I Just Don’t Get It

So I thought my frustrations would be done with last week, as all milestones were completed. Yet, my English instructor is frustrating me to no ends. She has not responded to several emails I have sent. Her instructions are so confusing.

First she sends out an ‘Announcement’ at the beginning of the week which contradicts the assignments were are given for the week. So I sent an email each week because I was confused. She didn’t respond, so I did I thought was the ‘right thing to do’. Still got an ‘A’ on the assignments in the past.

Last week, I assumed we were suppose to send the final draft of our paper. The grading rubric has a possible of 225 points for the Summative Assessment: Persuasive Essay. Thus, I did everything and submitted my final paper.

Yet, the ‘Announcement” this week says, “After you’re finished with revision, you’ll post your final revised paper in 8-2.” It just doesn’t make sense when the score for the 8-2 assignment is just 70. Am I missing something?

I just got an email about course evaluations. It ain’t going to be pretty, but do I want to screw myself? My advisor also wants an update. Does honestly play a part or should I be silent and just lie..it’s just not like me. I’m going to sit on this for a day or two. I just don’t get it!

**head to desk**

DR – December 15, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
December 15, 2020


Daily Reflection

DOING ANYTHING TO HELP

Offer him [the alcoholic] friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95

I remember how attracted I was to the two men from A.A. who Twelfth-Stepped me. They said I could have what they had, with no conditions attached, that all I had to do was make my own decision to join them on the pathway to recovery. When I start convincing a newcomer to do things my way, I forget how helpful those two men were to me in their open-minded generosity.


Big Book Quote

“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 20


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Service to others makes the world a good place. Civilization would cease if all of us were always and only for ourselves. We alcoholics have a wonderful opportunity to contribute to the well-being of the world. We have a common problem. We find a common answer. We are uniquely equipped to help others with the same problem. What a wonderful world it would be if everybody took his own greatest problem and found the answer to it and spent the rest of his life helping others with the same problem in his spare time. Soon we would have the right kind of a world. Do I appreciate my unique opportunity to be of service?

Meditation for the Day

Today can be lived in the consciousness of God’s contact, upholding you in all good thoughts, words, and deeds. If sometimes there seems to be a shadow on your life and you feel out of sorts, remember that this is not the withdrawal of God’s presence, but only your own temporary unwillingness to realize it. The quiet gray days are the days for doing what you must do, but know that the consciousness of God’s nearness will return and be with you again, when the gray days are past.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may face the dull days with courage. I pray that I may have faith that the bright days will return.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Feelings

It’s okay to have and feel our feelings – all of them.

Years into recovery, we may still be battling with ourselves about this issue. Of all the prohibitions we’ve lived with, this one is potentially the most damaging and the most long-lived.

Many of us needed to shut down the emotional part of ourselves to survive certain situations. We shut down the part of us that feels anger, sadness, fear, joy, and love. We may have turned off our sexual or sensual feelings too. Many of us lived in systems with people who refused to tolerate our emotions. We were shamed or reprimanded for expressing feelings, usually by people who were taught to repress their own.

But times have changed. It is okay now for us to acknowledge and accept our emotions. We don’t need to allow our emotions to control us; neither do we need to allow our emotions to control us; neither do we need to rigidly repress our feelings. Our emotional center is a valuable part of us. It’s connected to our physical well being, our thinking, and our spirituality.

Our feelings are also connected to that great gift, instinct. They enable us to give and receive love.

We are neither weak nor deficient for indulging in our feelings. It means we’re becoming healthy and whole.

Today, I will allow myself to recognize and accept whatever feelings pass through me. Without shame, I will tune in to the emotional part of myself.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

My mother was dead for five years before I knew that I loved her very much.

—Lillian Hellman

Each day it helps us to remember that we are always changing. Whatever is most clear to us today or is most prominent in our feelings – the difficulties we may be having with parents, wives or lovers, the worries we have about our children – is a part of an unfolding of events we cannot foresee. Just when we think we know exactly the direction things are going, they surprise us with change. Relationships continue to evolve and mature as we do. Even when separated from loved ones, our relationships may improve because we continue to grow.

Our task for this day is to be honest with ourselves, to be respectful to others, and to stay open to our Higher Power. Continuing to go forward, we put one foot in front of the other. We are changing internally, and circumstances around us are changing too. We remain hopeful for the future because outcomes are in the hands of God.

I cannot predict the direction of my growth. I will simply remain true to myself today and stay open for surprises.


Elder’s Meditation

“People are equal partners with the plants and animals, not their masters who exploit them.”

