DR – February 15, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 15, 2018:

Daily Reflection

TAKING ACTION

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us–sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

~ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

One of the most important things A.A. has given me, in addition to freedom from booze, is the ability to take “right action.” It says the promises will ALWAYS materialize if I WORK for them. Fantasizing about them, debating them, preaching about them and faking them just won’t work. I’ll remain a miserable, rationalizing dry drunk. By taking action and working the Twelve Steps in all my affairs, I’ll have a life beyond my wildest dreams.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Though we work out our solution on the spiritual as well as an altruistic plane, we favor hospitalization for the alcoholic who is very jittery or befogged. More often than not, it is imperative that a man’s brain be cleared before he is approached, as he has then a better chance of understanding and accepting what we have to offer.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctor’s Opinion, pg. xxvi~

Keep It Simple

Easy Does It.—Twelve Steps slogan

We are people who push ourselves to hard. We try to be perfect. Well, we need to lighten up. Easy Does It.

We need to slow down our pace. Why? Because our program teaches us to give up trying to be perfect.

We begin to love ourselves for who we are. We are enough. Over and over we hear this as we live the Steps. It’s the message of God’s love. Our Higher Power want us to live at a pace that’s not fast and hard, so we always know we’re loved. Remember, we’ve turned our life over to the care of God. And our life is a wonderful gift. As recovering people, we may know better than others.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, teach me to live at Your pace, not mine. Help me keep in mind that life isn’t a race. It’s a spiritual journey. Walk with me.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll take two hours just to relax and do loving things for myself. I’ll take time to count my blessings.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your relationship to a significant person or organization may be the source of trouble now. An imbalance in power creates unsustainable emotional dynamics as you struggle for dominance or seek an escape route. But complicated energetic entanglements make a clean victory unlikely as the Aquarius Solar Eclipse destabilizes your 8th House of Shared Resources. Fortunately, there is a solution in sight, but you must be willing to discuss anything and give up everything before a fair compromise can be reached. Dr. Chester Karrass wrote, “You don’t get what you deserve; you get what you negotiate.”

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tags
#daily readings, #sober, #sobriety, #sober living, #recovery

Wait…What?

On By mikeykjrIn Personal1 Comment

I just received a message from an ex-coworker who now works at another facility.While I sent my resume to this facility a while ago, the Director of Nursing and I are playing phone tag. Another ex-coworker who now works there said she would “put in a word for me” too.  The new message reads,  “Good they said they will put u on my floor my shift.”

Seriously, I haven’t even walked through the door . . .

I can’t and I won’t screw this up. I responded with, “I’ll be there at 10 or 11 am tomorrow.”

Someone is looking out for me, for that I am thankful!

I have hope this will end soon!

DR – February 14, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 14, 2018:

Daily Reflection

EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

~ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take the time to share my faith and blessings with others?

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 24~

Keep It Simple

Some things have to be believed to be seen. –Ralph Hodgson

In recovery, we learn to trust. We trust that our Higher Power is on our side. Maybe we can’t see our Higher Power , but once we start trusting things change. Step Two says, “Came to believe. . . ” Once we come to believe, we start to see our Higher Power working in many ways. We make new program friends. We find new peace. Our family and friends trust us again. Life won’t always be fair. We won’t get all we want. But we’ll find the love and care we need. If we’re open to believing in love, the easy times will be easier and the harder times a bit softer. Do I believe in love?

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me believe, especially when times are hard. Help me not blame You for the hard times.

Action for the Day:
I will write what I believe the program and my Higher Power want for me.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your internal guidance system appears to be malfunctioning today and you’re at a loss without your intuitive connection. Logical analysis may work for others, but it never gives you emotional Crabs the most satisfying answers. However, the wisdom you seek is usually found in your body and, fortunately, you know when you can trust your gut. Rumi wrote, “We rarely hear the inward music, but we’re all dancing to it nevertheless.”

The Relapse

On By mikeykjrIn Personal10 Comments

We make stupid decisions when our active addiction fully consumes us. Perhaps this is not the best time to dislose these details here since I’m currently drinking. But the original purpose of this site still remains the same:

It is my hope that this blog serves several purposes. It offers a glimpse to the non-addict of what an addict and a recovering addict goes through in life. The hope that another addict reads this blog and starts their own journey in recovery. Lastly and most importantly, a blank canvas where I can explore my thoughts, feelings and my creative side.

There is so much I want to say, yet want to keep to myself. Honestly, I don’t even know where to start. So I might as well just dive right in.

I knew a replase was coming. It was obvious. It had been a lingering thought in the back of my mind for a while. A growing fear I was about to travel down a dark path, yet again, in my life to only who knows where.  I simply did nothing to prevent it; I simply gave up the fight.

