Genealogy: A Step Back in Time

Before the invention of computers I have been interested in my family history. Over the years, I have compiled lots of information. With the help of Ancestry I was able to find pieces of information to finally solve puzzling facts about the family. Apparently, in a drunken stupor one night, with a click of the mouse it’s all gone. Now I’m starting all over again.

I have always wondered why genealogy became such a passion for me. Is it because I’m gay. Therefore the last descendant of my family to carry the family line, never to give birth to a son to carry it on? Or do I also want to feel attached to something because I have lost so much in my past? It wasn’t because I like history, I failed history every time because I wasn’t interested in all those people and dates. Yet, family history is quite different – a challenge.

Nowadays, one can find information thought lost found again rather quickly. For instance, before Ancestry, there were other genealogy sites to store information. Therefore, though it may not be on Ancestry the information was previously saved and can be found using a simply search. This time around, I’m going to go through the whole process very meticulously to ensure the information is right.

And suddenly I find another relative I couldn’t find the last time right off the bat. This time I’m attaching the person but leaving it there until I get to them. I need take the same approach as I do my sobriety, instead of “One Day”, I need to concentrate on “One Person” at a time.

Already I have 100+ hints I need follow up on. I can only laugh because in the past it drove me insane. Today, I just do what I’ve been doing for the last year – taking my time as things come.

DR – February 23, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
February 23, 2020


Daily Reflection

MYSTERIOUS PARADOXES

Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one’s old life as a condition for finding a new one.

— A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46

What glorious mysteries paradoxes are! They do not compute, yet when recognized and accepted, they reaffirm something in the universe beyond human logic. When I face a fear, I am given courage; when I support a brother or sister, my capacity to love myself is increased; when I accept pain as part of the growing experience of life, I realize a greater happiness; when I look at my dark side, I am brought into new light; when I accept my vulnerabilities and surrender to a Higher Power, I am graced with unforeseen strength. I stumbled through the doors of A.A. in disgrace, expecting nothing from life, and I have been given hope and dignity. Miraculously, the only way to keep the gifts of the program is to pass them on.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, Page 30~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Besides our jobs, our families, our friends, and our sobriety, we have something else that many of us found through A.A. That’s faith in a Power greater than ourselves to which we can turn for help: faith in that Divine Principle in the universe which we call God and which is on our side as long as we do the right thing. There have been many days in the past when, if we had taken an inventory, we’d have found ourselves very much in the red, without sobriety, and therefore without jobs, families, friends, or faith in God. We now have these things because we’re sober. Do I make one resolution every day of my life to stay sober?

Meditation for the Day

Love the busy life. It is a joy-filled life. Take your fill of joy in the spring. Live outdoors whenever possible. Sun and air are nature’s great healing forces. That inward joy changes poisoned blood into a pure, healthy, life-giving flow. But never forget that the real healing of the spirit comes from within, from the close, loving contact of your spirit with God’s spirit. Keep in close communion with God’s spirit day by day.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may learn to live the abundant life. I pray that I may enjoy a close contact with God this day and be glad in it.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Strength

We don’t always have to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.

We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.

There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don’t want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.

Those days are okay. They are just okay.

Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to “fall apart” when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.

Today, God, help me to know that it is okay to allow myself to be human. Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to “fall apart.”


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green. —Francis Bacon

Where do we direct our energy? Are we spending time and thought on how we have been wronged? on the unfairness of life? Those who consume their resources in this way have few left for growth and development. Their wounds stay open for years, and they block the healing.

What will we need to set aside our resentments and hateful attitudes? Perhaps we have been passively waiting for the other guy to make amends. That only puts our enemies in charge of us. It would be better if we could say, “I am going to move on. The change that is needed for me to heal will come from within me. I will not put my happiness in another’s hands.” More than revenge, we want a life worth living – for ourselves and the ones we love. We can give our energies to that.

Lift from me the desire for revenge. Replace it with the fullness of a healed life.


Elder’s Meditation

We’ve got to learn what’s going on today in the world, and we’ve got to get an education so we can survive.”

–Jimmy Jackson, OJIBWA

Indian people have the ability to adapt. In these modern times, we Native people must walk two roads. We must get educated so our people don’t lose. We need lawyers, doctors, nurses, foresters, scientists, educators, carpenters, welders. These skills are needed to help the people. While we are learning we need to remember to keep our culture, learn our dances, sing our songs, learn to speak our own language and maintain our culture for future generations.