–Haida Gwaii, Traditional Circle of Elders

As human beings, we are not above anything nor are we below anything. Because of being equal, we need to discuss a little about the value of respect. Not just respect when it comes to human beings, but respect when it comes to everything. We are not masters over things; we are caretakers for the Great Spirit. We need to treat all things with respect.

Great Spirit, let me accept and see all things as equal.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Harmonious but high energy accompanies you throughout the day. Multi-tasking is easier for you now, which will allow you to accomplish more work, and you may even find enjoyment in the tasks you don’t typically like doing. You’ll also notice that your interactions are moving quickly through multiple layers of emotions and thoughts. Relationships with co-workers and people in your immediate environment should run smoothly, with you being able to express your feelings with an honest yet casual vibe.

DR – December 14, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
December 14, 2020


Daily Reflection

REACHING OUT

Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95

When I come into contact with a newcomer, do I have a tendency to look at him from my perceived angle of success in A.A.? Do I compare him with the large number of acquaintances I have made in the Fellowship? Do I point out to him in a magisterial way the voice of A.A.? What is my real attitude toward him? I must examine myself whenever I meet a newcomer to make sure that I am carrying the message with simplicity, humility and generosity. The one who still suffers from the terrible disease of alcoholism must find in me a friend who will allow him to get to know the A.A. way, because I had such a friend when I arrived in A.A. Today it is my turn to hold out my hand, with love, to my sister or brother alcoholic, and to show her or him the way to happiness.


Big Book Quote

“God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The way of A.A. is the way of service. Without that, it would not work. We have been “on the wagon” and hated it. We have taken the pledge and waited for the time to be up with impatience. We have tried in all manner of ways to help ourselves. But not until we begin to help other people do we get full relief. It is an axiom that the A.A. program has to be given away in order to be kept. A river flows into the Dead Sea and stops. A river flows into a clear pool and flows out again. We get and then we give. If we do not give, we do not keep. Have I given up all ideas of holding A.A. for myself alone?

Meditation for the Day

Try to see the life of the spirit as a calm place, shut away from the turmoil of the world. Think of your spiritual home as a place full of peace, serenity, and contentment. Go to this quiet, meditative place for the strength to carry you through today’s duties and problems. Keep coming back here for refreshment when you are weary of the hubbub of the outside world. From this quietness and communion comes our strength.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may keep this resting place where I can commune with God. I pray that I may find refreshment in meditation on the Eternal.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Clear Thinking

Strive for clear thinking. Many of us have had our thinking clouded by denial. Some of us have even lost faith in ourselves because we’ve spent a degree of time in denial. But losing faith in our thinking isn’t going to help us. What we need to lose faith in is denial.

We didn’t resort to denial – either of someone else’s problem or our own – because we were deficient. Denial, the shock absorber for the soul, protects us until we are equipped to cope with reality.

Clear thinking and recovery don’t mean we will never resort to denial. Denial is the first step toward acceptance, and for most of our life, we will be striving to accept something.

Clear thinking means we don’t allow ourselves to become immersed in negativity or unrealistic expectations. We stay connected to other recovering people. We go to our meetings, where peace of mind and realistic support are available. We work the Steps, pray, and meditate.

We keep our thinking on track by asking our Higher Power to help us think clearly – not by expecting Him, or someone else, to do our thinking for us.

Today, I will strive for balanced, clear thought in all areas of my life.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

No matter how old you get, if you can keep the desire to be creative, you’re keeping the man-child alive.

—John Cassavetes

Creation is the work of God. It is not given to most of us to be famous artists. But the spiritual experience of being creative is open to us when we take on a creative attitude toward what we are doing. We might do this on the job when we determine to do more than just get the job done. We may decide to have fun while we do what needs to be done, or we may decide to put our best spirit into the work before us. Some men find creativity in working with wood, others in coaching sports with children, someone else in cooking, and another in community service.

Being creative moves us toward wholeness as people. As we create on the outside, we are being created on the inside. The way in which we live every aspect of our lives is a creative, growing process and a partnership with God.

As I approach this day, I will have an attitude of creativity that will nurture the wondering child within me.


Elder’s Meditation

Male and female is fundamental to life; partners in work to be done.”

–Oren R. Lyons, Spokesman, Traditional Circle of Elders

The Great Spirit created a system which would allow us to reproduce, to have companionship, to love, to laugh, to cry, and be happy. Man and Woman each have gifts the other doesn’t have. But, together they have these gifts to share with each other. The Great Spirit made it this way. So let us treat each other with respect. Let us look upon each other in a sacred way.

Grandfather, Grandmother, bring the spirits to teach us.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It’s like your consciousness is cracked open today, expanding the little things into moments of great importance. Try to keep everything in perspective by focusing on the here-and-now — you have the potential to make a major change to your personal wellness or daily routine. With so many things happening, it’s wise to focus your attention on just one thing for the time being. You have the drive to start something new, and by directing your energy toward just one endeavor, you can experience results more rapidly.

