The Wait is Killing Me

Yesterday’s move was uneventful, thankfully! But then I waited around for delivery of my Spectrum Internet modem which never came. Finally hit the bed around 10pm, then woke up at 7am this morning. Delivery is schedule for “by the end of day” by FedEx. The wait is going to kill me.

Monday was a fiasco. Honestly, as previous noted, it was expected. First I received a text message someone would be over at 10am. They ended up moving in someone upstairs, so I knew there was going to be a delay. I waited until 11:30 am, “Are we going to meet anytime soon?”. The reply was, “Sorry got delayed, do you want to meet later today or tomorrow.” At this point my blood is starting to boil. All this was arranged last week. Key word here = was.

The next message I get is, “When are you going to move”. Now I’m hotter than a hot potato. Seriously, I meet with them last week when I signed the lease. I gave them an option of either Monday or Tuesday morning. We were going to meeting on Monday morning to finalize the move. I just gave up, throwing in the towel for Monday. Instead I took charge – something I rarely do these days.

“Well meet tomorrow at 10am, sign all paperwork and move.” It was agreed. Come Tuesday, there was a slight delay but eventually I got all my stuff over to the new place. Then I had to go back to the hold house to sign “paperwork”. Technically I didn’t because I’m not covered under any legal obligations (i.e. probation or parole, or any other organization requiring my “completion”). I simply did it as a courtesy. Instead, I wait another two hours. During the final interview when asked, “How would you rate the program? Did you receive the services you felt you deserved?, etc. I made a polite and calm statement, “The client declines to answer the question.” Instead of being ready when the staff member came over, we spent a good hour or more with her saying, “Let me guess or I know, ‘Client declines to answer question, right?’ with a slight agitated nod of my head.” I have nothing against her personally. It how inadequate the program runs, how clients are treated and in my opinion, their program is a complete and utter failure to the recovery community because of their incompetent staff (again not all).

After a few prayers on my way home, I said a few prayers leaving things up to my Higher Power. I’m not going to hold a resentment. It’s over and done with. It may not sound like it from what I just wrote but it really is gone. I haven’t thought about it until I wrote this now and I’m relieved it’s over.

Problem one was tackled, now I had to move on to the second problem. As I was waiting for my modem from Spectrum I checked with FedEx on the status – “a shipping label has been made” with an expected delivery date of Monday “by end of day”. Yet it hadn’t moved since the morning. ARG. In the meantime I put my bed together, sheets on. I arranged most of what I had where I wanted them. But it was getting late. I wanted to keep some sort of sleep schedule. I just assumed it wouldn’t be delivered so I went to bed.

I was right, as I looked at the status today showing it was on the truck for delivery by end of day. So I’ve been waiting. Everything in my house has been put away. Somethings have been moved here and there. I’ve smoked a cigarette almost every hour. Every truck that runs through I’m running to the front living room to see if it’s FedEx. Bat crazy, I know. The wait is killing me.

2:00 pm EST…

The saga continues – Grrrrrr

Finally got modem. Installed, accepted agreements, yada, yada…can’t connect. Noticed outside the line upstairs was disconnected physically. Called Spectrum asking for a technician to come out. Scheduled between 4 to 5 pm. Went to see a friend, coming home around 3:30pm and the tech is already at the house. Apparently all lines to second floor were cut. So he’s got to do his job and I’ll be all set.

4 pm EST …

Finally online. Now to catch some zzz’s.

It’s Moving Day

Quite note:

All things have gone well.

The point again is:

If you don’t expect things to happen YOUR WAY, you won’t be disappointed!

RIP Joe T (03/28/2017)

All things are packed in the van ready to go. FedEx should have the Internet modem delivered by end of day. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get any sleep ‘cus I still have roll the bed out after I move all my stuff. And I haven’t had dinner – cooking meal in new home at some point. It’s been a long year and half plus but no the real challenges start. I’m looking forward to my new life in sobriety!

See ya’ll on the flip side . . .

Last Night – I Hope!

Tonight should be the last night in this house. Tomorrow if all goes well I’ll be moved into my new home. Then again, I might sleep here tomorrow night depending on circumstances. One thing in sobriety I have definitely learned is – I have no control.

Part of me still wants everything lined up just right, all my ducks in a row, to make sure things go smoothly. However, when I do and things turn out differently I’m terribly upset. This is always the case. Instead, I can make plans but I don’t expect anything. It’s interesting this comes up because two years ago today my old Sponsor passed away unexpectedly. He was the one who said all the time, “Mike if you expect things to happen you’re way, you’re only going to be disappointed.” Those words still ring bells in my head all the time.

I’ve made arrangements to have a staff member help me move (just drive) all my stuff in one trip to my new home. Already I’m thinking if things fall through I’m not going to be a happy camper. Matter of fact I’ll blow up at ’em all! I have to keep telling myself, “Don’t get yourself in a tizzy about something which hasn’t happened yet.” It’s an old behavior, actually a really annoying behavior, I’m working on to change. But change does take time. I can hope tomorrow’s events go smoothly.

