The Wait is Killing Me

On By mikeykjrIn Personal4 Comments

Yesterday’s move was uneventful, thankfully! But then I waited around for delivery of my Spectrum Internet modem which never came. Finally hit the bed around 10pm, then woke up at 7am this morning. Delivery is schedule for “by the end of day” by FedEx. The wait is going to kill me.

Monday was a fiasco. Honestly, as previous noted, it was expected. First I received a text message someone would be over at 10am. They ended up moving in someone upstairs, so I knew there was going to be a delay. I waited until 11:30 am, “Are we going to meet anytime soon?”. The reply was, “Sorry got delayed, do you want to meet later today or tomorrow.” At this point my blood is starting to boil. All this was arranged last week. Key word here = was.

The next message I get is, “When are you going to move”. Now I’m hotter than a hot potato. Seriously, I meet with them last week when I signed the lease. I gave them an option of either Monday or Tuesday morning. We were going to meeting on Monday morning to finalize the move. I just gave up, throwing in the towel for Monday. Instead I took charge – something I rarely do these days.

“Well meet tomorrow at 10am, sign all paperwork and move.” It was agreed. Come Tuesday, there was a slight delay but eventually I got all my stuff over to the new place. Then I had to go back to the hold house to sign “paperwork”. Technically I didn’t because I’m not covered under any legal obligations (i.e. probation or parole, or any other organization requiring my “completion”). I simply did it as a courtesy. Instead, I wait another two hours. During the final interview when asked, “How would you rate the program? Did you receive the services you felt you deserved?, etc. I made a polite and calm statement, “The client declines to answer the question.” Instead of being ready when the staff member came over, we spent a good hour or more with her saying, “Let me guess or I know, ‘Client declines to answer question, right?’ with a slight agitated nod of my head.” I have nothing against her personally. It how inadequate the program runs, how clients are treated and in my opinion, their program is a complete and utter failure to the recovery community because of their incompetent staff (again not all).

After a few prayers on my way home, I said a few prayers leaving things up to my Higher Power. I’m not going to hold a resentment. It’s over and done with. It may not sound like it from what I just wrote but it really is gone. I haven’t thought about it until I wrote this now and I’m relieved it’s over.

Problem one was tackled, now I had to move on to the second problem. As I was waiting for my modem from Spectrum I checked with FedEx on the status – “a shipping label has been made” with an expected delivery date of Monday “by end of day”. Yet it hadn’t moved since the morning. ARG. In the meantime I put my bed together, sheets on. I arranged most of what I had where I wanted them. But it was getting late. I wanted to keep some sort of sleep schedule. I just assumed it wouldn’t be delivered so I went to bed.

I was right, as I looked at the status today showing it was on the truck for delivery by end of day. So I’ve been waiting. Everything in my house has been put away. Somethings have been moved here and there. I’ve smoked a cigarette almost every hour. Every truck that runs through I’m running to the front living room to see if it’s FedEx. Bat crazy, I know. The wait is killing me.

2:00 pm EST…

The saga continues – Grrrrrr

Finally got modem. Installed, accepted agreements, yada, yada…can’t connect. Noticed outside the line upstairs was disconnected physically. Called Spectrum asking for a technician to come out. Scheduled between 4 to 5 pm. Went to see a friend, coming home around 3:30pm and the tech is already at the house. Apparently all lines to second floor were cut. So he’s got to do his job and I’ll be all set.

4 pm EST …

Finally online. Now to catch some zzz’s.

DR – April 29, 2020

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
April 29, 2020

Daily Reflection

GROUP AUTONOMY

“Some may think that we have carried the principle of group autonomy to extremes. For example, in its original “long form,” Tradition Four declares: “Any two or three gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation. (1) ” . . . But this ultra-liberty is not so risky as it looks”

— A.A. COMES OF AGE, pp. 104-05

As an active alcoholic, I abused every liberty that life afforded. How could A.A. expect me to respect the “ultra-liberty” bestowed by Tradition Four? Learning respect has become a lifetime job.

A.A. has made me fully accept the necessity of discipline and that, if I do not assert it from within, then I will pay for it. This applies to groups too. Tradition Four points me in a spiritual direction, in spite of my alcoholic inclinations.