Christmas Story Revised 2020

Rarely if ever have I copied something from Facebook here, but someone took a lot of their time to come up with this jingle. Enjoy, if you haven’t seen it already. I though it was ingenious!

Christmas Story Revised 2020

T’was 3 weeks before Christmas,
And all through the town,
People wore masks,
That covered their frown.
The frown had begun
Way back in the Spring,
When a global pandemic
Changed everything.
They called it Corona,
But unlike the beer,
It didn’t bring good times,
It didn’t bring cheer.
Airplanes were grounded,
Travel was banned.
Borders were closed
Across air, sea and land.
As the world entered lockdown
To flatten the curve,
The economy halted,
And folks lost their nerve.
From March to July
We rode the first wave,
People stayed home,
They tried to behave.
When summer emerged
The lockdown was lifted.
But away from caution,
Many folks drifted.
Now it’s December
And cases are spiking,
Wave two has arrived,
Much to our disliking.
It’s true that this year
Has had sadness a plenty,
We’ll never forget
The year 2020.
And just ‘round the corner –
The holiday season,
But why be merry?
Is there even one reason?
To decorate the house
And put up the tree,
Who will see it,
No one but me.
But outside my window
The snow gently falls,
And I think to myself,
Let’s deck the halls!
So, I gather the ribbon,
The garland and bows,
As I play those old carols,
My happiness grows.
Christmas is not cancelled
And neither is hope.
If we lean on each other,
I know we can cope.

DR – December 13, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
December 13, 2020


Daily Reflection

THINKING OF OTHERS

Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20

Thinking of others has never come easily to me. Even when I try to work the A.A. program, I’m prone to thinking, “How do I feel today. Am I happy, joyous and free?”

The program tells me that my thoughts must reach out to those around me: “Would that newcomer welcome someone to talk to?” “That person looks a little unhappy today, maybe I could cheer him up.” It is only when I forget my problems, and reach out to contribute something to others that I can begin to attain the serenity and God-consciousness I seek.


Big Book Quote

“An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 16~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

We come now to A.A. fellowship. It is partly group therapy. It is partly spiritual fellowship. But it is even more. It is based on a common illness, a common failure, and a common problem. It goes deep down into our personal lives and our personal needs. It requires a full opening up to each other of our inmost thoughts and most secret problems. All barriers between us are swept aside. They have to be. Then we try to help each other get well. The A.A. fellowship is based on a sincere desire to help each other get well. The A.A. fellowship is based on a sincere desire to help the other person. In A.A. we can be sure of sympathy, understanding and real help. These things make the A.A. fellowship the best that we know. Do I fully appreciate the depth of the A.A. fellowship?

Meditation for the Day

The Higher Power can guide us to the right decisions if we pray about them. We can believe that many details of our lives are planned by God and planned with a wealth of forgiving love for the mistakes we have made. We can pray today to be shown the right way. We can choose the good, and when we choose it, we can feel that the whole power of the universe is behind us. We can achieve a real harmony with God’s purpose for our lives.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may choose aright today. I pray that I may be shown the right way to live today.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Giving

Don’t be afraid of giving.

For a while, we may need to back off from giving as we learn to discern the difference between healthy giving and caretaking, which leave us feeling victimized and others feeling resentful.

This is a temporary spot.

To be healthy, to do our part in this spiritual way of life, to be part of the endless cycle of the Universe, guided by our Creator, we need to give and receive.

Both parts are important.

What is healthy giving?

This is a fine lined behavior each of us must seek to understand for ourselves. It is giving that feels good and does not leave us feeling victimized.

It is giving that holds the giver and the receiver in high esteem.

It is giving based on a desire to do it rather than from a sense of guilt, pity, shame, or obligation.

It is giving with no strings attached. Or it is giving based on a clean, direct contract.

Whether it is giving our time, efforts, energy, comfort, nurturing, money, or ourselves, it is giving that we can afford.

Giving is part of the chain of giving and receiving. We can learn to give in healthy ways; we can learn to give in love. We need to keep an eye on our giving, to make sure it has not crossed the line into caretaking. But we need to learn to give in ways that work for us and others.

Today, God, guide me in my giving. Help me give to others in healthy ways. Help me give what feels right, what feels good, what feels clean, and what I can afford.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. Everything passes away except God.

—Saint Theresa

Learning to detach may be the most demanding and difficult part of this program. Detachment means being filled with closeness and love toward someone, yet knowing we cannot fix or protect that person. It means we can be in emotional contact but don’t have to react to someone else’s issues. We respond from our own center with what is fitting for us. Being detached means we allow others to be in the hands of God because we cannot live their lives for them. Detachment gives us an inner calm, an acceptance of our limits, and the freedom to live our own lives with integrity.

