a financial push to help assist me in finding a new home closer to where I work and a little more.

Living in Binghamton while working in Ithaca has its benefits. My rent is really low compared to other places in Binghamton.  Both Binghamton and Ithaca cater to college students, so rent is astronomical in both places.  Many of the amenities I need are also right around the corner. It’s quiet on my side of town with an occasional incident here and there.  The landlord isn’t the best (getting things fixed is always a pain) but is more than understanding when times get rough and I can’t pay rent on time (only a few times in the last six years I’ve lived here).

The are some major issues living so far away.  As mentioned, it takes me an hour and a half to get to work.  There are no shortcuts.  I have to travel backroads (either North than West or East, then North). This can be a challenge when the weather doesn’t cooperate, especially in Winter. Therefore, at least three hours of my day is sitting in a car dealing with stupid drivers, scared wildlife, bad weather and unmaintained roads.  This is taking a toll on my car in maintenance, as well as the cost for gas.

Yet moving close to work has its benefits and issues.  The standard of living is much higher.  For instance, my salary is higher than any place in Binghamton, much higher.  Obviously, with the higher standard of living, all my expenses are going to increase.  Thus, I have vowed not to move to Ithaca proper but to one of the outlying areas where rent and expenses are not as expensive.Its hard when you have expenses like a car payment, student loans and other debt.

Perhaps this is selfish but I’ve asked my Higher Power for a very large financial push. I have dreams like anyone else.

For instance, here are a few things in life I would like:

WillseyvilleNYHome.jpg

This house is “calls” to me every day as I drive by going to work. It’s a vacant house in Willseyville, NY. It’s under $100K but needs a lot of work. Recent taxes around $500/yr.  Off the road, in a nice nook, on Route 96B. Neighbors are not encroaching, the side of the mountain as a backyard, the front of the home is off the road. It just needs a wood fence from prying eyes surrounding the backyard. This house is perfect!

2016-Toyota-Tacoma-TRD-Off-Road-4x4-1012-876x535.jpg

Got to have a decent truck for those rough Winters. A 2016 / 2017 Toyota Tacoma 4 X 4, paid in full.  Insurance would be an issue but I’ve accounted for it.

Just those two things and enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life. Enough money to wipe the slate clean of outstanding debt (that I’m paying from my addiction days) instead to put in a retirement fund. An emergency fund for the home, car repairs, insurance costs, etc. I’m a few years from fifty with no savings what so ever. Of course, a little vacation money if the need arises too. Is that asking for to much?

I’m patient. It’s selfish to ask for it all at once and now.  I know that my HP, Universe and/or the Gods will provide for me when I can handle it.

 

The Foot Dropped

On By mikeykjrIn Personal, Work RantLeave a comment

Another work related post.  In reality, a circle of events.  The point here is there is always positive with the negative.

My gut, which I tell people is my Higher Power, was telling me, “Mike, careful, something is just not right.” After the last couple of days events at work, I decided the best alternative was to keep to myself.  During dinner, my supervisor and the Director of Nursing (DON) paid me a visit on the floor.  They wanted to talk. “F**k. What now?”, I was thinking.

In a nutshell, I was given a verbal warning for my time management skills. Apparently my co-workers feel that I’m to slow at doing my job.  The DON also threw out I had mentioned I said, “I have until 11 p.m. to get all care done, so I’m not going to rush.” Oh, it gets better.  Another incident happened the other day which was brought up (which due to confidentiality, I can’t disclose here).  However, it ties into everything.

I completely shut down – mumbling, then not saying anything during the meeting.

Basically my employer is covering their own arse.  While the employer attempted to ask my side, I refused to say anything because I already knew they had made up their mind pointing the blame at me.  I was right.

Later in the evening, I switched floors to do care on some other residents.  There is a another CNA I’ve been talking to which I have connected with.  Her and I are on the same page.  She recognizes my fellow co-workers, “out to get you”.  I had disclosed to her I’m a recovering addict and my frustrations of the other day “driving me to drink”.  She in turn talked to my supervisor, apparently after their meeting with me, about her concerns not only how staff is treating me but the truth of what is really going on in the facility.  As we worked together, she was willing to help me with new time management skills she learned  over her 12 years of experience.  At the end of the day we chatted for about 45 minutes.  It was a great relief to know that she too was a recovering addict knowing exactly what I was going through.

I also had a talk with my supervisor expressing my concerns.  She reached out to me because “I saw that you shut down during the meeting, so I wanted to talk to you.” She is willing to address my concerns and try to change things.  She is beginning to recognize the problems (sexism, lack of communication, no teamwork, etc.).  After our discussion she asked that I don’t put in my letter of resignation (because that was exactly why I was talking to her in the first place).  So I’m giving her a chance.

Despite the bad news at the beginning, I was relieved at the end of the day.  I had felt completely alone.  Now I know that I’m not.  I have to be patient, willing to give it time for the wind to change in a positive direction.