As mentioned back in a March post, MPE Time Out, I left my job. Not the best decision I’ve made in years but it has given me time to get my mental, physical and emotional states back to normal. There was one person who kept tabs on my welfare which I’m grateful. Now I’ve made the decision to go back with a different perspective.
At the beginning of March 2022, I was absolutely drained. I was simply tired of fighting working in a toxic environment. I wasn’t willing to put up a concrete wall. Instead my ego got the best of me. I had to take a step back to say, “Hey, what a minute. What the hell are you doing?”
There was one person, a co-worker, who helped through that process. She and I had conversations on my welfare because she knew I was at my breaking point. At one point, I asked her, “How do you manage to get by day to day (or night by night, in our case)?” Once again she pointed to the fact nothing is going to change – ever. Whether I agree or disagree with anything, it doesn’t matter. Selfish people are only concerned about one thing – themselves. They are going to do things which only make themselves look good to everyone else no matter what the cost – they simply don’t care. Her suggestion was to simply ignore everyone else around you, do what you do, simply say ‘okay’ and do it without question. Clock in for the night, do your thing, clock out. We’re not responsible for the decision made nor are we responsible for the consequences of those decisions. We may not like what happens but its going to happen and we just have to accept it leaving it at the door when we leave for the night. It took time to digest and convince myself it was the best plan if I decided to go back.
At the beginning of May, I decided it was time and to go back to something I’m familiar with. I just have to ‘change my tune’. I have confidence I can do it. If I have to act like a robot ignoring everything around me letting it slide off me like raindrops, it isn’t going to be easy but I think I can get to a comfortable normality, if that makes sense.
After a week of reapplying, I called to check on the status of my application. After a short conversation I was told my application would be considered again. Some people are apparently leaving the overnight shift. However, before I can be rehired, those Associates records have to be properly handled. In summary, she will call me back but can’t put any specific date when it will happen. It’s my understanding, four people left or were terminated in the last two weeks. In addition, three new hires started but only one returned after the first day of work (which is typical). The person I spoke to has been out for a couple of days herself and is known not to be expedient. So I have to wait and I’m good with it.
I’m also going to actively see what other employers are offering. There isn’t much, due to my own limitations, either transportation or skills, available to me but it won’t hurt to apply, have an interview if they are interested and see what happens. Based on past experience, I can’t just sit around and wait for things to happen – things aren’t going to mysteriously fall in my lap!
The Wandering Enigma 
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