Great Spirit, let my education never lack the meaning and value of Indian spirituality.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Taking an experimental approach to friendships is advisable today. The expressive Sun forms an opportunistic sextile with mad scientist Uranus, inviting you to be more open-minded. The cautious Crab in you is often suspicious of newcomers, but you would be wise to venture out of your shell right now. You could meet your new best friend or be invited to join a group focused on the paranormal. Be open to mixing with exciting figures and strange groups. Deviating from the familiar path isn’t always easy, but it’s often worth it.

Dealing with Loneliness

While I enjoy the peace and serenity my sobriety gives me, there are times I’m uncomfortable. I battle with the overwhelming feeling I’m alone in the world. Yet, I know I’m not. There are two things which bring me back to reality – my Higher Power and the fellowship.

As I sit here listening to music and playing my game on the computer, the walls started to close in. The room suddenly got dark and closed in all around me. For a few seconds I couldn’t shake it off and fear started to creep in saying to myself, “We’ve been here before.”

Indeed I have, on several occasions in the past. I worked as a Program Aide at a detox center and the other when I was a CNA. The difference between the two was I enjoyed one job, was going to meetings and was living sobriety. The other job, I had the complete opposite experience. I just had me, myself and I. Those three in the same room was disastrous which lead to me where I am today.

Part of this recent experience may be because of my complete lack of meetings because I was sick. But I was reminded at the meeting, people do miss me and care about me. I was asked by several about my recent changes in life and how I was handling them. A good reminder I’m not alone – ever.

In addition, I know there is a Higher Power in my life. But at times, it becomes such a daily routine, I forget It’s presence in my life. I truly believe without a belief in a Higher Power, I would not be here today. There are so many miracles in my life, things I couldn’t do on my own, there just is no other explanation. A belief in a Higher Power, an incomprehensible concept for a struggling addict, is something one can only experience once someone has a willingness to accept One does exist.

Shortly, it also goes a little deeper. It’s the lack of human contact at times. As human beings we tend to be social beings. While I would be able to call anyone at anytime if I had a alcoholic problem to talk about, what about those times I don’t? I thought at one time, I would be able to interact with people through playing my game. But since I switched to another game, there isn’t much of any interaction at this time despite people playing all over the world. I may have to revert back to my old game as its active playing membership is usually consistent at all hours of the day and night. But this isn’t a solution to the need to talk to someone right next to me.

Lastly, I have learned when I have things going on in my life with no one to talk to its always good to write them down. It gets them out of my system so they aren’t rolling around in my head. It helps to acknowledge and really “see” what’s going on, then simply letting it go.

Loneliness is sometimes a hard experience to get through at times. “But It Too Shall Pass!” Another reminder it’s only temporary if I let it. Meanwhile, don’t I have a new life to live? It’s time to live it.

DR – February 22, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
February 22, 2020


Daily Reflection

GUIDANCE

. . . this means a belief in a Creator who is all power, justice, and love; a God who intends for me a purpose, a meaning, and a destiny to grow, however . . . haltingly, toward His own likeness and image.

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 51

As I began to understand my own powerlessness and my dependence on God, as I understand Him, I began to see that there was a life which, if I could have it, I would have chosen for myself from the beginning. It is through the continuing work of the Steps and the life in the Fellowship that I’ve learned to see that there is truly a better way into which I am being guided. As I come to know more about God, I am able to trust His ways and His plans for the development of His character in me. Quickly or not so quickly, I grow toward His own image and likeness.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

I have seen hundreds of families set their feet in the path that really goes somewhere; have seen the most impossible domestic situations righted; feuds and bitterness of all sorts wiped out. I have seen men come out of asylums and resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. Business and professional men have regained their standing. There is scarcely any form of trouble and misery which has not been overcome among us.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Bill’s Story, Page 15~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Now we can take an inventory of the good things that have come to us through A.A. To begin with, we’re sober today. That’s the biggest asset on any alcoholic’s books. Sobriety to us is like goodwill in business. Everything else depends on that. Most of us have jobs, which we owe to our sobriety. We know we couldn’t hold these jobs if we were drinking, so our jobs depend on our sobriety. Most of us have wives or husbands and children, which we either had lost or might have lost, if we hadn’t stopped drinking. We have friends in A.A., real friends who are always ready to help us. Do I realize that my job, my family, and my real friends are dependent upon my sobriety?