(1) This is a misquote; Bill is referring to the Third Tradition.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 24~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Initiating Relationships

Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.

As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.

What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.

The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we’re attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.

The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.

The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn – no matter how long we’ve been recovering.

No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.

We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.

We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.

We can learn to look for what’s good for us, instead of what’s good for the other person.

God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it – even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Thought for the Day

The A.A. program is one of faith, hope, and charity. It’s a program of hope because when new members come into A.A., the first thing they get is hope. They hear older members tell how they had been through the same kind of hell that they have and how they found the way out through A.A. And this gives them hope that if others can do it, they can do it. Is hope still strong in me?

Meditation for the Day

The rule of God’s kingdom is perfect order, perfect harmony, perfect supply, perfect love, perfect honesty, perfect obedience. There is no discord in God’s kingdom, only some things still unconquered in God’s children. The difficulties of life are caused by disharmony in the individual man or woman. People lack power because they lack harmony with God and with each other. They think that God fails because power is not manifested in their lives. God does not fail. People fail because they are out of harmony with Him.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be in harmony with God and with other people. I pray that this harmony will result in strength and success.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I’ve never started a fight, but I never pulled back from a fight either.”

—Billy Martin

Sometimes we walk around with chips on our shoulders. We’re like a tightly wound spring ready to jump at the slightest trigger, when other times we would let the same event go unnoticed. We even say self-righteously, “I didn’t start it.” Now that we are becoming more responsible for ourselves, we are owning our part in relationships. Maybe we have a problem with being like a spring ready to jump. When we are like that, we are difficult to live with or be around.

We can change by getting in touch with our pain. We need to explore our feelings. Perhaps we need to be honest with ourselves about low self-esteem, about feelings of loneliness or fear. Then we must talk with another person or our group about our feelings and continue to talk about them. In this way we become reconciled to ourselves and to our friends around us.

God, help me accept my own pain, and help me be tolerant of my friends’ mistakes.

Elder’s Meditation

“The old people came literally to love the soil and they sat or reclined on the ground with a feeling of being close to a mothering power…The soil was soothing, strengthening, cleansing and healing…”

–Luther Standing Bear, OGLALA SIOUX

Have you ever noticed the relationship between children and the soil? Watch how happily they are touching the dirt. The children play in it and eat it. If you are stressed, go to a spot on the Earth, sit down, put your fingers in the dirt, dig in it. Wash your hands in the soil. When you touch it, notice what it does to your hands. Our bodies love to touch the Earth. Sometimes we get too busy and forget these simple things. Maybe you’ll even want to plant a garden or flowers. These things are mentally healthy.

Great Spirit, today, let me touch the Earth so the Earth can touch me.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may be feeling the urge to make some dramatic improvements to your personal life. Embrace this strong impulse to make yourself over, adopt a more rewarding lifestyle, or relocate faraway. You may not want to tell others about your plans just yet though. Critical or cautious friends could try to discourage you, or a pessimistic partner might be worried you will spin out of their orbit. Keeping your plans under wraps will help you stay confident and focused on carrying through with these important changes you’re making for yourself.

It’s Moving Day

On By mikeykjrIn Personal2 Comments

Quite note:

All things have gone well.

The point again is:

If you don’t expect things to happen YOUR WAY, you won’t be disappointed!

RIP Joe T (03/28/2017)

All things are packed in the van ready to go. FedEx should have the Internet modem delivered by end of day. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get any sleep ‘cus I still have roll the bed out after I move all my stuff. And I haven’t had dinner – cooking meal in new home at some point. It’s been a long year and half plus but no the real challenges start. I’m looking forward to my new life in sobriety!

See ya’ll on the flip side . . .

