Last Night – I Hope!

Tonight should be the last night in this house. Tomorrow if all goes well I’ll be moved into my new home. Then again, I might sleep here tomorrow night depending on circumstances. One thing in sobriety I have definitely learned is – I have no control.

Part of me still wants everything lined up just right, all my ducks in a row, to make sure things go smoothly. However, when I do and things turn out differently I’m terribly upset. This is always the case. Instead, I can make plans but I don’t expect anything. It’s interesting this comes up because two years ago today my old Sponsor passed away unexpectedly. He was the one who said all the time, “Mike if you expect things to happen you’re way, you’re only going to be disappointed.” Those words still ring bells in my head all the time.

I’ve made arrangements to have a staff member help me move (just drive) all my stuff in one trip to my new home. Already I’m thinking if things fall through I’m not going to be a happy camper. Matter of fact I’ll blow up at ’em all! I have to keep telling myself, “Don’t get yourself in a tizzy about something which hasn’t happened yet.” It’s an old behavior, actually a really annoying behavior, I’m working on to change. But change does take time. I can hope tomorrow’s events go smoothly.

Besides I still have my current place to fall back on for a couple of days. First, I haven’t received my Internet/cable box at the new place. If it arrives tomorrow, I’m set. Honestly, I don’t want to be stuck in the new place without some entertainment to keep me busy. On the other hand, I bought a bed-in-a-box which needs to be taken out and “rested” so it fills out. After I move it to the new place, I can pull it out of its box and let it “rest”, sleep at the old place, then Tuesday night say my goodbyes to the old place. I rather not sleep on the floor at the new place on the first night either.

I’m ready to go. Let’s hope for a speedy and smooth move to my new home. But if there are bumps along the way I’m just going to have to handle them one at a time. All I can do is hope for the best.

I’m actually surprised my anxiety is going through the roof!

DR – April 26, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
April 26, 2020


Daily Reflection

HAPPINESS IS NOT THE POINT

“I don’t think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 306

In my search “to be happy,” I changed jobs, married and divorced, took geographical cures, and ran myself into debt—financially, emotionally and spiritually. In A.A., I’m learning to grow up. Instead of demanding that people, places and things make me happy, I can ask God for self-acceptance. When a problem overwhelms me, A.A.’s Twelve Steps will help me grow through the pain. The knowledge I gain can be a gift to others who suffer with the same problem. As Bill said, “When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.” (As Bill Sees It, p. 306)

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isnt.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, We Agnostics, pg. 53~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The A.A. program is one of submission, release, and action. When we’re drinking, we’re submitting to a power greater than ourselves, liquor. Our own wills are no use against the power of liquor. One drink and we’re sunk. In A.A. we stop submitting to the power of liquor. Instead, we submit to a Power, also greater than ourselves, which we call God. Have I submitted myself to that Higher Power?

Meditation for the Day

Ceaseless activity is not God’s plan for your life. Times of withdrawal for renewed strength are always necessary. Wait for the faintest tremor of fear and stop all work, everything, and rest before God until you are strong again. Deal in the same way with all tired feelings. Then you need rest of body and renewal of spirit force. Saint Paul said: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” This does not mean that you are to do all things and then rely on God to find strength. It means that you are to do the things you believe God wants you to do and only then can you rely on His supply of power.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that God’s spirit may be my master always. I pray that I may learn how to rest and listen, as well as how to work.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Negativity

Some people are carriers of negativity. They are storehouses of pent up anger and volatile emotions. Some remain trapped in the victim role and act in ways that further their victimization. And others are still caught in the cycle of addictive or compulsive patterns.

Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we’re struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it’s okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves.

We cannot change other people. It does not help others for us to get off balance. We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them.

Today, God, help me to know that I don’t have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity – even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me know it’s okay to take care of myself.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I drink not from mere joy in wine nor to scoff at faith – no, only to forget myself for a moment, that only do I want of intoxication, that alone. “

—Omar Khayyam

What has been our drug of choice? It may be alcohol. It may be sugar or gambling or dependent relationships. Some men have used anger, sex, sports, or the accumulation of money. Growing in this program, we learn there is a great brotherhood among us. Our problems have not been only with a certain substance or a given behavior. We have been seduced and trapped by a ritual of forgetting ourselves. If we hadn’t found one way, we may have found another. In giving one up, we often found ourselves drawn to a new substitute.

