DR – December 7, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for December 7, 2017:

Daily Reflection

TRUE AMBITION

True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 124-25

During my drinking years, my one and only concern was to have my fellow man think highly of me. My ambition in everything I did was to have the power to be at the top. My inner self kept telling me something else but I couldn’t accept it. I didn’t even allow myself to realize that I wore a mask continually. Finally, when the mask came off and I cried out to the only God I could conceive, the Fellowship of A.A., my group and the Twelve Steps were there. I learned how to change resentments into acceptance, fear into hope and anger into love. I have learned also, through loving without undue expectations, through sharing my concerns and caring for my fellow man, that each day can be joyous and fruitful. I begin and end my day with thanks to God, who has so generously shed His grace on me.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“Having made our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects.

This brings us to the Fifth Step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 72~

Keep It Simple

We are here to add what we can to, not to get what we can get from, Life.
~ Sir William Osler

Service is a word we hear in our recovery program. Service means work we do for others. It’s the backbone of our program. The reason is simple. Service to our Higher Power and to others breaks down our wanting to be self-centered. Service brings us back into the world. We really are part of the group when we pitch in to make coffee, set up chairs, or talk in meetings. We really feel like part of the family when we run errands and help with meals and housework. We really connect with our Higher Power when we pray, “Use me today to help others.” Service breaks down the feeling of being alone that being self -centered brings.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me to be of service to You and others. Show me what is needed.

Action for the Day:
Today will be a service day. I’ll see how valued I am. I’ll give to others, knowing that I, too, will receive.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Your undying optimism can inspire others to shift into gear and work toward a common goal today. However, you still must do your part in creating a supportive environment that fosters the group process rather than individual ambitions. Dropping your ego at the door enables you to keep your need for acknowledgment to a minimum, paving the way for true teamwork. Helen Keller said, “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

DR – September 6, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for December 6, 2017:

Daily Reflection

WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN

When we developed still more, we discovered the best possible source of emotional stability to be God Himself. We found that dependence upon His perfect justice, forgiveness, and love was healthy, and that it would work where nothing else would. If we really depended upon God, we couldn’t very well play God to our fellows nor would we feel the urge wholly to rely on human protection and care.

~ TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 116

It has been my experience that, when all human resources appear to have failed, there is always One who will never desert me. Moreover, He is always there to share my joy, to steer me down the right path, and to confide in when no one else will do. While my well-being and happiness can be added to, or diminished, by human efforts, only God can provide the loving nourishment upon which I depend for my daily spiritual health.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle of the road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. This we did because we honestly wanted to, and were willing to make the effort.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 25~

Keep It Simple

The strongest of all warriors are these two–Time and Patience. ~Leo Tolstay

One of the first things we learn about in recovery is time. Before, we may have tried to control time by Pushing it along. We tried to hurry everything and everybody. We wanted our “quick fix.” But the
program tells us to slow down. Easy Does It.

We probably couldn’t picture ourselves staying sober for the rest of our life. So we were told to just work at staying sober today. We learned to work our program One Day at a Time. We were thought that time can be our friend. Times is our Higher Power’s way of not having everything happen at once.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, you are my teacher. You are in charge of the lesson. Help me accept this. Teach me how to use my time wisely.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll list five ways I use my time in ways that aren’t helpful to me. I’ll work at making time my friend.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Hopefully, you can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel today as your recent efforts begin to pay off. Although you know there’s still hard work ahead, you do not have the luxury of allowing a lack of faith to impinge on production. You are particularly sensitive to changes in your mood now, and anything less than absolute certainty distracts you from your tasks. Jack Canfield wrote, “Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.”