DR – April 28, 2020

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings2 Comments

Daily Recovery Readings
April 28, 2020

Daily Reflection

TWO “MAGNIFICENT STANDARDS”

“All A.A. progress can be reckoned in terms of just two words: humility and responsibility. Our whole spiritual development can be accurately measured by our degree of adherence to these magnificent standards.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 271

To acknowledge and respect the views, accomplishments and prerogatives of others and to accept being wrong shows me the way of humility. To practice the principles of A.A. in all my affairs guides me to be responsible. Honoring these precepts gives credence to Tradition Four—and to all other Traditions of the Fellowship. Alcoholics Anonymous has evolved a philosophy of life full of valid motivations, rich in highly relevant principles and ethical values, a view of life which can be extended beyond the confines of the alcoholic population. To honor these precepts I need only to pray, and care for my fellow man as if each one were my brother.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

THERE IS A SOLUTION

“This is by no means a comprehensive picture of the true alcoholic, as our behavior patterns vary. But this description should identify him roughly.
Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can’t he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?
Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle.”

Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, 4th Edition, p. 22

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

We’re so glad to be free from liquor that we do something about it. We get into action. We come to meetings regularly. We go out and try to help other alcoholics. We pass on the good news whenever we get a chance. In a spirit of thankfulness to God, we get into action. The A.A. program is simple. Submit yourself to God, find release from liquor, and get into action. Do these things and keep doing them and you’re all set for the rest of your life. Have I got into action?

Meditation for the Day

God’s eternal quest must be the tracking down of souls. You should join Him in His quest. Through briars, through waste places, through glades, up mountain heights, down into valleys. God leads you. But ever with His leadership goes your helping hand. Glorious to follow where the Leader goes. You are seeking lost sheep. You are bringing the good news into places where it has not been known before. You may not know which soul you will help, but you can leave all results to God. Just go with Him in His eternal quest for souls.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may follow God in His eternal quest for souls. I pray that I may offer God my helping hand.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Anger at Family Members

Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage – anger that seems to go on year after year.

For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive – mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually – by certain family members.

It is important to allow ourselves to feel – to accept – our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.

We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom.

Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness.

Think loving thoughts; think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.

At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.

Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.

Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.

Trust that a healing is taking place, now.

Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on my family and me. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Indeed, this need of individuals to be right is so great that they are willing to sacrifice themselves, their relationships, and even love for it. “

—Reuel Howe

We may have an inner drive to be right – and even to prove we are right. We often have been expected to know about the world and how things work, as if our manhood were tied to knowing. So when we don’t know the right answer, or when a person disagrees with us, we may get upset because we feel our masculine honor is in question.

We should always remember that our honor requires being honest, not being right. Our masculinity is being true to ourselves as men, not being invincible. Demanding that our opinions always be accepted as right is destructive to our relationships. It cuts us off from people we love, and becomes hostile and selfish. We are learning to allow room for differences; we can love and respect people we disagree with. And we all have a right to be wrong part of the time.

I don’t have to have all the right answers. Today, my ideas are just one man’s honest thoughts.

Elder’s Meditation

“Indians living close to nature and nature’s ruler are not living in darkness.”

–Walking Buffalo, STONEY

There are many Indian people who are living according to nature and according to ceremony and culture. They may not have a lot of material things, but that doesn’t mean they are not successful. What is success anyway? Can success be measured by material things? What is it we are really chasing anyway? The Elders say that what everyone really wants is to be happy and have a peaceful mind. Material things by themselves do not bring happiness and peace of mind. Only spiritual things bring happiness. When we live a spiritual life we will not have darkness. Instead, we will be happy.

Great Spirit, today, let me walk the Red Road.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It’s important to honor your feelings today. If you yearn for the company of people who share your interests, beliefs, and concerns, arrange an online meeting. Connecting and conversing with your tribe can make you feel better about the future. Rather than worrying about potential problems, you’ll be able to put your energy into a more meaningful humanitarian effort. Though it may be difficult to get the funding you need at first, it will come if you stick with it. Besides, it’s the sheer act of helping others that reinvigorates you with purpose.

DR – April 27, 2020

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings1 Comment

Daily Recovery Readings
April 27, 2020

Daily Reflection

JOYFUL DISCOVERIES

“We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.’

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 164

Sobriety is a journey of joyful discovery. Each day brings new experience, awareness, greater hope, deeper faith, broader tolerance. I must maintain these attributes or I will have nothing to pass on.

Great events for this recovering alcoholic are the normal everyday joys found in being able to live another day in God’s grace.