Now we are learning to accept ourselves and to forget ourselves in healthier ways. We all need to move beyond the bounds of an oppressive ego. In our old style, we could not learn healthy releases because we were hooked on unhealthy ones. Now we are learning meditation, making friends, helping others, and letting go as ways to forget ourselves.

I pray for help today in staying away from self-destructive intoxications so I am able to learn healthy releases.


Elder’s Meditation

“If those bad words come, I let them come in one ear and go out the other. I never let them come out of my mouth. If a bad word comes in your ear and then comes out of your mouth, it will go someplace and hurt somebody. If I did that, that hurt would come back twice as hard on me.”

–Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

What do we do with temptations when they come? What do we do when we hear gossip? What do we do when we hear bad things? If we hear these things and pass them on we will not only hurt the other person, but we will do harm to ourselves. We must be careful not to hurt others. Whatever we sow we will simultaneously reap for ourselves. We must be accountable for our own actions.

Great Spirit, today, let no words come from my lips that would hurt another.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Although you’re very busy attending to responsibilities these days, your nearest and dearest need attention, too. Don’t take a close relationship for granted today. Instead, make time in your busy schedule to connect with a best friend, romantic partner, or business associate. Their care and support will sustain you through this hectic day. An unexpected opportunity to talk with a group of creative people may also arise. Meeting up for a joint video chat could make you feel much better about the state of the world. Satisfaction comes from staying connected now.

DR – April 25, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
April 25, 2020


Daily Reflection

ENTERING A NEW DIMENSION

“In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension—freedom under God as we understand Him.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 283

I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, “This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round.” The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: “Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal.” I’m free and I’m grateful!

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 62~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

I don’t believe that A.A. works because I read it in a book or because I hear people say so. I believe it because I see people getting sober and staying sober. An actual demonstration is what convinces me. When I see the change in people, I can’t help believing that A.A. works. We could listen to talk about A.A. all day and still not believe it, but when we see it work, we have to believe it. Seeing is believing. Do I see A.A. work every day?

Meditation for the Day

Try saying: “God bless her (or him)” of anyone who is in disharmony with you. Also say it of those who are in trouble through their own fault. Say it, willing that showers of blessings may fall upon them. Let God do the blessing. Leave to God the necessary correcting or disciplining. You should only desire blessing for them. Leave God’s work to God. Occupy yourself with the task that He gives you to do. God’s blessing will also break down all your own difficulties and build up all your successes.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may use God’s goodness so that it will be a blessing to others. I pray that I may accept God’s blessing so that I will have harmony, beauty, joy, and happiness.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Finding Our Own Truth

We must each discover our own truth.

It does not help us if those we love find their truth. They cannot give it to us. It does not help if someone we love knows a particular truth in our life. We must discover our truth for ourselves.

We must each discover and stand in our own light.

We often need to struggle, fail, and be confused and frustrated. That’s how we break through our struggle; that’s how we learn what is true and right for ourselves.

We can share information with others. Others can tell us what may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course. But it will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it becomes our truth, our discovery, and our knowledge.

There is no easy way to break through and find our truth.

But we can and will, if we want to.

We may want to make it easier. We may nervously run to friends, asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier. They cannot. Light will shed itself in its own time.

Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself to us. Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand in it, to claim it as ours.

Encouragement helps. Support helps. A firm belief that each person has truth available – appropriate to each situation – is what will help.

Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own truth waiting to be revealed. Don’t give up until you find it – for yourself.

We shall be guided into truth, if we are seeking it. We are not alone.

Today, I will search for my own truth, and I will allow others to do the same. I will place value on my vision and the vision of others. We are each on the journey, making our own discoveries – the ones that are right for us today.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“The natural world is a spiritual house…. Man walks there through forests of physical things that are also spiritual things that watch him with affectionate looks.”

—Charles Baudelaire

As we live this program, we learn to see the spiritual in physical things. Whatever we see or hear, whatever happens in our lives may carry a spiritual message. Some of us will say, “God is telling me something.” Others, whose understanding of God takes another form, will say, “There is a spiritual message in this if I can read it.”

But many men, having had relationships that were abusive and painful, find it hard to imagine the spirit of things watching them with affection, and not hostility. Many of us have been used, and we have used others. We don’t expect affectionate relationships, but could it be that the spiritual world loves us and we don’t know it? Perhaps if we think about this for a while, we also will become more loving.

The generosity of God is expressed in all kinds of physical things. I will remember that the spiritual is affectionate toward me.


Elder’s Meditation

“In some mysterious and wonderful way you are part of everything, Nephew. And in that same mysterious and wonderful way, everything is a part of you.”