Honestly, I was playing a dangerous game with myself and those around me. On the inside, I was a miserable mess; I was lonely, tired and hungry. On the outside I portrayed this strong, confident person (or so I thought). I guess I was waiting for someone to ask, “Hey Mike, is everything okay.” I probably would have cried like a baby. The expectation people acually cared. No one cared. Oh but now they all do, as I’ve been fielding messages, texts, etc. all day. In the end, I was lying to myself and everyone around me everything was okay.

Am I angry right now? Actually I’m not. It’s more of a feeling of relief. But its just a cover up of my fear of the future. Yes, I’m scared. I’m scared of where this is going to take me. I’m scared of not getting a job anytime soon. I’m scared of ending up exactly where I was ten years ago.

Side note:
I’m attempting to refrain from saying, “I know..” because I don’t.
I don’t know anything right now.
I know nothing.

It’s clear to me what I need to do. I’ve just become extremely lazy. I’m made excuse after excuse after excuse. I have not accepted responsibility. I’m just not there yet.

I know There is/was never an expectation drinking would “solve my problems”. I know My problems are still there when I wake up. The hundred emotions are all at the forefront.

Right now, I woke up at 2 a.m., I’ve had my forth cup of coffee. I’m trying to stay focused but its hard. “The fog” is beginning to creep back in. The “committee” is awakening. I simply don’t care. I don’t get pleasure out of this at all. The smell of Budwiser disgusts me,  yet I continue to pick up one can after another. All those AA slogans crash into my head at the same time. It’s the Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

Hopefully some day soon I crawl out of this hole. I just don’t know if it’s going to be today.

 

 

 

DR – February 13, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 13, 2018:

Daily Reflection

WE CAN’T THINK OUR WAY SOBER

To the intellectually self-sufficient man or woman, many A.A.’s can say, “Yes, we were like you–far too smart for our own good…. Secretly, we felt we could float above the rest of the folks on our brain power alone.”

~AS BILL SEES IT, p. 60

Even the most brilliant mind is no defense against the disease of alcoholism. I can’t think my way sober. I try to remember that intelligence is a God-given attribute that I may use, a joy–like having a talent for dancing or drawing or carpentry. It does not make me better than anyone else, and it is not a particularly reliable tool for recovery, for it is a power greater than myself who will restore me to sanity–not a high IQ or a college degree.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right about face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 31~

Keep It Simple

Tomorrow doesn’t matter, for I have lived today. –Horace

Life is found in the present. One of the first things we hear when we enter the program is, One Day at a Time. We break life into short time periods. This give us the power to change. We’re not sure we can stay sober for a lifetime. But we know that with God, and our program, we can stay sober for today.

This holds true for many other things in out lives. We’re not sure we can go a lifetime without feeling self-pity, but we can give it up for a day. By living One Day at a Time, we become more sure of our strength. We have the power to change things only in the present. The present holds much for us, if we get a hold on it.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, You are found in the moment. You are here. I will stay with You minute by minute.

Action for the Day:
I will ground myself in the present. Today, I’ll not worry about the past or the future.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Although others are quick to say what’s on their minds, you may keep your current thoughts to yourself because they don’t seem to be supported by the consensus of your peers. You are often quite content with your silence, but the more you try to suppress your feelings today, the stronger they grow. You don’t mind being an outsider now, but you could reach a point where you want everyone to understand the reason you drifted from the group. People will respect you for speaking your truth, and you will respect yourself for telling it.

Making Hard Decisions

On By mikeykjrIn Personal2 Comments

Just got home from my third 16-hour shift in a week. Typically I do four 12-hour shifts a week. However, due to the shortage of staff, call offs and people who quit, I’ve been “mandated” by management to stay. Enough was enough. When you jeopardize my health and the safety of those I care for, I have to make a hard decision. I turned in my letter of resignation effective immediately.

Honestly, I want to cheer, cry, throw my first threw a wall, yell until I have no voice but I have no energy to do any of it. I hardly have the energy to write this.

I have threatened to quit a 1000 times over for various reasons. I never put my foot down because my clients came first. This time I did surprising not only myself but I’m sure I surprised the hell out of a lot of other people too.

I’m going to take a couple of days off to recover. I need to get back into a regular sleeping pattern, eat better and basically get my life in order. Then I’ll be out looking for another job.

Another chaper in my life has closed. It’s my hope other opportunities open!

DR – February 12, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 12, 2018:

Daily Reflection

“THE ROOT OF OUR TROUBLES”

Selfishness–self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of all our troubles.

~ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 62

How amazing the revelation that the world, and everyone in it, can get along just fine with or without me. What a relief to know that people, places and things will be perfectly okay without my control and direction. And how wordlessly wonderful to come to believe that a power greater than me exists separate and apart from myself. I believe that the feeling of separation I experience between me and God will one day vanish. In the meantime, faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Many of us keep liquor in our homes. We often need it to carry green recruits through a severe hangover. Some of us still serve it to our friends provided they are not alcoholic. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. We never argue this question. We feel that each family, in the light of their own circumstances, ought to decide for themselves.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, pg. 102~

Keep It Simple

We are always the same age inside.—Gertrude Stein

Deep inside, we each have a child’s spirit. We still have many of the feelings we had when we were young. Some of us have a hurting child inside. There’s sadness, fear, or anger that hasn’t gone away. We’re still lonely, no matter how many people care about us. Our inner child needs special help to heal. We can be good parents to our inner child. We do this by being gentle and caring with ourselves. In time, this child can be a happy center in our hearts.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, please heal the child inside of me a little more each day. Help my inner child be alive, free, and full of joy.

Action for the Day:
Right now, I’ll close my eyes for a minute. I’ll think kind thoughts about myself. Than I’ll say out loud, “Inner child, I love you. I’ll take good care of you.” I’ll do this two more times today.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You can feel the weight of someone’s negativity and you’re not sure of the best way to handle it today. Ignoring the obvious isn’t a good idea because it sends a message of approval. Although direct confrontation isn’t your style, you’re more inclined to take an aggressive approach while irrepressible Uranus activates warrior Mars. Nevertheless, your best bet is to create a path of moderation between denial and overreaction. The solution may be as simple as a rational conversation where everyone gets to express their feelings without blaming anyone else. Set an example and tell the truth.

DR – February 11, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 11, 2018:

Daily Reflection

THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE

We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?

~ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.68

All of my character defects separate me from God’s will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance. I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of security and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to acknowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Thus we grow. And so can you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, pg. 162

Keep It Simple

Sanity is madness put to good use.—George Santayana

In Step Two we come to believe a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. In a way, as we work Step Two, we’re praying that our madness can be put to good use. This is just what happens. Addiction was wrecking our life. But it’s also our addiction that forced us into a new way of life.

As long as we remember what our madness was like, we can put it to good use. When we feel like giving up, let’s remember our madness. It will help us go on. When we see someone suffering from the illness of addiction, let’s remember our days of madness. It will help us be there for that person. It’s also good to remember that our madness is only a pill or a drink away.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I believe You can put my madness to good use. I give up my madness; do with it what You want.

Action for the Day:
I’ll list a couple ways my Higher Power and I have changed my madness into sanity.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Conforming your emotions to match someone else’s expectations is like pounding a round peg into a square hole. Your intentions may be good, but nothing you do makes for a smooth fit. Although you cherish the notion of pleasing someone you love or respect, it’s healthier in the long run to be true to your own heart. You must confront your own fear of rejection before you can speak your truth. Psychologist Brené Brown wrote, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

DR – February 10, 2018

On By mikeykjrIn Daily Recovery Readings

Daily Recovery Readings for February 10, 2018:

Daily Reflection

THE LIMITS OF SELF-RELIANCE

We asked ourselves why we had them [fears]. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.68

All of my character defects separate me from God’s will. When I ignore my association with Him I face the world and my alcoholism alone and must depend on self-reliance.
I have never found security and happiness through self-will and the only result is a life of fear and discontent. God provides the path back to Him and to His gift of security and comfort. First, however, I must be willing to acknowledge my fears and understand their source and power over me. I frequently ask God to help me understand how I separate myself from Him.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 64~

Keep It Simple

Sanity is madness put to good use.-–George Santayana

In Step Two we come to believe a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. In a way, as we work Step Two, we’re praying that our madness can be put to good use. This is just what happens. Addiction was wrecking our life. But it’s also our addiction that forced us into a new way of life.

As long as we remember what our madness was like, we can put it to good use. When we feel like giving up, let’s remember our madness. It will help us go on. When we see someone suffering from the illness of addiction, let’s remember our days of madness. It will help us be there for that person. It’s also good to remember that our madness is only a pill or a drink away.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I believe You can put my madness to good use. I give up my madness; do with it what You want.

Action for the Day:
I’ll list a couple ways my Higher Power and I have changed my madness into sanity.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You want to throw caution to the wind and start a project today, but unanswered concerns urge you to reconsider your intended actions again and again. Acknowledging your gut instincts is prudent since logic doesn’t always lead to the best answer. You must be extra careful because you could talk yourself into doing nearly anything now. If your uncertainty lingers, lean on someone you trust to play the role of reality checker. Nelson Mandela said, “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”