Big Book Quote

“Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 79~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

By submitting to God, we’re released from the power of liquor. It has no more hold on us. We’re also released from the things that were holding us down: pride, selfishness, and fear. And we’re free to grow into a new life, which is so much better than the old life that there’s no comparison. This release gives us serenity and peace with the world. Have I been released from the power of alcohol?

Meditation for the Day

We know God by spiritual vision. We feel that He is beside us. We feel His presence. Contact with God is not made by the senses. Spirit consciousness replaces sight. Since we cannot see God, we have to perceive Him by spiritual perception. God has to span the physical and the spiritual with the gift to us of spiritual vision. Many persons, though they cannot see God, have had a clear spiritual consciousness of Him. We are inside a box of space and time, but we know there must be something outside of that box, limitless space, eternity of time, and God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may have a consciousness of God’s presence. I pray that God will give me spiritual vision.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Letting Go of the Need to Control

The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways, and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.

—Codependent No More

Letting go of our need to control can set others and us free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.

If we weren’t trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?

What would we do that we’re not letting ourselves do now? Where would we go? What would we say?

What decisions would we make?

What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?

If we weren’t trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren’t trying to control another person’s behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?

What haven’t we been letting ourselves do while hoping that self-denial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we’ve been doing that we’d stop?

How would we treat ourselves differently?

Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?

If we weren’t trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, and then do it.

Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren’t trying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set others and myself free.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity.”

—Aristotle

Once we have embarked upon this program, we find spiritual recovery through relationships more than any other single factor. We find it through relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with our Higher Power. But most men in recovery need to learn how to be in a relationship. We have to give up ideas that a friendship is an intense connection or a conflict-free blending of like minds.

A meaningful friendship is a long-term dialogue. If there is conflict or if we make a mistake or fail to do what our friend wants of us, we don’t end the friendship. We simply have the next exchange to resolve the differences. Our dialogue continues over time, and time – along with many amends – builds the bond. With it develops a deepening sense of reliability and trusting one another. When we have lived with our friend through many experiences – or with our Higher Power – we gain a feeling that we really know him or her in a way we could never have in a brief intense connection.

Today, I will do what I need to do to be reliable in my friendships.

Elder’s Meditation

“The law is that all life is equal in the Great Creation, and we, the Human Beings, are charged with the responsibility, each in our generation, to work for the continuation of life.”

–Traditional Circle of Elders

Every generation is accountable to leave the environment in healthy order for the next generation. Every generation is accountable to teach the next generation how to live in harmony and to understand the Laws. We need to ask ourselves, “What are we teaching the next generation?”. Each individual is directly accountable.

My Creator, teach me inter-generational responsibility.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your mind is particularly original and inventive today and there’s never been a better time to develop a creative project. Writing a story, making artwork, or putting together a photographic display are all good options. Be willing to go against your instincts; you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results. Confidence returns when the Moon returns to your sign this afternoon. You’re justifiably proud of all you have accomplished and want to share it with the world. Stepping out of the shadows and into the light will be exciting.

Last Night – I Hope!

On By mikeykjrIn Personal6 Comments

Tonight should be the last night in this house. Tomorrow if all goes well I’ll be moved into my new home. Then again, I might sleep here tomorrow night depending on circumstances. One thing in sobriety I have definitely learned is – I have no control.

Part of me still wants everything lined up just right, all my ducks in a row, to make sure things go smoothly. However, when I do and things turn out differently I’m terribly upset. This is always the case. Instead, I can make plans but I don’t expect anything. It’s interesting this comes up because two years ago today my old Sponsor passed away unexpectedly. He was the one who said all the time, “Mike if you expect things to happen you’re way, you’re only going to be disappointed.” Those words still ring bells in my head all the time.

I’ve made arrangements to have a staff member help me move (just drive) all my stuff in one trip to my new home. Already I’m thinking if things fall through I’m not going to be a happy camper. Matter of fact I’ll blow up at ’em all! I have to keep telling myself, “Don’t get yourself in a tizzy about something which hasn’t happened yet.” It’s an old behavior, actually a really annoying behavior, I’m working on to change. But change does take time. I can hope tomorrow’s events go smoothly.