–Nippawanock, ARAPAHOE

In order to experience this, we must be aware of how limited our senses are: eyes, ears touch, smell, taste. These senses help us to function in the Seen World. What we see is interpreted by our minds and put inside our belief system, and this can become our reality. But there also exists an Unseen World. In this world we experience connectedness; we experience the mystery; and we experience another whole point of view. If we pay attention to both the Unseen World and the Seen World, our belief systems will print in our mind a new and wonderful reality. We will see and know we are a part of everything.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You may feel exhausted by your struggle for dominance with someone in your life. In an ideal world, you would be working together and not against each other. Rather than getting drawn into an emotionally draining battle, try to find some common ground. If that’s not possible, keep all your interactions as brief and businesslike as possible. A chance to join forces with someone who is much more supportive could arrive soon. Although you’re understandably wary about forming an alliance, it could work to your benefit. Be open to the help.

DR – April 24, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
April 24, 2020


Daily Reflection

LEARNING TO LOVE OURSELVES

“Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us. . . . We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others. . . . We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 252

When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life—my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain.

It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, Pg. 70~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

It’s been proved that we alcoholics can’t get sober by our willpower. We’ve failed again and again. Therefore I believe there must be a Higher Power, which helps me. I think of that power as the grace of God. And I pray to God every morning for the strength to stay sober today. I know that Power is there because it never fails to help me. Do I believe that A.A. works through the grace of God?

Meditation for the Day

Once I am “born of the spirit,” that is my life’s breath. Within me is the life of life, so that I can never perish. The life that down the ages has kept God’s children through peril, adversity, and sorrow. I must try never to doubt or worry, but follow where the life of the spirit leads. How often, when little I know it, God goes before me to prepare the way, to soften a heart, or to overrule a resentment. As the life of the spirit grows, natural wants become less important.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that my life may become centered in God more than in self. I pray that my will may be directed towards doing His will.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Lessons on the Job

Often, the spiritual and recovery lessons we’re learning at work reflect the lessons we’re learning in other areas of our life.

Often, the systems we’re attracted to in our working life are similar to the systems in which we find ourselves living and loving. Those are the systems that reflect our issues and can help us learn our lessons.

Are we slowly learning to trust ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning to take care of ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning boundaries and self-esteem, overcoming fear, and dealing with feelings?

If we search back over our work history, we will probably see that it is a mirror of our issues, our growth. It most likely is now too.

For today, we can believe that we are right where we need to be – at home and at work.

Today, I will accept my present circumstances on the job. I will reflect on how what I am learning in my life applies to what I’m learning at work. If I don’t know, I will surrender to the experience until that becomes clear. God, help me accept the work I have been given to do today. Help me be open to and learn what I need to be learning. Help me trust that it can and will be good.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.”

—Albert Camus

We live our program in one-day portions – and our actions today have immediate consequences. For instance, if we listen to a brother or a sister in the program, we may be enriched and the other person strengthened for today’s challenge. We don’t have to confront every temptation of life on this day – only the portion we can handle. Our old insanity would have us predict the entire story of our future from today’s limited viewpoint. But our spiritual orientation guides us to restrain ourselves. We simply live in this moment.

The rewards of recovery are granted every day. We begin with the gift of a new day and new possibilities. We now have relationships that sustain us through difficulty and give us reason to celebrate. We have a new feeling of self-respect and hope.

I am grateful for the rewards of each day in my spiritual awakening.


Elder’s Meditation

“Each person’s prayers can help everyone.”

–Thomas Yellowtail, CROW

Prayer is our entrance into the Unseen World. It is by prayer we can call upon the powers and laws of the Great Spirit. The Spirit World has powers and laws that are different from the Physical World. The spiritual laws allow healing to take place; they allow forgiveness to occur; they cause miracles to happen; they cause hate to disappear; they heal broken relationships; they guide every moment of our lives; they allow us to love even when it’s hard. Prayer allows us access to the Spirit World.

Creator, teach me to pray.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

You’re even more sensitive and perceptive than usual, making it a good time to work as part of a team. Operating remotely shouldn’t be a problem since you’re still at the planning stage of a project. It’s important to take a practical approach to everything you do. If you’re not sure how to realize an idea, reach out to a colleague who has experience with this kind of endeavor. They may propose a sensible but time-consuming strategy. It’s better to develop things gradually than deliver results in record time. Slow and steady is the way to success.