Meditation for the Day

I must trust God to the best of my ability. This lesson has to be learned. My doubts and fears continually drive me back into the wilderness. Doubts lead me astray, because I am not trusting God. I must trust God’s love. It will never fail me, but I must learn not to fail it by my doubts and fears. We all have much to learn in turning out fear by faith. All our doubts arrest God’s work through us. I must not doubt. I must believe in God and continually work at strengthening my faith.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live the way God wants me to live. I pray that I may get into that stream of goodness in the world.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Solving Problems

I ask that You might help me work through all my problems, to Your Glory and Honor.

—Alcoholics Anonymous

Many of us lived in situations where it wasn’t okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life – our way of dealing with problems

In recovery, many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift. Problems are a part of life. So are solutions.

A problem doesn’t mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesn’t mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.

In recovery, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isn’t, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This may mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go.

Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we’re not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we’ll grow in necessary ways in the process.

Face and solve today’s problems. Don’t worry needlessly about tomorrow’s problems, because when they appear, we’ll have the resources necessary to solve them.

Facing and solving problems, working through problems with help from a Higher Power, means we’re living and growing and reaping benefits.

God, help me face and solve my problems today. Help me do my part and let the rest go. I can learn to be a problem solver.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.

—Seneca

When we reach a stressful time in our lives, our vision gets narrow. We fail to see the options and possibilities we have. If we give ourselves over to our worries and fears, our sight closes down even further. Finally, we reach the point of blindness to reality and to all the support around us. In our fearful blindness we say with conviction, “This is too difficult! There is nothing I can do.”

The spiritual man strives to keep one eye on the horizon, even in a worrisome situation. He breaths deeply so he does not tighten up or closes off his exchange with the world. He returns to the relationship he has with his Higher Power, trusting the process to carry him through, and he opens his eyes to quietly take in the possibilities before him.

Close to my Higher Power, I have a place of calm in the midst of difficulty and see the possibilities and dare to act upon them.


Elder’s Meditation

“In the Indian way, we are connected to that flower if we understand its spirit, the essence of its life.”

–Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

Everything on our Earth is alive. Every rock, every plant, every animal, every tree, every bird, every thought is alive. This is true because everything is made by the Great Spirit and the Great Spirit is alive. We need to slow our lives down each day and realize, consciously, that this is true. First we need to realize it, second, we need to acknowledge it, third, we need to appreciate it and, finally, we need to go on.

Great Spirit, let me see life through Your eyes. Today let me be alive.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You converse with nearly anyone today and yet guard your heart fiercely. Your current gregariousness might lead some people into thinking they are closer to you than they really are. If you keep yourself closed off, you cannot genuinely connect. A small tear starts to form in the sieve you wield when you relate to others. Someone you would normally filter out gets past your defenses before you can put up a fight. Ironically, being vulnerable exhibits genuine strength, not weakness.

First Time for Everything

There comes a first for everything at some point in ones life, whether you like it or not. For me, I have never had the flu – until now. While it may be a self-diagnosis, I have had the worse three days. Two of the three I can barely remember. As I come out of the fog, I feel disoriented with life. It’s going to be slow I’m sure but I have to put my health first.

First there is a fear. Fear of losing my job after calling in sick last night. I don’t know how my new employer will look at the event. I just got hired and suddenly I called out for work. It was just a day. It’s probably not at all as bad as I think it’s going to be. But the fear still lingers.

As I look at the coming weeks, I noticed I’m scheduled for forty (40) hours a week starting the first week in March. I haven’t even been asked if I would like to work full-time. I’m grateful for the opportunity to do so, I need to, but again I don’t know if I can run myself as hard yet another day. Part of me feels like we’ve been here before, pushing myself for a need instead of caring for myself. That is a dangerous proposition when it comes to my sobriety.

Speaking of which, I have not missed a meeting one day since I arrived here in October 2018. I have been vigilant because I know what happens when people don’t attend meetings. To be honest, I haven’t been to a meeting all week. The couch, my bed, and my roommates on occasion are the only things I have been in contact with the last couple of days. But honestly, I have not had a thought of a drink – at all.

Now is the hard part. Not attempting to project what may or may not happen. For me it’s called, “Living life on life’s terms”. Unfortunate events happen in our lives but we must move on with our lives no matter what happens. I’m slowly getting to that point. So I go back to basics of “One Day At a Time”. Even if I have to cut that down to each hour of each day. Right now, I need to gather my strength for work.