Besides I still have my current place to fall back on for a couple of days. First, I haven’t received my Internet/cable box at the new place. If it arrives tomorrow, I’m set. Honestly, I don’t want to be stuck in the new place without some entertainment to keep me busy. On the other hand, I bought a bed-in-a-box which needs to be taken out and “rested” so it fills out. After I move it to the new place, I can pull it out of its box and let it “rest”, sleep at the old place, then Tuesday night say my goodbyes to the old place. I rather not sleep on the floor at the new place on the first night either.

I’m ready to go. Let’s hope for a speedy and smooth move to my new home. But if there are bumps along the way I’m just going to have to handle them one at a time. All I can do is hope for the best.

I’m actually surprised my anxiety is going through the roof!

DR – April 26, 2020

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
April 26, 2020

Daily Reflection

HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT

“I don’t think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306

In my search “to be happy,” I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debt—financially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I’m learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.’s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, “When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.” (As Bill Sees It, p. 306)

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isnt.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 53~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The A.A. program is one of submission, release, and action. When we’re drinking, we’re submitting to a power greater than ourselves, liquor. Our own wills are no use against the power of liquor. One drink and we’re sunk. In A.A. we stop submitting to the power of liquor. Instead, we submit to a Power, also greater than ourselves, which we call God. Have I submitted myself to that Higher Power?

Meditation for the Day

Ceaseless activity is not God’s plan for your life. Times of withdrawal for renewed strength are always necessary. Wait for the faintest tremor of fear and stop all work, everything, and rest before God until you are strong again. Deal in the same way with all tired feelings. Then you need rest of body and renewal of spirit force. Saint Paul said: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” This does not mean that you are to do all things and then rely on God to find strength. It means that you are to do the things you believe God wants you to do and only then can you rely on His supply of power.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that God’s spirit may be my master always. I pray that I may learn how to rest and listen, as well as how to work.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Negativity

Some people are carriers of negativity. They are storehouses of pent up anger and volatile emotions. Some remain trapped in the victim role and act in ways that further their victimization. And others are still caught in the cycle of addictive or compulsive patterns.

Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we’re struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it’s okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves.

We cannot change other people. It does not help others for us to get off balance. We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them.

Today, God, help me to know that I don’t have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity – even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me know it’s okay to take care of myself.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I drink not from mere joy in wine nor to scoff at faith – no, only to forget myself for a moment, that only do I want of intoxication, that alone. “

—Omar Khayyam

What has been our drug of choice? It may be alcohol. It may be sugar or gambling or dependent relationships. Some men have used anger, sex, sports, or the accumulation of money. Growing in this program, we learn there is a great brotherhood among us. Our problems have not been only with a certain substance or a given behavior. We have been seduced and trapped by a ritual of forgetting ourselves. If we hadn’t found one way, we may have found another. In giving one up, we often found ourselves drawn to a new substitute.

Now we are learning to accept ourselves and to forget ourselves in healthier ways. We all need to move beyond the bounds of an oppressive ego. In our old style, we could not learn healthy releases because we were hooked on unhealthy ones. Now we are learning meditation, making friends, helping others, and letting go as ways to forget ourselves.

I pray for help today in staying away from self-destructive intoxications so I am able to learn healthy releases.

Elder’s Meditation

“If those bad words come, I let them come in one ear and go out the other. I never let them come out of my mouth. If a bad word comes in your ear and then comes out of your mouth, it will go someplace and hurt somebody. If I did that, that hurt would come back twice as hard on me.”

–Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

What do we do with temptations when they come? What do we do when we hear gossip? What do we do when we hear bad things? If we hear these things and pass them on we will not only hurt the other person, but we will do harm to ourselves. We must be careful not to hurt others. Whatever we sow we will simultaneously reap for ourselves. We must be accountable for our own actions.

Great Spirit, today, let no words come from my lips that would hurt another.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Although you’re very busy attending to responsibilities these days, your nearest and dearest need attention, too. Don’t take a close relationship for granted today. Instead, make time in your busy schedule to connect with a best friend, romantic partner, or business associate. Their care and support will sustain you through this hectic day. An unexpected opportunity to talk with a group of creative people may also arise. Meeting up for a joint video chat could make you feel much better about the state of the world. Satisfaction comes from staying connected now.