DR – December 5, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for December 5, 2017:

Daily Reflection

A NEW STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS

He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 107

Many of us in A.A. puzzle over what is a spiritual awakening. I tended to look for a miracle, something dramatic and earth-shattering. But what usually happens is that a sense of well-being, a feeling of peace, transforms us into a new level of awareness. That’s what happened to me. My insanity and inner turmoil disappeared and I entered into a new dimension of hope, love and peace. I think the degree to which I continue to experience this new dimension is in direct proportion to the sincerity, depth and devotion with which I practice the Twelve Steps of A.A.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 70~

Keep It Simple

Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope. ––Alcoholics Anonymous

All over the world, recovering men and women use the same Twelve Steps to live their lives.

Our fellowship keeps growing. The bigger it gets, the faster it grows. Why? Because the program brings our spirits back to life. All over the world, many of us were dying, and now we’re full of life and love. We are bringing our world bake to life. As we share our experience, strength, and hope, we help others join us in coming back to life.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me stay sober today. Guide me and all others who are doing Your will today.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll think of three things I can do to help spread the message of AA and NA.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may gain the respect of others today when you demonstrate your emotional self-sufficiency. Although you might enjoy the comfort of a familiar relationship, you need extra space to process your intense feelings now. Your current behavior sends mixed messages to those closest to you who misinterpret your retreat as a rejection. Nothing could be further from the truth, but don’t assume anyone knows that. Take the necessary time to explain that saying yes to yourself doesn’t mean you’re saying no to anyone else.

DR – December 4, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for December 4, 2017:

Daily Reflection

INTO ACTION

A.A. is more than a set of principles; it is a society of alcoholics in action. We must carry the message, else we ourselves can wither and those who haven’t been given the truth may die.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 13

I desperately wanted to live, but if I was to succeed, I had to become active in our God-given program. I joined what became my group, where I opened the hall, made coffee, and cleaned up. I had been sober about three months when an oldtimer told me I was doing Twelfth-Step work. What a satisfying realization that was! I felt I was really accomplishing something. God had given me a second chance, A.A. had shown me the way, and these gifts were not only free – they were also priceless! Now the joy of seeing newcomers grow reminds me of where I have come from, where I am now, and the limitless possibilities that lie ahead. I need to attend meetings because they recharge my batteries so that I have light when it’s needed. I’m still a beginner in service work, but already I am receiving more than I’m giving. I can’t keep it unless I give it away. I am responsible when another reaches out for help. I want to be there – sober.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“On the other hand, strange as this may seem to those who do not understand, once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Doctors Opinion, pg. xxix~

Keep It Simple

And to practice these principles in all our affairs.  – Third part of Step Twelve.

This is a statement about us. We are now people of values. These values reflect our spiritual growth. We know how to help others. We know how to admit our wrongs.

We know how to look at ourselves and change our defects. We know how to live an honest life.

Step Twelve tells us. “Go use these tools for better living. Go be all you can be. Enjoy life and live a life you can be proud of.” Step Twelve also tells us about how to have loving relationships. By the time we complete Step Twelve, we make or regain many relationships. The most important one is with our Higher Power. As we grow in the program, we realize all our relationships are spiritual gifts.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I now have one face instead of many masks. Help me be a person who will stand before You with pride, not shame.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll talk with a friend and talk about my new values. I will talk about how much my life has changed.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You’re not sure how you will accomplish all your work this week, but there’s no time for you to complain. You will simply need to get busy and make the best of a difficult situation. However, your current lens may be sullied with negativity that dissipates toward the end of the week if you remain calm. The trick is to keep up your efforts now, so you don’t end up in trouble later on. President Franklin Roosevelt said, “The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.”

The Pack Rat

I have to admit over the years I have become quite the pack rat. With my move to a new home, I vowed to change. Thus far, I have done quite well. But there is a reason I tend to keep everything, “‘Cus one day you may need it?” **chuckles** Well, it’s paid off in a major way. I have now recovered my written journals at the beginning of my sobriety.

I keep saying “it’s my last journal entry”, so I admit I am wrong. The first entry in my written journal for Dec 1st is eight (on a sheet o“f 6in x 9in) notepad paper. As I look at the 2 notepads and another 8 x 11in notepad, I apparently kept journaling until almost the end of September 2008. There is a lot to go over.