My priority is to hit a meeting tomorrow morning too.

DR – February 21, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
February 21, 2020


Daily Reflection

I’M PART OF THE WHOLE

At once, I became a part—if only a tiny part—of a cosmos. . . .

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225

When I first came to A.A., I decided that “they” were very nice people — perhaps a little naive, a little too friendly, but basically decent, earnest people (with whom I had nothing in common). I saw “them” at meetings—after all, that was where “they” existed. I shook hands with “them” and, when I went out the door, I forgot about “them.”

Then one day my Higher Power, whom I did not then believe in, arranged to create a community project outside of A.A., but one which happened to involve many A.A. members. We worked together, I got to know “them” as people. I came to admire “them,” even to like “them” and, in spite of myself, to enjoy “them.” “Their” practice of the program in their daily lives—not just in talk at meetings—attracted me and I wanted what they had. Suddenly the “they” became “we.” I have not had a drink since.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“The basic principles of the A.A. program, it appears, hold good for individuals with many different lifestyles, just as the program has brought recovery to those of many different nationalities. The Twelve Steps that summarize the program may be called los Doce Pasos in one country, les Douze Etapes in another, but they trace exactly the same path to recovery that was blazed by the earliest members of Alcoholics Anonymous.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Foreward To Third Edition, Page


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

I go to the A.A. meetings because it helps me in my business of keeping sober. And I try to help other alcoholics when I can, because that’s part of my business of keeping sober. I also have a partner in this business and that’s God. I pray to Him every day to help me to keep sober. As long as I keep in mind that liquor can never be my friend again, but is now my deadly enemy, and as long as I remember that my main business is keeping sober and that it’s the most important thing in my life, I believe I’ll be prepared for that crucial moment when the idea of having a drink pops into my mind. When that idea comes, will I be able to resist it and not take that drink?

Meditation for the Day

I will be more afraid of spirit unrest, of soul disturbance, of any ruffling of the mind, than of earthquake or fire. When I feel the calm of my spirit has been broken by emotional upset, then I must steal away alone with God, until my heart sings and all is strong and calm again. Uncalm times are the only times when evil can find an entrance. I will be ware of unguarded spots of unrest. I will try to keep calm, no matter what turmoil surrounds me.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that no emotional upsets will hinder God’s power in my life. I pray that I may keep a calm spirit and a steady heart.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Living in the Present

The present moment is all we have. Yes, we have plans and goals, a vision for tomorrow. But now is the only time we possess. And it is enough.

We can clear our mind of the residue of yesterday. We can clear our mind of fears of tomorrow. We can be present, now. We can make ourselves available to this moment, this day. It is by being fully present now that we reach the fullness of tomorrow.

Have no fear, child, a voice whispers. Have no regrets. Relinquish your resentments. Let Me take your pain. All you have is the present moment. Be still. Be here Trust.

All you have is now. It is enough.

Today, I will affirm that all is well around me, when all is well within.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

The readiness is all. —William Shakespeare

Our concept of control was flawed. This program leads us into a New World. Here we meet the fact that we are powerless to change some aspects of ourselves. But we can become ready to be changed. That makes all the difference. When we accept this truth, we are already changed and we are more in line with nature and the universe.

We can’t make ourselves less perfectionistic, but we can become ready to let go of our demand for perfection. We can’t force family harmony into our lives, but we can become more ready to be harmonious. We can’t make a lasting love appear for us on command – we can become ready for such a relationship when the opportunities appear. Do we yearn for some change? How might we ready ourselves to receive it?

Today, I will try to become ready for the help and change I most need in my life.


Elder’s Meditation

“Every thing or living being that exists in this world, be it trees, flowers, birds, grasses, rocks, soil of the earth, or human beings, has its unique manner of existence – its essence, its spirit that makes it what it is. That is what is meant by connectedness.”

–Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

Scientists are finally realizing what the Elders have taught for thousands of years – everything is connected. Because everything is interconnected, whatever you do to any one thing, you do to everything. If you poison any part of the earth, the poison eventually affects everything else. If you poison the plants, the birds will eat the plants, which poisons the birds. The birds are eaten by humans which poisons the humans. The humans will have babies who could be deformed because the plants were poisoned. We must learn to live in harmony with the earth. We must learn to think good things. Every good thought is felt by everything, which causes everything to be happy.