DR – April 25, 2020

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
April 25, 2020

Daily Reflection

ENTERING A NEW DIMENSION

“In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension—freedom under God as we understand Him.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283

I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, “This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round.” The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: “Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal.” I’m free and I’m grateful!

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

I don’t believe that A.A. works because I read it in a book or because I hear people say so. I believe it because I see people getting sober and staying sober. An actual demonstration is what convinces me. When I see the change in people, I can’t help believing that A.A. works. We could listen to talk about A.A. all day and still not believe it, but when we see it work, we have to believe it. Seeing is believing. Do I see A.A. work every day?

Meditation for the Day

Try saying: “God bless her (or him)” of anyone who is in disharmony with you. Also say it of those who are in trouble through their own fault. Say it, willing that showers of blessings may fall upon them. Let God do the blessing. Leave to God the necessary correcting or disciplining. You should only desire blessing for them. Leave God’s work to God. Occupy yourself with the task that He gives you to do. God’s blessing will also break down all your own difficulties and build up all your successes.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may use God’s goodness so that it will be a blessing to others. I pray that I may accept God’s blessing so that I will have harmony, beauty, joy, and happiness.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Finding Our Own Truth

We must each discover our own truth.

It does not help us if those we love find their truth. They cannot give it to us. It does not help if someone we love knows a particular truth in our life. We must discover our truth for ourselves.

We must each discover and stand in our own light.

We often need to struggle, fail, and be confused and frustrated. That’s how we break through our struggle; that’s how we learn what is true and right for ourselves.

We can share information with others. Others can tell us what may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course. But it will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it becomes our truth, our discovery, and our knowledge.

There is no easy way to break through and find our truth.

But we can and will, if we want to.

We may want to make it easier. We may nervously run to friends, asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier. They cannot. Light will shed itself in its own time.

Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself to us. Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand in it, to claim it as ours.

Encouragement helps. Support helps. A firm belief that each person has truth available – appropriate to each situation – is what will help.

Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own truth waiting to be revealed. Don’t give up until you find it – for yourself.

We shall be guided into truth, if we are seeking it. We are not alone.

Today, I will search for my own truth, and I will allow others to do the same. I will place value on my vision and the vision of others. We are each on the journey, making our own discoveries – the ones that are right for us today.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“The natural world is a spiritual house…. Man walks there through forests of physical things that are also spiritual things that watch him with affectionate looks.”

—Charles Baudelaire

As we live this program, we learn to see the spiritual in physical things. Whatever we see or hear, whatever happens in our lives may carry a spiritual message. Some of us will say, “God is telling me something.” Others, whose understanding of God takes another form, will say, “There is a spiritual message in this if I can read it.”

But many men, having had relationships that were abusive and painful, find it hard to imagine the spirit of things watching them with affection, and not hostility. Many of us have been used, and we have used others. We don’t expect affectionate relationships, but could it be that the spiritual world loves us and we don’t know it? Perhaps if we think about this for a while, we also will become more loving.

The generosity of God is expressed in all kinds of physical things. I will remember that the spiritual is affectionate toward me.

Elder’s Meditation

“In some mysterious and wonderful way you are part of everything, Nephew. And in that same mysterious and wonderful way, everything is a part of you.”

–Nippawanock, ARAPAHOE

In order to experience this, we must be aware of how limited our senses are: eyes, ears touch, smell, taste. These senses help us to function in the Seen World. What we see is interpreted by our minds and put inside our belief system, and this can become our reality. But there also exists an Unseen World. In this world we experience connectedness; we experience the mystery; and we experience another whole point of view. If we pay attention to both the Unseen World and the Seen World, our belief systems will print in our mind a new and wonderful reality. We will see and know we are a part of everything.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may feel exhausted by your struggle for dominance with someone in your life. In an ideal world, you would be working together and not against each other. Rather than getting drawn into an emotionally draining battle, try to find some common ground. If that’s not possible, keep all your interactions as brief and businesslike as possible. A chance to join forces with someone who is much more supportive could arrive soon. Although you’re understandably wary about forming an alliance, it could work to your benefit. Be open to the help.

DR – April 24, 2020

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
April 24, 2020

Daily Reflection

LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES

“Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us. . . . We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others. . . . We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 252

When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life—my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain.