While I would love to record them all here, I’m not sure if I have the time.  Then again, I may get inspired and do it anyway. I haven’t made that decision.

Here is a timeline of my early years in sobriety:

  • December 2007 – 4 days spent in detox & another 24 days spent in an inpatient treatment program
  • January 2008 through March 2008 – lived at a Halfway House program
  • March 2008 through January 2009 – lived in a Supportive Living program
  • February 2009 through August 2012 – lived in Shelter Plus Care program
  • September 2012 – graduated from program and began living on my own

I was in “treatment” for an extended period of time because honestly I didn’t trust myself. Fortunately, I was provided with a structured environment which provided opportunities which more responsibility was put on me the longer I was sober. It all paid off in so many ways.

So here we are ten years later, still sober!

 

DR – December 3, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for December 3, 2017:

Daily Reflection

IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS

. . . we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106

I find that carrying the message of recovery to other alcoholics is easy because it helps me to stay sober and it provides me with a sense of well-being about my own recovery. The hard part is practicing these principles in all my affairs. It is important that I share the benefits I receive from A.A., especially at home. Doesn’t my family deserve the same patience, tolerance and understanding I so readily give to the alcoholic? When reviewing my day I try to ask, “Did I have a chance to be a friend today and miss it?” “Did I have a chance to rise above a nasty situation and avoid it?” “Did I have a chance to say ‘I’m sorry,’ and refuse to?”

Just as I ask God for help with my alcoholism each day, I ask for help in extending my recovery to include all situations and all people!

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“…the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, There Is A Solution, Page 23~

Keep It Simple

And to practice these principles in all our affairs. – Third part of Step Twelve.

This is a statement about us. We are now people of values. These values reflect our spiritual growth. We know how to help others. We know how to admit our wrongs.

We know how to look at ourselves and change our defects. We know how to live an honest life.

Step Twelve tells us. “Go use these tools for better living. Go be all you can be. Enjoy life and live a life you can be proud of.” Step Twelve also tells us about how to have loving relationships. By the time we complete Step Twelve, we make or regain many relationships. The most important one is with our Higher Power. As we grow in the program, we realize all our relationships are spiritual gifts.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, I now have one face instead of many masks. Help me be a person who will stand before You with pride, not shame.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll talk with a friend and talk about my new values. I will talk about how much my life has changed.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Daydreams about slipping out of your current situation and into a new life can hijack your day. Although the restless Gemini Full Moon rattles your 12th House of Escapism, your delusions of morphing into a superhero are not connected with reality. Nevertheless, metamorphosis is unavoidable, and today’s fantasies play a significant role in determining your future. However, change takes time and if you expect to accomplish your goals right away, your frustration could impede your progress. If you become discouraged, remember that transformation is a process, not an event.

DR – December 2, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for December 2, 2017:

Daily Reflection

SERENITY

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, . . .

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 106

As I continued to go to meetings and work the Steps, something began to happen to me. I felt confused because I wasn’t sure what it was that I was feeling, and then I realized I was experiencing serenity. It was a good feeling, but where had it come from? Then I realized it had come “. . .as the result of these steps.” The program may not always be easy to practice, but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me after working the Steps. As I work the Steps in everything I do, practicing these principles in all my affairs, now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself. The spiritual awakening I have enjoyed as the result of working the Steps is the awareness that I am no longer alone.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

” When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, Page 52~

Keep It Simple

…we tried to carry this message to alcoholics…–Second part of Step 12.

In this part of Step 12, we carry the message of hope. But it’s not up to us if anyone accepts the message or not. This keeps us from playing God. We just gently deliver the message. We don’t force the program down people’s throats. In general, Step Twelve tells us, “Be helpful to those we can help.” When a neighbor is sick, mow her lawn. When a friend is in the hospital, visit him. Step Twelve reminds us that we make a difference. We have hope to give the world. And hope is what we stand for to the addict who still suffers. Hope is what we stand for to the addict’s family. How beautiful to stand for hope! Remember when our lives stood for despair?? What a change!