Besides I still have my current place to fall back on for a couple of days. First, I haven’t received my Internet/cable box at the new place. If it arrives tomorrow, I’m set. Honestly, I don’t want to be stuck in the new place without some entertainment to keep me busy. On the other hand, I bought a bed-in-a-box which needs to be taken out and “rested” so it fills out. After I move it to the new place, I can pull it out of its box and let it “rest”, sleep at the old place, then Tuesday night say my goodbyes to the old place. I rather not sleep on the floor at the new place on the first night either.

I’m ready to go. Let’s hope for a speedy and smooth move to my new home. But if there are bumps along the way I’m just going to have to handle them one at a time. All I can do is hope for the best.

I’m actually surprised my anxiety is going through the roof!

I’m Moving – The Next Chapter in Life

It’s finally happening – I’m moving. I found a two-bedroom for a reasonable price which is closer to work in a nice neighborhood. It is an opportunity I couldn’t pass up so I jumped on it. Now to deal with all the anxiety of moving.

First, I had to order a bed. That was my main priority. Everything has already arrived this week from Walmart. I ordered a full size bed, box spring and metal frame. Done.

Second was internet service. I was getting nervous because I couldn’t get contact Spectrum in the last couple of days. I finally spoke to them this morning. Everything was taken care of and by the time I move in the equipment should be at the new place. No technician required.

I’m responsible for electricity. The provider in the area is National Grid. Since electricity is already turned on in the landlords name it will be a simple switch once I email them the lease I sign on Saturday.

I won’t be actually moving until Monday, April 27. I’ve arrange for the residential program to help me move. I have minimal stuff to be packed and loaded in the van. It should only take one trip. Then I’ll be done here.

So why I’m I anxious if everything is set in place?

As with many things recovering addicts deal with – the past. We’ve been here before and failed. Something along the way got screwed up. Sometimes I wonder if I haven’t jumped the gun somewhere. Am I missing something? What haven’t I accounted for?

In reality its all in my head. Instead I need to sit back and relax. I simply need to do what I’ve been doing for the last year and a half. Just take it One Day at a Time. It’s time to turn the page in the Book of Life and write something new and exciting.

No fear, no suffering . . .

Apartment Search

I finally got off my duff to look at two apartments today. The first was probably a no go, the second had promise. Across the street was an apartment complex I didn’t know existed. Tomorrow is another showing downtown. Lastly, I was going to look at a house to rent but decided it’s way out of my league. So by May 1, 2020, I should be moving.

I really had no motivation after work this morning to view apartments. Luckily I have a roommate who’s given me the extra motivation. He and I took a short walk to two apartments this morning.

This first wasn’t promising at all. The apartment is not ideal at all. It was a one bedroom, very small bathroom with really no space at all, small living room (an old entry way) and the bedroom (which looked like the old living room located in the front. The landlord is still in the process of “fixing it up”. There wasn’t much to look at. So I thanked him and moved on down the street to another showing.

The second was a two bedroom in my price range. While I don’t need a two bedroom, it would allow me to have my bedroom and a office, man-cave, computer room. There was sufficient living room, bathroom, closet space, etc. It is just old. Old wood flooring (almost looked like linolien put over the original wood floor), outdated cabinets, and a ten windows with no shades or blinds). I won’t say it’s not doable for the amount he’s asking. My gut, unless the other apartment I see tomorrow is better or the apartment complex offers me a place, this place may be my new home.

Across the street from the first place is an apartment complex I didn’t know existed. I thought perhaps it was specifically for “senior citizen living”. It boasts, “Workforce Housing for the City of Oneida” offering one to three bedrooms starting at $580. Now that’s in my price range! Looks like its a couple years old, so I filled out an application and hope they respond quickly.

I do have another showing tomorrow. It’s downtown. While I’m not to happy about the area and it would add another 15 minutes to my walk to and from work. I shouldn’t talk myself out of it until I see it. So I’ll leave it at that.

There was a two bedroom home for rent. But the area was flooded back a couple years ago. The landlord said another party owns the home who is out of town and it hasn’t been rented in over a year due to repairs. After careful thought, it would really out of my price range when you include electricity, water, garbage, snow removal, etc. It’s just not financially feasible.

I’m exited to finally get through this phase of my life. My roommate mentioned “moving is stressful”. While I agree with him, I’ve moved from place to place all in one day several times in the past. I always pack early and end up getting new furniture where I move to because it’s just easier. The bed, frame and box spring have been delivered to my current address, so everything else will come in time. Like my sobriety, I keep it simple.

Mr. Procrastinator

Just call me Mr. Procrastinator because I always put things off until the last minute. Whether its small or large it can always be done tomorrow, right? Case in point is actively looking for a new apartment to move by May 1, 2020. After speaking to my current roommate, who is also moving by the first of the month, I decided to sit down and just get it done. Now I have five appointments in the next four days.

Honestly, I despise moving. I like being comfortable. Don’t we all? But I also recognize I can’t stay where I am – a supportive living chemical dependency program. I need to move independently on my own – the quicker the better. The point is I need to take responsibility and turn into a big boy again. Ah man, do I have to?

There is just so much stress in moving to a new place – the “what if’s”. I remember in a meeting people talking about such things in sobriety. We imagine these terrible thing are going to happen – the impending doom. Once we take the jump there might be stumbling along the way but in the end we survive maybe with a couple of minor scratches.

But I know from experience, once I get settled in I’ll love it. Almost everything is set in place anyway. So I’m not sure why I’m so worried.