DR – April 23, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
April 23, 2020


Daily Reflection

A.A. IS NOT A CURE-ALL

“It would be a product of false pride to claim that A.A. is a cure-all, even for alcoholism.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 285

In my early years of sobriety I was full of pride, thinking that A.A. was the only source of treatment for a good and happy life. It certainly was the basic ingredient for my sobriety and even today, with over twelve years in the program, I am very involved in meetings, sponsorship and service. During the first four years of my recovery, I found it necessary to seek professional help, since my emotional health was extremely poor. There are those folks too, who have found sobriety and happiness in other organizations. A.A. taught me that I had a choice: to go to any lengths to enhance my sobriety. A.A. may not be a cure-all for everything, but it is the center of my sober living.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“Although financial recovery is on the way for many of us, we found we could not place money first. For us, material well being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 127~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

Men and women keep coming into A.A., licked by alcohol, often given up by doctors as hopeless cases, they themselves admitting they’re helpless to stop drinking. When I see these men and women get sober and stay sober over a period of months and years, I know that A.A. works. The change I see in people who come into A.A. not only convinces me that A.A. works, but it also convinces me that there must be a Power greater than ourselves which helps us to make that change. Am I convinced that a Higher Power can help me to change?

Meditation for the Day

Cooperation with God is the great necessity for our lives. All else follows naturally. Cooperation with God is the result of our consciousness of His presence. Guidance is bound to come to us as we live more and more with God, as our consciousness becomes more and more attuned to the great Consciousness of the universe. We must have many quiet times when we not so much ask to be shown and led by God, as to feel and realize His presence. New spiritual growth comes naturally from cooperation with God.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that God may supply me with strength and show me the direction in which He wants me to grow. I pray that these things may come naturally from my cooperation with Him.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Opening Ourselves to Love

Allowing ourselves to receive love is one of the greatest challenges we face in recovery.

Many of us have blocked ourselves from receiving love. We may have lived with people who used love to control us. They would be there for us, but at the high price of our freedom. Love was given, or withheld, to control us and have power over us. It was not safe for us to receive love from these people. We may have gotten accustomed to not receiving love, not acknowledging our need for love, because we lived with people who had no real love to give.

At some point in recovery, we acknowledge that we, too, want and need to be loved. We may feel awkward with this need. Where do we go with it? What do we do? Who can give us love? How can we determine who is safe and who isn’t? How can we let others care for us without feeling trapped, abused, frightened, and unable to care for ourselves?

We will learn. The starting point is surrendering to our desire to be loved, our need to be nurtured and loved. We will grow confident in our ability to take care of ourselves with people. We will feel safe enough to let people care for us; we will grow to trust our ability to choose people who are safe and who can give us love.

We may need to get angry first – angry that our needs have not been met. Later, we can become grateful to those people who have shown us what we don’t want, the ones who have assisted us in the process of believing we deserve love, and the ones who come into our life to love us.

We are opening up like flowers. Sometimes it hurts as the petals push open. Be glad. Our heart is opening up to the love that is and will continue to be there for us.

Surrender to the love that is there for us, to the love that people, the Universe, and our Higher Power send our way.

Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

Today, I will open myself to the love that is here for me. I will let myself receive love that is safe, knowing I can take care of myself with people. I will be grateful to all the people from my past who have assisted me in my process of opening up to love. I claim, accept, and am grateful for the love that is coming to me.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”

—Eleanor Roosevelt

In recovery, perhaps first we make peace with ourselves, and not until later do we become our own friends. We have been at war with ourselves and in turmoil with our families, even while feeling like victims. This program lays out Twelve Steps we can follow to become friends with ourselves. In recovery we may still feel self-hate when we constantly monitor our every action, when we react to our mistakes by berating ourselves, and when we dwell on past offenses. Would we put a friend through that?

A true friend will accept you as you are. He doesn’t put you down or call you derogatory names. He’ll give you honest feedback and won’t put on a false front. He’ll support you when you’re in trouble. Being our own friend means doing these things for ourselves. Perhaps we can even embrace and be kind to the part of ourselves that is addicted and codependent.

Today, I will be a friend to my whole self – even the parts of me I have rejected.


Elder’s Meditation

“The real meaning of life is your family, the love that you have, the respect, the traditional ways, and carrying on with them.”

–Ethel Wilson, COWICHAN

The family is the seed of the future. The family is the key to the transfer of cultural information. We should really take a look at how we are looking at our families. Are we treating each family member with respect? Are we passing on the traditional ways? Are we teaching the old songs? Are we participating in the ceremonies? Are we showing the family members how to pray? Are we encouraging each family member to be spiritual? Think about these things today.