Detachment is a skill in living, and like other skills, we can practice it. Gradually, it becomes a natural response. True detachment takes root and grows within us over a period of time as we deepen our relationship with the Steps and with our Higher Power.

Today, I turn to God as my eternal rock for strength in learning to become detached.


Elder’s Meditation

“In our language there is no word to say inferior or superiority or equality because we are equal; it’s a known fact. But life has become very complicated since the newcomers came here. And how does your spirit react to it?. It’s painful. You have to be strong to walk through the storm. I know I’m a bridge between two worlds. All I ask is for people to wash their feet before they try to walk on me.”

–Alanis Obomsawin, ABENAKI

For native people who speak their language, English can be very confusing. Many times you cannot express in English the true meaning of Indian words. When we hear something in English we sometimes react or our spirit reacts. Sometimes we need to use English words out of order to express our true meanings. We need to be patient and pray. Living in two worlds can be difficult. Life is painful sometimes. The pain of life is where the lessons are learned.

Creator, let me learn the lessons You have taught my people.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your day centers around your routines and schedules, defining how you accomplish tasks in the workplace, at school, around town, etc. Try your best to accomplish things that have to get done, but keep in mind that bigger, conceptual projects are more supported than detail-oriented work is, so you may need to set some things aside for another time. Still, your heart and mind are open now, which helps you flow with the dreaminess of the day.

The End – SNHU Term 1

As I’m approaching the end of week 7, I can’t believe its the last week of my first term at SNHU. There were some struggles along the way. But I’ve taken note not to let them happen again. Thus far, both classes stand a potential for an ‘A’. My final draft of my persuasive essay was submitted this morning, I have a final exam in mathematics to complete. The last assignments for week eight are minimal. Meanwhile, I have a long work week ahead with an upcoming vacation.

It seems like yesterday I started college again. I was part confident and part scared. The confidence came from past experiences of online classes. I knew the fast paced schedule of reading, discussion, and assignment or exam for each week. Yet, part of me was uncomfortable because I didn’t know the instructors, how they taught, their expectations and a defect of character of my own – my own expectations. But as weeks went by the grades reflected what I was doing was an excellent job. But I can’t say there wen’t some rough patches.

As mentioned before, working at WM during this pandemic and the change in management put a whole new spin on stress. Every night I have to bust my arse to get things done. It get frustrating working with those who simply put – do not care. Yet, they are still employed. On the other hand (and it took me a long while to get a grip on it), I can’t worry about THEM. I have to worry about what I do on a daily basis and get it done – period.

But that doesn’t mean by the time I got home each night I wasn’t physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted. There were days I just wanted to throw in the towel. I questioned whether I was doing the right thing. Then I have to remind myself – we’re here again, are we going to repeat the past? Stomping my foot down, I said, “No” and I meant it. There were nights I slept a couple hours, went to work and repeated. But it had to be done. I’m not going to throw away this experience. No matter how hard things got I’m not doing to disappoint myself.

For some reason I had convinced myself my final draft of my essay was due next week. Last night I checked to make sure all my assignments were completed, so I could concentrate on my mathematics class. Suddenly I freaked out because the essay was actually due on Sunday (tomorrow). I knew I had some small revisions but mostly the formatting in APA format was going to take a while with my eight sources. Despite how tired I was this morning, I kicked off my shoes and got to work. Whether it was done correctly for not I can only hope I caught all the necessary formatting parameters. The content of the essay is what matters most. We’ll just have to wait and see. However, I am confident I’m going to do well no matter what.

The only things left is a mathematics exam tomorrow on the last four sections. No final exam on all the material – thankfully. It’s a three hour, 12 question, you must write out thoroughly how you solved each problem step by step type exam again. The material isn’t that difficult but I need to pace myself and make sure I’m not making small mistakes. The plan as with all exams is to do the ones I know for sure leaving the more difficult ones to the end when I have more time.

The final week of classes are not major milestones, so I’m not worried about them. English is a “reflection” on our writing and mathematics is just another new module with an assignment at the end. I’m not going to rush myself to get them done but I’m also not going to wait until the last minute.

The week of the Christmas holiday my schedule is all wacky. First, I work six days straight before I get a day off on Tuesday (12/22). I work Wednesday with another day off on Thursday (12/24 – because technically our shift stars a new day, hence Christmas when the store is closed). I return Friday and Saturday. However, Sunday (12/27) through Wednesday (12/30) I have all days off – my mini vacation.