Creator, let my thoughts only be good thoughts.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

It will be easy to make progressive changes to outmoded rules as active Mars makes a stimulating trine to revolutionary Uranus. Normally you find tradition comforting, but now you have a desire to breathe new life into stale practices, especially in the social realm. You’re concerned about the rights of others and have a way of experiencing their pain yourself. Be proactive today. Use your extensive social network to get the word out about an important cause or bring a new person into your circle of friends. Everyone deserves a place to belong.

DR – February 20, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
February 20, 2020


Daily Reflection

THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER

At this juncture, his A.A. sponsor usually laughs.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 26

Before my recovery from alcoholism began, laughter was one of the most painful sounds I knew. I never laughed and I felt that anyone else’s laughter was directed at me! My self-pity and anger denied me the simplest of pleasures or lightness of heart. By the end of my drinking not even alcohol could provoke a drunken giggle in me.

When my A.A. sponsor began to laugh and point out my self-pity and ego-feeding deceptions, I was annoyed and hurt, but it taught me to lighten up and focus on my recovery. I soon learned to laugh at myself and eventually I taught those I sponsor to laugh also. Every day I ask God to help me stop taking myself too seriously.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“A word about sex relations. Alcohol is so sexually stimulating to some men that they have over-indulged. Couples are occasionally dismayed to find that when drinking is stopped the man tends to be impotent. Unless the reason is understood, there may be an emotional upset. Some of us had this experience, only to enjoy, in a few months, a finer intimacy than ever. There should be no hesitancy in consulting a doctor or psychologist if the condition persists. We do not know of many cases where this difficulty lasted long.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 134~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Liquor used to be my friend. I used to have a lot of fun drinking. Practically all the fun I had was connected with drinking. But the time came when liquor became my enemy. I don’t know just when liquor turned against me and became my enemy, but I know it happened, because I began to get into trouble. And since I realize that liquor is now my enemy, my main business is keeping sober. Making a living or keeping house is no longer my main business. It’s secondary to the business of keeping sober. Do I realize that my main business is keeping sober?

Meditation for the Day

I can depend on God to supply me with all the power I need to face any situation, provided that I will sincerely believe in that power and honestly ask for it, at the same time making all my life conform to what I believe God wants me to be. I can come to God as a business manager would come to the owner of the business, knowing that to lay the matter before Him means immediate cooperation, providing the matter has merit.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may believe that God is ready and willing to supply me with all that I need. I pray that I may ask only for faith and strength to meet any situation.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Setting Our Own Course

We are powerless over other people’s expectations of us. We cannot control what others want, what they expect, or what they want us to do and be.

We can control how we respond to other people’s expectations.

During the course of any day, people may make demands on our time, talents, energy, money, and emotions. We do not have to say yes to every request. We do not have to feel guilty if we say no. And we do not have to allow the barrage of demands to control the course of our life.

We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and to the course they would prefer we took with our life.

We can set boundaries, firm limits on how far we shall go with others. We can trust and listen to ourselves. We can set goals and direction for our life. We can place value on ourselves.

We can own our power with people.

Buy some time. Think about what you want. Consider how responding to another’s needs will affect the course of your life. We live or own life by not letting other people, their expectations, and their demands control the course of our life. We can let them have their demands and expectations; we can allow them to have their feelings. We can own our power to choose the path that is right for us.

Today, God, help me own my power by detaching and peacefully choosing the course of action that is right for me. Help me know I can detach from the expectations and wants of others. Help me stop pleasing other people and start pleasing myself.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

That’s what happens when you’re angry at people. You make them part of your life.

—Garrison Keillor

Communication can be so tricky. You enunciate clearly, and yet your message still seems to come across garbled today. The issue may simply be rooted in the lack of a bridge between you and the audience you are trying to reach. When people with two different mother tongues try to find common ground, words might not land the way you each expect. When you speak of higher-level concepts — like freedom or love — all interpretations are meaningful. Nevertheless, be explicit as possible to get your point across.

Our problems with anger and our problems in relationships go hand in hand. Some of us have held back our anger, which led to resentment of our loved ones. Some of us have indulged our anger and become abusive. Some of us have been so frightened of anger that we closed off the dialogue in our relationships when angry feelings came out.

Some of us have wasted our energy by focusing anger on people who weren’t really important to us. Do we truly want them to become so important? Yet, perhaps the important relationships got frozen because we weren’t open and respectful with our anger. It isn’t possible to be close to someone without being angry at times. We let our loved ones be part of our lives by feeling our anger when it is there and expressing it openly, directly, and respectfully to them – or by hearing them when they are angry. Then, with dialogue, we can let it go.