My Creator, today, let me show respect to each family member.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Whether you admit it or not, you need help turning a dream into reality. Insisting on doing things your own way will only undermine your progress. Reach out to an experienced person today who knows how to implement a business, art project, or fundraiser. Unfortunately, your best friend or romantic partner may not be very supportive of this effort. They’re worried you’ll take a tremendous financial hit. What they don’t realize is that you’re willing to use your own resources to establish something that will benefit others. Give freely of yourself today.

I’m Moving – The Next Chapter in Life

It’s finally happening – I’m moving. I found a two-bedroom for a reasonable price which is closer to work in a nice neighborhood. It is an opportunity I couldn’t pass up so I jumped on it. Now to deal with all the anxiety of moving.

First, I had to order a bed. That was my main priority. Everything has already arrived this week from Walmart. I ordered a full size bed, box spring and metal frame. Done.

Second was internet service. I was getting nervous because I couldn’t get contact Spectrum in the last couple of days. I finally spoke to them this morning. Everything was taken care of and by the time I move in the equipment should be at the new place. No technician required.

I’m responsible for electricity. The provider in the area is National Grid. Since electricity is already turned on in the landlords name it will be a simple switch once I email them the lease I sign on Saturday.

I won’t be actually moving until Monday, April 27. I’ve arrange for the residential program to help me move. I have minimal stuff to be packed and loaded in the van. It should only take one trip. Then I’ll be done here.

So why I’m I anxious if everything is set in place?

As with many things recovering addicts deal with – the past. We’ve been here before and failed. Something along the way got screwed up. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t jumped the gun somewhere. Am I missing something? What haven’t I accounted for?

In reality its all in my head. Instead I need to sit back and relax. I simply need to do what I’ve been doing for the last year and a half. Just take it One Day at a Time. It’s time to turn the page in the Book of Life and write something new and exciting.

No fear, no suffering . . .

DR – April 22, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
April 22, 2020


Daily Reflection

NEW SOIL . . . NEW ROOTS

“Moments of perception can build into a lifetime of spiritual serenity, as I have excellent reason to know. Roots of reality, supplanting the neurotic underbrush, will hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves.”

— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 173

I came to A.A. green—a seedling quivering with exposed taproots. It was for survival but it was a beginning. I stretched, developed, twisted, but with the help of others, my spirit eventually burst up from the roots. I was free. I acted, withered, went inside, prayed, acted again, understood anew, as one moment of perception struck. Up from my roots, spirit-arms lengthened into strong, green shoots: high-springing servants stepping skyward.

Here on earth God unconditionally continues the legacy of higher love. My A.A. life put me “on a different footing . . . [my] roots grasped a new soil” ( Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 12).

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“More than most people the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 73~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

People believe in A.A. when they see it work. An actual demonstration is what convinces them. What they read in books, what they hear people say doesn’t always convince them. But when they see a real honest to goodness change take place in a person, a change from a drunkard to a sober, useful citizen, that’s something they can believe because they can see it. There’s really only one thing that proves to me that A.A. works. Have I seen the change in people who come into A.A.?

Meditation for the Day

Divine control and unquestioning obedience to God are the only conditions necessary for a spiritual life. Divine control means absolute faith and trust in God, a belief that God is the Divine Principle in the universe and that He is the Intelligence and the Love that controls the universe. Unquestioning obedience to God means living each day the way you believe God wants you to live, constantly seeking the guidance of God in every situation and being willing to do the right thing at all times.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may always be under Divine Control and always practice unquestioning obedience to God. I pray that I may be always ready to serve Him.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Coping With Stress

Inevitably, there are times of stress in our lives, no matter how long we’ve been in recovery.

Sometimes, the stress is outside or around us. We’re feeling balanced, but our circumstances are stressful. Sometimes, the stress is within; we feel out of balance.

When the stress is external and internal, we experience our most difficult times.

During stressful times, we can rely more heavily on our support systems. Our friends and groups can help us feel more balanced and peaceful in spite of our stressful conditions.

Affirming that the events taking place are a temporarily uncomfortable part of a good, solid plan can help. We can assure ourselves that we will get through. We won’t be destroyed. We won’t crumple or go under.

It helps to go back to the basics to focus on detachment, dealing with feelings, and taking life one day at a time.