No plans to go anywhere or do anything. Besides with the current situation of the pandemic in my area, I have a feelings things are going to change rapidly in the next couple of weeks anyway. Besides, I have plenty of small house chores to do. First, put a dresser together I bought weeks ago so I can stop living out of plastic storage bins. Second, clean this damn house from top to bottom. The third and probably most important thing is to just relax. Put the last term of school behind me and not worry about work. I was actually thinking of reading my text book for my “Introduction to Scripting” class next term which starts Jan 4, 2021.

Right now I can feel the mountain of pressure on my shoulders starting to fade away. For me it’s a small accomplishment. Perhaps I’ll take some time to due a short review of how I can improve both academically, professionally, and personally. Honestly, I really don’t know. The only way I’ve gotten through all of this is tackling whatever comes in front of me for that day, nothing else.

Whine – do I have to go to work now??? UGH

DR – December 12, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
December 12, 2020


Daily Reflection

A COMMON SOLUTION

The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 17

The most far-reaching Twelfth Step work was the publication of our Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous. Few can equal that book for carrying the message. My idea is to get out of myself and simply do what I can. Even if I haven’t been asked to sponsor and my phone rarely rings, I am still able to do Twelfth Step work. I get involved in “brotherly and harmonious action.” At meetings I show up early to greet people and to help set up, and to share my experience, strength and hope. I also do what I can with service work. My Higher Power gives me exactly what He wants me to do at any given point in my recovery and, if I let Him, my willingness will bring Twelfth Step work automatically.


Big Book Quote

It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 153~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The clergy speaks of the spiritual fellowship of the church. This is much closer to the A.A. way than mere group therapy. Such a fellowship is based on a common belief in God and a common effort to live a spiritual life. We try to do this in A.A. We also try to get down to the real problems in each other’s lives. We try to open up to each other. We have a real desire to be of service to each other. We try to go deep down into the personal lives of our members. Do I appreciate the deep personal fellowship of A.A.?

Meditation for the Day

Love and fear cannot dwell together. By their very natures, they cannot exist side by side. Fear is a very strong force. And therefore a weak and vacillating love can soon be routed by fear. But a strong love, a love that trusts in God, is sure eventually to conquer fear. The only sure way to dispel fear is to have the love of God more and more in your heart and soul.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that love will drive out the fear in my life. I pray that my fear will flee before the power of the love of God.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

God’s Will

Each day, ask God what God wants us to do today; then ask God to help. A simple request, but so profound and far reaching it can take us anywhere we need to go.

Listen: all that we want, all that we need, all the answers, all the help, all the good, all the love, all the healing, all the wisdom, all the fulfillment of desire is embodied in this simple request. We need say no more than Thank You.

This Plan that has been made for us is not one of deprivation. It is one of fullness, joy, and abundance. Walk into it.

See for yourself.

Today, I will ask God to show me what God wants me to do for this day, and then ask for help to do that. I will trust that is sufficient to take me into light and joy.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

I like a man with faults, especially when he knows it. To err is human – I’m uncomfortable around gods.

—Hugh Prather

We are more comfortable around a man who has faults and knows it. We respect such a man. So why do we have such a hard time admitting our own faults? This matter of honesty comes very gradually and only with hard work. We may have to force ourselves to admit a fault because we expect to feel unworthy. In fact, what we do feel after admitting a fault is peacefulness and self-respect. We may expect to be rejected and judged by friends, but usually friendships grow more solid when we admit our faults. A true friend does not need to trust that we will always be right, only that we will be honest.

At this moment are we being nagged by some fault? Is there something about the way we have talked to someone that doesn’t seem right? Have we been unfair or dishonest? This is a program of progress, not perfection. So, to make progress we admit our imperfections, and as we do, we become more fully human.

God, in this moment when I feel my human mistakes, help me to be open to your love.


Elder’s Meditation

“In order for our children to survive in the world, they need a firm understanding and belief in the basic principles of sharing freedom and respect of individuality.”

–Haida Gwaii, Traditional Circle of Elders

There is a saying: Tell me, I’ll forget; Show me, I’ll remember; Engage me; I’ll understand. The adults need to determine what the younger generation is learning. The principle of sharing keeps the youth from being greedy and selfish. The principle of freedom teaches the youth about choices, decisions and consequences. The principle of respect keeps us from playing God and becoming a controller of all things. We need to learn these lessons so we may demonstrate them for our children.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You are touched emotionally today by the source of your own inspiration. Something special can really grab your attention, so let yourself be distracted and go where your heart takes you. Following your own path will require you to tap into your own sense of liberation — pursue happiness and bliss while there is this deep, emotional, and penetrating influence helping you realize what truly speaks to your soul. This is a great time for making something new, and for infusing your life with creativity and passion.