I will be aware of those people I am making important in my life and will grow in dealing with my anger.


Elder’s Meditation

“When a community does something together, that community is very happy, jovial, connected, and unified.”

— Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

The Indian People have always been able to adapt. If the hunting changed, we found new hunting grounds. If the earth changed, we moved to a better place. If the river changed course, we followed the river. But with every change, we kept our Indianness and spirituality. Our culture and spirituality have always been our strength. Our culture and spirituality taught us to live in harmony. We must change with the times, but we must maintain our culture and spirituality, always living in harmony.

Great Spirit, You have taught us to survive. Let me always maintain my Indianness.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Disapproval and withdrawal in relationships can leave you feeling cold right now, and it looks like the only way out is through. However, emotional release, although challenging, helps to clear the air and restore harmony in your partnerships. Trust that the clouds will part, especially with virtuous Jupiter forming a hopeful sextile to compassionate Neptune today. This motivates you to seek enlightenment. Healing ceremonies or spiritual counsel can have a tremendous appeal and help you process your feelings. As you unearth new experiences, keep an eye out for a sudden revelation or radical idea that inspires an unexpected path forward.

DR – February 19, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
February 19, 2020

Daily Reflection

I’M NOT DIFFERENT

“In the beginning, it was four whole years before A.A. brought permanent sobriety to even one alcoholic woman. Like the “high bottoms,” the women said they were different; . . . The Skid-Rower said he was different . . . so did the artists and the professional people, the rich, the poor, the religious, the agnostic, the Indians and the Eskimos, the veterans, and the prisoners. . . . nowadays all of these, and legions more, soberly talk about how very much alike all of us alcoholics are when we admit that the chips are finally down.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 24

I cannot consider myself “different” in A. A.; if I do I isolate myself from others and from contact with my Higher Power. If I feel isolated in A.A., it is not something for which others are responsible. It is something I’ve created by feeling I’m “different” in some way. Today I practice being just another alcoholic in the worldwide Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Big Book Quote

“If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interests of all concerned that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Working With Others, Page 99

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Many things we do in A.A. are in preparation for that crucial moment when, walking down the street on a nice sunshiny day, we see a nice cool cocktail lounge and the idea of having a drink pops into our minds. If we’ve trained our minds so that we’re well prepared for that crucial moment, we won’t take that first drink. In other words, if we’ve done our A.A. homework well, we won’t slip when temptation comes. In preparation for that crucial moment when I’ll be tempted, will I keep in mind the fact that liquor is my enemy?

Meditation for the Day

How many of the world’s prayers have gone unanswered because those who prayed did not endure to the end? They thought it was too late, that they must act for themselves, that God was not going to guide them. “He that endureth to the end, the same shall be saved.” Can I endure to the very end? If so, I shall be saved. I will try to endure with courage. If I endure, God will unlock those secret spiritual treasures that are hidden from those who do not endure to the end.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may follow God’s guidance, so that spiritual success shall be mine. I pray that I may never doubt the power of God and so take things into my own hands.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Our Path

I just spent several hours with someone from my group, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. This woman insisted that the only way I would make progress in my program was to go to her church and succumb to her religious rules. She pushed and insisted, and insisted and pushed. She’s been in the program so much longer than I have. I kept thinking that she must know what she’s talking about. But it didn’t feel right. And now I feel crazy, afraid, guilty, and ashamed.

—Anonymous

The spiritual path and growth promised to us by the Twelve Steps does not depend on any religious belief. They are not contingent upon any denomination or sect. They are not, as the traditions of Twelve Step programs state, affiliated with any religious denomination or organization.

We do not have to allow anyone to badger us about religion in recovery. We do not have to allow people to make us feel ashamed, afraid, or less than because we do not subscribe to their beliefs about religion.

We do not have to let them do it to us in the name of God, love, or recovery.

The spiritual experience we will find as a result of recovery and the Twelve Steps will be our own spiritual experience. It will be a relationship with God, a Higher Power, as we understand God.

Each of us must find our own spiritual path. Each of us must build our own relationship with God, as we understand God. Each of us needs a Power greater than ourselves. These concepts are critical to recovery.

So is the freedom to choose how to do that.