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me shine brightly as a symbol of Your hope.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll help someone in need. It may be an alcoholic or other drug addict, or just someone in need. I’ll help make the world a better place.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may be facing a list of chores a mile long today but you’re confident you will be able to finish them all. However, your progress might slow down throughout the day, until you start to wonder if you’re making any headway at all. But you don’t really have the time to map out all the scheduling options, analyze the data, and develop a creative strategy to complete everything in a timely manner. The most important thing you can do now is to remain open to life as an adventure, wherever it takes you. Zig Ziglar wrote, “Doing your best is more important than being your best.”

Memory Lane – Things Couldn’t Get Worse, Could They?

For those of you reading the “Memory Lane” series, one of my last journal entries in 2007 was Memory Lane – Hitting My Rock Bottom .  Things couldn’t get worse, could they? Oh but they did – a lot worse. These two days, November 30, 2007 and December 1, 2007, were the worst and the best days of my entire life.

Complete insanity took over between November 28, 2007 and November 30, 2007. Though I had written in my journal I had hit rock bottom, I had not. Could things get any worse? Oh yes, yes they did!

Where did my addiction take me?

home_spencer_routeWhile my memory is fuzzy (still after ten years of sobriety), I do remember one thing – the insanity of getting beer no matter what the cost. I was living in Spencer, NY, with no car, no job, about to get evicted and all I care about is getting more beer.

Since I was “cut off” from so-called “friends”/”neighbors”, I had to find my own way to the store to get more beer.  The only option was to walk to the local store, almost 3 and a half miles. I remember it took approximately an hour and a half to walk to Spencer. With my last two beers tucked in my jacket, off I went up the country road to the store. Three hours later, after purchasing a 12 pack, I had one or two beers left. Back to the store I went. This was the last couple of days for me. Walking back and forth to the store until either I was to drunk to walk or passed out at home. Then I ran out of money and beer.

Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms

At the time I didn’t know the physical consequences from my drinking. Well actually I knew one – tremors. However, there are a host of other conditions that may present themselves during withdrawal. I experienced them all!

Before his death, I remember my father writing a check for me seeing his hand shake uncontrollably the writing was unreadable he tore the check writing another one. Over the years, I had noticed the same condition. When I wrote checks, I couldn’t recognize my own handwriting.  I developed a distaste for writing anything.

I distinctly remember not sleeping at all. There were so many emotions rapidly firing in my brain: anxiety, confusion, fatigue, fear, etc. This included hallucinations. My mother, when she was alive, was in a nursing home having hallucinations because the nurse had forgot to take off multiple nicotine patches. My sister and I recall her talking to a man in the corner who wasn’t there. I was doing the same thing saying to myself in fear, “You’re not there. Stop talking. Go away!” As the hours went on, the withdrawal symptoms got worse:

This is my last diary entry (I didn’t realize I wrote one until now):

December 1, 2007 @ 3:49 am. Mood: scared.

Title:  Mental Breakdown

This is the worst day of my life. I’m having a breakdown. I’m tying to wait until 8am so that I can call Gary to drive me to Binghamton General and use his phone so that I can talk to someone. This is so hard. Keep taking deep breaths!

The insanity continued with thoughts of something I had never contemplated in my life – suicide. I was convinced, I was alone in the world. There was no other option for me. As the first snow of the year had started to fall, I thought I could take myself in the backyard, slit my throat and just die! No one would find me from weeks, if ever. No one cared.

This was the darkest, deepest place in my life.

I had no hope.

 

 

 

DR – December 1, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for December 1, 2017:

Daily Reflection

“SUGGESTED” STEPS

Our Twelfth Step also says that as a result of practicing all the Steps, we have each found something called a spiritual awakening. . . . A.A.’s manner of making ready to receive this gift lies in the practice of the Twelve Steps in our program.

— TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, pp. 106-07

I remember my sponsor’s answer when I told him that the Steps were “suggested.” He replied that they are “suggested” in the same way that, if you were to jump out of an airplane with a parachute, it is “suggested” that you pull the ripcord to save your life. He pointed out that it was “suggested” I practice the Twelve Steps, if I wanted to save my life. So I try to remember daily that I have a whole program of recovery based on all Twelve of the “suggested” Steps.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

“There is action and more action. ‘Faith without works is dead.’”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 88~

Keep It Simple

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps—First part of Step Twelve.

We are awake! Our spirits are alive. We are part of the world. Our addiction no longer clouds our vision. How? Step

Twelve answers this.

The beauty of Step Twelve is that if we feel our spirits starting to go dead, we know how to awaken them. It’s simple. Turn to the Steps. After all, working the Steps has awakened our spirits. The hope and serenity we feel are gifts given to us through the Steps of our program. And the more we turn to the Steps for help, the more life we’ll feel. The Steps are what feed and heal our souls.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, thank you for the Steps. If I start to believe it is I who keeps me sober, remind me of my life before the Twelve Steps.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll read the Twelve Steps. I’ll think of how each Step helped awaken my spirit.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You can’t help but worry about the future, especially when unexpected events at work make you unsure of your ability to cope with change. Although there may be many variables up in the air today, you can amaze yourself with your own resilience while the unflappable Taurus Moon is stabilizing your 11th House of Long-Term Goals. Instead of letting the uncertainty pull you off center, put it to good use by expressing your dreams through a creative project. Your passion for your art will make a profound statement to others who are still trying to figure out what to do next. Ram Dass wrote, “Be here now.”

DR – November 30, 2017

Daily Recovery Readings for November 30, 2017:

Daily Reflection

PROTECTION FOR ALL

At the personal level, anonymity provides protection for all members from identification as alcoholics, a safeguard often of special importance to newcomers. At the level of press, radio, TV, and films, anonymity stresses the equality in the Fellowship of all members by putting the brake on those who might otherwise exploit their A.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain.

— “UNDERSTANDING ANONYMITY,” p. 5

Attraction is the main force in the Fellowship of A.A. The miracle of continuous sobriety of alcoholics within A.A. confirms this fact every day. It would be harmful if the Fellowship promoted itself by publicizing, through the media of radio and TV, the sobriety of well-known public personalities who became members of A.A. If these personalities happened to have slips, outsiders would think our movement is not strong and they might question the veracity of the miracle of the century. Alcoholics Anonymous is not anonymous, but its members should be.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Big Book Quote

A body badly burned by alcohol does not often recover overnight nor do twisted thinking and depression vanish in a twinkling. We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative.

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, Page 133~

Keep It Simple

The purpose of freedom is to create it for others.-–Bernard Malamud

Sobriety is freedom. With this freedom, we have a responsibility to help other addicts who still suffer. The program tells us this in Step Twelve. We do this by telling our stories and offering hope.
We must be ready to care, to give ourselves. This is what spirituality is about. When we help others, we prepare the road for those who enter the program after us.

Tradition Five of the Twelve Traditions says, “Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.” It means we get better by helping others.

Prayer for the Day:
Higher Power, help me create more freedom. Bring me to where I’m needed. Help me carry the message well.

Action for the Day:
Today, I’ll think of ways I can help the addict who still suffers. Then I’ll chose one way I can be of help. I’ll talk with my sponsor about it, and I’ll follow through with my plan.

Daily Horoscope – Cancer

When circumstances seem to grow out of control, your tendency is to retreat in order to protect your sense of security. However, once you see the handwriting on the wall, you can quickly shift gears and become proactive to maximize your position. Running into external resistance now is not the problem; the cosmos is encouraging you to step up to the plate and be the creative agent of change in your life that you dream about. Hafiz wrote, “An awake heart is like a sky that pours light.”