DR – December 11, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
December 11, 2020


Daily Reflection

“A GENUINE HUMILITY”

. . . we are actually to practice a genuine humility. This is to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us; that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over us all.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 192

Experience has taught me that my alcoholic personality tends to be grandiose. While having seemingly good intentions, I can go off on tangents in pursuit of my “causes.” My ego takes over and I lose sight of my primary purpose. I may even take credit for God’s handiwork in my life. Such an overstated feeling of my own importance is dangerous to my sobriety and could cause great harm to A.A. as a whole.

My safeguard, the Twelfth Tradition, serves to keep me humble. I realize, both as an individual and as a member of the Fellowship, that I cannot boast of my accomplishments, and that “God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.”


Big Book Quote

“How dark it is before the dawn! In reality that was the beginning of my last debauch. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, in a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 8


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Doctors think of the A.A. fellowship as group therapy. This is a very narrow conception of the depth of the A.A. fellowship. Looking at it purely as a means of acquiring and holding sobriety, it is right as far as it goes. But it doesn’t go far enough. Group therapy is directed toward the help that the individual receives from it. It is essentially selfish. It is using the companionship of other alcoholics only in order to stay sober ourselves. But this is only the beginning of real A.A. fellowship. Do I deeply feel the true A.A. fellowship?

Meditation for the Day

Most of us have had to live through the dark part of our lives, the time of failure, the nighttime of our lives, when we were full of struggle and care, worry and remorse, when we felt deeply the tragedy of life. But with our daily surrender to a Higher Power, come a peace and joy that makes all things new. We can now take each day as a joyous sunrise-gift from God to use for Him and for other people. The night of the past is gone, this day is ours.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may take this day as a gift from God. I pray that I may thank God for this day and be glad in it.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Affirmations

One of our choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think – using our mental energy positively.

Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don’t like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, we’re honest about it. if something isn’t working out, we accept reality. But we don’t dwell on the negative parts of our experience.

Whatever we give energy to, we empower.

There is magic in empowering the good, because whatever we empower grows bigger. One way to empower the good is through affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves: I love myself… I’m good enough… My life is good…I’m glad I’m alive today… What I want and need is coming to me… I can…

Our choice in recovery is not whether to use affirmations. We’ve been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak. The choice in recovery is what we want to affirm.

Today, I will empower the good in myself, others, and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles.

—Bernard M. Baruch

Naturally, we wish to avoid pain and difficulty, but life experience and a measure of reflection show us that most of what comes our way is beyond our control. We’ll never outwit all the possibilities for trouble, even if we live to be 100 years old. We have often failed to learn from trouble because we cast ourselves in the roles of passive men and victims. We pointed outside ourselves and said, “Look at what is happening to poor me!”

When we use trouble as our teacher, we develop the art of living. We are taking a spiritual approach, using our Higher Power as our guide. We can choose today to use our difficulties for our learning and growth. We might ask, “What can I learn from this experience about myself as a man? How can I use this to strengthen myself for the future?” Serenity develops, not by eliminating life’s difficulties, but by having a reliable relationship with our Higher Power in the midst of it all.

With God as my guide, I will use whatever comes my way as an opportunity for growth.


Elder’s Meditation

“Peace… comes within the souls of men when they realize their relationship, their oneness, with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the Universe dwells Wakan-Tanka, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.”

–Black Elk (Hehaka Sapa) OGLALA SIOUX

If we are to know peace we must look within ourselves. In order to do this, we must learn to be still. We must quiet the mind. We must learn to meditate. Meditation helps us locate and find the center that is within ourselves. The center is where the Great One resides. When we start to look for peace, we need to realize where it is within ourselves. When we experience conflict we need to pause for a moment and ask the Power within ourselves, “How do you want me to handle this? What would you suggest I do in this situation?” By asking the High Power for help we find peace.

Creator, help me to find peace.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Notice how things make you feel today and be willing to adjust your routine based on your current mood. You are more lucid in your awareness and, therefore, more stimulated overall. Consider investing some time in tasks that require your physical energy but not necessarily your mental focus. You are really in your body and sensing how things move through you now, needing to realign uncomfortable or stuck emotions. Check in with your instincts in order to understand what you need most.