Higher Power, help me know that I don’t have to allow anyone to shame or badger me into religious beliefs. If they confuse that with the spirituality available in recovery, help me give their issue back to them. Help me discover and develop my own spirituality, a path that works for me. Guide me, with Divine Wisdom, as I grow spiritually.

Touchstone

He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.

—Friedrich Nietzsche

Our sense of purpose in life is not fixed in concrete. It changes from youth through all the stages of life. Often in the transitions to a new growth stage we are most confused. In the chaotic life created by our own addictive or codependent thinking, all meaning collapses around us. At these times we wonder, “What is the point?” “Does anything really matter?”

We receive a why for our existence by participating in the whole of this world. We are sons, or fathers, or husbands, or brothers, or friends to very specific people – and to the rest of our community, extending to all of creation. Our sense of purpose may change when life circumstances change. We get married, for instance, and then say, “Now what?” Or a child is born, or a parent dies, or we become disabled. Each time we may be confronted again with the questions. Being open to contact with our world, keeping our barriers down so we stay in touch, restores our awareness of purpose.

May I continue to respond to the changing phases in life – and be open to the renewal of purpose, which is here for me.

Elder’s Meditation

The Old Man said,`you are both ugly and handsome and you must accept your ugliness as well as your handsomeness in order to really accept yourself.”

— Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

My Grandfather told me one time that any person who is judgmental to another is also judgmental to themselves. If we want to be free of being judgmental, we need to first work on how judgmental we are to ourselves. If we quit judging ourselves and start accepting ourselves as we are, we will start accepting others as they are. Then we will experience a level of new freedom.

Great Spirit, let me accept myself as I am – honoring both my strengths and my weaknesses.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Partnerships, contracts, and agreements go favorably for you today. You’re able to go into negotiations leading with your heart rather than getting tied up in mental abstractions, which enables you to strike a wonderful agreement. Just be sure that you’re not overlooking the fine print when you sign on the dotted line, because you’re seeing the world through rose-colored glasses right now. Show the document to a contract lawyer. Later in the day, you’ll plunge into romantic and spiritual pursuits, abandoning a dull routine for something sublime. Allow yourself to escape by enjoying a thrilling love story, however ridiculous.

The Toll

Part of me, my alcoholic side, wants to just shut down this whole job business. The two mile walk to and from work, the eight hour work day, working in extremely cold temperatures during the shift is all taking its toll. Many times on my day off I’m playing catch up with everyone else running around all day after being up all night. Waking up an hour ago felt like I got hit by a two ton truck in my sleep and it’s not helping at all. I’ve just completely mentally, physically and spiritually tired and its NOT okay.

I know I should not make excuses. I don’t want to make excuses. I’ve wrecked my body over the years, strenuous job activity like this is almost unbearable. I hurt from head to toe when I come home. Sometimes I feel like if I stand up I’m going to fall right down. My hands hurt so much when I try to make a fist to a point of seizing. I’m mentioned before I applaud those in the retail/warehouse business who can bust their assess all night long stocking shelves both young and old. I just don’t know if I can do it anymore.

Today I had an appointment with the dentist. Another stage in getting my upper denture. Still probably won’t have it by the end of the month. Actually I’m not sure. With the new job I won’t have transportation through Medicaid for much longer so my hope is it’s sooner than later.

Didn’t get home until after 1pm. Just slept a good eight hours but tossing and turning with aches and drippy nose. It won’t surprise me if I’m coming down with something. Besides walking to work in the cold, at approximately 5am almost every morning we have to gather carts in the WM parking lot. The other day is was -12° with windchill. So I’m sure my exposure to the extreme cold is not helping either. Of course I don’t have any cough syrup. But I”m going to head to a Byrne Dairy (gas station, small market) to see what they have socked. I don’t care what the cost. I need to head any sickness off at any cost. Meanwhile, it’s just one cup of coffee and a bunch of water for the rest of the night.

Monday night I was down for the count. I was so tired I just wanted to sleep. My motivation was no where to be found. I did just that watching Bull Season 2. Took naps here and there thinking I would be refreshed and ready for my dental appointment. I was still yawning through the dental appointment to the disappointment with my dentist.

Meanwhile my to-do list is growing at an alarming rate. I have two counties I need to send recent pay stubs so they can officially close my case. I’m actively looking for an apartment to rent. I have some AA District business to look into. I just feel overwhelmed and procrastination is winning.

Today is not the day to fill my mind with unnecessary things. It all doesn’t have to be done right now. If I don’t drink lots of water and get lots of rest I’m going to have further programs. I can, however, set a new priority in my life by looking for another job.