Our most important focus during times of stress is taking care of ourselves. We are better able to cope with the most irregular circumstances; we are better able to be there for others, if we’re caring for ourselves. We can ask ourselves regularly: What do we need to do to take care of ourselves? What might help us feel better or more comfortable?

Self-care may not come as easily during times of stress. Self-neglect may feel more comfortable. But taking care of us always works.

Today, I will remember that there is no situation that can’t be benefited by taking care of myself.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“The first springs of great events, like those of great rivers, are often mean and little.”

—Jonathan Swift

Our lives are like streams which flow through time. Looking at the flow of our whole lives, we see the interconnections of many days that seemed minor. Each day contributes to the stream of goals and faith and relationships. As we look at the flow of a whole river, we see at its beginning a little trickle of water here, joining another trickle there, slowly gathering together a stream that develops force and direction.

We may look for intensity in our lives and ignore the quiet. Much of our lives may have been lived on a roller coaster of major crises. As terrible as it seemed, it was not dull. Today may seem rather boring. But in recovery we learn to appreciate the more subtle trickle that a good day can be. Simply continuing with the flow – of our program, of faithfulness to our values, of being emotionally present in our relationships – adds up to a rich life.

May I see the continuity of my life in the simple moments of this day.


Elder’s Meditation

“Each creature has a medicine, so there are many medicines. Because they are so close to the Creator, they are to communicate that medicine. Then they bring help and health.”

–Wallace Black Elk, LAKOTA

The Elders say everything has a purpose and everything has a will. We should never interfere with purpose or the will of everything. Every plant, creature, animal, insect, and human being has a purpose to be here on the Earth. Each has a special medicine to contribute for the good of all things. Each person also has good medicine, a special talent, a special gift. These medicines are to help others or to help make us healthy. What is your special medicine?

Creator, today, help me discover and use my medicine to serve a greater good.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Despite having a strong desire to move in a certain direction, you may find few of your friends agree with your plan. The more pressure you exert on them to follow your lead today, the more these relationships will suffer. It’s best to give everyone some breathing space, even if it means abandoning your dream. After getting some time to go off on your own and reflect on your options, you might decide to embark on a whole new professional path. Finding a healthy outlet for your leadership ability will come as a welcome relief.

DR – April 21, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
April 21, 2020


Daily Reflection

CULTIVATING FAITH

“I don’t think we can do anything very well in this world unless we practice it. And I don’t believe we do A.A. too well unless we practice it. . . . We should practice . . . acquiring the spirit of service. We should attempt to acquire some faith, which isn’t easily done, especially for the person who has always been very materialistic, following the standards of society today. But I think faith can be acquired; it can be acquired slowly; it has to be cultivated. That was not easy for me, and I assume that it is difficult for everyone else. . . .”

— DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, pp. 307-08

Fear is often the force that prevents me from acquiring and cultivating the power of faith. Fear blocks my appreciation of beauty, tolerance, forgiveness, service, and serenity.
From the book Daily Reflections

Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

3rd Step Prayer:

“God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!”

~Alcoholic`s Anonymous, 4th Edition, How It Works, pg. 63~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

After we’ve been in A.A. for a while, we find out that if we’re going to stay sober, we have to be humble people. The men and women in A.A. who have achieved sobriety are all humble people. When I stop to think that but for the grace of God I might be drunk right now, I can’t help feeling humble. Gratitude to God for His grace makes me humble. When I think of the kind of person I was not so long ago, when I think of the person I left behind me, I have nothing to be proud of. Am I grateful and humble?

Meditation for the Day

I must arise from the death of sin and selfishness and put on a new life of integrity. All the old sins and temptations must be laid in the grave and a new existence rise from the ashes. Yesterday is gone. All my sins are forgiven if I am honestly trying to do God’s will today. Today is here, the time of resurrection and renewal. I must start now, today, to build a new life of complete faith and trust in God and a determination to do His will in all things.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may share in making the world a better place to live in. I pray that I may do what I can to bring goodness a little nearer to the earth.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Waiting

Wait. If the time is not right, the way is not clear, the answer or decision not consistent, wait.

We may feel a sense of urgency. We may want to resolve the issue by doing something – anything now, but that action is not in our best interest.

Living with confusion or unsolved problems is difficult. It is easier to resolve things. But making a decision too soon, doing something before it’s time, means we may have to go back and redo it.

If the time is not right, wait. If the way is not clear, do not plunge forward. If the answer or decision feels muddy, wait.

In this new way of life, there is a Guiding Force. We do not ever have to move too soon or move out of harmony. Waiting is an action – a positive, forceful action.