DR – December 10, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
December 10, 2020


Daily Reflection

CARRYING THE MESSAGE

Now, what about the rest of the Twelfth Step? The wonderful energy it releases and the eager action by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and which finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs is the payoff, the magnificent reality, of Alcoholics Anonymous.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 109

To renounce the alcoholic world is not to abandon it, but to act upon principles I have come to love and cherish, and to restore in others who still suffer the serenity I have come to know. When I am truly committed to this purpose, it matters little what clothes I wear or how I make a living. My task is to carry the message, and to lead by example, not design.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia. We have it with us right here and now.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, pg. 16~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Our drinking fellowship was a substitute one, for lack of something better. At the time, we did not realize what real fellowship could be. Drinking fellowship has a fatal fault. It is not based on a firm foundation. Most of it is on the surface. It is based mostly on the desire to use your companions for your own pleasure, and using others is a false foundation. Drinking fellowship has been praised in song and story. The “cup that cheers” has become famous as a means of companionship. But we realize that the higher centers of our brains are dulled by alcohol and such fellowship cannot be on the highest plane. It is at best only a substitute. Do I see my drinking fellowship in its proper light?

Meditation for the Day

Set for yourself the task of growing daily more and more into the consciousness of a Higher Power. We must keep trying to improve our conscious contact with God. This is done by prayer, quiet times, and communion. Often all you need to do is sit silent before God and let Him speak to you through your thought. Try to think God’s thoughts after Him. When the guidance comes, you must not hesitate, but go out and follow that guidance in your daily work, doing what you believe to be the right thing.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be still and know that God is with me. I pray that I may open my mind to the leading of the Divine Mind.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Empowerment

You can think. You can make good decisions. You can make choices that are right for you.

Yes, we all make mistakes from time to time. But we are not mistakes.

We can make a new decision that takes new information into account.

We can change our mind from time to time. That’s our right too.

We don’t have to be intellectuals to make good choices. In recovery, we have a gift and a goal available to each of us. The gift is called wisdom.

Other people can think too. And that means we no longer have to feel responsible for other people’s decisions.

That also means we are responsible for our choices.

We can reach out to others for feedback. We can ask for information. We can take opinions into account. But it is our task to make our own decisions. It is our pleasure and right to have our own opinions.

We are each free to embrace and enjoy the treasure of our own mind, intellect, and wisdom.

Today, I will treasure the gift of my mind. I will do my own thinking, make my own choices, and value my opinions. I will be open to what others think, but I will take responsibility for myself. I will ask for and trust that the Divine Wisdom is guiding me.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

If you can just observe what you are and move with it, then you will find that it is possible to go infinitely far.

—J. Krishnamurti

“Boys don’t cry” is bad training for males. Worse than that were ideas like, “Don’t pass up a dare,” “Nice guys finish last,” “Be a good provider,” “Be aggressive.” Some of these ideas have some value, but problems came from adopting them as the only way to be. We thought we had to work at being the strongest, the best, the least vulnerable. Now we are learning how weak and fragile such thinking actually makes men. It sets us up to go to the extremes we found in our addictions and codependency.

Weakness isn’t the alternative to this thinking. Developing our spiritual side, we see that we don’t have to work at being what we already are. A man can be strong enough to show his vulnerability. He can choose the opportunity to advance a relationship with his child over the opportunity to advance his career. He can choose to pass by a challenge without shame because he doesn’t wish to spend his energy there.

I will be stronger today by simply allowing myself to be true to my feelings.


Elder’s Meditation

“Come forward and join hands with us in this great work for the Creator.”

–Traditional Circle of Elders, NORTHERN CHEYENNE

The Elders have spent years learning to pray and communicate with the Great Spirit. Their job is to pass this knowledge onto the young people. The Elders have told us we are now in a great time of healing. The Creator is guiding them to help the young people figure this out. We must get involved and participate. We should pray and see what it is the Great Spirit wants us to do. We need to sacrifice our time to help the people and to be of maximum use to the Creator. Every person is needed to accomplish this great healing.

Creator, whisper what You want me to do.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Driven toward transparency, your heart reveals the content of your desires today, helping you see right past any games people are playing. Use your intuition to know what someone’s true motives are at this time; a snakelike charm helps you coax this information out of others. Meanwhile, the Moon enters your 5th House of Creativity and Play later in the day, giving you a perfect excuse to join in some fun. Let yourself loosen up and relax — sometimes there isn’t a deeper meaning.

DR – December 9, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
December 9, 2020


Daily Reflection

LOVE WITH NO PRICE TAG

“When the Twelfth Step is seen in its full implication, it is really talking about the kind of love that has no price tag on it.”

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106

In order for me to start working the Twelfth Step, I had to work on sincerity and honesty, and to learn to act with humility. Carrying the message is a gift of myself, no matter how many years of sobriety I may have accumulated. My dreams can become reality. I solidify my sobriety by sharing what I have received freely. As I look back to that time when I began my recovery, there was already a seed of hope that I could help another drunk pull himself out of his alcoholic mire. My wish to help another drunk is the key to my spiritual health. But I never forget that God acts through me. I am only His instrument.