DR – February 18, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
February 18, 2020

Daily Reflection

OUR PATHS ARE OUR OWN

. . . there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet.

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25

My first attempt at the Steps was one of obligation and necessity, which resulted in a deep feeling of discouragement in the face of all those adverbs: courageously; completely; humbly; directly; and only. I considered Bill W. fortunate to have gone through such a major, even sensational, spiritual experience. I had to discover, as time went on, that my path was my own. After a few twenty-four hours in the A.A. Fellowship, thanks especially to the sharing of members in the meetings, I understood that everyone gradually finds his or her own pace in moving through the Steps. Through progressive means, I try to live according to these suggested principles. As a result of these Steps, I can say today that my attitude towards life, people, and towards anything having to do with God, has been transformed and improved.

Big Book Quote

“The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, A Vision For You, Page 160

24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

After I became an alcoholic, alcohol poisoned my love for my family and friends, it poisoned my ambition, it poisoned my self-respect. It poisoned my whole life, until I met A.A. My life is happier now than it has been for a long time. I don’t want to commit suicide. So with the help of God and A.A., I’m not going to take any more of that alcoholic poison into my system. And I’m going to keep training my mind never even to think of liquor again in any way except as a poison. Do I believe that liquor will poison my life if I ever touch it again?

Meditation for the Day

I will link up my frail nature with the limitless Divine Power. I will link my life with the Divine Force for Good in the world. It is not the passionate appeal that gains the Divine attention as much as the quiet placing of the difficulty and worry in the Divine Hands. So I will trust God like a child who places its tangled skein of wool in the hands of a loving mother to unravel. We please God more by our unquestioning confidence than by imploring Him for help.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may put all my difficulties in God’s hands and leave them there. I pray that I may fully trust God to take care of them.

The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Being Right

Recovery is not about being right; it’s about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are.

That concept can be difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the “right/wrong” justice scale. The person who was right was okay; the person who was wrong was shamed. All value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant annihilation of self and self-esteem.

In recovery, we are learning how to strive for love in our relationships, not superiority. Yes, we may need to make decisions about people’s behavior from time to time. If someone is hurting us, we need to stand up for ourselves. We have a responsibility to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. But we do not need to justify taking care of ourselves by condemning someone else. We can avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of ourselves.

In recovery, we are learning that what we do needs to be right only for us. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. It’s tempting to rest in the superiority of being right and in analyzing other people’s motives and actions, but it’s more rewarding to look deeper.

Today, I will remember that I don’t have to hide behind being right. I don’t have to justify what I want and need with saying something is “right” or “wrong.” I can let myself be who I am.

Touchstone

Love can be its own reward.

—Arnold Label

The feeling of attachment, of being related, of caring about someone, is what life is all about. Before recovery, we may have feared we could not love anyone. When we feel love, we may also feel cheated because our affections aren’t returned, as we want them to be. Or we may think relationships are just too complicated and painful. It’s true that relationships are difficult at times. The only thing more difficult is having none.

In this quiet moment, let’s reflect on our relationships. Close attachments to both men and women are essential to our progress. Without them, we would not be in recovery. We don’t need to say to our friends, “What have you done for me?” We can feel an inner fullness and satisfaction, knowing we have relationships we truly care about and we are accepted as we are. That alone is a remarkable reward.

I appreciate the joys my relationships bring.

Elder’s Meditation

“Laughter is a necessity in life that does not cost much, and the Old Ones say that one of the greatest healing powers in our life is the ability to laugh.”

–Larry P. Aitken, CHIPPEWA

Laughter is a good stress eliminator. Laughter causes healing powers to be distributed through our bodies. Laughter helps heal relationships that are having problems. Laughter can change other people. aughter can heal the sick. Laughter is spiritual. One of the greatest gifts among Indian people has been our ability to laugh. Humor is natural to Indian people. Sometimes the only thing left to do is laugh.

Great Spirit, allow me to laugh when times get tough.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your relationships are subject to some crabby reactions right now. More freedom is needed in a close alliance. It might be imperative to give your best friend, business associate, or romantic partner the breathing space they crave. Alternatively, you could be the one asking for a wider berth. No matter who is feeling suffocated, it’s important to reverse the situation. After spending time on your own, you and your companion will come together in a spirit of mutual appreciation. You’ll soon see that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.