Often, waiting is a God-guided action, one with as much power as a decision, and more power than an urgent, ill-timed decision.

We do not have to pressure ourselves by insisting that we do or know something before it’s time. When it is time, we will know. We will move into that time naturally and harmoniously. We will have peace and consistency. We will feel empowered in a way we do not feel today.

Deal with the panic, the urgency, and the fear; do not let them control or dictate decisions.

Waiting isn’t easy. It isn’t fun. But waiting is often necessary to get what we want. It is not dead time; it is not downtime. The answer will come. The power will come. The time will come. And it will be right.

Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself. I will know that I am taking a positive, forceful action by waiting until the time is right. God, help me let go of my fear, urgency, and panic. Help me learn the art of waiting until the time is right. Help me learn timing.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“The first skill needed for the Inner Game is called “letting it happen.” This means gradually building a trust in the innate ability of your body to learn and to perform.”

—W. Timothy Gallwey

A strange and intriguing mystery confronts us in the Twelve Steps. We are mending our ways; we are becoming accountable; we are striving to do what is right, yet we are learning to let go. This seems like a contradiction of logic, but it leads us to a spiritual awakening.

We are becoming like the accomplished tennis player who has practiced diligently to develop every detail of his skill. Yet when he is playing the game, he cannot focus on control. He must get his ego out of the way and let himself go. It is in letting go that he rises to his highest level of fulfillment. Today we will do what we must. We can make the choices we are faced with. Then we allow ourselves to be carried along by our Higher Power to complete and fulfill the process.

I will look for opportunities to let it happen today.


Elder’s Meditation

“Conciliation is the key to survival. Peace is the goal.”

–Haida Gwaii, Traditional Circle of Elders

When we make decisions or experience conflict we need to look at the greater whole. The end result we want to accomplish is peace of mind. If we keep this goal in mind, we will, overall, live a happy and fulfilling life. Everything in the world is constantly changing so we should not resist this change. A good question to ask ourselves is, “would I rather be right or happy?”. If we would rather be happy, then it is easier to let the little things go. If we would rather be right, we tend to look for the WIN/LOSE.

Great Spirit, today, give me the tools to seek peace of mind.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Despite having a strong desire to move in a certain direction, you may find few of your friends agree with your plan. The more pressure you exert on them to follow your lead today, the more these relationships will suffer. It’s best to give everyone some breathing space, even if it means abandoning your dream. After getting some time to go off on your own and reflect on your options, you might decide to embark on a whole new professional path. Finding a healthy outlet for your leadership ability will come as a welcome relief.

DR – April 20, 2020

Daily Recovery Readings
April 20, 2020


Daily Reflection

SELF-EXAMINATION

“. . . we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.”

— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 86

When said sincerely, this prayer teaches me to be truly unselfish and humble, for even in doing good deeds I often used to seek approval and glory for myself. By examining my motives in all that I do, I can be of service to God and others, helping them do what they want to do. When I put God in charge of my thinking, much needless worry is eliminated and I believe He guides me throughout the day. When I eliminate thoughts of self-pity, dishonesty and self-centeredness as soon as they enter my mind, I find peace with God, my neighbor and myself.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.


Big Book Quote

“We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.”

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, There Is A Solution, pg. 25~


24 Hours a Day – The Little Black Book

Thought for the Day

The satisfaction you get out of living a sober life is made up of a lot of little things, but they add up to a satisfactory and happy life. You take out of life what you put into it. So I’d say to people coming into A.A.: “Don’t worry about what life will be like without liquor. Just hang in there and a lot of good things will happen to you. And you’ll have that feeling of quiet satisfaction and peace and serenity and gratitude for the grace of God.” Is my life becoming really worth living?

Meditation for the Day

There are two paths, one up and one down. We have been given free will to choose either path. We are captains of our souls to this extent only. We can choose the good or the bad. Once we have chosen the wrong path, we go down and down, eventually to death. But if we choose the right path, we go up and up, until we come to the resurrection day. On the wrong path, we have no power for good because we do not choose to ask for it. But on the right path, we are on the side of good and we have all the power of God’s spirit behind us.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be in the stream of goodness. I pray that I may be on the right side, on the side of all good in the universe.


The Language of Letting Go – Codependency

Deadlines

“I don’t know whether I want in or out of this relationship. I’ve been struggling with it for months now. It’s not appropriate to let it hang indefinitely. I will give myself two months to make a decision.”

—Anonymous

Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.

This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.

That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.