Even if the other person is not ready, there is success, because my effort in his behalf has helped me to remain sober and to become stronger. To act, to never grow weary in my Twelfth Step work, is the key. If I am capable of laughing today, let me not forget those days when I cried. God reminds me that I can feel compassion!


Big Book Quote

“For the type of alcoholic who is able and willing get well, little charity, in the ordinary sense of the word, is need or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 97


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The way of A.A. is the way of fellowship. We have read a good deal about fellowship and yet it is such an important part of the A.A. program that it seems we cannot think too much about it. Human beings were not meant to live alone. A hermit’s life is not a normal or natural one. We all need to be by ourselves at times, but we cannot really live without the companionship of others. Our natures demand it. Our lives depend largely upon it. The fellowship of A.A. seems to us to be the best in the world. Do I fully appreciate what the fellowship of A.A. means to me?

Meditation for the Day

We are all seeking something, but many do not know what they want in life. They are seeking something because they are restless and dissatisfied, without realizing that faith in God can give an objective and a purpose to their lives. Many of us are at least subconsciously seeking for a Power greater than ourselves because that would give a meaning to our existence. If you have found that Higher Power, you can be the means of leading others aright, by showing them that their search for a meaning to life will end when they find faith and trust in God as the answer.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that my soul will lose its restlessness by finding rest in God. I pray that I may find peace of mind in the thought of God and His purpose for my life.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Asking for Help

It’s okay to ask for help.

One of the most absurd things we do to ourselves is not asking for the help we need from a friend, a family member, our Higher Power, or the appropriate resource.

We don’t have to struggle through feelings and problems alone. We can ask for help from our Higher Power and for support and encouragement from our friends.

Whether what we need is information, encouragement, a hand, a word, a hug, someone who will listen, or a ride, we can ask. We can ask people for what we need from them. We can ask God for what we need from God.

It is self-defeating to not ask for the help we need. It keeps us stuck. If we ask long and hard enough, if we direct our request to the right source, we’ll get the help we need.

There is a difference between asking someone to rescue us and asking someone in a direct manner for the help we need from him or her. We can be straightforward and let others choose whether to help us or not. If the answer is no, we can deal with that.

It is self-defeating to hint, whine, manipulate, or coerce help out of people. It is annoying to go to people as a victim and expect them to rescue us. It is healthy to ask for help when help is what we need.

“My problem is shame,” said one woman. “I wanted to ask for help in dealing with it, but I was to ashamed. Isn’t that crazy?”

We who are eager to help others can learn to allow ourselves to receive help. We can learn to make clean contracts about asking for and receiving the help we want and need.

Today, I will ask for help if I need it – from people and my Higher Power. I will not be a victim, helplessly waiting to be rescued. I will make my request for help specific, to the point, and I will leave room for the person to choose whether or not to help me. I will not be a martyr any longer by refusing to get the help I deserve in life – the help that makes life simpler. God, help me let go of my need to do everything alone. Help me use the vast Universe of resources available to me.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.

—Emily Dickinson

Life seems to be a continuous pattern of getting committed to things and having to let go – falling in love and losing the one we love, developing a job skill and having to change careers, caring for our children and letting them go off into the world. This is the rhythm of life, and our spiritual growth teaches us to make peace with it. Participating fully in the rhythm is how we become whole men. As addicts and codependents, we used our gambling, overspending, drugs, sex, work, or caretaking of others to avoid the pain of making deeper relationships and to avoid the grief over losing them.

Avoiding commitments and staying uninvolved may keep us safe from risks. They also keep us near our dangerous old patterns. Our program works when we can freely let ourselves go. First, we commit to our recovery program with no reservations. Then, in our increasing sanity we gradually let ourselves go in other attachments. We know we face losses as part of life. We will have the strength to grieve them and move on.

God, give me the inner-liberty today to let go of myself and care.


Elder’s Meditation

“The Natural Law will prevail regardless of man-made laws, tribunals, and governments.”

–Traditional Circle of Elders, NAVAJO-HOPI Joint Use Area

The Great Spirit made Laws by which Man needs to live. These Laws are just and are about living in harmony. Man has passed many laws that say it is okay to do things. Many of these man-made laws are out of harmony with the Laws of the Great Spirit. These man-made laws will cause trouble for the human being if they are out of harmony with the Laws of the Creator.

Great Spirit, teach me Your Laws.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your thoughts shift within and closer to home today, emphasized by an increased involvement with loved ones. Seek to find an inner sense of balance, calm, and security within these supportive relationships. Straining yourself to make things happen is not necessary; go at your own pace and everyone will understand. Try not to worry if all cannot get done at once — things feel steadier when you take a gentle approach. Ensure all of your needs are being met before you tend to the concerns of others.