It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, Pg. 70~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

It’s been proved that we alcoholics can’t get sober by our willpower. We’ve failed again and again. Therefore I believe there must be a Higher Power, which helps me. I think of that power as the grace of God. And I pray to God every morning for the strength to stay sober today. I know that Power is there because it never fails to help me. Do I believe that A.A. works through the grace of God?

Meditation for the Day

Once I am “born of the spirit,” that is my life’s breath. Within me is the life of life, so that I can never perish. The life that down the ages has kept God’s children through peril, adversity, and sorrow. I must try never to doubt or worry, but follow where the life of the spirit leads. How often, when little I know it, God goes before me to prepare the way, to soften a heart, or to overrule a resentment. As the life of the spirit grows, natural wants become less important.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that my life may become centered in God more than in self. I pray that my will may be directed towards doing His will.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Lessons on the Job

Often, the spiritual and recovery lessons we’re learning at work reflect the lessons we’re learning in other areas of our life.

Often, the systems we’re attracted to in our working life are similar to the systems in which we find ourselves living and loving. Those are the systems that reflect our issues and can help us learn our lessons.

Are we slowly learning to trust ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning to take care of ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning boundaries and self-esteem, overcoming fear, and dealing with feelings?

If we search back over our work history, we will probably see that it is a mirror of our issues, our growth. It most likely is now too.

For today, we can believe that we are right where we need to be – at home and at work.

Today, I will accept my present circumstances on the job. I will reflect on how what I am learning in my life applies to what I’m learning at work. If I don’t know, I will surrender to the experience until that becomes clear. God, help me accept the work I have been given to do today. Help me be open to and learn what I need to be learning. Help me trust that it can and will be good.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.”

—Albert Camus

We live our program in one-day portions – and our actions today have immediate consequences. For instance, if we listen to a brother or a sister in the program, we may be enriched and the other person strengthened for today’s challenge. We don’t have to confront every temptation of life on this day – only the portion we can handle. Our old insanity would have us predict the entire story of our future from today’s limited viewpoint. But our spiritual orientation guides us to restrain ourselves. We simply live in this moment.

The rewards of recovery are granted every day. We begin with the gift of a new day and new possibilities. We now have relationships that sustain us through difficulty and give us reason to celebrate. We have a new feeling of self-respect and hope.

I am grateful for the rewards of each day in my spiritual awakening.

Elder’s Meditation

“Each person’s prayers can help everyone.”

–Thomas Yellowtail, CROW

Prayer is our entrance into the Unseen World. It is by prayer we can call upon the powers and laws of the Great Spirit. The Spirit World has powers and laws that are different from the Physical World. The spiritual laws allow healing to take place; they allow forgiveness to occur; they cause miracles to happen; they cause hate to disappear; they heal broken relationships; they guide every moment of our lives; they allow us to love even when it’s hard. Prayer allows us access to the Spirit World.

Creator, teach me to pray.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You’re even more sensitive and perceptive than usual, making it a good time to work as part of a team. Operating remotely shouldn’t be a problem since you’re still at the planning stage of a project. It’s important to take a practical approach to everything you do. If you’re not sure how to realize an idea, reach out to a colleague who has experience with this kind of endeavor. They may propose a sensible but time-consuming strategy. It’s better to develop things gradually than deliver results in record time. Slow and steady is the way to success.

DR – April 23, 2020

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings
April 23, 2020

Daily Reflection

A.A. IS NOT A CURE-ALL

“It would be a product of false pride to claim that A.A. is a cure-all, even for alcoholism.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 285

In my early years of sobriety I was full of pride, thinking that A.A. was the only source of treatment for a good and happy life. It certainly was the basic ingredient for my sobriety and even today, with over twelve years in the program, I am very involved in meetings, sponsorship and service. During the first four years of my recovery, I found it necessary to seek professional help, since my emotional health was extremely poor. There are those folks too, who have found sobriety and happiness in other organizations. A.A. taught me that I had a choice: to go to any lengths to enhance my sobriety. A.A. may not be a cure-all for everything, but it is the center of my sober living.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material well being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 127~

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Men and women keep coming into A.A., licked by alcohol, often given up by doctors as hopeless cases, they themselves admitting they’re helpless to stop drinking. When I see these men and women get sober and stay sober over a period of months and years, I know that A.A. works. The change I see in people who come into A.A. not only convinces me that A.A. works, but it also convinces me that there must be a Power greater than ourselves which helps us to make that change. Am I convinced that a Higher Power can help me to change?