We don’t always need to tell people we’ve got a deadline. Sometimes, it’s better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.

Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can’t solve.

Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.

Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some areas in my life. I claim Divine Wisdom and Guidance in setting appropriate deadlines for any problems or relationship issues that may be lingering.


Touchstone – Men’s Meditation

“I wasn’t exactly brought up in one of those Norman Rockwell paintings you used to see on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post.”

—Reggie Jackson

We have many myths about other people’s lives. When we compare ourselves to these stories, we come up short. We have the TV families of Father Knows Best or The Walton’s in our minds. We may have stories our father told about his moment of glory and how he met his challenges. Any of these images selects part of the truth and highlights it, creating a myth that might be worthwhile if we don’t take it too literally.

Living real life never feels as serene as our fantasies. A myth lifts us up, carries us away to other possibilities, but we should always take it with a grain of salt. A father’s recollections or a Norman Rockwell painting romanticizes a piece of reality by omitting the drudgery and confusion of life. Myths are meant as inspirations, not as measurements of our lives.

The difficulties and confusion I feel may just be part of real life. Serenity comes when I accept the mixture that real life is.


Elder’s Meditation

‘You must be prepared and know the reason why you dance.”

–Thomas Yellowtail, CROW

Inside every human being is a need to dance. We dance to music. Have you even wondered why people are moved when they hear an Indian Drum? The drum is the heartbeat of the Mother Earth. Every Indian dance is for a purpose and a reason. Every Song is for a reason. The beat of the drum makes our bodies, minds, and spirits join together in harmony. It allows us to connect to Mother Earth and to each other. The dance aligns our minds to think spiritual thoughts. Dancing to the drum is healthy.

Great Spirit, today, I dance to honor you.


Daily Horoscope – Cancer

Finding a fresh career challenge is a worthwhile goal today. You’re a natural leader who isn’t content to serve as a mere cog in the machine. It could be time to seek out a job that allows you to make grand plans and then carry them out. If you can’t find any such openings, think about starting your own business. With respectable Saturn touring your 8th House of Shared Income, it’s possible you’ll find the funding for this project. You have everything it takes to set yourself apart from the pack, so do just that.es.

Apartment Search

I finally got off my duff to look at two apartments today. The first was probably a no go, the second had promise. Across the street was an apartment complex I didn’t know existed. Tomorrow is another showing downtown. Lastly, I was going to look at a house to rent but decided it’s way out of my league. So by May 1, 2020, I should be moving.

I really had no motivation after work this morning to view apartments. Luckily I have a roommate who’s given me the extra motivation. He and I took a short walk to two apartments this morning.

This first wasn’t promising at all. The apartment is not ideal at all. It was a one bedroom, very small bathroom with really no space at all, small living room (an old entry way) and the bedroom (which looked like the old living room located in the front. The landlord is still in the process of “fixing it up”. There wasn’t much to look at. So I thanked him and moved on down the street to another showing.

The second was a two bedroom in my price range. While I don’t need a two bedroom, it would allow me to have my bedroom and a office, man-cave, computer room. There was sufficient living room, bathroom, closet space, etc. It is just old. Old wood flooring (almost looked like linolien put over the original wood floor), outdated cabinets, and a ten windows with no shades or blinds). I won’t say it’s not doable for the amount he’s asking. My gut, unless the other apartment I see tomorrow is better or the apartment complex offers me a place, this place may be my new home.

Across the street from the first place is an apartment complex I didn’t know existed. I thought perhaps it was specifically for “senior citizen living”. It boasts, “Workforce Housing for the City of Oneida” offering one to three bedrooms starting at $580. Now that’s in my price range! Looks like its a couple years old, so I filled out an application and hope they respond quickly.

I do have another showing tomorrow. It’s downtown. While I’m not to happy about the area and it would add another 15 minutes to my walk to and from work. I shouldn’t talk myself out of it until I see it. So I’ll leave it at that.

There was a two bedroom home for rent. But the area was flooded back a couple years ago. The landlord said another party owns the home who is out of town and it hasn’t been rented in over a year due to repairs. After careful thought, it would really out of my price range when you include electricity, water, garbage, snow removal, etc. It’s just not financially feasible.

I’m exited to finally get through this phase of my life. My roommate mentioned “moving is stressful”. While I agree with him, I’ve moved from place to place all in one day several times in the past. I always pack early and end up getting new furniture where I move to because it’s just easier. The bed, frame and box spring have been delivered to my current address, so everything else will come in time. Like my sobriety, I keep it simple.