Meditation for the Day

Cooperation with God is the great necessity for our lives. All else follows naturally. Cooperation with God is the result of our consciousness of His presence. Guidance is bound to come to us as we live more and more with God, as our consciousness becomes more and more attuned to the great Consciousness of the universe. We must have many quiet times when we not so much ask to be shown and led by God, as to feel and realize His presence. New spiritual growth comes naturally from cooperation with God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that God may supply me with strength and show me the direction in which He wants me to grow. I pray that these things may come naturally from my cooperation with Him.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Opening Ourselves to Love

Allowing ourselves to receive love is one of the greatest challenges we face in recovery.

Many of us have blocked ourselves from receiving love. We may have lived with people who used love to control us. They would be there for us, but at the high price of our freedom. Love was given, or withheld, to control us and have power over us. It was not safe for us to receive love from these people. We may have gotten accustomed to not receiving love, not acknowledging our need for love, because we lived with people who had no real love to give.

At some point in recovery, we acknowledge that we, too, want and need to be loved. We may feel awkward with this need. Where do we go with it? What do we do? Who can give us love? How can we determine who is safe and who isn’t? How can we let others care for us without feeling trapped, abused, frightened, and unable to care for ourselves?

We will learn. The starting point is surrendering to our desire to be loved, our need to be nurtured and loved. We will grow confident in our ability to take care of ourselves with people. We will feel safe enough to let people care for us; we will grow to trust our ability to choose people who are safe and who can give us love.

We may need to get angry first – angry that our needs have not been met. Later, we can become grateful to those people who have shown us what we don’t want, the ones who have assisted us in the process of believing we deserve love, and the ones who come into our life to love us.

We are opening up like flowers. Sometimes it hurts as the petals push open. Be glad. Our heart is opening up to the love that is and will continue to be there for us.

Surrender to the love that is there for us, to the love that people, the Universe, and our Higher Power send our way.

Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

Today, I will open myself to the love that is here for me. I will let myself receive love that is safe, knowing I can take care of myself with people. I will be grateful to all the people from my past who have assisted me in my process of opening up to love. I claim, accept, and am grateful for the love that is coming to me.

Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”

—Eleanor Roosevelt

In recovery, perhaps first we make peace with ourselves, and not until later do we become our own friends. We have been at war with ourselves and in turmoil with our families, even while feeling like victims. This program lays out Twelve Steps we can follow to become friends with ourselves. In recovery we may still feel self-hate when we constantly monitor our every action, when we react to our mistakes by berating ourselves, and when we dwell on past offenses. Would we put a friend through that?

A true friend will accept you as you are. He doesn’t put you down or call you derogatory names. He’ll give you honest feedback and won’t put on a false front. He’ll support you when you’re in trouble. Being our own friend means doing these things for ourselves. Perhaps we can even embrace and be kind to the part of ourselves that is addicted and codependent.

Today, I will be a friend to my whole self – even the parts of me I have rejected.

Elder’s Meditation

“The real meaning of life is your family, the love that you have, the respect, the traditional ways, and carrying on with them.”

–Ethel Wilson, COWICHAN

The family is the seed of the future. The family is the key to the transfer of cultural information. We should really take a look at how we are looking at our families. Are we treating each family member with respect? Are we passing on the traditional ways? Are we teaching the old songs? Are we participating in the ceremonies? Are we showing the family members how to pray? Are we encouraging each family member to be spiritual? Think about these things today.

My Creator, today, let me show respect to each family member.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Whether you admit it or not, you need help turning a dream into reality. Insisting on doing things your own way will only undermine your progress. Reach out to an experienced person today who knows how to implement a business, art project, or fundraiser. Unfortunately, your best friend or romantic partner may not be very supportive of this effort. They’re worried you’ll take a tremendous financial hit. What they don’t realize is that you’re willing to use your own resources to establish something that will benefit others. Give freely of yourself today.